


Ne me quitte pas

by HikariHM



Category: Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Romance, Bipolar Disorder, Eventual Smut, F/F, Forgiveness, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Minor Violence, Near Death Experiences, Redemption, Self-Harm, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:41:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 96,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24498130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariHM/pseuds/HikariHM
Summary: After Lysandre fires the Ultimate Weapon and Augustine saves his life, will he be able to find the strenght in his heart to forgive him for all the wrong he’s done behind his back?
Relationships: Carnet | Diantha/Pachira | Malva, Fleur-de-lis | Lysandre/Platane-hakase | Professor Augustine Sycamore
Comments: 54
Kudos: 49





	1. Prologue - Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> To be short: this ship ruined my life and now I'll be posting each monday about this. Enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's been a long time, we've been together through thick and thin an we won't desert each other now."

Lysandre left him. Remorseless, selfless, cold and composed.

Things hadn’t been as they used to be between them those days; a layer of coldness could be sensed now in each embrace, in each kiss. But it couldn’t be said that they were standing in a bad place either; there had been worse times, harder times, times when Augustine felt just too hopeless, times when Lysandre was just too out of himself. This felt instead like a minor setback that could be fixed whenever they made room in their busy schedules to care to talk about it. 

Yet, one day, Lysandre picked him up from the lab, took him to his café, and when it was almost empty, his blue eyes stared at him condescendingly, and with a smile, he said:

“Could we... take some time off?”

Augustine chuckled at first, until it sunk in his head, “what?”

Quickly, Lysandre rushed to hold his hands.

“What do you mean with time off?”

“You know, Augus...” he sighed. “I think we might need some time off, for us...”

But the smile crept off his face very fast, “I don’t get what are you trying to say.”

“I think that you are getting too dependent on me, and I feel guilty whenever I have to leave for business, and-”

Augustine shook his head, distressed, letting go of the hand holding his “dependent? Really?”

“Augus...”

“Let me see if I understand it. You want time off for fucks know why, and it’s my fault because I am too dependent on you?”

He couldn’t help be mad; of course, he always felt that unbearable need to be close to Lysandre, and sometimes he didn’t feel fulfilled at all if he wasn’t by his side; Lysandre was always the first person he thought of whenever something came up, or when he was drowning in blue, or even when he was having a great time on his own. But to be called dependent when he had been there for Lysandre in so many downs and so many of his abrupt ups?

“Don’t see it like that,” Lysandre shook his head. “It’s just that we barely see each other now, I think this relationship is getting a bit wasted, and that it’s better off to take some time for ourselves, to put some order to our lives, and then just-”

“So, is this it?” Augustine raised his voice, sourly. “After all we’ve been through, this is how it ends? You just breaking up with me with the lame excuse of being just giving us time off?”

He lowered his voice, “I’m not breaking up with you.”

“Then, what? You don’t want to break up with me but you don’t want me to be close to you anymore? Why? So you can go fuck who knows who else and be sure I will still be there when you get bored of that?”

His eyes stared at him, coolly, almost magnanimous, “Augustine, it’s absolutely not that, I’m not seeing anyone else if that’s what is freaking you out,” he clasped his hands together. “You know I love you. You know I love you with all of my heart and that I only have eyes for you and you alone. That you have brought so much happiness to my life. But... I think a little time off will be good for us. I need to sort out a lot of stuff related to the launch of the Holo Caster, I won’t be able to pay attention to you in the while, and I know there’s a lot of research you have to work on... so...”

Consternated, infuriated, Augustine rose from his seat, “I can’t believe you are doing this.”

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere! I don’t want to see you now...”

But with that same collected demeanor, Lysandre stood and nodded, “it’s okay, we can talk about this some other time-“

“Screw you!”

Why did he always get so mad because of those sorts of matters? It wasn’t the first time Lysandre pulled off that kind of card and of course it wasn’t the first time he said something that stupid and ended up hurting his feelings, either.

But with the time...

Augustine realized it was the first time a separation started to seem definitive. 

Because, Lysandre went to get back the stuff he might have left behind at his lab and apartment, pushing Augustine to do the same, and in all of those times, he looked so composed, so polite. 

As if he never had cared about anything.

And the months started to go by, and seemingly, he had been right all along and that ‘time off’ was meant to be a breakup indeed. Because Lysandre wasn’t back, he still hadn’t come back like he usually did.

At least, one thing was true; Lysandre had been busy working on the launch of the Holo Caster, and now it had been officially released for everyone around Kalos, and he became even more popular than before.

What backfired Augustine.

Because now he saw Lysandre everywhere in the news and newspapers, and each time he appeared, so sharply dressed, standing prideful like the Pyroar that always accompanied him, Augustine felt an irremediable need to hold him, to be held by him, to kiss him and just remain by his sweet side for hours and hours. 

More often than not, Augustine found himself horribly missing Lysandre, and just about to grab his own Holo Caster (given to him before the official launch) to call him and see him once more and ask him how he was doing, if maybe they could negotiate the time off now the launch had been accomplished...

But he had to have some dignity. And because of that, Augustine always selected his contact at the Holo Caster and stared at it for a long while, with the promise of calling him, and each time almost did. Almost.

Seemingly, Lysandre started to get busier and busier to surprising extremes, and in a more moderated way so did he, because now he had given a Pokédex to a group of 5 children, and was following their adventure.

And one of those days, Lysandre showed up again. And his heart skipped a little too harsh.

Only to fall in disappointment, because Lysandre just wanted to know about his new apprentices, and not really talk about their suspended relationship, still floating in the air.

Then, another day, Augustine felt free to visit him at his café, but it was a casual meeting, where Serena also participated, where he showered Lysandre in compliments with hopes of making him understand there were still a lot of feelings in between (as well as hoping Serena wouldn’t find it too weird or ludicrous), and where Lysandre left before Augustine could even start to approach the matter that had him there in the very first place.

Leaving him with a restless heart aching to scream how much he needed him back, and with a slight but persistent unsettling feeling inside of him after what he said about the Ultimate Weapon used to end the War of Kalos 3000 years ago; a feeling he tried to laugh away while scowling himself for having those silly thoughts of being the only one who could understand Lysandre and guess what was in his mind,

After some days went by, Lysandre would call again to ask Augustine about his apprentices and mega evolution. And even if it secretly made him happy to have his ex calling him up regardless of if it was for trivial stuff like that, at the same time, Augustine had a feeling deep inside that the sudden outburst of interest was a bit odd and concerning.

Mostly if he remembered the passionate rambling Lysandre had given to Serena at the café the other day, putting it up together with every other complaint and hateful statement Lysandre had randomly dropped in their talks over the years. Yet, then again, and even if it left him all restless when his mind reminded him of that, Augustine would tell himself he was just raving and looking too far into things.

And that night, Augustine was at his apartment floor, watching some trash TV while he laid lazily on his couch, tired from a long day, a bit bored, until he heard someone ringing the doorbell.

It wasn’t that late yet, and he thought that maybe it was one of the neighbors wanting to ask if he had some sugar or coffee to spare, and as such, he went to open the door slowly.

And he gasped.

“Is it a bad moment?”

Having your ex at your doorstep, after months of awkward silence and pretending there were no feelings in between, was always a bad moment.

“No, no...” he chuckled, trying to play cool and at the same time feeling like he didn’t have to fake it. “I just wasn’t expecting you to come around here any time soon.”

“May I come in?”

“Sure, sure...”

And Lysandre stared at him, indulgently. 

“I know this is a bit sudden...”

Just a bit? 

“But...” and he closed the door behind him. “I wanted to see you.”

Augustine gulped as he stiffened right on his spot. His expectations went too high in a matter of a second, and he knew it was the moment to play dumb to not leave himself as an actual dummy. 

“Do... you need to know anything else about mega evolution?”

Lysandre shook his head, patiently.

“I wanted to see you, for you.”

Oh, damn.

 _Damn_.

“Augus...” he even started to approach him. “I’ve been missing you.”

He should be smarter.

He should have some dignity and not let Lysandre back in just like that, without an actual explanation about his deeds and drives and reasons. He shouldn’t let Lysandre think he could take him by granted in such way and do and undo things in their relationship as he pleased for no consequences to happen.

But, Augustine loved him at the end of the day. They understood each other so much that it was that simple.

“I’ve missed you too.”

And, Lysandre wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in to his warm body, and after taking a deep breath on the masculine scent, Augustine stared up.

“Lys...”

“Come here,” he whispered in such a sweeping way.

And the world paused for a second, it stopped spinning and everything went silent as Lysandre smacked his lips against his in a swift, irresistible motion. 

Augustine was so helpless already, so helpless to Lysandre’s touches and whims. 

“Mon coeur...” he sighed, as he tangled his fingers in his dark curls and heavily breathed.

And his answer was to kiss him back even more passionately.

Who he had to blame for that? Maybe it was that Lysandre had been right all along and that he was so dependent and needy. Maybe it was just the chemistry of his brain blowing up and making him do rash decisions. Maybe it was just that Augustine loved Lysandre so much and he barely needed an explanation or an excuse to receive him with open arms.

But, he allowed Lysandre to lead him to the bedroom, to place him in the bed, to undress him, to touch his body, to make him his again.

And even if Augustine was enjoying the touch he had been neglected of for so long, even if his cheeks were about to explode in red color, even if he was so lost, hyperventilating, and gasping Lysandre’s name over and over and over again...

Something felt off.

Something about Lysandre felt off.

The perverted sparkle of his eyes seemed dull, his cocky smirk wasn’t there, something in his moves felt erratic, quirky, and in his face was drawn a slightly serious and distraught expression. Sure, his body seemed to be enjoying the pleasure of his skin, but his mind seemed to be set somewhere else. 

When they were done, though, he seemed to land again, and he helped Augustine undo the bed and once they got under the sheets, Lysandre embraced him tight to his chest, wordlessly and still trying to catch his breath.

“I love you,” he said after a while, with full honesty drowning his voice. “Did you know?”

Even if his love was a bit unusual...

Augustine nodded, “I do know.”

“No matter what happens... always keep in mind that I love you and that I lived this life nonsensically loving you since the first time I saw you.”

That shifted something inside him, planting a big concern deep inside his mind, even if those words had been meant to touch his heart and make him feel happy and loved.

“W-Why would you say that?”

But Lysandre brushed it off, “I’m just too glad to be with you again that I’m getting corny,” even if his voice quivered a bit, he kept playing it up. “By the way... tomorrow I have to raise up early.”

“Yes?”

“Yes... so probably we won’t see each other tomorrow.”

That only added to his concerns.

“I mean, you could wake me up and we could have breakfast together.”

Again, Lysandre shook his head, “no, no. I know you’ve been very busy lately following the progress of your new apprentices, so I’d rather you to rest a little more.”

He wasn’t going to convince Lysandre, was he? He seemed to had his mind already firmly set in something.

Something Augustine feared he didn’t know exactly what was but that made him feel slightly unnerved. All those words, all those loose statements, seemed to mean way more than first thought, but...

“Goodnight, mon petit.”

“Goodnight, I love you.”

It had been the drowsiness, the exhaustion of the aftermath of such a heated encounter that knocked him out to sleep even if he still had too many doubts unresolved. 

But it didn’t last for too long. 

Because, his dreams had been a bit disturbing until he woke up to watch the hour at the clock.

3 A.M.

3 A.M and he had a bad feeling, like never before.

And it only became stronger when he stared at Lysandre, sleeping restlessly, and everything in his head turned out to look even more severe.

What had been the sudden but ambiguous change of mind? Why did Lysandre suddenly felt the need to go visit him and sleep with him? Why had he been so distraught, almost sad? Why were they together now and even though it had sounded as if Lysandre didn’t really was intending to get back? What was that whole ‘always remember that I love you’ thing?

For a moment, Augustine felt like Lysandre had just fucked him out of a whim, to kill down a physical need without any intention of engaging seriously again into the relationship.

But, deep inside, Augustine felt it was something else.

Something entirely different.

No matter what he thought, he seemed to arrive in either way at the same conclusion...

That might be the last time they were together like that. Either because Lysandre just used him to unload his urges, or because Augustine would save his pride the next time. Or, maybe because Lysandre was planning to do something very messed up, to act on all the rage he saved for this world meaning that all those recent incidents with the so-called Flare grunts had something to do with him and-

No.

He couldn’t have anything like that in mind.

It was just typical Lysandre getting back after silent treatment and feeling guilty about it.

… wasn’t he?

As much as Augustine was trying to convince himself that everything was alright, that it didn’t have to be the last time, and that if it was it wouldn’t be for such tragic reasons, that he was just having a bit of night horror as he had had ever since he was little…

Out of impulse, Augustine wrapped his arms around Lysandre, holding him tight, too tight to his body, as if he was a comforting teddy bear to hold on to.

“Mmm?”

Words seemed to abandon his mind.

“Augustine...?”

“I was...” he cleared his throat, amazed by how scared his tone sounded. “I was feeling cold... could you hug me again?”

Augustine knew by experience that Lysandre would tell him something like ‘go put some clothes on’, but he seemed to hold it back and just embraced Augustine to his chest.

And he, feverish on fear, wrapped his arms around the strong frame, tangled his leg on his, pulling in closer, impossibly closer, and stopped to feel and acknowledge the closeness, the warm sensation of exposed skin against exposed skin, because naked he could feel all of Lysandre was at the same moment and get some primal comfort from it. 

And Augustine held tighter to him, for every touch they had ever shared, every moment they had ever lived, for if that would ever be over, for if they died tomorrow, for if he was only being paranoid and too badly attached and too dependent just as Lysandre had put it down that day when he asked for time off and...

Augustine didn’t know how he even fell asleep when he was just feeling so much and remembering even more. But what he did know was that, when he woke up, Lysandre wasn’t there anymore, and the only signs that he had spent the night there were the marks on Augustine’s neck and the breakfast Lysandre prepared for him before leaving that day.

* * *

That day, at the lab, Augustine had been certainly distracted, and most of all, feeling guilty and foolish each time he thought about the events from the night before. Because he let Lysandre back too easily, he showed again that he had no dignity, that he was something Lysandre could walk out from whenever he wanted and be back to as he pleased, only to disturb his thoughts and be gone as if nothing had truly happened.

“Professor?”

“Yes, Sina?”

“I already have the readings of the mega stone we were testing earlier.”

“Ah, great, great,” but he had to just keep going with his life as normal, he couldn’t let Lysandre mess up with his calmness like that. “Leave them on my desk.”

“Of course, Professor.”

So, Augustine took out his special notebook, started to draw a tab where he’d write down the results and...

His Holo Caster rang.

And so did Dexio’s and Sina’s at the same time.

“Huh?”

“An incoming Holo clip?”

Before any of them could even pick to play it, a tiny holographic image appeared before all of them, and when Augustine realized Lysandre was also in his assistants’ clips...

“Pokémon Trainers. I come to you by the Holo Caster to make an important announcement. Listen well.”

Oh?

“Team Flare will revive the ultimate weapon, eliminate everyone who isn't in our group, and return the world to a beautiful, natural state.”

What?

Team Flare?

Augustine couldn’t put his eyes off him; Lysandre looked as prideful as always, yet... the distraught expression from the night before was now a severe, hateful, sadistic one. 

“Unproductive fools are consuming our future... If nothing changes, the world will become ugly and conflicts will raze the land from end to end. I repeat. We will use the ultimate weapon and wipe the slate clean.”

“What does he-”

“I'm sorry, those of you who are not members of Team Flare, but this is adieu to you all.”

And the image disappeared, leaving them in utter shocked silence.

“What?”

“Oh fuck, fuck-”

He almost fell backwards, feeling how he was getting badly dizzy all of the sudden.

“Professor!”

Both Sina and Dexio rushed to his side.

“Fuck... no, he can’t be serious, he can’t-”

A lump on his throat got in the way and it was becoming even harder to breathe.

“No, no, no, fuck, fuck!”

“Okay, Professor, calm down, breath with us.”

“I can’t believe it, h-he-”

They knew the relationship they had shared, they knew how painful it had to be.

“It’s alright, Professor-”

“He... he was with me yesterday... he told me... ugh... I should’ve known...”

“It’s okay, Professor,” Sina spoke with determination. “We will take care of that.”

“Yes, Professor. Let us grab our masks and we will take care of that and inform you what’s happening.”

He had to be strong. This wasn’t the moment to be weak and crumble and cry, this was the moment to speak up to Lysandre, to put a stop to that thing Augustine knew that existed but never thought he’d be capable of setting into motion, yet...

‘ _I'm sorry, those of you who are not members of Team Flare, but this is adieu to you all._ ’

Lysandre was going to get rid of everyone. 

He included.

Before Augustine could shed more tears, he straightened in his place, wiping his eyes. “I... I’ll see who I can call or contact to see where he is, how... how we can stop him, how...”

“Yes, yes! Whenever you are ready to join us...”

“Yes... yes...”

Quickly, Sina and Dexio went to look for their masks, leaving him to stare at the blank with his eyes full of tears, unable to move, to think of anything.

The time off... was just Lysandre asking for time to put his plan to work. It had been Lysandre pushing him away so he wouldn’t be a burden to his great design. All those ‘casual’ questions about Serena’s progress and about mega evolution were for him to get the information and use it for his own purposes; heck, at this point, whatever thing he taught him while being his mentor came down to this. If he had slept with him the night before... was because he wanted to have him one last time, when he told him he loved him no matter what would happen next...

The silent tears became bawling.

Why? 

Why?

_Why?_

Augustine always knew that something wasn’t okay with Lysandre, that there was something else going on his mind, that he was holding many unhealthy grudges... but that? How did he even go from his sudden outbursts of rage and the casual talks about how horrible the world was to threatening a whole region with genocide?

It seemed... it seemed that his efforts to make him better didn’t work. That Lysandre didn’t give a shit about everything they ever lived together, about all the love Augustine had unconditionally given to him, no matter how awful everything could be, Augustine had been there for him, even when Lysandre was too hard to handle, even when it hurt him, and...

... and Lysandre was also planning to get rid of him.

Lysandre also considered him part of the filth, a part that should be erased, no matter how good he had been to him, how much he had endured for their relationship to work.

He said he was going to use his acquaintance's network to see if he could find out a clue, anything, but, Augustine couldn’t stop crying bitterly, feeling his chest being ripped by the exact half, his love being spat at. 

Lysandre only used him. Only and sheerly used him, and now he was going to dispose of him as if he had never sworn he loved him.

And the worst part was that Augustine tried to trivialize it even if he knew it. He fucking kidded himself.

Gosh, he was trying to type something in his computer, to find his Holo Caster contacts, but he would spill his tears anywhere as he even started to hyperventilate...

To the point that was beginning to scare him. He was about to have a panic attack and no one was there to help him; and even if there was someone it would be just pathetic if they saw the clown he did of himself and...

But Lysandre was going to kill him and...

He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help it.

Augustine was badly hyperventilating while everything felt like spinning around him and his body was badly trembling and he couldn’t just stop crying or put a stop to his thoughts. He tried to stand, to go out of there, to escape his dread and find someone to help him, but he ended up collapsing on the floor instead, and curling, being a panicking mess.

And he wasn’t sure of how much he spent like that, but it felt like an eternity, because, why if Lysandre launched the ultimate weapon and finished everything and-

He couldn’t remain there.

He had to do something. 

Trying to put himself together and use his saving of adrenaline for a productive cause, Augustine got on his car, went out of the Lab and rushed to the café; maybe some Flare grunt would be there, maybe he could force the information out of someone, maybe he could know what to do.

But when he arrived at the café, it was empty, just a door behind a shelter opened, and that only made him more and more nauseous, because that could only mean that secret basement had been there ever since Lysandre opened his café, alas ever since they met, and that he’d been hiding this for the whole time.

Augustine rushed himself inside, and the basement was also alone, but clear marks of Pokémon attacks were visible beside the elevator. So, without waiting anymore, he started to go down further into the floors, until he reached the penultimate and...

There was a man imprisoned.

“W-What?”

“You are the Professor, right?”

How did that weird man know about him?

“Y-Yes.”

“Your assistants as well as your apprentices are not here any longer.”

“Where are they?”

“At Geosenge. Lysandre is about to fire the ultimate weapon.”

Ah, fuck.

He had arrived so late just because he had been a stupid crybaby in such a critical moment. 

“Now, could you get me out of here?”

“Sure,, how do I-”

“The cell has a password. I don’t know what it can be but I surely believe you can figure it out.”

Lysandre was about to fire the weapon, yet...

He had to help that man.

And so, Augustine placed himself in front of the little keyboard and started to think about which kind of password could Lysandre pick for a cell (god, why? Why had he went too far as to imprison someone?), and after many wrong tries, he got one right.

The date of the day they met. 

How could he be typing such a thing as he kept someone captive?

“Who are you? Why did Lysandre bring you here?”

“He wanted the key to activate the ultimate weapon, and I had it.”

“And why did you-” Augustine stopped, too overwhelmed by everything. “Were you associated with him?”

“No, no... it’s a long story and there’s no time left for this. You gotta go stop him. Go to Geosenge, you might do it in time. I’m sure that if he sees you, you’ll still be able to save him from what he’s about to do.”

“Save him?”

“Just do it!”

Yes, what was he even thinking about?

“Okay, okay, bye.”

Augustine rushed back to his car, and risking a note, he drove faster than legally allowed and was about to crash several times in his way, but he didn’t mind, he had to do it in time, there was no time to lose, no time-

He had to stop the engine when the car began to shake, and right afterward a flash lit up the sky.

It was over.

It was fucking over. 

Lysandre had done it, he had screwed everything up and sent everything they lived together to the direct shit. Lysandre was going to make it, Augustine was going to die, even if he tried, even if he gave the best of him.

As he saw the flash, Augustine began to feel guilty, because maybe he could have spent the time saying goodbye to his loved ones instead of trying to wipe the mess Lysandre had made.

And as it fell, Augustine shut his eyes, waiting for everything to be over, to be done.

Few seconds went by.

The earth began to shake.

More seconds passed.

Even a whole minute.

Maybe more.

And when he opened his eyes, everything was exactly the same as when he first shut them. 

Why was he still alive?

Had it went wrong?

Had the shot failed?

Even if he was supposed to feel relieved because he was still alive and Lysandre’s plan had most likely failed... a bad, terrible feeling crawled down his spine.

So, Augustine turned the engine on, and drove even more frantically, heading to Geosenge, skipping every traffic sign, everything that could stop him.

After a while, he finally arrived at Geosenge Town and everything was a big mess; many houses were torn apart, there were ashes everywhere, and at the center of the city there was a pile of boulders, surrounded by smoke, where a little crowd was gathering.

Augustine went out of the car and ran, and as he approached that area, he started to recognize the silhouettes of Sina, Dexio, Serena, Shauna, Tierno, Trevor, Calem...

“Professor?”

The smartest thing to do next was to ask the children if they were alright, if anyone got harmed, yet...

“Where is Lysandre?”

Now he was even gasping, getting dizzy.

“The weapon failed, where is Lysandre?”

Everyone exchanged glances, the kids a bit puzzled because of the question, while Sina and Dexio stared seriously at him.

“Um... Serena defeated him...” Shauna began, in a very serious voice. “We... we told him that he could change his mind, but... he said there was still fuel in the weapon to be fired and bury us with him... he launched it... we escaped but he didn’t-”

“What?”

“Professor-”

“You didn’t bring him back with you all?!”

At Shauna’s startled expression, Serena took a step further, “professor, listen-”

“Where is he?!” Augustine asked in a desperate, high pitched tone.

“He’s...” Serena even seemed to be scared to tell him. “Down there.”

Fuck.

No way.

No. way.

Lysandre was buried under all of those rocks, the man he loved, was-

“And why are you all just standing here? Huh?!”

Everyone jumped at that desperate cry. 

“Professor, wait-”

“Get out of my way!”

Lysandre was down there. That was everything in his mind now; no reason, no judge, just him and the unavoidable need to find Lysandre, alive or dead, but to find him.

So, Augustine jumped straight to the hole, and his feet surely hurt when he grounded, but nonetheless, he started to grab heavy rocks and throw them out of the void, no matter how heavy they were, how much it was hurting his body and scratching his hands.

He was never going to make it in time.

The number of boulders was huge, for each rock he threw out of there, three more slid in. It was taking a lot, and it was critical to just find Lysandre as soon as possible, because if he had survived after such harsh shot, he wasn’t going to live for much longer like that.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck...” Augustine quickly wiped the tears that were now badly blurring his gaze. “What do I do, what do I do...?”

He took a Pokeball from his belt and launched it to the air.

“Espurr, I need your help, please,” by his very tone, his Pokémon could tell it was a serious matter. “Don’t come here or you’ll get hurt, but, please, help me lift these rocks with psychic.”

Espurr immediately nodded and proceeded to follow his instructions. And even if his own force and Espurr’s psychic combined were making it a bit faster, it wasn’t enough. Espurr wasn’t strong to lift more than three rocks on his own, but there was a ton of them yet, and Augustine was now reproaching himself for being a lazy trainer and never evolving Espurr to a Meowstic.

From behind, he hard a deep sigh, and then, a Delphox cry.

“Please, help him lift the rocks!” Serena ordered to her Delphox.

“Ah, screw this,” Calem followed, “Meowstic, go ahead and use psychic to get rid of the boulders! Chesnaught, use vine whip to lift them!”

“Great idea!” Shauna screamed. “Venasaur, use vine whip too!”

And at last, he heard Dexio’s voice, “Espeon, Slowpoke, go and help lift the rocks!”

“Oh, okay! I’ll go call an ambulance then!”

Now there was a whole army of Pokémon helping him, and each time he started to go lower and lower, tripping and even falling and getting his knees hurt each time.

Until, something other than sediment was visible, even surrounded by some sort of protective barrier, until he touched it and it dissipated.

“G-Gyarados?”

Augustine tried to move him, but he was too heavy.

“Need help there, Professor?”

“Y-Yes! Please, move Gyarados to a safer place!”

When Serena instructed Delphox to move him, Augustine found Pyroar next.

“No... fuck, no...”

His eyes started to fill with hot tears again.

“Not you...”

“Professor? Do we move him as well?”

“Y-yes! A-And... t-take him... both... to a Pokémon center a-as... as soon as possible.”

“Lend us the pokéballs and we will!” Replied Trevor.

So, with special care, Delphox used psychic on Pyroar, to lift him, to reveal who he had been sheltering.

There he was...

And Augustine screamed.

“Lysandre!”

His face was all covered of dirt, his clothes ripped and bloodstained, as well as his nose and mouth were bleeding and all of his visible skin was full of scratches and cuts.

Carefully, Augustine rested Lysandre’s head over his lap. 

“L-Lys- a-are y-you...”

He immediately placed his shaky fingers on his neck, to try to feel his heart rate, if there was any, as he leaned his head to place his ear close to his nose to see if he could perceive any breathing.

For a second Augustine felt like losing it, because he couldn’t track anything, he couldn’t sense the heartbeat, and his awfully helpless trembling hands were not helping either.

Until he found it.

“H-he’s alive…!”

“What?”

He screamed it louder that time, “he’s a-a-alive!”

“Okay, Professor!” Serena exclaimed. “Hold him tight, I’m getting you both up here now!”

Serena didn’t need to ask him; he wouldn’t let go of Lysandre until he was safe and sound in an ambulance, so, he embraced him tight, and then felt how both started to levitate until Delphox carefully placed them on the ground.

And once he got from Lysandre’s belt both Pyroar’s and Gyarados’ pokéballs and lent them to Trevor, Augustine began to bawl, even if he didn’t want to.

Because he was afraid that Lysandre wasn’t going to make it out with life. Because he was so mad at him for hiding this whole plot from him, for deceiving him, for lying to him. Because he was so sad Lysandre was planning to get rid of him as well, so deeply hurt, and as the people started to gather and stare, he even began to feel so ashamed, so judged.

He shouldn’t be taking care of a man like Lysandre, of such an awful person like him.

But it had been a long time, they had been together through thick and thin and Augustine wasn’t going to desert him just now. At least, not at this specific moment. 


	2. Fine line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've got my devotion but, man, I can hate you sometimes."

Everything was dark, in unsettling, distant silence, until the pain in his back turned out too discomforting and-

Augustine gasped disoriented when he opened his eyes again.

A bit agitated, despite the fact his eyelids felt so heavy from the drowsiness and because of all the mad tears he shed, Augustine checked the hour in his watch: it was 4:03 A.M.

Damn.

If that hadn’t been a fucking long day.

Actually, it had been hands down the worst day of his entire existence. And there had been very, very awful days before.

It was late and the corridor was dimly illuminated for some odd reason. He was completely alone in a small, uncomfortable seat. And, of course, all the people that happened to pass by, mostly nurses and doctors, stared at him, some almost disapprovingly, making him feel even worse, even more ashamed, even more betrayed.

Naturally, he was alone. Naturally, he was getting stares. How would he not if he was the only one to be waiting for some news of Lysandre, the ‘altruist’ man that earlier that day had attempted genocide, calling everyone unproductive fools and filth.

He even got frowned upon when, desperately, he got in the ambulance with Lysandre and when he signed all the documents necessary to submit him to the hospital, accepting to become legally responsible for him while the man wasn’t even awake to consent medical procedures on him.

He sighed.

Lysandre had really screwed up that time. Big time. Spectacularly, just the way he was used to do everything else; enormous, public, for people to know.

After the gracious display Augustine gave that afternoon, anyone could tell he was completely devoted to Lysandre… but, sometimes he gave him no option but to hate him. And, oh lord, how was he hating on him at this moment.

It was so horrible that it turned out to be ludicrous, almost as if that whole situation was supposed to be an experiment sponsored by the government to test the limits of his patience. 

Because Augustine tried. How he tried. He always tried to make it better for Lysandre. To listen. To wipe his tears. To understand. To pay attention to the long speeches that got in the middle of something else. To help him heal his life wounds. To help him reconcile with everything that had been wrong in his personal story. He tried to protect him from the ghosts in his mind. He allowed him to do whatever he wanted with him and their relationship, always trying to justify his silence, his sudden decisions. He made no other thing than try to make it better for Lysandre.

And, the first moment that, obligated by Lysandre who just pushed him aside, Augustine put his guard down, tired, defeated...

Lysandre tried to kill everyone. He created a whole organization behind his back. He asked for a fee for survival. He managed to revive an ancient weapon. He imprisoned someone to put his twisted plan to work. He attempted to kill everyone, and if it hadn’t been for Serena and her friends… everyone would be dead now.

Everyone, Augustine included.

Lysandre was also going to get rid of him, even if he tried, even if he spent days and months and years trying to make it better, trying to-

The simple thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes, tears that hurt to wipe because his hands were so awfully scratched by all the rocks and boulders he had to move aside for someone to dignify to offer him help.

Trevor called him earlier in the night to tell him what Nurse Joy had said; Augustine knew that Gyarados and Pyroar were the ones to protect Lysandre, the ones to give their lives so their trainer wouldn’t get hit by that red flash and all the debris that followed, the ones to resist with defensive moves until the rescue was done. And now, both Pokémon he helped to raise from a clumsy Magikarp and a mischievous Litleo were gone, forever.

And it was all Lysandre’s fault.

How he hated him.

How he fucking hated him.

Augustine didn’t know what to do at all. Now Lysandre was a wanted criminal. And, of course, Augustine would try to canalize him instead to a psychiatric center, to at least reduce his status to the maniac he was, because the jail would be just too much, but…

Why he had to be alone in that? Why he had to be the only one to wipe Lysandre’s mess?

Everything was utterly ruined. And, it was hard to find hope. Because Gyarados and Pyroar were gone. Lysandre was almost gone, he didn’t even know if he was going to wake up. And if he did, if he happened to survive, they would have to be apart, because no one was going to allow Lysandre to live a happy, normal life after what he’d done, and…

“Monsieur Sycamore?”

Ah, fuck.

Just fuck it.

“Yes?”

The doctor, with that insufferable, disapproving frown upon his face, approached him, “Monsieur Fleur de Lis hasn’t awakened yet, but we can say he’s out of major risk for now as he’s reacted well to all the procedures done so far.”

What was Augustine supposed to reply to that? Was he even supposed to show some sort of relief or would he get frowned upon that too?

“Oh, I see...”

“You cannot see him yet though, he doesn’t seem like he’ll wake up anytime soon, so if you’d like to go to sleep, you could be back by afternoon or maybe later...”

And what was he supposed to do then? It wasn’t like he felt like showering or eating or even sleeping after what happened, he would only be at ease until he could see Lysandre, if that would ever be enough to give him back peace, because at that moment nothing felt like having the power to make him feel fine again and-

The doctor was still staring at him.

“Okay... Okay.”

As if there was something else he could actually do.

Then, feeling so cold, so rustled, so unmotivated and lost and drown in sadness and anger, Augustine started to make his way out of Lumiose hospital. Too good that, it was still dark and nighttime, so the chances to encounter random passersby that would frown upon him were, for now, very low. 

Getting back home felt like an eternity, and once he was in, he didn’t even find the strength to go to the bedroom. Instead, he got some wine in a glass, and after drinking it, he collapsed on his couch, growling while his sore back hit the material.

That didn’t even seem realistic. 

It must be just a twisted dream, and once he woke up he’d be by Lysandre’s side, finding out he just allowed his paranoia to escalate very quickly, to then see by himself that everything was right.

Who did he want to deceive?

Nothing was fine at all. Nothing will be fine again. 

Everything they could ever have, everything that was right, Lysandre just broke it, remorseless. Instead of asking for help when whatever thing going on his head became too overwhelming, he just made a whole plan behind his back and didn’t even bother to say a proper goodbye to him. If Serena hadn’t been around, it all would be over.

There were again, the tears in his eyes.

How was he even supposed to sleep when his whole body was shaking with disappointment and anger? When his mind wouldn’t stop going in circles around the same matter? When in his head he could still see the loathful look in Lysandre’s face in his last Holo clip, the flash, how everyone was judging him for saving him?

It was too much to bear, too much to resist.

Augustine concluded that the best way to force himself to sleep was to drink wine until it numbed his system. And then, the darkest night turned to daylight, the dawn soon turned to morning, and the only thing he could do was cry and curse and drink and remember over again everything that had happened, and just walk around the apartment trying to do something else to distract himself but being unable to stand in his feet for more than 5 minutes due to the horrible pain in his body.

At around midday, he finally passed out from exhaustion, and not for drunkness as he had planned, on the couch.

* * *

A loud beep woke him up.

He didn’t feel like opening his stinging eyes, or even moving an inch of his now completely sore muscles, but it was getting each time more insistent, more annoying, only making his slightly hungover head to ache and buzz.

So, tiredly, feeling so empty and like absolute trash, Augustine opened his grey eyes and incorporated on the couch, sitting, and then just pressed the button of his special Holo Watch, which Lysandre had manufactured to him alone, and-

“Augustine?”

Wow, his sister surely called just in time.

“Hi.”

“How are you, how’s everything going?”

“Ah, just fine!” He exclaimed sarcastically. “Yesterday was the best fucking day of my whole motherfucking existence, I didn’t even notice my sister had been too oddly silent about it!”

“Augus, listen-”

“It was amazing, you know? A bit of rescuing kidnapped people, cave exploring and digging with the ex-boyfriend, super fun and thrilling trip in an ambulance, and spending all the fucking night alone at a hospital!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Where the fuck you were, Diantha?”

She sighed heavily, “the league was a mess yesterday!” Diantha said, distressed. “We all were trying to come up with something to do both before and after the Ultimate Weapon was fired, but,” and then she panted, lowering the volume of her voice almost in a gossipy tone. “Guess who wasn’t there?”

It sunk in his head. 

“Malva?”

“She was nowhere to be seen, and since those two are very close friends I was afraid that maybe-”

“Ah, fuck. Not her as well.”

“Didn’t you see her yesterday between all the riot?”

“People were taking several shots at us, the flashes didn’t let me see anything else. Has she not appeared yet?”

“She... she arrived later to her league chambers and refused to go out afterward. Maybe it’s just me being paranoid, but she is close to Lysandre.”

“Welp, how close can she be if she didn’t even dignify to show up at the hospital.”

Then again, she sighed, frustrated, “how did it go?”

“Terrible!” Oh no. There was again. The horrible lump in his throat. “Everyone was judging me, even the doctors. And I had to endure all of that alone until the doctor almost kicked me.”

“Kick you?”

“Well, asked me to leave- I don’t know, I felt so attacked the whole time.”

“And what about Lysandre? Is there any news about him?”

Augustine swallowed, hard, feeling the tears just blur his vision once more.

“I don’t even want to know at this point...” each time his voice broke a little more. “The doctor said he was out of major danger, but that it would take a bit more for him to wake up, I bet they heavily drugged him with analgesics and sedatives.”

“Are you going back to the hospital anytime soon?”

“I have to be back, but I don’t want to. I honestly don’t want to exist at this particular moment in time.”

“Okay...” she clasped her hands together. “I basically called you to tell you to be very, very careful. The media is going to target and chase after you. Get prepared because you’re most likely going to come across several paparazzi and reporters.”

“Shouldn’t you be there to help me, then?”

“You know I can’t.”

“What a great sister I have, supporting me when I need it the most!”

“Augustine, please,” now she seemed to be even irritated. “If they spot me visiting him now, they’re going to think I had something to do with this.”

“And then should I take the blame alone?”

“They are already surprised that the regional professor saved him, alright? For now, we don’t need that to escalate to the elites supporting him as well.”

“Why, but your girlfriend mysteriously disappeared during all of this fucking fiasco.”

At last, she seemed to give up, “I swear I’m trying to make this easier for you. Malva is using all of her acquaintance's networks to spread the word about how you rescued him because he was your lover and not because you were included in his plan.”

Bitterly, too infuriated by everything, he snorted, “either I look like a corrupt or like an idiot who cannot get over his ex. Great.”

Absolutely helpless to that sour words, Diantha spoke her last but very determined words.

“Take a shower. Eat. Fix yourself, Augustine, because you do look terrible.”

“And you look too fresh for someone whose girlfriend might have something to do with all of this as well.”

“Just...!” She sighed. “Shower. Eat. Call me when you are at the hospital.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Augus, love you.”

They hung up. 

And once more, Augustine collapsed on the couch.

He didn’t really want to stand, to shower, to eat. He didn’t want to go out from his apartment floor anymore, not if Diantha said everyone would target him, not to be met once more by the mess Lysandre made, to be hit with the harsh reality. 

He wasn’t going to shower, so, lazily, he went to his room to just change his dusty slacks and shirt and bathe himself in cologne afterward. He didn’t comb his hair either, just brushed it with his fingertips, and, ugh, he wasn’t sure that he could even eat without gagging at the moment, not when his stomach felt so irritated by the wine and the harsh worry, even if he hadn’t had any food since yesterday when he got some chips at a vending machine back in the hospital. 

After picking some dark glasses to hide his puffy eyes, Augustine headed to the door and left his apartment once more, trying to emotionally shut himself down so whatever that happened next wouldn’t be so hard to endure.

He stopped the first taxi he spotted (because Dexio drove his car back to the lab and not to his house instead), got in the back seat, and found himself overthinking the very same things from the night before as those thoughts were becoming so awfully invasive, and now he was making a hard try on not crying in front of the driver.

Until they arrived at the hospital, and he went out of the taxi as normally as anyone else could have had, repeating to himself ‘you’re nothing special, Augustine. You are as common as anyone else, just walk, everyone is minding their own business.’

But soon, oh, so soon...

“Professor!”

“Professor, do you have a moment?”

No.

Oh, no.

The louder they started to say his name to catch his attention, the more everyone else realized he was there and the more journalists and camera guys started to gather around him.

“Professor, what’s the situation with Lysandre right now?”

“Could you give us details about how you saved him?”

“Trustworthy sources told us that you both still held a close relationship with each other...”

“Did you know about his plans?”

“What does your sister, Champion Diantha, has to say about this? Did she know? Is she taking some action?”

And before he finally made it inside the hospital, where all those paparazzi weren’t allowed to enter…

“Did you do it out of love? Do you still love him?”

The voice of that for sure pink journalist echoed in his mind even when he was inside the building, drawing the attention of everyone near, as some camera flashes were shining over him.

He was gasping now, the tears blurring his already darkened expression. 

He wasn’t sure why he did it. More than love it sounded like stupidity for him. He just saw the flash, the rock tomb, and the instantaneous shot of adrenaline made his body work into digging and digging and saving Lysandre. He didn’t even think that might look suspicious, that it could be social suicide. He just did it.

As Augustine walked through the sterile, desperate corridors, when he took off the sunglasses, he noticed how the same judging glares were there, following each time, frowning at him again without any sort of compassion for his aching, broken soul. 

Even if he didn’t want to, if he was just too ashamed to even do it, he talked to the receptionist, who just ordered him to stay in the waiting room, and just like the night before, he took a seat in one of the cold, uncomfortable chairs.

If he still loved Lysandre after this?

He had loved Lysandre after a lot; after some particularly nasty arguments, after some accidental and deliberate offensive words, after some severe downs, after being left, after a lot of apologies, after some abrupt ups...

But after this?

For once... for once Augustine didn’t know.

Lysandre had made his heart hurt many times before, just as Augustine had done with his too. But all those times were about the normal stuff expected in an average relationship. Never before had Lysandre failed to kill him and everyone else out of pure madness.

His heart felt so awfully broken, because Lysandre was the love of his life, the very end of him... but this... this...

“Monsieur Sycamore?”

By inertia, he stood, just to meet the petulant doctor again. Maybe, what was next was to ask, “how’s he?” Yet, Augustine wasn’t even sure he wanted to know. 

Luckily, the doctor knew how to read that silence.

“He’s got many bones broken,” the man started simply, skipping any courtesy. “One of them, a rib, pinched through the liver but we saved it. His left leg might take more time to heal. He suffered from many injuries all over his body, yet, the medulla and the skull didn’t suffer hard trauma so not organic damage was done, both of his Pokémon protected him from getting too awfully hurt. For now, he’d also have to be fed artificially and stay connected to a breathing machine.”

Just Lysandre would screw up so big like that.

“As you can see, we had to sedate him very strongly. We have to do it again in a while because these sorts of pains are rather unbearable, but he woke up and asked to see you before we drugged him to sleep again.”

Now, even if the thought of confronting Lysandre didn’t allow him to sleep all night long, he didn’t feel ready to go inside and see him. 

“Okay.”

“Follow me, please.”

Augustine could only hope his feet wouldn’t fail him now.

So, he followed the doctor to the room, and then, walked inside with him.

And Lysandre was there:

Several tubes were connected to his strong built, yet now so weak body, as well as he was almost completely covered up in bandages stained by blood. There was a mask covering his mouth and nose to help him breathe. Indeed, his left leg was plastered and lifted. And his white, snowy skin was badly scratched, full of dark violet spots,.

Lysandre was unrecognizable.

Not only from the outside; Augustine couldn’t recognize the man in front of him, to that point, he couldn’t tell he knew him anymore. 

Skeptically, too mad, too hurt, too at the edge of tears, Augustine took a seat right beside him, and remained silent, not knowing at all what to say, what to do next.

Until Lysandre opened his eyes, which were red-spotted by blood, and weakly moved them to look at him.

“… Augustine.”

How much he wanted to sob and break everything right away.

His expression looked very pained, as if the slightest move hurt to the bone. So, his lips barely moved, just enough for Augustine to decipher some words. 

“I... feel terrible.”

Augustine laughed exasperated, bitterly. 

“I don’t know what else were you expecting.”

That came out too blatant, too sour, too much for Lysandre’s surprise.

His injured lips trembled for a moment.

“... I’m... sorry...”

Lysandre began to breathe in and out, in and out, insistently, fogging the mask.

“I’m... sorry I... didn’t... tell you.”

That made Augustine absolutely lose it. 

Even if in such a state he wasn’t supposed to confront anyone, the horrible soreness of his body, the emptiness of his stomach, his headache and heartache were getting the best of him, and he couldn’t help it, the ire, the indignation were quickly building inside him.

“You threatened to death everyone in the region! You tried to kill _us_! You fucking got Pyroar and Gyarados killed! And... you say you are sorry you hid this from me?!”

No, he shouldn’t be saying all of that to him, but not even the medical staff could get to care and stop it; Lysandre deserved to be told that. And if Augustine was going to tell him on behalf of each person who was threatened yesterday, no one was going to stop him, not even the doctor who almost forcefully saved his life.

Soon, his blue eyes got flooded with tears.

“W-What...? P-Pyroar...”

“Yes!” He quickly nodded, shedding tears himself, having to stop to sniff and wipe his face. “They died protecting you! You got the Pokémon we raised together killed!”

The beeps on the monitor registering his heart rate began to increase as he just cried more and more.

“You fucking ruined everything, Lysandre, everything!” His anger was taking over him like never before, his hands shaking awfully, feeling like even wanting to slap him, to squeeze him, to get through that idiotic sorrowful expression. “You ruined your reputation, and with that mine as well! You ruined our relationship, now no one’s going to motherfucking let us be happy! You lied to me, and now... if you are lucky enough you are getting sent to a psychiatric hospital, no less! Because you, you fucking ruined this!”

“S-Sorry-”

“No, don’t even try to say ‘sorry’ because I fucking know you are not sorry. If you were, you would have thought about me before shitting in everything we had.”

Lysandre wasn’t even in his right mind to defend himself, to explain. When he opened his eyes, his gaze was lost, he frowned, trying to catch his breath. And even though, Augustine didn’t feel like stopping the verbal vomit. 

“A-Augustine-”

“I... I tried Lysandre, I tried so damn hard. I tried it so hard with you, like I never tried it with anyone else. I always tried to make it better for you, to understand you, to put up with you even if we both knew you weren’t stable but you refused to get help. I let you go and be back as you pleased. I let you fuck me up over and over and over again, to use me as a trash can for your emotional garbage. I was patient. All I gave you was love and understanding. And-” his voice cut off, the lump on his throat burning too intense now. “You pay me this way? Trying to kill me?”

The beeps blew up. But Augustine didn’t care. If it was up to him, Lysandre could have a stroke right there.

“Augus... I’m...”

“Why did you do this? Huh?” His animalistic tone was starting to even scare him. “Why?”

Tortured, Lysandre began to sob, “I-I...”

Desperate, Augustine hit one of the borders of the bed. “Why?!” 

“I... I wasn’t in my right m-mind.”

“And you weren’t either when you decided to kill everyone and so kill me as well? Or what, were you? Tell me, why?!”

Closing his eyes, totally tormented, Lysandre replied as loudly as he could, “I... I knew you wouldn’t agree and... and... I wouldn’t resist seeing you die old, to see you becoming filthy, to see you suffer, to-”

“Fuck you!” Augustine screamed, hitting the bed once more. “You fucking monster!”

Lysandre started to whine, squeezing his eyes shut, unable to defend himself.

“Fuck you, Lysandre, fuck you!”

“Sir-”

“I fucking hate you! You are a monster, you-”

“Augustine!“

“Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up!”

“Sir!” the doctor suddenly was behind him, holding him back from keep hitting the bed. “Calm yourself down or we’ll have to kick you out!”

“Kick me out at once! I don’t want to stay to see this fucking traitor mocking of me anymore!”

As he left, the beeps became louder.

“Augustine!” Lysandre screamed his name desperately. “Augustine!”

He wasn’t looking back. Not for Lysandre to just deceive him again.

“Augustine!”

“Alright, guys, we have to sedate him once more now.”

“Augustine!”

But Augustine just smashed the door behind him.

And all the previously judging glares seemed to be thrilled now; how wouldn’t they, if they surely heard the riot he made, if now he was heavily gasping, with his whole body shaking viciously, his face all colored of red as a vein jumped from his forehead.

He never felt angrier than now, damn, he was burning in ire, at the edge of having a stroke himself.

Lysandre didn’t even regret it. Didn’t even think he had been wrong. He just was sorry for hiding his plan.

Drunk on ire, loath and betrayal, Augustine began to walk outside of the hospital, his view blurred in a heavy shade of dark red, and once he was outside…

“Professor, do you have a moment-”

“Fuck you all!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tl dr; Augustine Sycamore sNAPS.
> 
> Okay, then this would be all for this week! I was a bit nervous about this chapter but I hope you enjoyed it and liked it! That being said, thank you for reading and see you next week! Bye, stay safe!


	3. Sugarplum Elegy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We keep dancing around the innocent truth that we're just out of time. Must I die before you feel alive?"

“So, Professor, are there any relevant news about Lysandre?”

He remained collected, nodding the way Diantha had told him to.

“He’s been under intensive watch these weeks, he had many broken bones and some damaged organs. And just a couple of days before... I received the news that, he indeed got diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder by a specialist and that because of that and the potential he has to harm himself and others if that goes unattended, he’s going to be sent to a psychiatric hospital instead than to jail.”

The new had finally been given.

All those days, a lot of journalists had been trying to contact Augustine to make him talk about the issue for their respective news channels, calling him endlessly both to his personal number and the lab phone.

Obviously, if they had had the chance to do it in their own way, they would have wanted Malva to be the one interviewing Augustine and giving away the information everybody ached to know, but that would have been terribly suspicious for the general public, and for everyone’s sake they couldn’t risk giving even the slightest hint that they supported Lysandre in what he’d done, or that they were intending to makeup some details.

So, Malva contacted a broadcaster colleague, talked to her, and arranged an interview with Augustine, which had been carefully planned so he didn’t have to give too much information away and instead just the basics for all media to stop stalking him around.

“There’s something all people been wanting to know, so, if it’s okay for you to reply...”

They also agreed with some personal questions. The more he clarified those details, the fewer people were going to ask.

“Sure, it’s okay.”

“What are your feelings about him now? Everyone knows you two used to be a couple, so, we all been wanting to know how’s it been for you in that regard?”

They agreed because that was the moment for Augustine to redeem himself from everything he was going on mediately.

“It’s... complicated. I didn’t know he was plotting all of this behind my back,” he paused, looking away, blinking fast as if he was about to cry; good, he began playing the victim, now Diantha hoped everyone would buy it. “He talked a lot about a beautiful world, about how this world was condemned to doom if no one did something about it... but I never believed he’d act on it, that he’d do this. That… He’d just try to get rid of me as well.”

Augustine surely had some acting skills, it ran in the family.

“So, you didn’t have anything to do with this?”

“No...” he shook his head, sorrowful. “I didn’t know. I was as shocked as everyone else was when he sent that Holo clip. And if I saved him...”

He sighed. 

“... I did it on impulse. As you just said, he was my partner, the one I thought I knew well. We shared a lot, many good moments... moments that were replaying in my head while I was digging. The more I remembered everything, the more I had the need to find him, dead or alive. But I had to find him.”

That was enough.

“Thank you a lot, Professor. For taking the time to reply to all of these questions, I know this has been hard for you, so I really do appreciate you took the time to talk to me and my collaborators.”

With fine mannerisms, Augustine nodded, “thank you for understanding that this is hard for me and respecting it instead of just stalk me to the hospital or something.”

Yes, it was also necessary to do a special remark to try to fix the little incident outside the hospital where Augustine basically sent all those paparazzi to fuck themselves.

“It’s nothing, Professor. All our public know this is how we do journalism; ethically, without storming into people’s matters when they are in the middle of a crisis or in an intimate situation.”

After some more courtesies exchanged, the interview seemed to be over, and that gave space for the people in the new’s channel to start commenting about it, most of all about the last part, as a favor Malva requested from them to help to justify why Augustine acted that rude that one time outside the hospital, but that didn’t really was important to either of them now. 

“I hope this is enough for people to stop bugging him.”

When she stared at Malva... she didn’t look pleased.

“What?”

“It’s already done, isn’t it? There’s no use in even complaining.”

Diantha sighed, it was finally time to acknowledge the tension that had been floating above them those days.

“What do you mean?”

She complaint, “I know it’s for everyone’s sake, but I don’t like the position you both are leaving Lysandre in.”

Removing on her place, Diantha turned to face her, crossing her arms, “are you defending him? After what he tried to do? After what he did to Augustine?”

“Augustine might be your brother but you cannot force me to feel bad for him,” she said with that sassy tone of hers. “And I’m well aware that Lysandre did wrong, I know he went too far this time, but Augustine mad playing the victim as if this whole fiasco had been about him is going to make everyone dislike Lysandre even more, and he doesn’t deserve the extra hate this romantic gossipy is going to bring.”

“If we don’t do it this way his career is going to get ruined! Do you know how hard he worked for his regional professor title? It was not for free, Malva, he won’t be risking it just because Lysandre can’t control himself.”

“But all this novelization? People already empathized with him just because he’s hot, I don’t like how this is going to turn out for Lysandre.”

“Why, though?” Diantha asked, finally daring to speak her mind. “Could it be that you were involved in his deeds as well, by any chance?”

For a second, Malva stopped; then, she opened her mouth to speak but no actual words came out.

“Actually, never mind, I think that’s enough of an answer on its own.”

“If you know it then why don’t you ask me directly?”

“You were in Team Flare with Lysandre?”

Malva growled, “yes, Diantha, I was.”

Ah, not her, not her as well.

The worst part was that Diantha wasn’t even surprised, she sort of saw it coming.

“No wonder why you are so defensive of Lysandre then.”

Malva usually fought back as she was there to win arguments and no matter how wrong she was, she always found ways to excuse herself and be the one right.

That was why this silent behavior of hers felt very odd.

Nevertheless, that didn’t help the sadness and anger Diantha was feeling at the sudden confession.

“So... Augustine and I weren’t in a very different position after all, were we?”

Malva rushed to her side, placing a hand to her shoulder, “listen, Di.”

“I don’t know if I want to listen.”

“See, even if you think that Augustine and you are in a very similar position, I can assure you that it’s a bit different.”

“How, Malva? The facts are the same, you were involved in this behind my back.”

“This started before Lysandre and Augustine met, okay? Long before you and I even met.”

Well, because of what Augustine told her the other day about the secret base at the café, that apparently was true.

“You know, Lysandre and I were friends before that. We had worked together before. And, once he told me about this ‘secret’ project he had, of this group he wanted to create, and as the original idea wasn’t this twisted, I accepted to participate.”

“What do you mean with ‘original idea’?”

“At first he just wanted to create this cult of wealthy and influential people, that’s it. He told me about his experience in charity projects and how they always ended up wrong and, well, it made sense to me that he only wanted to relate to rich people after the poor had been so ungrateful and envious towards him, and his former friends and even some partners were social climbers.”

Nothing new, everyone knew now that Lysandre was an elitist narcissist.

“With time, he got more into the story of the king AZ, he traveled here and there to recollect information... and while he worked in the Holo Caster, he apparently had this side project. He wanted the Holo Caster to be helpful for everyone and achieve a noble purpose, but deep down he might had have the feeling it wouldn’t be enough, like it never had been enough.”

For a second it even felt like listening to her brother talking about him.

“It was when he met Augustine and he was nailing the details of his mega evolution theory that Lysandre began to get worse,” Malva kept explaining. “The simple idea of only a few having the possibility to mega evolve hit him. And once Augustine gave him his mega ring, he seemed pretty determined to set his plan, actually, that was when he told me about his new idea the first time.”

“You are blaming it in Augustine?”

“Not really, he didn’t know. He was a bit suspicious about something being off judging by what Lysandre once told me, but never really asked. And even if he knew what was Lysandre intending, he wouldn’t have helped, it doesn’t take a genius to know that he was going to refuse to be part of something as twisted as that.”

“And what about you?”

“See... you know me, I don’t have to hide the fact that, indeed, the idea of an elite club caught my attention and I absolutely said yes to it,” Malva explained. “But when Lysandre started to talk about this whole Ultimate Weapon idea, I didn’t agree to it, in fact, it was Xerosic the one to support it, not me. I was already very involved, yes, because I was his special broadcaster, but I wasn’t convinced with this part of the plan. He tried to negotiate it with me, to tell me that if I accepted to help him in this one thing he would be including you.”

Was that supposed to make her feel better?

“I, of course, still said no. And a couple of days afterward, he told me he met with you at Café Soleil to talk…”

“It was... about it, then?”

“He told me you weren’t really following his logic. And then, he paused for a second and told me that maybe he should be stopping this.”

“But he didn’t stop it and you didn’t quit Team Flare or told someone what was going on. You even disappeared when Lysandre was at Geosenge.”

“I…” she stopped to sigh. “I didn’t think he was going to achieve it. The plan sounded so ludicrous that I just allowed him to build up this fantasy in his head. That time he told me he had talked to you was the last time I heard about the plan. I completely thought that he was serious about stopping, that the man was about to get depressed again and go back to fundraising like he always does.”

And, once more, she paused to blow some air and play with her pink bangs.

“Apparently, by believing he was over this AZ fairytale and thinking that those Flare thugs stealing things were only messing around, I allowed Xerosic to get closer to him and pump him up about his plan and… ah. That man is a freak. Very influential and smart, but a complete freak.”

Still unconvinced, Diantha crossed her arms, “then if you were apparently ‘left out’ why you weren’t at the league, huh?”

“It was so sudden, I don’ even believe that most of the Flare members knew it was going to happen that day. I was trying to call him, but he wasn’t receiving calls, I thought that maybe Augustine was trying to reach out as well, trying to stop him... and as I watched he was being serious now, that he was about to do something he’d definitely regret... I tried to go stop him.”

“How can I be sure that you are telling me the truth and that you didn’t go to save yourself wherever he was planning to guard all of his chosen ones?”

“When I arrived at Geosenge I found Augustine already there, holding Lysandre. I had to hide, because if someone saw me, an Elite, wandering around there...”

It made sense.

It absolutely made sense. 

It was the same thing she did while leaving Augustine to deal alone with the issue at the hospital. She also hid for weeks while trying to solve everything from inside. 

Yet...

That didn’t absolve Malva for hiding all of that plot from her.

“Are you mad?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to break up with me?”

Maybe it was easier because, as related as they were, Diantha wasn’t like Augustine and Malva wasn’t like Lysandre; Malva wasn’t a mentally ill and unstable person that did and undid things in her life because she felt the right to do so, and Diantha wasn’t so terribly codependent like Augustine was. They lacked this sick dependence the others shared.

“Maybe.”

Malva didn’t look particularly thrilled by that reply, “what do you mean ‘maybe’?”

And Diantha just growled, “I don’t know, okay? It’s just... too much to think. It doesn’t surprise me much now, but it’s a lot to take into consideration. And watching Augustine so down like this because of what your friend did doesn’t help.”

“Diantha...”

“And even if you don’t care, I do care, he is my brother and I’ve never seen him this angry and betrayed and this broken.”

But Malva seemed to know what was her position.

“Alright. I’m not going to push you, nor to try to convince you I didn’t do wrong because I did some wrong and kept as a secret something that shouldn’t have remained as such. But this break up feels so awfully premature, that, ah, whenever you want to talk about this, I’ll be willing to.”

And if it had sounded a bit unlike Malva…

“Just, don’t take forever, please, I’m not that patient.”

It now sounded like her.

* * *

Those last three months had been...

Terrible, to say the very least. 

One moment, he was watching Augustine sleep, thinking of maybe telling him the truth; the other he was about to finally wipe the slate clean, to get rid of the filth that was only to doom the world; in a blink of an eye, Augustine’s apprentices were there to stop him; then, his rage took over his being, dyeing everything of red, of red and shaky ire, and so, boiling in his own hatred for himself, because he was stupid and had lost to some stupid kids, he fired the weapon either way.

The next moment, everyone was leaving, giving up on him, and the last thing he saw were two white flashes materializing in front of him, and then all the structure was crumbling upon him. Next, everything was dark, abyssal black. 

And later, he was blinded by a white light, while feeling his body aching like never before, each cell, each nervous terminal, each vein sending pain to all of his skin, extremities and insides. 

The pain was so awful, so terribly dazzling and white that he couldn’t stop wailing and sobbing, because even that hurt. And the next thing he felt, was something stinging him, a thick liquid being injected to him, and then being met with unnerving darkness again.

In one of his following awakenings, he could only cry one name, one name alone. Then, everything alternated between a blur and white pain and overwhelm, and dizziness, and feeling like passing out and awful thirst...

Until he saw those grey eyes. Those puffy grey eyes. 

Augustine was reproaching him about what he did, Augustine was crying, Augustine... Augustine told him both his most loyal Pokémon partners were dead now.

And as tears went out of his burning eyes, and before he could process entirely what those words truly meant, Augustine started to vent, to cry harder, to tell him he ruined everything, to ask him why.

And his mind was so raw, so fuzzy, that he replied with some stupid truth.

Never had he seen Augustine so mad like that, even in the blur of his heavily drugged brain, he knew he will never see Augustine as angry as that time; his face was absolute red, he was shaking, and he was even acting violently, something that soft and respectful Augustine Sycamore would never do in his right mind. And he remembered himself crying, scared, scared Augustine would harm him, scared because he knew he deserved to be harmed, and then, Augustine was throwing insults at him, and left, cursing him, and then, when his own screams became painful, they stung him once more and everything was black again. 

Ever since that day, his visits had been restricted short. Augustine only saw him through the glass of the door, talked to the doctor, and left. And as his condition got ‘better’, the ‘visits’ became rarer. 

One day, Malva visited, or most likely, just snuck in there as the only person with permission to visit him was Augustine; the talk was brief, she mentioned something about Diantha breaking up with her, and announced that, he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and that Augustine had arranged everything to send him to a psychiatric hospital instead than to jail, but obviously, had to make it look as if he didn’t have anything to do with it.

Which only made Lysandre wonder...

Had Augustine forgiven him already? Wasn’t he mad at him anymore?

Because, if something was true, it was that Lysandre had never seen him so angry like that; but it was also true that, in previous times Augustine had ended up cursing his name, he always forgave him, allowed him back, and kept doing things to help him.

Maybe that time wasn’t different. Maybe Augustine understood, after days, why he had to do it. 

Back that day, Malva told him (or rather, ordered him) to behave at the hospital. Good behavior would give him privileges while they found out a way to get him out from there, with conditional freedom or whatever thing they could come up with. 

And, when he arrived at that ugly place, Lysandre did so: he behaved, he was nice to the nurses that stuck by his side in his recovery, he listened to the doctor’s instructions, he took his pills, even when he still wasn’t convinced he needed them...

And after a while, he was indulged with a visit; he could request for anyone to come over and see him; anyone.

And, of course, he picked Augustine.

One of the nurses, one that was starting to get along with him very well, informed him that his request had been already sent and that Augustine would be visiting next week.

And Lysandre awaited, and awaited, and awaited, and the waiting almost drove him insane, because it wasn’t the same to anticipate to see Augustine when he was busy doing some other thing like working, than now that he had to wait inside of a room that felt like a jail.

And finally, it was the day. Friday 14th. Augustine was coming over, he was going to see his love, to talk to him, to say he was sorry and then thank him for saving his life.

“Do I look good, Nancy?”

The middle-aged woman nodded while carefully pushing his wheelchair, “oui, Monsieur Fleur de Lis, I’m sure the professor will be glad to see you so recovered now.”

He wondered if Nancy was sincere all the time.

Either way, he could only think of fixing up things with Augustine now. To talk out everything that happened, ask him for forgiveness, and then get back together, to tell him what his next plan was all about.

After a while, Nancy left him in a visits room, under watch; even if she didn’t treat him as such, Lysandre was well aware that all the ungrateful people of Kalos regarded him as a criminal despite all the good he had made to them, even if they made posts about how much of a bastard he was via their Holo Casters.

There was a camera, a camera that only recorded video and not audio. So, Nancy left, only to wait outside until Augustine arrived.

And after some minutes, some aching minutes, the door finally opened again, and through it, walked Augustine. 

A lot less graceful than how Lysandre imagined he would be.

His hair definitely looked messy, the curls tangled and seeming slightly greasy; there was a bit more of stubble than what Augustine normal kept; under his eyes there were very, very dark bags; his skin surely looked paler than before, as if the man hadn’t breathed fresh air in months; he smelled a lot like smoke, like cigarettes, and, he surely hadn’t been eating well since he seemed to be swimming in his own clothes, appealing skinnier than before, his shirt with a small coffee stain that for Lysandre didn’t go unnoticed.

And the worst part...

There were worry lines in his face, lines that weren’t there before.

That was what Lysandre originally meant at the hospital... it was aching to watch such beauty perishing in that way.

But, for his own sake, he wouldn’t call it out.

“Augustine,” if he had could, he would’ve stood to meet him. “I’m glad you came.”

But he... he only sighed, and took the seat in front of him.

Then, the silence settled between them.

Augustine... still didn’t look like he was going to talk anytime soon, no. He was just crossing his arms, staring at the floor, with a bitter expression all over his face.

“Hey, D’amour,” Lysandre started, coyly. “All these days I’ve been thinking a lot about you, about all the things I wanted to tell when you came, and, well… first of all, thank you for saving me. Even if I have had an awful time because of all the injuries... I know you went all the way down there to get me. That was so brave, and I’m so pretty moved you did something like that for me. I literally owe you my life now, so… thank you.”

Augustine just nodded.

“I know... I know you were really mad at me that time in the emergency room. Even if I barely remember the details since I was so awfully blinded by pain and terribly drugged, I want to say that I’m sorry if I made you upset.”

Was that a snort?

“I know you were worried about what would happen to me, to _us_ , once I was sent here,” he kept going, anyways. “But... I’ve been working my influences, Malva has helped me talking to a lot of people that owe me favors, and I will be getting out of here soon, Augustine. It’s almost a fact, and then, we can start again, we can-”

Those grey eyes that used to look at him with love and adoration, were now staring sharply.

“Look,” Augustine started very lowly, menacingly. “I indeed saved your life back at Geosenge. It was me indeed who behind everyone’s back did everything possible for you to not go to jail and be sent here instead. But that’s it, Lysandre. Here’s where my commitment to you ends, so don’t get me wrong.”

“What?”

“You and I are no longer a couple, nor friends, nor lovers, nor anything else. I don’t want to have something to do with you anymore.”

“Augustine-”

“You are not my responsibility anymore. I saved you, and that’s it. You are on your own again, but I’m fuck sure you don’t need me either way, you made that more than obvious when trying to get rid of me as well.”

And, Augustine stood.

“Also,” he removed the watch from his wrist, slowly, his hands trembling a bit, “have this, I don’t want it anymore. I actually bought an Xtreinceiver instead, yeah, maybe it doesn’t have these cool holographic calls but at least the CEO who created them ain’t a genocidal narcissist.”

That hurt.

Desperately, trying to stand and reach out for him, and suddenly reminding he was physically incapable to do so, Lysandre rushed to get his attention back, “ _Mon cœur_ , please, wait-”

“Professor Sycamore for you, Lysandre,” Augustine replied in a louder tone, his words punctual and harsh. “I don’t know why you are trying to address me in this stupid affectionate way if now I can see we never were that close, really.”

“No, Augustine, please, listen-”

“I was there to listen but you never reached out, all you did instead was push me aside. You made your bed now sleep in it.”

“No, wait-”

“We are done here, now, just stay away from me.”

And like that, Augustine walked again to the door, opened it, and left, without any other word, without crying, without showing more emotion than anger and sheer, cold anger.

Augustine Sycamore was always forgiving, always; to the creatures at his lab that scratched him, that ruined his personal effects; to his sister that sometimes pushed his buttons and criticized him a little too much; to the people that looked down to him and despised his work; to the kids that accidentally messed up stuff...

He was forgiving. Even if people didn’t ask for his forgiveness. And he was always smiling, laughing away the bitterness, the tension, and opening his arms ready to receive people back in them.

But that time...

That time Augustine didn’t forgive him right away.

He didn’t even stay to listen.

He gave him back the watch Lysandre made especially for him, he told him now he didn’t want to associate ever again to him and then left. It wasn’t the shock of the moment anymore, no… Augustine had surely been musing about it for weeks. It was serious this time.

And not even the hundred rocks that fell upon him that day at Geosenge hit him so harshly as the realization did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Malva's participation in Team Flare is so ambiguous in the games that I want to cry, I wish they had given us more details about her position and roles there, too bad they reserved the very small piece of information they gave us for the post game and not the main plot. Anyways, I tried to come up with a little explanation for that and I hope it turned out fine, haha!
> 
> Aaaand, this is all for this week. Thank you a lot for reading and following and supporting this story of mine, and, see you all next week with the next chapter! Have a nice week! :)


	4. Gamble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you said to me can't we work it out? Won't you talk to me? What's this all about?"

“So...” Wikstrom began. “What’s going to happen if she wins?”

“I don’t want to be that person...” Drasna replied, gently. “But I think she has everything it takes to defeat us.”

Siebold snorted, crossing his arms, “are you giving up already? This elite sometimes surprises me.”

“I mean... she managed to disband an organization of thugs that outnumbered us on her own,” nobody seemed to notice the roll of Malva’s eyes. “She’s strong, I think there are high chances that she surpasses us.”

Nostalgically, Diantha sighed, “I also do believe she might be winning us.”

“Maybe that’s why someone’s brother is already planning a parade for when she wins,” suggested Siebold, staring reproachfully at Diantha.

“I’m surprised he’s spending time into that,” continued Wikstrom in a serious tone. “If there’s someone who has nothing to celebrate I think it’s him.”

“Not after what that weirdo did.”

Diantha growled, “leave Augustine alone, okay? He’s doing his best. Besides, before all this mess with Lysandre happened he was very enthusiastic about Serena and her friends, they have no fault in this and is normal he wants to do something nice for them after the great helped they offered.”

And once more, there was a small roll of eyes from Malva. 

“But is basically admitting your own defeat, Diantha.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Siebold. It has to happen someday,” she crossed her arms. “Besides, I don’t know why you are so affected? Your elite position is not at risk.”

Wikstrom straightened in his place, “has the professor talked to her yet? I know Wulfric gave her a small talk on what being the champion means, but have they discussed it already?”

“Yeah... she said that maybe she wants to keep traveling before becoming an official champion, you know, just in case she defeated me.”

“So Serena plans to just become a legitimate champion instead of the official champion?”

“Something like that.”

A silence lingered over them for a long minute, until Siebold, as usual, had to pick up the conversation.

“What do you have to say about all of this, Malva? You’ve been too oddly silent.”

If they only knew...

Diantha thought there was no sense in letting the others know about Malva’s deeds related to Team Flare; she could already imagine Siebold calling Malva by all sorts of names, Wikstrom throwing a moral speech about honor and honesty, Drasna trying to mediate between the three of them bickering...

“I think Diantha knows what she’s doing,” was her only, simple reply. “It’s not like she completely depended on her elite position, anyways. She’s busy, if someone took after her she could completely focus on acting, so, let her be. As she said, our elite positions don’t depend on her.”

At last, Siebold shrugged, “okay, now I feel like intruding.”

“Ah, please, Sie, stop it, let the girls be,” requested Drasna in that motherly tone she had.

“I didn’t say anything. I don’t know what you even mean.”

“Well, ladies, gentleman, if there’s nothing else to discuss I shall return to my chambers.”

“Yeah, I’ll do the same now. I think we said everything we had to say,” concluded Siebold, standing and leaving the table.

And Drasna stared at both as if asking if she was better off staying or leaving, and Diantha just nodded reassuringly, for the older woman to leave. 

And the two of them remained there, alone, awkwardly so even if they had made everything possible to not end up in that situation many times before.

And, then, Malva sighed.

“You know? I don’t mean to be that mad ex-girlfriend but...”

“But...”

“Did you give it a thought?”

Heavily, Diantha sighed. 

“I still don’t know.”

“See...” she begun, carefully. “It’s not like I love this tension, it’s just that... I don’t know yet.”

“What is it that you don’t know?”

Diantha tried to carefully pick her words, to not say something silly or inappropriate, “I don’t know if I should trust you after this. What if...”

“What if you end up like Augustine?”

She rolled her eyes, trying to pretend it wasn’t that. But, who did she want to deceive? It was that.

She was so afraid to end up as miserably as her brother was at the moment; of just trusting someone as wicked as Lysandre was, to end up in the cold hard ground asking herself what she did wrong and despising herself for letting back someone she shouldn’t have. Yet, it was hard to keep herself from Malva, even if indeed she was mad at her for taking a role in the events, even if it was minimum, even if it was to be silent about the crisis.

“Diantha... I’m not Lysandre.”

“But you are like his right hand now.”

Malva made a face of taking the point.

“We are very close, but I’m not anything like him. I’m not gonna deny I’m an elitist bitch, I’m not gonna deny I enjoyed Team Flare, I’m not gonna deny I’m not the sort of good woman you have in mind. But... Lysandre is mentally ill. And too stubborn to accept it. I can see how my actions did wrong, I regret being silent,, and you can have my word that I’m not going to repeat these mistakes ever again.”

“... and why are you helping Lysandre then?”

“Because now that your brother refuses to talk to him he only has me,” Malva stated, solemnly. “He helped me a lot back when we first met, he linked me to important broadcasters and I owe a big part of my recognition to him. And it’s not only that, I really enjoy his company and I believe in the person he is, because I’m not a saint or something to judge him. Of course I’m not going to leave him alone now that he doesn’t have anyone else.”

“Sometimes you sound like you were in love with him.”

Malva snorted, incredulous, “Diantha! Seriously? Don’t you think that, maybe, if I was in love with him, I wouldn’t be reaching out for you and would be instead living my best life beside him now that Augustine took himself off the way?”

Fair point.

But that had been a silly thought wondering around her mind for a while, and now it had seemed like the best moment to bring it up.

“Though, well...” Malva got a little bit closer. “Might it mean that you still care about me enough to worry about me being in love with him?”

Diantha felt the heat blossoming in her face once Malva placed a hand over her shoulder; ugh, she obviously wanted to give in already, to say everything was alright, that indeed she missed her, that indeed she was worried these new circumstances involving the four of them could bloom into something else entirely, but...

“Anyways,” she forced the words out, “have you been visiting him?”

“I’m going to visit him this Friday the first time,” Malva answered with a sigh, withdrawing herself, a bit ungracefully.

Now she could breath better, yet not quite stop being tense, “and how did you know Augustine is refusing to talk to him?”

“Lysandre wouldn’t call me over Augustine if that wasn’t the case.”

What else could she say? It was a fact that Augustine hadn’t been especially enthusiastic over visiting Lysandre, and it was undeniable she was so glad about it since she had seen her brother cry a lot for him and it was a relief that now Augustine had finally opened his eyes to who Lysandre truly was and decided to distance from him.

So, the silence settled again between them. As there wasn’t truly that much to talk about in that one situation.

“Okay...” Malva panted, defeated, standing. “I’m heading back to my chambers. If there’s anything new regarding Lysandre that the professor needs to know I’ll tell you.”

“Alright.”

“And be sure that I won’t let Serena make it to fight you. Even if I have to burn down this building in order to defeat her. You won’t go anywhere any time soon.”

A small smile spread over her cheeks.

“I’m sure you won’t make it any easy for her.”

It was Malva’s gift to make things difficult, after all. 

* * *

The first moment Malva stepped inside Lumiose Psychiatric Hospital, she began to feel bad for Lysandre, and the pitty only grew the further she got inside the building.

The place wasn’t terribly awful, no, she knew it could be worse, yet, it was unfitting for a man so tall, so prideful, so royal. It was like observing a Pyroar from a zoo cell even if she still hadn’t gotten to see Lysandre yet.

She kept walking through the corridors, talking to different people to whom she had to show her invitation off to, and on her way to the visits room, she stole a brief glimpse of the rooms and it was painful to imagine Lysandre in there.

Mental note: make some journalism job in that hospital.

So, she kept going and going, until she was finally in front of the visit room number 4, and was met by a middle-aged nurse.

“Good afternoon, I’m here to see Monsieur Fleur de Lis.”

She smiled, indulgently, “you must be demoiselle Malva.”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“May I see your permission to access?”

“Sure.”

Malva handed it and shortly afterward the nurse was staring at her again.

“You know the rules: the meeting is recorded but without sound. If you are here to bring him anything I must request another permission from you, but if there’s nothing like that going on you can go ahead right away. Try to not touch triggering topics much, and if you think he’s losing control, press the red button under the table and I might immediately go in to help.”

“Alright,” Malva couldn’t help but wonder why she was giving her all that lecture.

“Go ahead, 5 minutes before the time is over I’ll be ringing so you know. Remember that the meetings must be at least 15 minutes long and that you can’t leave before that time.”

It indeed was weird to be told so, but she dropped it,

“Thank you.”

And now, the nurse allowed her inside, and there was Lysandre:

Definitely, the grey, loose clothing didn’t suit him. He looked smaller, even, if that was possible. His beard was a bit longer than usual, and his hair just a bit messy, like he was trying his best to look functional and tidy but still struggled to get it right. His eyes seemed to be a more dull shade of blue, his skin even paler. He didn’t look prideful and great like before, from the man she met years ago remained nothing.

“Malva,” even if his left leg was still plastered, he grabbed his crutches, stood, and walked to her, to hug her.

Lysandre very rarely embraced her, as he was too cool for that and normally restricted the displays of affection for Augustine and Augustine alone, and Malva was absolutely not the hugging type. Yet, there he was, trying to keep his balance while wrapping his arms around her, and Malva couldn’t do anything else but to reciprocate;

She understood how deprived of human affection he might be in there.

“I’m so glad you came...”

This definitely wasn’t Lysandre. And something was so utterly wrong about all of this.

“It’s okay, Lysandre. Sit down, I don’t want you to trip.”

Because his height was way too much for her to handle or support.

And so, she coaxed him to his seat again, and then, she sat down in the chair across him.

And Lysandre was eager, “how’s Augustine? Do you know anything about him?”

She snorted, unamused, “I’m fine, thank you for asking!”

Lysandre proceeded to give her a deadpan glare that was a bit more like him.

“Malva, you know I didn’t mean it that way, but-”

“He’s visited you a few times, I thought you knew how he was.”

And his dull blue eyes grew an even darker shade, “he... he just comes in here, stays for the 15 obligatory minutes, and ignores everything I say.”

“What?”

“He crosses his arms, stares to the wall and doesn’t talk. He doesn’t reply to anything I say, no matter what.”

Oh, so that was why the nurse randomly brought up the thing about the obligatory 15 minutes, she surely had to watch Augustine walking out of there before time.

Though, it still was odd to think the man could be doing something like that, “Augustine? You can’t be serious.”

“I’m afraid this time is serious. He has only talked to me twice; when he first came, to tell me that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore, and the second time after three visits, when he told me he kept coming because I kept requesting him, but that it didn’t mean he was going to talk and that I’d be doing him a favor if I stopped inviting him over because he was sick of me.”

It was really worse than how she first thought. It actually made her a bit mad.

“Well, if we count the time at the hospital, then it’s been three times he has talked to me ever since Geosenge, but that one time... he wasn’t any better, you know? I barely remember it, but I’ve never seen him angrier than that time.”

Malva was fully aware that something happened at the hospital that first time when he awoke, after all, Augustine was so furious that he retaliated against the paparazzi stalking him and she had to try to fix that little mess he did there.

Despite that, Malva didn’t have the details about what happened back there and neither Sycamore sibling would tell her. And even if they would have done it, she wanted to listen more to Lysandre’s non-biased version.

“What did he say?”

He paused for a second, trying to keep himself collected, “it’s sort of blurry now after these months, you know, I was sedated, drugged…”

It was hard to get Malva to feel utterly sorry for someone, but, she was feeling very sorry for Lysandre right now.

“I remember a lot of swearing, how he was punching my bed, how he was saying I ruined everything... that Pyroar and Gyarados were dead...”

Augustine was a jerk for telling him that one piece of information in such a state, and, what about the whole bed punching matter? The more Malva listened to Lysandre, the more unbelievable she found that the very same Augustine Sycamore had done all of that, as he usually was more good-natured.

But to not trigger him, she decided to try to address other issues and from a different approach.

“How do you feel with that last part, though?” That was in fact what mattered there, at least for her. “I’ve been more concerned about how you’ve been coping with that than the whole Augustine matter.”

His eyes got wet, and he remained silent for a long while, waiting for the moment where he could talk without his voice quivering, “I try to not think about it. Pokémon are smart creatures, wiser than humans. They felt like they should be giving their lives for me and there’s nothing else I could do about it.”

“It’s fine if you are sad about it. They were your most loyal partners.”

Some tears fell from his eyes, “I’m in fact very sad about it… I miss Pyroar, I miss to hug him in my sleep, I miss him stealing my food and meowing and roaring like mad… I miss fighting alongside Gyarados…”

He had to pause for several seconds, as a sob got in the middle.

But, Lysandre being as prideful as he was, tried to shake it off, “at least they won’t live to see how ugly this world is going to become because of all the fools out there.”

She could also understand from where came Augustine’s anger; despite experiencing in his own skin the awful consequences of his plan, Lysandre still didn’t change his discourse at all.

“I’ve been taking good care of the rest.”

“Thank you... I’m already aching to see Mienshao and Honchcrow...”

They remained silent for a while, Malva knowing that he needed his space to elaborate and process his own harsh and conflicting feelings. 

And Malva finally gave in, she’d be talking about the professor if that was what Lysandre wanted her to do, “Augustine... he’s trying. He’s trying to fix everything, to fix himself, to keep going as if nothing had happened, but everyone can tell he’s still too out of himself and definitely not doing well.”

“I’m scared he might be getting anxiety again... he always comes in smelling a lot like cigarettes and he only smokes when he’s really anxious.”

“Most likely, yeah...” Malva started to play with the button under the table once she could finally locate where it was placed. “But he looks for it himself. He’s even planning a parade for when Serena defeats Diantha.”

That name surely made him bitter.

“Serena...” he sighed. 

And staying loyal to the rule of not triggering him, Malva focused the conversation in something different than Serena, “just Augustine being Augustine, the other day we were at the league discussing what would happen if Diantha lost, and of course Wikstrom and Siebold found the whole parade idea as ridiculous as I did. But then again, we are talking about Augustine.”

“Now that you mentioned Diantha... how’s it going with her?”

It was Malva’s turn to sigh and stare into the wall, “she doesn’t hate me but she is still very reluctant about getting back together. She knows about our deeds together at Team Flare, and now she is afraid I might be doing the same thing you did or something like that. I don’t really know, she says that it’s all about that but deep down I think that it’s just that she doesn’t want to end up as miserable as Augustine.”

That also made him bitter, and Malva saw how he was so close to calling it out; after all, if the beloved professor of the region was feeling like that, it was presumably because of Lysandre.

“I see how it is.”

“It’s rather sad, we had great times together.”

For once, Lysandre chuckled.

“What?”

“ _Rather sad_ ”, he motioned quotation marks with his fingers. “I wish I was so collected about Augustine as you are about Diantha. For me, it sounds like you barely give a damn.”

She sighed, tiredly, “Augustine and you are really something else. I wouldn’t be able to put up with a relationship like that. Instead, Diantha is always busy, I keep myself busy, and we are happy with each other but keep it simple, something you won’t ever be able to do.”

“If it’s simple I don’t want it.”

“Yeah, pretty much anyone can tell.”

And Lysandre just laid fully against his seat, panting deeply. 

“I just want to get out of here. I just want to get this plaster out, to be able to fully move, to get out of here and go look for Augustine and talk to him. I feel so fucking trapped in here and I just hold it back because you told me to behave, but it overflows me and I just want to break free and do whatever thing I need to scape, and snap at everyone, at all of those fuckers that believe that I’m the same filth as them just because I’m here, and…”

Malva stretched her hand to reach out for his, and with her soft grip grabbed it, caressing his knuckles. 

“I’m almost done fixing that, Lys. You’ll be out of here soon, very, very soon...” now her tone was sweet. “Xerosic and Celosia had been talking to the authorities as well, they are going to get to a deal with them so no one can harm you or attack you and get away with it. You’ll be protected, Lys, no matter how much money we have to give away for that to happen, no matter how much I have to deal with journalists... we won’t let anything else happen to you..”

And, he squeezed her hand back and then drew it to his lips to kiss it in a desperate display of gratitude, and in the back of her mind was Diantha’s voice saying it was as if she was in love with him.

She tried to hold back the laughter, it would be dead inappropriate and she shouldn’t be infuriating her friend.

“Thank you, Malva. Thank you... You are the only one who’s good to me nowadays, and… gosh, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Lysandre, everything will be fine, don’t forget it is me who you are counting on to get you out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Lys:( he isn't having a good time at the hospital.  
> What else can I say? I love the friendship he and Malva have, I think they can have a very interesting relationship dynamic and that they understand each other like no one else.  
> And, well, thank you for reading and following the story! see y'all next morning with more:) have a great week!


	5. False Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tangled up in you, I can't move, you know that I'll never leave you."

Even if Malva told him to not go out of his penthouse quite yet, to wait a little longer, to allow all of the other Kalos news to overshadow one new of his conditional freedom...

He heard about Diantha losing to Serena... and how wouldn’t she lose, if he had lost after her as well?

Now that Diantha, the champion, had been defeated by Serena, Augustine could throw his parade and...

He wanted to go and see.

Even if Augustine planned the parade to celebrate the victory of the girl who had ruined his plans of creating a beautiful world, even if there was nothing to be celebrated, even if the whole event was like Augustine laughing to his face and dancing all over the ashes of his dreams... Lysandre wanted to go.

He’d do just what the ancient king AZ did to wander around and go unnoticed; he’d wear his best clothes from the hospital, the oldest shoes he had in his dusted closet, a scarf to cover his beard and an old hoodie from his college days to cover up his tied hair. Just in case, he decided to also wear some old broken glasses’ frame Malva forgot there once.

And when he looked at himself in the mirror, he only hoped no one was going to recognize him by his height. Well, he could always curve down his back a bit for that effect. 

Out of a reflex, Lysandre stared at his left side, expecting the approving glare of his Pyroar... but he wasn’t there, either. He was long gone. Forever. And at moments like that, his company shone by its absence.

Before the tears filled his eyes, before he cried over Pyroar’s death for the thousandth time that week... he shook his head and headed out of the room, grabbed his keys, and then, went out, hoping no one was going to find out it was him, and attack him for intruding an event that was celebrating his defeat.

As he approached the southern boulevard, he could watch all the decorations Augustine obviously picked, a crowd walking in direction to the heart of the south, and a lot of casual sellers offering food.

Augustine had really made a good effort to keep himself busy, and it showed, it truly showed.

Soon, he arrived at where the real crowd was gathered. But for his own security, and because he didn’t want to ruin this for Augustine, he stayed at the side, almost hiding behind a tree, out of his view.

They awaited and awaited, until Augustine grabbed the microphone, standing at the center of the stage, and began to talk.

“Hello, thank you all for coming today! Me, as well as my dear assistants here and my dear sister Diantha, are so happy to have you here on this beautiful day!”

Everyone replied with whistles and claps, and Lysandre could tell two things: Augustine knew how to buy everyone’s hearts to keep liking him even if he had been the one to save the life of him, the most infamous man in Kalos at the moment; and, Augustine was barely speaking in an ironic, faked way. He really meant those absurd words.

“And now...” he paused, smiling for a second. “Let’s all give a big applause to our big heroes coming there!”

Walking through the red carpet at the center, Serena, Calem, Shauna, Tierno and Trevor entered the scene, all of them that Lysandre knew had helped to save him, each that had cooperated to take down his plans. Each wearing a solemn, thrilled smile. 

Then, once they took their place at the stage, Augustine chuckled, nervously. 

"What an amazing turnout! All of these people are here to celebrate your achievements.”

Afterward, he turned to face the children.

“I'd like to present you with the Honor of Kalos for the bravery you showed battling Team Flare!” And his voice got that hint of bitterness when he pronounced those words. Of course, only Lysandre could tell since he was the one to know that tone. “I'm so proud of you all!” And then it got slightly better. 

After a pause, Augustine finished;

“On behalf of the entire Kalos region, I'd like to say... Thank you!"

The crowd roared with claps and whistles and exclamations. Everyone was happy their filthy and insignificant lives were saved. Everyone was happy now he was taken out of the equation. Everyone was thanking those silly kids for dooming the world to scarcity and tragedy and arguments and conflict.

And Augustine... he looked happy for once. Maybe not to the point of bliss, but he seemed happier than all those times at the hospital. 

Could his own very lover be happy as well that now he was out of everyone’s life? 

Before Lysandre could keep tormenting himself with those sorts of questions, before the despair built inside of him and took him to consider doing a scene there...

Another tall man, even taller, a man who shared his very same lineage, started to walk slowly through the red carpet, drawing everyone’s glares to him.

He challenged Serena to a battle. And even if it was already pretty obvious who was going to win it, it didn’t make it any less thrilling; it was The Ancient king of Kalos against the new champion, after all.

AZ lost. But unlike him, the man wasn’t raging, his pride didn’t seem hurt. He, in fact, smiled, and dedicated some kind words to Serena.

“Thank you very much for fighting with me. Now I feel free…” he sighed and his tiny grin only became more sublime. “Free from the part of me mired in sorrow- the part of me that built the ultimate weapon.”

How could he feel free in any way? The world was still filthy. He had been in there for way longer than anyone else, he would have to see the world perish sooner or later, turning into the exact thing that made him create the Ultimate Weapon, the perfect weapon to seal humanity’s fate, the very thing Lysandre also found as the solution for everyone’s problems, and now… he just said that? And he thanked Serena?

Lysandre remained in furious pondering until, from the sky, gracefully, a small Pokémon like flower fell. And he could see it; AZ’s eyes watered, he opened his mouth wide, and his long hands began shaking.

“It’s been 3000 years...” the man exclaimed, his voice getting drowned by pure quivering emotion.

And both hugged, after 3000 years, and everyone seemed to be so deeply shocked by that, so shocked that even Augustine forgot he was holding the microphone and spoke to it, lowly, flabbergasted.

“His Pokémon was waiting all this time... Waiting for him to return to the man he was. The man who loved Pokémon with all his heart.”

‘ _Return to the man he was._ ’

Before Lysandre could even think about what Augustine said, his voice distraught him from his thoughts once more, catching his attention.

“As you can see, there’s a lot to celebrate, so let the party begin!”

And not long after that, a band started playing music, a band obviously Augustine hired, and like that, everyone began to step in the red carpet to dance and laugh, celebrating his defeat, his and Diantha’s defeat. 

Then, he saw Shauna approaching Serena and holding her so tight, staring up at her with something that could be just described as adoration, saying some words that for sure made her blush, just to then have the rest of their friends joining the hug, first Calem, then Trevor and at last Tierno, making them all laugh. 

His glare traveled back to AZ, who was still holding Floette so close to his heart, crying and smiling through the tears, the sorrow of his long life finally over, finally-

The sight of a woman of brilliant pink hair walking to where the glamorous ex-champion stood alone stole completely his attention. 

Malva approached her coyly, and Diantha crossed her arms, tense. Both remained staring at AZ, matching awkward smiles, until Malva said something.

Diantha laughed afterward, and when her laughter died down she started swinging her feet. Now, it seemed like she was forcing out some words, the more she talked, the more she became flustered. 

Malva seemed to reply with something that was enough for Diantha to stare at her with a full grin. Then, she added more to her statement, more that had Diantha shaking her head and then just giving up and falling into her embrace.

His heart even skipped viciously when, both exchanged blushed smiles and just like that, kissed, Malva wrapping her arms wholeheartedly around her waist as Diantha held her by her shoulders, deepening the embrace.

And, that was enough to arise the thirst of his being. To make him feverish in need. And because of that, he stared back at Augustine, his precious Augustine, who was standing all by himself, as well, looking at all the madness and parade of love and hugs happening in front of him without actually participating in it.

That was the moment when Lysandre finally dared to, slowly and oh so carefully go out from his secret spot, always staring to Augustine, in hopes his pretty excited grey eyes will find his blue ones, and just as everyone was doing, hug him and apologize properly now and get the chance to be with him again. Because those last months without him had been so silent and devoid of any kind of color or thrill or illusion.

But Augustine never found his gaze, and before Lysandre could do anything more, his sweet Professor already had a big group of women all around him asking to have a picture with him, and of course, he agreed with that natural flirtatious smile of his; a smile that years ago had stolen his heart and made him fall madly and deeply in love with him.

They were all over him, and Augustine allowed them to. And he looked beautiful, just so breathtakingly beautiful like the first time Lysandre saw him by mere coincidence; even if that worried, anxious and restless appeal was still clinging to him, Augustine looked gorgeous, achingly so, and Lysandre, with his heart beginning to burn, understood why all of them were so amazed by his presence.

One should be a fool to push such beauty aside.

It was when Augustine remained talking to those women that Lysandre realized that, there was no chance to talk to him now.

But not getting the shot to approach him only made Lysandre feel more tormented; how ridiculous it was to have his love so close and still not being able to hug him and sprinkle kisses to his face and tell him just how much he loved him. No…

He had to stay there, hidden, as if he was the worst sort of criminal in the entire world, while he watched those women throwing their arms around Augustine and saying things that got him blushing and laughing, making Lysandre burn in jealousy.

Jealousy because he felt so left out. Because Augustine wasn’t as miserable as he had imagined he would be, at least not anymore. Because even if it was obvious that neither of them was totally fine, Augustine was smiling today, but he wasn’t the reason for his smile; all the opposite, in fact. The reason for that toothy, proud grin were those silly kids that buried all of his dreams.

But… Lysandre couldn’t do anything about these feelings. If he even attempted to stop hiding and appear in front of everyone he would ruin everything, it was going to be like attending a party uninvited, and for everyone’s sake, it was better off to not draw the attention, not when his freedom was conditional and people were so cruel to try to also ruin that for him.

So, taking advantage of that time when everyone was just too above themselves, laughing and hugging and kissing, Lysandre withdrew himself carefully and started to wander around the city again, alone, having in mind that, he needed to talk to Augustine soon, so soon, to fix their differences and get back to his loving side before the aching flame in his heart ended up burning all of his being and turning him to desperate ashes.

* * *

Augustine still felt the hangover from the parade.

Not because at the parade he offered drinks, but because he stuck around some women, later went to a bar, and even when he was back home he opened a bottle for himself because he ‘deserved’ a small treat and it had been a good day. 

And even if he wanted to just not attend the lab that day, he had to. Because he was expecting Serena or any of her friends to pay a visit anytime soon to ask him what was next in their journey now that she had become the champion. 

And that was why he was there, behind his desk, drinking discreetly from his electrolyte as he also smoked his fifth cigarette of the day, because he had that much of healthy habits.

In the middle of typing something, he heard some noise going on in the first floor, yet he believed it was just Dexio and Sina messing around as always. Later he heard the elevator work as someone quickly walked up the stairs, and maybe it was just Dexio and Sina chasing after one of the Pokémon there. And at last, the elevator stopped, and the voices were more distinguishable.

“Sir, you cannot be here.”

And steps approached his office.

“Sir, stop it or-”

Augustine turned his face to the door to see what was happening, and when he saw the tall frame of Lysandre standing there, he was so close to having a stroke right. Even, he couldn’t help a gasp.

The receptionist looked terrified at him.

“Professor, I’m sorry!” She rushed to apologize. “I told him he couldn’t be here but he didn’t listen!”

Standing, feeling the ire taking over his aching body, Augustine shook his head, “it’s okay, Caroline. I’ll take care of this myself.”

Reluctantly, the woman left.

It was about time to settle this.

“Augustine,” Lysandre rushed to exclaim his name, while he approached him.

And before he could even try something, “don’t touch me. Don’t take a step closer.”

“ _Augustine_ ,” he almost whined, growing desperate very quickly. “We need to talk.”

“I think I already made clear that we had nothing to talk about.”

“Augus-”

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

Lysandre looked so taken aback. 

And giving in to the idea of holding him, Lysandre just clasped his hands together.

“Listen-”

“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say, I know them all are lies, lies and more lies!”

“Listen!” He was losing his collectedness each time. “I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry, Augustine, I’m sorry.”

“You are not even sorry,” he replied with disdain. “You are just here thinking that you can get back as you please but that is over, you hear me? Over!”

“Augustine, please-”

“Don’t fucking try to touch me, I said!”

“Augus-”

“Try to touch me once more and I’m calling the morherfucking cops on you. Let’s see if that’s any good for your conditional freedom.”

His tormented face turned paler each time. 

“Why won’t you listen?” The oddly regretful Lysandre was starting to act more like himself. “I’ve tried to reach out for you more times than one should, I can barely put up with this, so, just... listen!”

“And you listen to me and understand that I don’t want anything else to do with you, Lysandre. I’m sick tired of you and I cannot keep doing this anymore.”

“Augustine, you still haven’t listened to me-”

“I think I’ve listened enough from all those times you forced me to visit you.”

He rushed to shake his head, “staring at the wall and ignoring me and being all petty isn’t listening. We have to discuss this seriously.”

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that; Augustine snorted bitterly, “petty, you say?”

“Let’s be serious, Augustine.”

“Oh, but you just called me petty, why do you want to discuss with some petty fool like me?”

Lysandre sighed exasperated, “I never called you a fool! Stop tiptoeing around the matter and let’s just discuss it properly!”

“I’m not even willing to fucking discuss this in my office, where there are costumers right downstairs.”

“Where do you want to talk about it, then?”

His laughter came out a bit too salty, “are you dumb? Nowhere, Lysandre, nowhere. Understand that I’m done with you.”

“You can’t do this,” he insisted, almost trying to touch him as well. “I know you still love me, else why would you save me? Why would you skip the rules and make a corrupt act just for me to avoid going to jail if you didn’t love me and wanted to have the chance of being close to me?”

“I saved you because I am too stupid, alright? Because you make me stupid with all of your shit.”

He was swearing way more than usual, and even if Augustine had told himself he’d control it, he couldn’t stop shaking. 

“You still love me,” Lysandre held on to that sentence like to dear life. “You still love me, if you didn’t give a fuck about me as you want to make it look you wouldn’t be this angry. You still love me, and I still love you, Augustine. You saved my life. You saved me from dying in shame and unaccomplished.”

“So you are still thinking about ‘accomplishing’ yourself?”

That face... was the same face Lysandre used to express whenever he was about to correct him, to tell him he was utterly wrong, to furiously call him out for avoiding to answer and making the tables turn to an absurd direction. But last moment that impatient expression twisted into something else.

“You want me to leave that idea? I will. You want me to go to therapy? I’ll do it. I’ll fucking humiliate myself to a therapist if that means you are happy.”

His laughter came out too bitter for his own taste, “look at you, offering me to go to therapy, as if going to therapy wasn’t part of the requirements for your conditional freedom.”

Did Lysandre truly believe he was so stupid to buy it?

Lysandre still didn’t regret what he did or even was fully aware of all the wrong he’d done. And by now, Augustine was just starting to believe he would never change his deeds, he would never stop thinking he had been the good of the story and everyone else the filthy villains to stop him out of selfish desires. He was still this tragic narcissist in his own storytelling.

And it infuriated him.

“Please, Augustine, Diantha already forgave Malva for everything that happened, why you can’t forgive me? Why?”

“Maybe because Malva isn’t-”

But if he was about to reply seriously, last moment he decided to just not try to explain it, the way Lysandre didn’t bother to explain to him all those times before why he was walking out on him, temporarily, yet walking out on him, just like that, with simplicity as if he didn’t care, so cold and composed. 

And so, Augustine snorted almost mockingly, “what? Did you think that just because Diantha decided to forgive Malva it means I should forgive you?”

It was hard to make Lysandre run out of words, but Augustine did, “I... I thought... after watching AZ... what you said... I thought…”

So Malva hadn’t personally given him the news of her and Diantha getting back together. No… he had witnessed it himself. And Augustine’s eyes narrowed in a spiteful expression.

“Did you spied the parade?”

But Lysandre didn’t pay attention to his question and just added to his latest statement, “I thought you would change your mind.”

His good side told him to stop, to not harm Lysandre further because he couldn’t be a jerk like him, yet Augustine left his anger and terrible feel of betrayal and absolute entitlement to be petty to speak for him, “I’m so glad you didn’t dare to make an act yesterday, though that doesn’t erase the fact I’m disgusted by the idea you came to spy on us.”

“You don’t understand-”

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand!” He shouldn’t harm his feelings on purpose. Lysandre was ill. And even if that wasn’t an excuse for his behavior, Augustine could do better than to purposefully hurt his clinically unstable feelings. “I don’t want to be related anymore to a dirty lair like you. So, leave this place at once before I call the cops!”

But the urge to retaliate all the anger he held for the both against this begging Lysandre, was stronger than his wishes to do things right. Way stronger.

“Augustine-”

He took out his Xtreinsceiver, “go away now! I’m about to call them-”

“Augus-”

“Fuck off!”

Lysandre’s eyes went dull, his brows twisting, his cheeks getting pink, his lips trembling. It was all written over his face; humiliation.

A humiliation that made him stand silent there for several seconds until the shame became so unbearable and pushed him to indeed furiously leave the place without arguing back.

And now Augustine felt worse than just hangover. Because Lysandre was still a narcissistic jerk. Because Lysandre would never change. Because it hurt to the bone to remember what Lysandre attempted to do to all of them. Because he didn’t confront him nor prevented this horrible mess to happen. Because there was just too much poison inside his being and he didn’t feel like he was going to get better from that anytime soon.

And most of all… because he mistreated Lysandre once more, and even if he deserved it for all the harm he’d done, it just didn’t feel okay doing it, but he couldn’t control the awful words and insults and aggressive impulses each time he saw the man who betrayed his trust in such way and didn’t find him worthy enough to be saved even after all he had done to help him.

Every time Lysandre begged for him to listen, Augustine would remember all those other times he got left without receiving an explanation, how that day of the incident he tried to reach out for Lysandre and call him to his Holo Caster for no reply, because he wasn’t even worth a proper goodbye or a chance to convince him to stop that; and each time those sad and despairing images played again in his head, he began to see red, and the hateful mannerisms came out naturally.

Feeling his whole body shaking in hatred for Lysandre and for himself, in disgust for his own rudeness, for the situation in general, Augustine just smoked his sixth, seventh, eighth cigarette in a futile attempt to soothe his nerves... until he arrived to the fifteenth, and decided to go out for a bit to buy two packs more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I intended to portray how mocking the whole parade thingy looks for me. Like, I finished X again the other day and I got so sad and angry because in the parade they celebrate the fact that Team Flare was defeated and with that the fact that Lysandre got stopped and erased from the scene and LMAO I felt it so mocking and surrealistic, I really did feel like there was nothing to celebrate and that it even felt kind of fake and neglecting of reality, and even if this is a canon divergence, I still think that if things had happened this way in canon they'll still be so mocking.
> 
> That being said, thank you all a lot for reading and following the advance of this story! Thank you for reading a chapter more and until next week!


	6. Ne me quitte pas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Laisse-moi devenir l'ombre de ton ombre, l'ombre de ta main, l'ombre de ton chien. Ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas, ne me quitte pas...  
> Ne me quitte pas."

He usually wasn’t one to stay at home laying on the couch all day to watch tv for hours on end; he was used to be rushing here and there all time, multitasking between meeting investors, researchers and his own Flare scientists, as well as attending the café and training.

But now, half his Pokémon team was gone. Team Flare was pretty much disbanded and for his own convenience, it was better off to not contact anyone and raise any suspicion. The cafe was closed since now no one wanted to hang around Team Flare’s former secret base. And, most investors hadn’t cut deals with him yet for the single reason that it would end up harming their finances if they did, but most said they’d stop contacting him while all the polemic passed so it didn’t backlash them.

So, Lysandre was only left with his own being. He still had a stable income because for some odd reason people kept purchasing and using all the Holo Caster services, yet he had no one to enjoy the profits with, or even had a way to.

He was zapping through different tv channels (had tv always been that boring?) and stayed in a channel where they were broadcasting one of Diantha’s movies. She was acting a painter in there, a painter that had several familiar issues, and not long after that, they interrupted it to go to a block of commercials cuts.

It were casual advertisements about clothes, cafes, travels...

“This night at Kalos Scream!” A chipper voice began. “Are Grant and Viola dating? Rumors begin to sign it’s a yes!”

And then a small clip of them hanging out was played, briefly. 

“Siebold spotted with a mysterious girl at his restaurant! Does this hint romance?”

Lysandre rolled his eyes, did people really like to consume and believe that?

“Professor Sycamore is serious about cutting bonds with ex Flare leader Lysandre!”

And now… He felt a pit in his stomach. 

“I don’t have anything else to do with him and I’d pretty much like if you stopped relating me to him,” then they cut it to show other fragment of the clip. “I cannot care less about how he is doing, whatever he does now is not of my business. Everything between us is over. You hear me? Over.”

Immediately, Lysandre turned the tv off and just threw the remote away, not minding at all where it would land, or if it would crash. 

Usually, he’d have Pyroar rushing to his side after an act like that, or just opening his sleepy eyes reluctantly, staring even judgmentally at him, and then Lysandre would reply to him with some excuse or apology as he petted his beautiful fur. 

But Pyroar was dead. And it was his fault.

Ugh… he hated this.

Lysandre couldn’t hide the fact that Augustine’s attitude was annoying him. That he was growing tired of him going all around saying how much he hated him now, and that he found ridiculous the fact Augustine had gotten angered by him calling him petty when petty was all he had been towards him those months; that last argument at the lab stung, his words stung deep in his heart, making it feel sore, all that leading to making him feel trapped in that damned house where he was doomed to be alone with his conflicting and stupid feelings, and replay those terrible memories over and over without something to distract him and save him from the dread.

Yet, and after all, if he was so horribly lonely, if his most loyal partner was gone, if now Augustine didn’t want him around, it was all his fault, it was...

No.

Before the terrible pain that came along with realizing how left out he was could take over him he rose from the couch, went to his room to dress up properly, and keeping in mind Malva’s words about Xerosic and Celosia arranging everything for him to be protected outside... 

He walked to the door, determined to go out and have a normal life.

Yet... was he forgetting something?

Oh, his dose.

It could wait for later. Whenever he took the meds he felt terrible sleepy and thirsty, and it wasn’t a good idea to wander around Lumiose like that.

When he first was out, the daylight hurt his eyes; it had been several days since he last left the building. But he couldn’t let that stop his dignified pace, so, like anyone else, he started to walk the city with his own very feet, instead of using his car. 

Yet...

Soon he started to receive glares.

Some curious ones. Many disgusted ones. Others showed pure anger and disapproval at his being. And some others didn’t even hold back bad comments, whispered behind his back.

Why?

Why would they mock him while holding the Holo Casters he invented in their hands? Didn’t they know everything he had done for that region? Lysandre was sure many of all the people staring at him now had taken profit of one of his inventions or donations at least once, and even though they were judging him? Making fun of him? Treating him as if he was the lowest of the lowest?

People were filthy. Ungrateful wretches that pointed with the finger while taking from others with their free hands. And Lysandre hated it, and each time the anger, the drowning frustration started to build inside him more and more...

But he had to hold it back. If he didn’t want to get into more trouble, if he didn’t want to mess it up greater and just make Augustine more upset than he already was, he had to endure it.

And so he did, he endured the discomfort until he reached the pink plaza, and quickly, snuck inside his now abandoned cafe, place that always meant both his redemption and his biggest accomplishment.

Everything remained almost the same as that last day months ago when he left to Geosenge; if only, a bit dusty. No one had even bothered to place the shelf back in its place, so the entrance to his secret base was still opened.

Lysandre went all the way down there, and it was the same. As he had nothing to do, nowhere else to go, no one waiting on him, he decided to just wander around the place as he pleased.

Soon, he was at his very own office, where he saved the archives about AZ; he read each, finding a bit ironic how that sad story got solved in front of everyone’s pathetic eyes just some days ago. 

Then, when he got to his desk, he found his diary; it was opened at a very specific page, making him wonder who in the world was the last to read it, if it hadn’t been him?

Carefully, he sat down and started to read all the notes in that neat notebook Malva gave to him once, as if it was a book, a very hard to read book.

It had his early rants about how the world was running thin, stories of him and Malva, of how pretty he thought she was, how interesting... then, narratives of his talks to Xerosic, of how he met him when he met with the governor as the man used to be a government scientist... the first drafts of his great plan... a very, very long note with the date of when he first met Augustine, gushing about how beautiful, smart and humble he was... Poems. Poems. More poems. Some copied, some of his own craft. Details on each of his newly hired Flare admins and scientists... poems. Notes about some facts of Mega Evolution that Augustine had kindly shared with him. Rants about Augustine. Poems that attempted to describe the perfection of Augustine, the passionate swirl their relationship was… The last details of his plan, bitter notes, narratives of how sad, how high he felt, how his fever wouldn’t disappear until everyone else did…

And once Lysandre was done reading that narrative of how everything built up to this, it hit him.

Did he really do all of that? Did he really threaten everyone to death, and then launched the ancient and legendary Ultimate Weapon?

Did he... did he even get AZ, his several times great uncle, abducted? Did he even keep him in a cell? 

Did he truly battle and risked the lives of the apprentices Augustine had picked so carefully and was so excited and proud of? 

Did he really get Pyroar and Gyarados killed by the hit of Yveltal’s energy through the Ultimate Weapon?

Did he truly think he had to sacrifice Augustine for the world’s sake? Did he believe himself capable of living the rest of his life in a world where there was no him?

No wonder why everyone hated him now.

But... he had been so out of his mind, so dizzy in a red blur, that he didn’t stop to judge his own actions. Of course, he still thought everyone was filthy and ungrateful, but that didn’t mean he should be getting rid of all the people mocking him in the streets to prove a point, no...

But… It all happened while he was in a maniac state. The most maniac he had been in a lifetime, too maniac to even care, too maniac that he couldn’t stop himself.

And now he was having a down... because after his highest up, a harsh drop must follow.

Lysandre got back to the front of the cafe, a place that used to be gently crowded with people enjoying the desserts they prepared carefully. 

And he remembered.

He remembered that day a couple years ago. He had a meeting with an investor, but last minute decided to cancel it because said man didn’t look that trustworthy. And so, Lysandre chose to spend the rest of his morning working at the cafe instead.

Everything was normal; dark red washing magically the place, and around, only people who matched with that exquisite aesthetic.

Until, from the door, he saw coming in the most beautiful man his eyes had ever seen.

The dark curls, the blue shirt, the white lab coat, the orange socks, the yellow belt... he didn’t suit the aesthetic at all. Maybe that was why Augustine caught his eye.

Lysandre, drawn to him from the very first second, approached him to take his order and serve it, their first words ever exchanged being something about coffee and tea and cake...

And from that day on, in the middle of the unstoppable madness going inside his head, something started to remain always the same, untouched.

Even when he felt so high, so important, so untouchable and so powerful, even when he felt drowned in blue and incapable to move or scape the dread, even when this constant fluctuation tormented him... his feelings for Augustine were always the same. He loved him. When he pushed him aside, Augustine was all he could think of. When he couldn’t get up from bed, Augustine was the name of his relief.

He loved him madly back then. He loved him deeply even when he walked away. He achingly loved him even when he lost his mind. He loved him now. He would always love him. No matter what.

Augustine had been so good to him. Augustine had been the first and only to see him for who he truly was, not for his royal name or his wealth. Augustine had been the first to hold him without hurting him, to dive into the mess his head was, to try to empathize with his moods, to carelessly dance under his storm. 

And… he had every single reason to feel betrayed and angry and hurt and do things out of those harmed feelings.

Augustine deserved a proper apology for spitting at all his efforts and great kindness.

He was willing to change anything Augustine told him to if that meant keeping the light of his life by his side forever.

Noticing it was already late, that he lost all track of time and accidentally spent hours in there, Lysandre went out of his cafe and headed to Augustine’s apartment, determined to fix this and to assume all of his faults. 

* * *

His face felt like falling off from so much shame. But, a life like this... was unbearable. And so, collecting his nerve, he knocked on Augustine’s door.

He lasted many, many, many seconds being afraid that he wouldn’t answer the door, and the pit in his stomach was churning even worse now, until...

“What are you doing here?”

Then again, there was that smell. Cigarettes. Now combined with alcohol. 

“May I come in?”

That annoyed frown appeared almost immediately.

“... Please,” Lysandre asked, with a whisper.

“Why should I let you in?” Augustine insisted, his cold tone hitting him where it hurt the most.

“Please... I need to talk to you.”

Like that, sassily, he extended the arm that was holding a wine bottle, and bitterly, let him in and the closed the door a bit abruptly.

“What do you want? Haven’t I been clear all these times before?”

“Please, Augustine... listen to me. I promise this is the last time. Please.”

Carelessly, he dropped the bottle on the couch, and crossed his arms, staring accusingly at him, his blushed cheeks revealing how tipsy he was.

“Were you drinking alone?”

“Did you come here to criticize my habits or to talk?”

“See…” His reason decided to speak for him this one time. “Maybe we shouldn’t be talking while you are in this state.”

“This is the only chance you’ll get, take it or leave it before I regret it and change my mind.”

It was common sense that arguing with a drunk person wasn’t the best idea, yet, it was true; he couldn’t miss this chance.

“I just...” he shook his head. willing to speak his mind right away. “I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot...” and briefly he snorted, making fun of himself. “As if I had anything else to do but think... and...”

He’d just be honest.

“I’m sorry, Augustine. I’m truly sorry. I’m so awfully sorry that I hurt you, that I lied to you, that I did things behind your back. I wasn’t in my right mind, I… I can’t remember the last time I was in my right mind... but I’m sorry for all the damage I caused to you and to everyone else. I promise I will change. I won't hurt you anymore, because it’s you who I love the most. I love you, Augustine, I love you, and for you, I’ll do things better. So, please, forgive me.”

Augustine remained quiet, until a chuckle forced its way out of his tipsy mouth.

“It’s easy, ain’t it?” His mood was quite undecipherable now. “You fuck up someone, almost try to wipe them off the world or some crazy shit like that, come here wearing your best apology, you get forgiven and that’s it!”

“No, my love, I know it isn’t that easy.”

“Listen!” But that undecipherable tone soon got emotional, angry and sad at the same time. “I loved you a lot, Lysandre. A lot. I would’ve died just to make you proud. And what did you fucking do? What?”

He started to pant.

“You... you used me!” Augustine screamed, in a concerning guttural note. “When you were sad, you kept me by your side only because that meant a profit to you. And when you were ‘good’ you only fucked me as if I was a toy for you, and once you got from me what you needed, you left.”

“I know I did wrong to you, that I wasn’t the best partner-”

“You don’t know! How did you think I was going to feel after finding out I had been your last fuck before you didn’t have anyone else but your dirty Flare members to fuck? I felt like a crumpled up paper, like a toy. I felt so disposable and so silly because I knew I didn’t have to let you back in but still I did because I believed in you.”

“You’ve never been a toy for me, Augustine. You are the love of my life.”

He made fun of that comment, “the love of your life? Does one try to get rid of the love of their lives?”

“You don’t understand.”

And Augustine laughed exasperatedly, “yes! I don’t understand and I will never understand why you did that! Why? If I ever tried to make it better for you, why you did it?”

Augustine didn’t seem quite done yet.

“I always knew you were sick of your mind. And you got angry at me each time I asked you to get help,” he kept reproaching, without any filter. “Even though... I tried to help you my way. I gave you nothing else but love and understanding and so much love and faith and trust... and I cannot understand why it wasn’t enough, why I wasn’t enough.”

Taking a step closer, Lysandre shook his hands, “you are enough.”

“Then why you did it, Lysandre? Why?!”

The tears threatened with blurring his gaze, and the lump on his throat with not allowing him to talk, “you were always in my mind. I did all of this having you in my mind, there wasn’t a single moment when I wasn’t thinking of you.”

“Then why I didn’t receive my motherfucking Flare memo saying that I was one of the chosen ones of your stupid new world? Huh?”

“Augustine, please, I did this all for us, for everyone’s sake, for you!”

That was enough for Augustine to lose all restraint, “for me, you say?” His voice was awfully loud and raspy now. “You did nothing for me! You are a maniac, and now I can’t even sleep or eat or even breathe without seeing what you were about to do! Your fucking sadistic smile of that clip still haunts me, I’m restless, I can’t keep going on as much as I try to, and you say you did it for me?”

“I did-”

“You did it all for your fucking self-preservation! And...” he paused, unnervingly. “And I’m supposed to feel sorry for you?”

“I’m sorry!”

“You are not sorry!” he replied, harshly. “You don’t know how being sorry is. You are a maniac I doubt that can feel love or regret. You only care about you and you alone and all you are is hateful and rancorous and toxic and a jerk!”

All of those awful words hit him directly in his ego and his afflicted heart, and the tears became unavoidable to that point.

“And I said I’m going to change!”

“You won’t ever change, stop lying and just go away from me! Stay away, leave me and never come back!”

Words couldn’t get through Augustine. No matter what he said, how he tried to explain it, it wouldn’t work. And desperate to make that man understand how vicious the love beating in his heart was, Lysandre broke all remaining distance between then to wrap his arms around him.

“Don’t touch me!”

“You still love me!”

“You are a liar!” Augustine exclaimed while struggling.

“If I’m so much of a lair then look at me and tell me you don’t love me anymore! Say it!”

“Stop this!”

“Say it! Look at me at the eye and tell me you don’t love me and that you never did.”

But he couldn’t, as much as his words were only insults, he couldn’t manage an “I don’t love you anymore.”

“You still love me.”

“That’s pointless!”

“Then say it! If it’s pointless, then spit it to my face!”

Augustine opened his mouth only to whine and have some tears falling from his eyes. He couldn’t say it, but he wouldn’t give in neither.

But the despair was getting the best of Lysandre, and he couldn’t remain that bossy and dominant for too long without breaking down to the needy fallen man he had become.

“You see? You love me, Augustine, please…”

“Shut up.”

“Please, Augustine, please, I adore you!”

But Augustine kept forcing his way out.

“Stop this!”

And all he could do was touch him more, kissing his face clumsily. 

“Please, I can’t keep going without you, please!”

“No!”

Another clumsy kiss.

“Let me prove you how truly sorry I am, how much better I can be.”

“N-No! You are a liar!”

That wasn’t enough. His shaking hands, his sorry head, his whole body craved for affection, for contact.

“Augustine-”

“No, I won’t fall again in your lies! I won’t-”

And Lysandre silenced him with a very, very hasty kiss that was more like teeth smashing desperately and tongue trying to touch the other’s as soon as possible.

And the familiar taste blew his mind even if it came accompanied with the strong bitter taste of alcohol too, and his body was shaking desperately, and he felt so miserable and at the same time way better than he had felt ever since he arrived at the hospital, and-

Augustine growled distressed and then took advantage of the situation to kick his left leg, making him lose his balance and reviving the pain from the broken bone. And if that had been enough to make him flinch and end the kiss, then he received a punch to his stomach that stole all of his breath, and not even a second afterward, before he could even react, to finish it, Augustine’s hand harshly slapped his cheek, triggering a piercing noise that echoed through the room.

Lysandre immediately wailed, tears blurring completely his gaze as he stroked his hurt cheek, unable to breath properly or even stand straight. 

And when, shaking in pain and humiliation, he stared back at Augustine...

A hint of regret shone in his grey eyes. But the hate still overshadowed it.

Augustine hit him. Not only once, but three times, in his weakest points.

Never had he hit him. As awful their arguments went, they never ended up in physical violence.

And even if it was crossing a line, if he should be retiring immediately from there for his own safety and dignity...

“... I deserve it,” Lysandre whispered very lowly. Because not even that could be as terrible as everything he’d done, because he had been the first to act like a monster.

And Augustine looked each time more terrified. Of himself. Of the situation. Seeming as if he couldn’t hold back his aggressive impulses and was about to lose control due to his alcoholized state.

“You know? I don’t care,” a sob interrupted him. “Hit me again. Throw me to the floor. I won’t defend myself. Beat me. Send me back to the hospital, take it all against me and beat me. Beat me if that’s how I’ll get that you forgive me.”

The coldest silence lingered over them, as Augustine just lowered the hand that had harmed him, and then, he sighed, retreating to lay against a wall and cry bitterly, full of sorrow.

“Augustine...” Lysandre walked slowly to him, even if it physically hurt.

“Go away.”

“No, Mon Coeur, please…”

“I don’t want to see you ever again. You make me do awful things, I’m a horrible person when I’m with you,” he shook his head, desperate. “I thought I could do this but… it was a mistake, pretending that I could get you better and make our relationship work, that love would be enough, just… Just disappear of my life forever and never get back.”

It was definitive.

No matter what he tried, he wasn’t getting Augustine to forgive him. 

But now, back again to the hell his depressed mind was, he couldn’t give up yet. He couldn’t think of a life where Augustine wasn’t there to hug him and fill his days with beauty and understand his burning heart and helping him cure his life wounds.

And if he had to beg...

He’d beg.

“Don’t leave me.”

It was a simple plea. 

“You... you are forgiving. Everything can be forgiven. Just... forgive the misunderstandings, the pain, the tears, all the time wasted, everything I did being maniac, everything... forgive me, Augustine, forgive me. Forgive me from all the pain I caused you.”

He remained silent.

“I’ll do anything for you. Anything,” his lips were even trembling now, his voice coming out offkey. “I won’t do anything but love you and work to give you all my money and always be here to have you pleased and belong to you and only to you. I’ll humiliate myself to you if needed. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.”

No words.

Lysandre lowered his head, and now all his tears were falling right on his face, making him a sobbing mess who couldn’t even see properly through the tears now.

“I won’t trouble you no more. I’ll just stay here. Locked. I’ll live for you. I won’t cry anymore, I won’t talk anymore, I’ll take my dose and then shut up. I’ll just hide here to watch you laugh and sing and be the beautiful man you are, I won’t participate, I won’t interfere in your life, just let me be close to you, allow me to see you, I won’t bother you, it would be as if I didn’t exist...”

The silence remained.

“I’ll... I’ll become your shadow. The shadow of your hand. The shadow of your shadow. It won’t be about me anymore, it will be you and only you... please...”

Words didn’t get through Augustine, nor his kisses. And he needed his absolution. Lysandre needed him back, as he was so afraid of returning alone to the monotony and sheer coldness that was eating him alive. So...

He knelt in front of him, enduring the pain of his kicked left leg, and stared up at his cold eyes, even if he was dying of shame, even if his face was all dirty now and he surely looked pathetic, “don’t leave me... don’t leave me... I need you, I beg... don’t leave me. Don’t walk out on me. I know I’m worth nothing, I know I’m filthy, but… p-please… Don’t leave me...”

In the horrible, abysmal silence, he heard Augustine gasping, and then, with a whisper that he almost missed, he said it.

“Go away.”

And left the living room, heading to his room, and locked himself in there.

And Lysandre felt his heart being ripped and burned and turned to ashes and his existence becoming irrelevant right there, while he was still in his shaking knees, with his right leg aching, his stomach hurting, his cheek churning, and his mind going insane. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR THIS GUYS I SWEAR JSKASJ I ALSO CRIED WHILE PROOFREADING THIS AIGHT THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME TO READ NEITHER.
> 
> Okay now, I have to say that this one chapter was the one to give place for the whole story; I was once listening to the song Ne me quitte pas by Jacques Brel and I started to imagine this last scene and my brain went like "bruh what if we turned this into a whole long fic?" and well yeah that's pretty much why we all are here.
> 
> As you can see then, this fic is very musically inspired, thats why I added lyrics to this chapter's summary and to the former ones too since all the chapters are named after the songs I was listening to while writing. (And I kinda wanted to do this since the very beggining haha).
> 
> Anyways, thank you all for reading this angst ride of mine. See y'all next week with the next upodate! Have a nice week!


	7. El tiempo a solas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No hay camino ya sólo estelas en el mar de mi vida dibujando su final..."

It was over.

Oh, it was over.

And it was only his fault.

It was over. Everything was over. Everything he ever loved, everything that ever was important to him, everything was over.

And Malva didn’t pick up the phone at such a moment like that. Surely she was sleeping with Diantha, happily, because it seemed like he was the only unworthy wretch who didn’t deserve to be forgiven, who didn’t deserve a second chance to make everything over again and mend his horrible mistakes. 

He didn’t mind if someone saw him crying, with his cheek displaying a pink mark of a hand. He couldn’t mind about anything anymore; wasn’t that what everyone wanted? For him to be miserable just because he allowed his illness to go disregarded for too long? 

When he arrived at his penthouse, his meaningless penthouse at the top of one of the most luxurious complexes of the whole region, he screamed off his lungs. 

He was useless. He was disposable. Everyone was better off without him. They all were happy without him because he indeed was hateful and rancorous and toxic and a jerk and-

He smashed a jar of flowers.

His knuckles began to bleed. 

The judging voice of his superego began to insult him worse and worse. And each time, it spoke more and more like Augustine.

“Filthy.”

“Pathetic.”

“Idiot.”

“You are useless.”

“You are a pork.”

“You are not enough. You are useless.”

“Filthy.”

Augustine had crashed all of his worth. He didn’t hesitate to step on his pride. He didn’t hesitate to hit him, to lose all respect he had for him just to proceed to get violent. It had been like being spat at. He dragged himself in the dirt, now he was undignified, disposable. He was the lowest of the lowest, worst than shit, worse than anything else a man could think of.

And as he was dirty, he needed to clean himself. 

And Lysandre, in such a desperate state, out of his mind, dangerously out of his mind, crawled to the bathroom, turned the shower on, and tried to get undressed.

But he only managed to get rid of his gloves and shirt.

He didn’t want to watch himself. To watch the shell of his disposable being. He was sure he’d puke if he saw himself in the mirror, all naked, all ugly, all unworthy. 

Nobody wanted him. Nobody. He was alone. Left out. To be forgotten. Forever. 

Lysandre got under the water stream, gasping at how burning hot it was; but enduring the coil and the burns that would come along with it was what he deserved. He deserved pain.

And so, clumsily, he grabbed the soap between his shaky, bloody hands, and started to wash his torso, his arms, and then his mouth, because he had only said filthy things, humiliations, and he should have never spoken, never said something so stupid. He needed to be cleansed, he needed...

The soap fall. And when he lifted it, he saw it.

His razor.

He could use it to shave away his beard, any trace of Augustine’s presence of him, any trace of his hasty kiss that provoked all the harm done afterward.

Or, he thought while taking the blade off the razor, he could use it somewhere else. Somewhere where it wouldn’t be a waste, instead, where it could serve an useful purpose like punishing the ugly filth he was.

He remembered Augustine’s cold eyes, his bitter words, the hate drawn on his face, the animalistic tone of his voice... his hands hitting him, his feet kicking his. And even if he actually didn’t say much more afterward, now the voice in his head had adopted Augustine’s voice already, and it was as if he was saying it:

“You are disgusting.”

“Kill yourself and make me a favor!”

“Go away and never come back, nobody needs you, nobody loves you, nobody has ever loved you.”

“You are only to be taken advantage of and being disposed of, you are filthy, you are-”

He pushed the blade against his wrist, and it hurt in burning pain.

“You deserve to die alone, everything is your fault, everything-”

He cut his wrist once more.

“You cannot feel love or regret, you are a maniac, you are the-”

Another cut to silence it.

“You-”

He kept cutting his wrist, over and over and over, and as he screamed pained, and wailed feeling so terrible scared and alone and neglected and abandoned, he kept going and going and going with that.

His shoes were bloodstained now. The tiles were red. The water was dyed of blood now. His head was so awfully dizzy. He was running out of breath, and he ended up falling, the hot stream soaking his hair and clothes while the blood just kept going out of his cut wrist.

He felt so terribly cold. Dazzled by the dim light of his bathroom. The judging voice was gone, finally silenced, and now all he could hear were his own whimpers echoing through the tiles. And each time he felt like passing out, like losing himself, like...

... Like dying.

It felt like dying. To be so dejected. So hated. To be left by the man he adored. To be forgotten and pushed aside by everyone who had ever been benefited from him. 

He was sinking. Sinking like a stone in an endless sea. Sinking without no one attending his call. Sinking in pain and regret and loneliness and depression and fear of another mood swing that would make him commit something worse than attempted genocide and-

He didn’t want to be around himself anymore. He was scared. Terribly scared.

But it didn’t matter how much he cried. How much the tiles were already tainted by dark spots of blood. How much his wrist was bleeding. How much he tried. How much he humiliated himself.

Nobody cared. Nobody would come to his aid.

Nobody would love him ever again.

And his only fate was to keep sinking and sinking until everything became dark and he couldn’t even hold on to the only thing he still had left; his ill mind. 

* * *

It all was a blur.

It happened in a blur.

Lysandre had been in front of him, begging on his knees, pleading for forgiveness, saying all those words Augustine would’ve died to listen before.

And then, he just left him there, alone, still on his shaking knees. And not even a minute afterward the main door opened and closed, letting him know that Lysandre had  _ finally _ left.

He began to scream. To cry pained. To cry out of pure anger. To cry because it hurt, it had always hurt. 

But his body started to grow feverish because he could still feel the hasty kiss touching his lips, those arms pressing him against the strong body, the taste, the heat, the contact he missed so much, and he felt awful for wanting more, for wanting much more than that, for craving, for...

In the haze of his alcoholic state, Augustine decided that he needed release, that he needed revenge, that he needed to wash away all traces of Lysandre left on his being, on his heart, in his body.

And so, he left his apartment, hopped in a taxi, stopped at the nearest bar and started to drink, because he needed to drown his sorrow, because he wanted to forget, because he needed to turn down the need and passion burning inside him, because he wanted to lose himself-

And if everything happened in a blur, that last part happened in a flash. 

A man approached him. Augustine allowed him do so. He paid for his drinks. Augustine stuck around him. They danced. In another moment his foreign hands were all over him, and eventually, his lips were smacking against his, trying to forget the taste, trying to fake, to feel something... then they hopped in a taxi, it all became black, later he woke up to a stranger undressing him... everything else was a messy blur of abstract sounds and abrupt sensations... and...

And now he was there. Waking up. Feeling so horribly sore. Turning to check the hour at the watch, realizing he had drunk so much that he was still a bit wasted even if it was morning already.

Then, he heard a sound beside him and...

There was a man. His skin very white, ginger-haired. bearded, tall and well built.

But he wasn’t Lysandre, no. Heck if he knew who this stranger who took him to bed and whom he accepted only because reminded him of his ex was. 

When the stranger woke up and looked at him, Augustine covered his body with the mattress out of reflex even if it was barely necessary since both of them had pretty much had sex already. 

“Fuck.”

The other looked puzzled. And a little concerned.

“Are you okay, man?”

At least he was being nice.

“I...” what could someone even say in a situation like that? “I might be still a little drunk.”

The other chuckled halfheartedly, “me too. We drank a lot last night, Professor.”

Fuck. If he wasn’t stupid... Now it turned out this man knew who he was and that he had made such a pitiful act in front of someone who recognized him for his profession. 

Attempting to distract the attention from that one topic, Augustine replied, “don’t get offended but... I don’t even remember your name.”

“Frank.”

“Okay, Frank...” he curled even more as he clasped his hands together. “I’m sorry that this happened. I’m not usually like this,” partially a lie, he had been a lot like that at college. “I don’t do this often but... yesterday I was very upset and-”

“Yeah. You mentioned it like twenty times.”

He shook his head, “did I...? I don’t really remember anything.”

“Yeah... you told me your ex is a jerk, that you hated him, that he had no sense of respect or dignity...”

Well, at least he hadn’t said something embarrassing.

“... and then kept calling me by his name when we were fucking.”

Fuck.

Just. Fuck.

Augustine wailed, about to cry, because he was so awfully dizzy to care. Yet, that Frank man didn’t leave it there.

“Don’t worry, man, it’s alright,” he added, respectfully, trying to be nice. “Yesterday I was also very upset because my ex-girlfriend just got another man. When you started calling his name... I pretty much started doing the same, so even if you don’t remember it, I also embarrassed myself, worst, for someone that doesn’t give a shit about me anymore.”

And before he could reply...

“Though, it’s kinda uncomfortable to be called by the name of the most hated person of Kalos currently.”

“Ugh... I’m sorry.”

He chuckled, “I know he might be a maniac who tried to destroy all of us out of pure madness, but, I'm not a saint to judge him, you know? And I do get the fact he’s mentally ill. Like, his fundraising actually helped my cousin, who's an amateur trainer, once. And…” Frank shook his head. “I don't know, man, if you miss him that much, you should let him know, I mean, because you actually stand a chance as he still hadn't gotten anyone else.”

He...

He didn’t miss Lysandre, did he?

“But, well, who am I to give any advice if I cannot accept the fact that I’m trash and my ex doesn’t want me back?”

“I’m sorry about that, Frank. I truly hope you get better from that soon.”

“Thank you, Professor,” the other man answered. “Now, do I call you a taxi?”

“No problem. I’ll catch one myself.”

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

And he went out of the bed clumsily, trying to find his clothes, and once he dressed up again, he stared back at Frank, “could you, please, don’t tell anyone this happened?”

“I know neither you nor Lysandre need another hit to your reputations. I won’t tell anyone that we hooked up or that you still miss him, your secret will be safe with me.”

He didn’t miss him. He didn’t-

“Alright. Thank you.”

He didn’t want to be there any longer, and so, he left the place, and once he realized he was at the northern boulevard, he stopped a taxi and told his destination to the driver.

But that trip was eternal.

Because, his mind floating now in the borderline of drunkenness and hangover, saw it clearly; Lysandre kissing him. Lysandre poisoning him with his taste and touches, messing up with the chemistry of his brain that he had believed already under control by his reason. And then...

Answering the kiss with a kick, a punch and a slap.

He purposely went for the recently recovered leg, then his fist attempted to make him lose his breath, and at last he slapped his cheek with so much hatred and force that his own hand hurt. And then, his whole body was trembling from holding back from keep on hitting him, and he was so scared of what he might be doing to him...

When Lysandre knelt in front of him, and he barely stared at him, he still managed to glimpse the red mark of his hand under his crying eyes; then he watched him tearing apart in front of him, losing all of the pride that always characterized him, falling into despair and...

Why did he even hit him? He was a horrible person. No matter how bad Lysandre was... he had no right to harm him in that way. To just glut his desire and then hit him and just go out to drown his lust in someone else and...

As a tear slid from his cheek, Augustine began to feel like the worst person in the whole damned planet. 

Because... a little part of him had wanted to hug Lysandre, to tell him that nothing was fine but that, as always, they could work it out; but he hit him instead, said awful things to him, thrown to hurt, and... 

He knew Lysandre. He knew he, now than ever, wasn’t fine. And what if this was too much for him to handle? What if it only made his depression worse? What if...

What if something awful happened and it was because he took the chance to retail all his bottled up feelings on him?

How could he even complain about Lysandre being sadistic if he had sadistically mistreated him for the very hell of it, for ‘revenge’?

“We’ve arrived.”

Augustine quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and got his wallet and took out the money to pay, lent it, and then rushed out of the car. 

Before anyone could see the dirty mess he was, Augustine got himself inside the building, called the elevator, arrived at the 5th floor, and knocked desperately the door of apartment number 23.

“Augustine, what are you-”

“Please, tell me Malva isn’t here.”

Diantha raised a brow, “she had to attend some business early this morning, so-”

“Great,” and he gave himself permission to get inside.

“Okay, Augus, what the fuck?” his sister shut the door behind him. “It’s just Wednesday and you stink like alcohol and cheap motel.”

“I’m still a bit drunk.”

“When are you going to understand that you are not a college student anymore and that you have to behave for the sake of your professor’s status?”

The lump on his throat began to burn, “something happened, okay? And too good Malva isn’t here, because if she knew what I did she would surely beat me and-“

Diantha stopped his drunk babbling with a serious tone, “what in the world did you do now?”

Completely dizzy, he collapsed into the couch, and his voice quivered, “Lysandre showed up yesterday at mines.”

That immediately got her engaged in the conversation, sitting beside him, “what?”

“I... I was drunk already. And weak. So I let him in.”

“And what happened?”

Speaking became each time harder and more painful, “he asked me to get back. Nothing new, but-”

“What did you tell him?”

“I obviously said no...!” Even if that was supposed to sound firm and definitive, it ended up coming out weak. “And that’s why he got insistent and we started to argue, or well, it was me the one arguing and talking shit, but then, ah…!”

“Then what?”

“He grabbed me, and I was so upset because I can’t feel nothing but anger and disappointment when I see him, but then…” god, that was even awful to tell. “He started kissing me and-”

“Did he freaking kiss you?”

“It was terrible,” he couldn’t help the tears, he was still so drunk after all. “Because... I was so angry at him, and at the same time that kiss moved every single fiber inside me and for once in all these months I felt something, but I was so angry and-”

“And what? Come on, go straight to the point!”

It was shameful to say. It was horrible.

“Augustine, what the fuck happened then?”

He growled, covering his face, “I hit him.”

He couldn’t help a sob. It still felt terrible.

Diantha gasped first, then her voice quivered with surprise, “b-but... he kissed you in the middle of an argument. It could’ve been dangerous, I bet you did it for-”

“He wasn’t even using his force! I know what it is like when he’s using strength, he was just desperate, and if I’d wanted to just push him I would’ve been able too, but... I was so drunk and so angry, and I took advantage and... I kicked him in the bad leg and… p-punched him and... slapped him so hard I’m sure he’s going to have that mark in his face for days...”

“W-What? You?”

“I was so mad that I felt like just punching him when he told me he wouldn’t defend himself. I wanted so bad to beat him that I never was more afraid of myself.”

Before Diantha could find some words to reply, between a sob, he resumed his vent.

“And that wasn’t the only thing I did, no... I’m so disgusting that once he was gone I began to feel so horny that I went out to a bar and fucked the first stranger who looked like him that I found.”

That for sure was the icing of the cake, and of course, his sister didn’t take long to call it out in disappointed surprise.

“Did you sleep with someone else?”

He growled, viciously covering his eyes, “and I’m sure that Lysandre’s name was everything I said when that happened.”

Usually Diantha would proceed to lecture him about how bad it was to have sex with strangers just like that, yet, she could notice in his voice that regretting and self-accusing tone, besides, that wasn’t the worst issue to address there.

“It’s okay, Augus, it’s not the first time this happens to you. When you were at college and Allison broke up with you-”

“It is the first time I’ve slept with someone else ever since I met Lysandre. For years it’s been him and only him, I...” and then again, his own crying interrupted him. “I feel so dirty.”

“But that isn’t as bad, Augus,” at his desperate tone, she began to stroke his arm and try to make it better for him. “He’s your ex now, it had to happen eventually-“

“But not like this!” The growl was so bass that it hurt his throat. “I just slept with a random stranger after telling him all those ugly things I said, after behaving like a monster and hitting him, don’t you understand? While he was surely wrecked and in pain for what I did to him I was in the sheets with a man I might not ever see again and I feel like such a slut for that!”

“You’re not a slut...”

“I am a slut,” each time it was harder to hold back, now his lips were trembling as more tears blurrier his vision. “I’m so tired of whatever this is.”

Words wouldn’t get through him, so, at some point, Diantha just gave in.

“I don’t even know what to do now...”

“It’s okay if you don’t know.”

“Like... I can’t find in my heart the strength to forgive him, I can’t even wrap my head around what happened and that’s why I have to fucking drink to sleep at nights,” Augustine confessed, rashly. “But, whatever this mixture of feelings for him is now... won’t let me be at ease either. I hate it when he is near but I’m so miserable when he’s not around. And I don’t know what to do, and I hate that he had to kiss me just to prove me that I’m not as strong-willed as I thought, and I feel each day more as if I was about to lose my mind-”

“Come here, Augus. Come here.”

Augustine gave in to his sister’s embrace, and there, he began bawling, because he was still drunk, because the hangover was starting to crawl in his being. Because he felt alone, because he hated Lysandre but he needed him so much at the same time. Because he couldn’t let go. Because he couldn’t understand. Because he couldn’t hold back his need to mistreat Lysandre, because he hated himself for hitting him. Because he wished this all was a nightmare and he’d wake up by Lysandre’s side, smiling, happily, to kiss him and embrace him tight and never let go of him.

“I don’t know why I did this… I can’t get enough, I… Fuck… I’m about to lose my mind...”

It was serious. With each new bottle he opened, with each new package of cigarettes he smoked, with each new person he tried to erase Lysandre with, with each time he acted ruder and ruder and was more of a heartless jerk to Lysandre, he felt more and more like losing his mind.

This was like an illness he couldn’t overcome. And he could swear the conflict was going to kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all for this week! Thank you all for keep reading this, I hope you like the chapter even if it was sad, and see y’all next week with more!


	8. Liability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They're gonna watch me disappear into the sun, you're all gonna watch me disappear into the sun."

As she went out of the market, carrying some bags, the guilty thoughts returned to her.

Because, yes... as unapologetic she always used to be, Malva begun to feel slightly guilty for letting Lysandre go unwatched for so many days after she received that depressed call in the morning after many lost calls from the night before.

Even if she had been busy like never before, even if the work was piling in her desk... It all started to look vain when she first got in Lysandre’s penthouse and saw him in his room.

Quiet. So quiet. Still. Staring at the wall. His eyes extremely puffy. His beard a little too long now. His hair tangled everywhere. His clothes untidy. 

Of the always busy and prideful businessman that went here and there arranging stuff and getting things done, remained nothing. Malva could tell Lysandre had spent several days at bed, feeling sorry of himself, barely eating and at the same time gaining some weight. 

She should have been a little more empathetic and stop to think; Lysandre didn’t have Augustine around to help him through this, not now that as far as Diantha and Lysandre himself had told her in a haste, they had argued and broken up with each other very definitely this time around. He was rotting alone while everyone else hated him. He needed some company more than ever. An unsuspicious company like hers. But for some stupid reason she just thought he’d be alright even after what had happened as it wasn't the first time a rejection took place, and so kept doing her own thing and...

Well. There was no use in reproaching herself that, after all, she was already there, wasn’t her? Going to the market to buy some ingredients to prepare him a good dinner made out of a recipe Siebold lent her. And maybe, if she got a bit of luck, that all would work to cheer up his spirits even a bit.

After some minutes, Malva was finally back at the complex; she took the elevator, waited until she arrived to the last floor, and with the borrowed keys, she opened the door to the penthouse, expecting to find Lysandre in the couch where she left him, and getting a bit puzzled when he wasn’t there.

“Lysandre?”

No answer.

“He might have gone to the bathroom,” Malva replied to herself, and like that, started to head to the kitchen to leave there all the stuff she bought.

But in her way there...

She stared at the balcony, and Lysandre was there, sitting at the edge, looking down, and then-

She spilled everything everywhere as he stood on the other side. 

Freaked out, but trying to keep herself collected so she wouldn’t startle him, Malva approached the balcony and got herself outside.

“Lysandre...!” She called his name. “What are you doing there?”

He remained silent, desperately silent, and that was unnerving Malva to dangerous levels.

“Get back here right away!”

His silence broke in a sob, and then Lysandre just shook his head, “I don’t want to.”

That of course wasn’t a valid answer, not one Malva was going to accept.

“Lysandre! Get back here!”

“Why should I?” He replied between shaky clenched lips. “It’s pointless. Everyone hates me. I just want to do you all the favor.”

“I don’t hate you, alright? So come back here.”

He shook his head once more, bitterly, “there’s not a single reason for me to be alive. Augustine hates me, he said… he said it was a mistake and…” an awful sob interrupted him. “I agree. I was a mistake, everything related to me is a mistake. My dad had every single right to hate me, all my family would’ve been happier if they had gotten the girl they wanted and not me… I’m a mistake since the very day I was born and… I just want to die so everyone can finally be happy without me.”

She couldn’t give in into his sad tale, that would only pump him up more, so Malva tried to snap him from that state of mind, “no one's gonna die here, you listen? So now come back!”

But he wasn’t listening, he was too absorbed in his offish narrative to show any signs of understanding, “I’m so sorry Pyroar and Gyarados had to die for some pathetic and unworthy pork like me. But I’m going to pay for that.”

“Don’t fucking jump, I swear to God that if you fucking jump-”

“I’m sorry, Malva, but don’t feel responsible for this,” he wasn’t even staring at her and that was becoming terrifying. “You did everything you could and you were always a loyal friend. Thank you for everything and I’m sorry I just couldn’t be a friend of your level.”

“Lysandre, if you motherfucking kill yourself I'm going to revive you and then kill you myself!”

“But I don’t want to be alive!” He screamed back at her.

“It’s not that you want to- you have to!” 

“I can’t find a single reason for me to stay alive!" He wasn't even wiping his face, and Malva could see the furious tears falling from his face and soaking his dirty sweatshirt. "It’s always the same, it will always be the same,” his note was guttural, desperate. “No matter how good I am, how hard I try, it always ends up like this, with me being dumped. People just get rid of me like a toy which tricks don't work out anymore. And… I can’t keep going with this, I can’t stand myself, I just c-can’t.”

“Lysandre, I swear to god-”

“Augustine was right… I’m hateful and a jerk and toxic… I’m… I’m too much to handle, way too much, it’s normal that people just walk out on me, that you forget about me for long enough because… who’d want to deal with an emotionless maniac like me? I’m a liability, I’m too much for everyone, I don’t matter to anyone, I don’t belong anywhere, I’m a parasite, I’m...”

“No, you aren’t!” she was losing her temper over this. Damn, this was haunting, the most haunting she'd seen in the longest while. “Please, come back here, don’t jump, don’t fucking jump!”

“I just want to die and erase the fucking mess my existence’s been. No one's going to miss me, they’ll just move on, and... everyone will be happy. This is the punishment I deserve, I deserve to die in front of everyone so I pay for my mistakes and...”

He was shaking. Holding on tight to the stone of the balcony. 

He was scared. 

“I’m going to miss you!” If she had to approach him from the sentimental side, she’d do it, if that meant he’d be back in a safer place.

“You won’t, I know you won’t.”

She shook her head and softened her tone, “who else is going to take me to expensive restaurants just to leave a bad review? Who else is going to take me in café dates? Who else is going to send me random cat videos at 3 AM? Who else is going to fake to be my husband just for the privileges?”

And the last part, she really felt it.

“Who else am I going to conquer the world with? I can’t do this alone, not without you.”

Lysandre went silent, just crying lowly now.

“You saw talent in me. You trusted in me. You opened so many doors for me, doors that I wouldn’t have been able to open so quickly myself. If you wouldn’t have been there, I’d probably still be a weather girl at Santalune’s local news. And- It isn't just about what you’ve done for me, no… I love to be around you, even like this, because you are hell smart and interesting and passionate like no one else is.”

She’d just let her heart speak for her, only this one time, even if she hated sentimentalisms.

“You are important to me, Lysandre. You are one of my favorite people on this planet, I love you the way you are, with your ups and downs and I want you to stay.”

That seemed to get through him.

“I’m going to fix this, okay?” Softly but firmly Malva started to negotiate it now that she completely caught his attention. “I’m going to talk to Augustine myself and if that doesn’t work out I promise I’ll find another solution for you. I’m going to fix this, so, please, come back here.”

And of course, _of course_ that worked.

“You will... talk to him?”

“Yes, I’ll talk to him.”

“Are you going to help me?”

“We are a team. You can always count on me.”

Slowly, Lysandre turned his whole body to her, and Malva felt goosebumps traveling all over her body as Lysandre’s back faced the void, and with increasing tension in her being, she watched him get back from the edge, walking to her.

“Please hold me.”

“Yes-”

“Please.”

And Lysandre, with his big height, bent over and collapsed on her embrace, hiding his face on her shoulder, not even having the strength to hold her in return, and then started to shake viciously as he bawled.

“D-Don’t leave me alone,” he requested in a desperate voice. “I c-can stand myself... I-I'm scared… I can’t put up with this anymore, I’m losing my mind… don’t l-leave me alone...”

“I won’t-”

“Don’t leave me alone...”

And her former slight guilt became heavy guilt now. She must be the worst friend on earth for just underestimating how bad Lysandre was going to react to Augustine rejecting him once more.

And it was so odd now that she thought about it... could the argument had been so nasty as to have Lysandre in such state? 

“I won’t, Lys, I’ll stay here the night so you don’t have to worry, okay?”

Weakly, he nodded.

“What if now... you take a bath while I prepare dinner?”

“I just want to go back to bed,” he replied in a hopeless cry,

“You can after you take a bath and eat properly.”

“I-”

“I’ll prepare you a very nice bath, I’ll make dinner for you and once you take your dose you’ll be able to go to sleep, okay?”

Willingness, he nodded.

“At what hour did you have your last dose?”

“Last week.”

“You haven’t been taking your doses?!”

It was obvious now why he went on complete suicidal mode; without the antidepressants and the mood stabilizers, it was to be expected that he felt emotionally worse than before. Nor his context or his brain chemistry helped to keep him in balance, they had to relay in the medication and the medication only, and even though, for some concerning reason he was skipping it.

“Why? Did you run out of pills?”

He shook his head, “why should I take them if the fact Augustine hates me is still there? A fucking pill that just makes me thirsty and dizzy won’t change that. I’m unfixable. I’m nothing but a mistake to him.”

Augustine, it had to be Augustine again; what in the world did her idiotic brother-in-law could have told to this man to take him to the point in which he was neglecting his medication? It just... It just didn't make sense. Lysandre had kept the news short in that bitter and reproachful call he made her the following morning. and Diantha didn't mention something too awful happening either, she handled it like an average argument, so, it had to be either that Lysandre was losing it, or that there was something they didn't tell her.

Anyways, that wasn't the moment to make theories. She had to get this man in a decent human state as soon as possible.

“Okay. Bath, dinner, sleep. Let’s get going to the bathroom-”

“I don’t want to be around myself anymore. I’m so gross… I can’t stand myself...”

“I’ll be there all the time, okay?”

And, indeed, Lysandre was so drowned in depression that Malva had to take him to the tub and help him with cleaning himself, mostly taking care of the mess his hair was, as well as shaving his beard, because Lysandre would barely move his arms to act in any sort of way that meant self-care. And also, Malva could notice even if didn't call it out, he was trying to hide from her the evident and deep cuts in his wrists, always looking away, ashamed that she was watching his now rather flabby body and all the marks it had.

And after she had to almost literally drag Lysandre to his bedroom and obligate him to put some clean clothes on, Malva had to bing every channel to find an appropriate show he could watch while she was busy preparing the dinner, one that didn’t have news in it, romantic movies or dark humor that could be triggering him. 

Later, while they had dinner or whatever thing Malva forcing Lysandre to get the smallest amount of food in his stomach for god’s sake could be called, she had to listen to the very, very infuriating story of how Augustine rejected him the last time, with bawls, self-deprecation and harsh details included; and, she wouldn’t be surprised if Diantha actually knew the complete version of that and had decided to remain silent about it to protect Augustine, because, it was apparently bad to keep secrets just when Malva was the one doing it, and obviously not when this secret in question involved Augustine being a heartless monster to Lysandre.

After negotiating with Lysandre about his dose and convincing him to take it, and later tucking him in bed and laying by his side while he tried to fall asleep and kept crying into her chest, there, in between her tired embrace...

Malva decided it.

Augustine would have a talk with her that he wouldn’t _ever_ forget.

* * *

The next morning, after an awful night of sleep because Lysandre would wake up constantly from nightmares to demand between agitated sobs to be held and to be hydrated, Malva mildly tidied herself up, prepared some breakfast for when Lysandre woke up, and with that bad mood due to the exhaustion her own nightmares of Lysandre killing himself provided her the last restless night, she arrived to the Pokémon lab.

Because she was the professor’s very own sister in law, no one frowned upon her presence, yet, the aides seemed to be caring about what she was doing there.

“I came to see the Professor,” she replied dryly, because she didn’t sleep well and she couldn’t care less about hurting some youth feelings. 

“Let us inform him that you are here and see if he’s not too busy to receive you.”

“I know my way, kids, but thank you anyway, I guess,” she replied, sassily, and just got past them.

“But-”

If Augustine couldn’t show minimum human decency towards Lysandre, why should she show it to his assistants?

And so, she took the elevator, got to the second floor and without even knocking she opened the door and got in.

“Malva?”

Augustine was there, staring at some documents while a cigarette hung from his lips, and acknowledging her presence, he left it in the ashtray as he stood.

“Not that I’m not glad to see you here, but... what are you doing here? Did something happen with Diantha?”

Oh, that little fucker had _no idea_.

“Save the formalities, I’m not glad to see you either.”

He gasped subtly, “what’s the matter?”

“You,” she took a step closer defiantly and pointed him with a finger, “stop being a bitch to Lysandre and apologize to him.”

His usual gentle and oblivious expression faded into a darker one, and then, he shook his head. 

“I’m not doing that,” he whispered.

And even if he was trying to remain calmed and collected, Malva wasn't there to have a nice chat, no; she wouldn't go out of there without that idiot at least equaling her upset mood.

And Malva snorted, “Are you stupid or something? I didn’t come all the way here to politely ask you to do it, I’m ordering you to do it.”

He started to rise his guard, the mood becoming quite contagious now.

“Why would I do that?” Augustine asked, getting a bitchy tone, crossing his arms defensively. “I know he is your friend, but-”

“Oh, and why would you tell him all those horrible things to then just hit him, huh?”

Augustine took a step back, and seemed very threatened by her even if he was taller.

“Stepping back? Is it that you only get emboldened when it comes down to Lysandre who isn’t mentally capable of defending himself anymore?”

He gasped startled, suddenly not knowing how to react after getting caught.

“Respond, you little bastard.”

“I was drunk!”

He must be a fool if he thought that would be enough for her to stop.

“Oh, and Lysandre was under the effects of a motherfucking maniac episode when the tragedy happened and you hadn’t gone any less hard on him for that so don’t come at me with your cheap excuses!”

It was even hard to imagine this absolutely messy and jumpy guy insulting and mistreating Lysandre who was just big and imposing. But these months she found out Augustine had a big talent for crying and playing the victim.

“He has to understand that he hurt me and that this is over!”

“And can’t you just play the soft boy you always play for cameras and tell him that with basic human decency?”

“He’s getting insistent!”

“Yes!” It was hard to tell if it was the sleep deprivation or if she was actually that mad to him. “Because you literally saved his life back at Geosenge to then dump him! It’s even as if you had only saved him because you couldn’t let him die unpunished!”

“He’s done terrible things-”

“Yeah, he’s done, but he was ill, Augustine! Ill of his mind! And you, a complete 'sane' specimen, decided to stick by his side either way and let him get away with everything he’d done and just play a martyr to spit it at his face when you had the chance!”

He was even speaking with indignation now, “I don’t know why the fuck are you defending him? After everything he's done?”

“He is suicidal, you idiot!” Malva screamed, trapping Augustine against a wall. “I had to watch him yesterday being about to jump from his balcony! I had to force him into the tub and bath him myself because he is so repulsed of himself for what _you_ said to him about being an emotionless maniac to even do it, and guess what? I found cuts, cuts and more cuts in his wrists! He stopped taking his dose because what is the sense of taking it if you hate him now?! He’s been starving himself to death, he-”

Why did she want to cry so bad now? 

“You must be living out your fantasies with him, you surely liked what you saw when you bathed him, am I wrong? Congratulations, Malva, you are a step closer to fucking him, you rubbed it in my face, now fuck off.”

Augustine was about to make her lose it, currently Malva was having the hardest time trying not to slap him, “I’m telling you Lysandre is self-harming and ideating suicide and the only thing conflicting you is that I saw him naked? As if I was some sort of asshole that would make any advance with a person in that state?"

"You've always liked him, don't play dumb. And don't pretend you aren't trying to push my buttons with those details."

"That doesn't even matter, fuck! Lysandre is suicidal and you tell me you don't care?!"

With a deadpan glare, a cruel glare, trying to pretend he wasn't rotting in jealousy and indignation, Augustine stared at her and replied:

“I don’t care because I know he’s just trying to call the attention, he surely caught yours now, didn't he?" And that little fact pissed him so irrationally much that at last, he resolved as bitchy as he could, "you know what? I want to see him doing it, if that coward dares. He’d be doing me a favor.”

And that made Malva lose it; she screamed off her lungs as she began to hit the wall, very close to Augustine’s face.

“Then why did you save him, fucker? Why?!”

He should've never said that.

"Why did you save his life then?! Respond!"

“Malva!”

“Why?! You could have played oblivious as you always do but instead you decided to go all the way down there to save him! Why?! Huh? Was he still an emotionless maniac to you when you did it or he still couldn’t be a punching bag for you to unload all of your life frustration on him?”

“Stop this!” He finally looked affected. “I’ll call the police!”

“Call them and I’ll be sure to let everyone know that you drove Lysandre to suicide. Don’t forget I’m a journalist and I can and will make a juicy story convincing enough to turn everyone against you.”

He gulped, “shut the fuck up, bitch!”

“Hah, what infuriates me the most about you is that you try so damn hard to be a bitch but don’t even achieve it! You are a joke of a bitch! Because you don’t even know your boundaries and end up being stupid!”

“Lysandre is fucking crazy!”

“Lysandre has been fucking crazy since I first met him! We always knew that. Diantha even told you to not associate with him! But what did our dear victim Augustine Sycamore did?” For a second she laughed, bitterly. “You picked him either way. You picked him because you don’t know how to be alone, and you always pick problematic people that don’t do you right because you still can’t get over your alcoholic father that left you, you make your partners play that role, you get completely dependent of them and... now that your life ire is surpassing you and that you have the chance to take revenge for every single time you’ve allowed others to harm you...”

This last part was thrown to hurt, taken straight from her archive of private details Diantha had entrusted to her in intimate talks:

“You act exactly like your alcoholic father, drinking your problems and physically abusing the ones you ‘love’, if you can even feel that.”

Augustine’s face went completely red, his body running out of breath with complete hurt and indignation. 

“Get out!”

“You know what? If I had to call someone an emotionless freak that can’t relate to other people healthily, it would be definitely and absolutely you!”

And Augustine began crying.

“Get out!”

“It doesn’t feel right to be humiliated by your mental conditions, right?” She retreated, smiling triumphantly. “But guess what! You can always go run to your sister, to your friends, to your assistants, and cry in their shoulders while Lysandre now just has me!”

Augustine even started to hyperventilate, drawing his hands to his face as fell to the ground, completely and absolutely triggered.

“You know what? You are indeed a bitch and the worst kind,” Malva just couldn’t have enough. “You are a bitch on sheep clothing. Because you reflect your frustrations in others without taking a look at yourself first and then just go play the victim.”

“S-Stop!”

“Let me tell you that Team Flare wasn’t about you. Team Flare existed before you even met Lysandre and you were any close to contaminating him. Lysandre planned on wiping everyone, not just you, you aren’t even that special. But the worst part is that you knew. You knew and stayed silent about it. And now you cry everywhere as if Lysandre had gone to your house to personally pull out a knife to stab you and the worst thing is that everyone is buying it and now he can’t exist without everyone rejecting him and that’s your fault and your fault alone.”

“S-Stop...”

“It sickens me to think that if Lysandre had died you’d be mourning and depressed and even taking responsibility for this because you only love it when people make you miserable.”

“P-Please...”

And, before definitely leaving, while listening to the aides approaching them, she said something more:

“Now it is me who doesn’t want you around Lysandre anymore. And if you ever are an asshole to him again in the name of giving him ‘what he deserves’... I’m going to use every media to ruin your reputation the same way you ruined his and burn everything you worked hard for in flames to see if you also like that.”

“Professor, is everything-”

They gasped.

“What happened?!”

“Not my business.”

The young woman pathetically even stood to defend him, “what did you do to him?”

“Stay away, would you? If you knew what this jerk did you wouldn’t be defending him.” 

And with dignity, trembling, Malva went out of the building, and she couldn’t care less about Diantha breaking up with her if Augustine ever told her about this:

Because the first time at the hospital, the aggression was mildly understandable; Augustine was shocked, the ire was totally excusable. But it had been months now, and if she didn’t talk to Augustine and put a stop to him, he’d be punishing Lysandre once and twice and over and over again until he believed Lysandre had lost enough dignity and humanity to be forgiven. And no one should pay a debt so many times.

So, determined about that last part of not wanting him around Lysandre anymore, she first went to buy a coffee to calm her nerves down, and then, called a specific number in her Holo Caster.

“Xerosic, do you think we can meet later today? It’s important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Malva is the baddest bitch, I don't take criticism on this jsadjasj
> 
> But now, in full honesty, I needed someone to put a stop to Augustine and his pettiness and who better to get the task done than Malva. And, welp! For our relieve Malva kinda wrapped Lysandre in blankets and gave the poor man some affection finally, so that's a win here(?
> 
> Anyways, I hope this chapter was good, in fact, I'm so nervous about it because as much as I tried to make the argument a bit less aggressive it only became harsher and harsher with each proofread LMAO. But most of all I hope everything Implied was done well uwu
> 
> Thank you all for reading this angst ride of me (seriously, these last chapters had been so hopeless ajkasdj) and see you all next week! Have a nice week and stay safe uwu


	9. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You never gave a warning sign.  
> (I gave so many signs)."

When Malva and Xerosic first proposed it, Lysandre wasn’t so convinced. 

“Sinnoh?”

“Yes,” Malva replied with her usual mannerisms. “Sinnoh.”

“Malva and I think is the best place for you to move now.”

He took a sip from his tea, not coffee, since coffee was a potential maniac trigger, and then replied, “so... you think that I should move to another region for a while and that it should be Sinnoh.”

Malva nodded, gently, “given the circumstances, we want you to keep living a normal life and the therapist said we should help you achieve that. You won’t be able to do it here, so we thought of Sinnoh.”

At first, he wasn’t kin of the idea of moving from his homeland, and so he asked for elaboration, “why Sinnoh? I’m not that familiar with Sinnoh, why not somewhere else I’m more familiar with like Hoenn?”

Xerosic clasped his hands together, “we thought that, since the Stone family lives there and Devon works with the same kind of energy the Ultimate Weapon worked with it would look suspicious. Besides, AZ is known to had wondered around Sootopolis in his younger days, so sending you to the most secluded place of the region as Sootopolis is wouldn't be an option either. Doesn’t help us that the Sootopolis guardian joined the Stone family recently; I know he doesn’t get involved in their deeds, but people won’t understand that.”

It made sense. 

“We thought Sinnoh would be the ideal place for you since they had a very similar issue with Team Galactic some years ago, and all the remaining members re-inserted successfully in society since they have gentler politics about these matters.”

And Malva then chuckled halfheartedly, “besides... Cynthia knows Diantha,” and that didn’t seem to be much of Malva’s liking, he knew. “And, I bet she knew of your relationship with her dearest brother so I doubt she’s going to kick you. Even, if as Diantha’s girlfriend I asked her to protect you, I bet she would.”

“She was friends with Cyrus, after all...” Xerosic added. 

“And...” she chuckled again, showing a nice, easygoing temper, trying to persuade him. “We don’t want you to change that much your environment... Kanto and Johto are not the kind of urbanized region you are used to, Alola is too hot...”

“Galar has more strict policies about this, and, well...” Xerosic shrugged. “Unova had recently dealt with Team Plasma and terrorism led by Ghetsis so I don’t think they would be very receptive of another ‘wanted criminal’.”

He snorted bitterly at the last sentence. ’Wanted criminal’, what a way to call someone who had done so much for that damned region.

And Malva seemed to notice the discomfort, and since she’d been overly nice to him, the next thing to happen was to hold his hand while she grinned.

“So, what do you say, Lys?”

“I don’t know...”

At first, indeed, he doubted it.

“What is it that you don’t know?”

He hummed for some seconds before replying, “this is my homeland. I’ve lived here for 3 decades. I don’t know if I could put up with that.”

“Let’s be honest. Everyone hates you here. That _fucker_ got your reputation ruined by playing the victim so much. We strongly believe that one of the biggest reasons for your depression right now is that, you don’t get to go out and work and be productive and push the bad thoughts aside like you used to before. I’m sure you’ve never had more free time than now.”

They had a point. A fairly good point, actually.

“Like... there’s not a single reason for you to stay here putting up with all these people being bitches to you,” that sounded more like the Malva he was used to deal with. “We want you to start over again somewhere else.”

Xerosic proceeded to speak next, “it can be temporary, Lysandre. Until everything calms down here and another scandal occurs to overshadow what you did.”

Indeed, they were right. Even if the income of the Holo Caster remained consistent enough for him to not have to worry about his economy, staying locked at home all day of every single day was sickening. Because, being so down, so depressed, there was nothing he could try to do to make it better and to keep his mind busy.

Starting over again, somewhere else, indeed sounded fine, but...

“What about Augustine? I wouldn’t be able to see him anymore.”

As always, when it came down to those matters, Xerosic remained silent and respectful, deciding to keep his opinions for himself, while Malva panted in obvious annoyance as she rolled her eyes. 

“Forget about him, he isn’t even worth the pain. I’m sure that fucker will be happy when he finally erases you from the scene.”

Lysandre knew something had happened that next day after his... after his attempt. Yet, Malva refused to give him more details about why she was so pissed at Augustine and wouldn’t stop the hostility toward him.

“But...”

“He is thinking in his own well being, no matter how much that affects you,” she kept going, remorseless, rawly. “You should do the same. There’s literally nothing holding you back from starting over again somewhere else where people aren’t jerks to you.”

“I don’t know… what if… what if he ever changes his mind and can’t reach out for me?”

“Lysandre, I think you’ve seen this film many times before and you already know the ending. There’s no amount of cry or attempts you can do for that little bitch already. You tried everything, you did everything possible to reach out for him and he decided to not listen… it’s your turn to move up from this, you owe him no considerations.”

Malva surely had a way to say things...

But she was right.

Now he had been taking his dose regularly, and that Malva had been spending the nights with him, Lysandre could tell that, it was for the best. To just go away from there, to go somewhere else, somewhere faraway from his mistakes. As far away from Augustine as possible.

And maybe then...

Maybe then he could forget, and the pinching ache of his heart would stop weighing so damn heavy at nights. 

It took him a while to decide it. A long while. He hesitated and hesitated until the day he realized and understood that Augustine was not coming back again, that he truly hated him and that was definitive, until it hurt to be living in the same city if it wasn’t to rush to his side and hold him mindlessly and share his life with him; until he realized he was an exile in his own homeland, that there was nothing left for him to do but to watch everyone from far away, because not even the person who he swore was his home wanted him around, so, indeed, there was no reason to keep defending this lost cause. 

Because... even if Lysandre adored Augustine with every single living cell of his being, he still ached to go back to a normal life. To be able to walk down the streets without people paying negative attention to him, without being judged. Being fully aware that, as Malva said, there was no amount of cry he could do anymore to get things back to normal.

And one day, he agreed.

And that was why he was there, with a suitcase almost full resting in the top of his bed. That Tuesday, finally, he was leaving behind the life he had built to aim for something more normal. 

And his next destination was... Jubilife City at Sinnoh. Malva got him something there, as she had some connections to the broadcasters of Jubilife TV. 

Lysandre checked his suitcase one last time, trying to make sure he wasn’t missing anything important, and when he turned to his side, he found it.

It looked almost awaiting.

It was a picture in a frame, of him and Augustine; he was completely resting his cheek in his chest while wholeheartedly wrapping his arms around him, his cheeks lovely blushed above a broad grin, while Lysandre, with a prideful and cool expression, smiled to the camera, reciprocating the motion in a more graceful manner. 

Who would’ve thought it would end up that way... with Augustine hating on him so much. With those enamored grey eyes staring at him viciously while throwing insults, telling him he wanted him gone, while cursing his name out of pure betrayal and wishes that everything would’ve been just different.

Even if it was sort of haunting, Lysandre took the frame between his gloved hands, and got it inside the suitcase, to finally, close it. 

It was definitive.

Everything was over.

And he couldn’t find the strength inside himself to go say goodbye to Augustine; After that last night, he didn’t feel strong enough to even look him at the eyes again. Not after humiliating himself in such way and being treated like that. Not when, in fact, he had seen that film before and hadn’t like the ending.

But... Lysandre could always remember him. 

It couldn’t be, it couldn’t end up in those dreamy scenarios Lysandre had seen in his wildest and sappiest fantasies, it couldn’t be because of him and his mania, it couldn’t be because of Augustine, maybe in fact it all had been a mistake as Augustine had put it down, maybe they were indeed stupid to think they could be happy together, yet… Lysandre could always remember him, even if remembering hurt.

Remember the good moments, those good moments he let go to waste: The rash phone calls just to joke about silly stuff only the both of them understood; constantly asking Augustine to borrow him his books to have an excuse to see him while he was still just his mentor; the small coffee dates, stealing him from the lab for an hour or so to see him at the café and caress his legs and knees under the tables; to meet him in the street and sweep him off his feet and spin around; to dance under the pouring rain like two stupid lovers from a cliché romance film; to cook him his favorite and have him happily eating the food he prepared with so much love and dedication; to live for the hope of it all, to wake up beside him, to kiss him, to embrace him tight in the bathtub, to find paths in his skin, in each of his black curls, to have him being a moaning mess between his embrace, to whisper soft words to his ears only and call him by the sweetest nicknames he could come up with...

He had made it hard, but it had also been good. And what they had, what they shared, what they lived together before his latest maniac episode... the media, all the people wanting to novelize their situation and gossiping about them, they would never know it. It had been unique. Just for the two of them to treasure deep inside their flawed hearts.

Unwillingly, a small smile appeared in his lips, though, bittersweet.

It had been good to meet Augustine, to just happen to be there that one day when he decided to pay a visit to his café for the first time. Augustine had been, in fact and in all honesty, the epitome of his human existence, the one to make him believe in true, life-changing love.

But everything that goes up, has to come down.

And so, he had to go faraway, accepting that the most thrilling chapter of his life was over and everything left for him was the normal, lame life of an average mortal.

* * *

Augustine Sycamore, the beloved Pokémon Professor of the Kalos region, smart and attractive, didn’t need therapy _by any means_.

Not when he could put himself through his favorite kind of therapy; occupational therapy. 

And so, whenever he felt the voice of his superego speaking a bit too much like Malva...

He worked. He worked and then worked more. And the best, it worked!

At days, he’d write with his own very fancy penmanship all of the reports he needed (especially useful for practicing lettering!), he’d do most the job of his assistants, he’d even take care of the reception and will take all the long ways to go to the shop, the market, his _new favorite café_ , and home. He’d be cleaning, here and there, wearing his bestest smile.

At nights... going out to uselessly flirt with women stopped feeling alright. So he’d watch multiple series and play many video games until the A.M, just to start chatting to Aurea, who would tell him, “ain’t it too late in Kalos for you to be awake?”

On repeat. With a gentle smile. On repeat. Looking always awesome. On repeat. Keeping his pretty mouth shut and avoiding any sort of confrontation because every time he spoke he only talked shit he regretted later. On repeat. Swallowing the discomfort. On repeat.

Until one particular evening, when he was alone at his office, smoking his he-didn’t-want-to-know-which cigarette, and having cleaned and ordered everything there was to tidy up, he proceeded to clean his computer, suffering because it was only Tuesday and he was running out of things to do to keep himself busy.

And with that unbreakable diligence, he went first through the multiple downloads, covers, old documents, articles, executables...

Until he found a folder that especially called his attention, and that he had forgotten about for how well hidden it was.

Its name was just ‘Lys’. Though, it didn’t need to say anything more for him to know what was it about, what he would find in there. 

For a second, he selected it to delete it right away... but his curiosity and his terrible loneliness told him to act against it. And promising that it would be just an inoffensive look, he opened the folder.

It was full of old videos and photographs of them.

He shouldn’t be doing it if he didn’t want to lose his perfect balance, but...

It was hard to resist.

So he clicked in one of the videos and-

It was just him, kissing Lysandre.

“Wait-” the other mumbled, and turned to the camera. “Are you recording?”

“Just saving this moment for the future!”

And then, Lysandre laughed.

“How am I supposed to kiss you now if I feel observed?”

“Hah, come on, Lys~”

The record finished there. 

And the dreary feeling began to burn in his loins. The spark of longing shone inside him.

He played the next.

In there, he was in the kitchen, beside a spilled plate of Litleo food, staring grumpily at the tiny cat.

“Why do you keep doing this, huh?” His own voice asked. “Don’t you know all the effort daddy and I make every day to put fresh food on this plate?”

The camera approached him.

“Oh, you wait until I tell your daddy what you did and-”

Lysandre cracked a laughter, and he just gasped.

“Lys! Were you recording?”

His laughter became unlikely louder, and the video ended. 

Augustine skipped to the next.

The camera was recording some dishes, beautifully prepared, with a gorgeous presentation.

“This little banquet here was made by Monsieur Fleur de Lis for his favorite Professor!”

Lysandre grabbed his hand and kissed it dramatically. 

“More than you could ever, Siebold.”

Augustine began giggling at said affirmation, and proceeded to immediately shush Lysandre, who laughed as foolishly as him.

“Come here, mon p’tit.”

The camera went black when Lysandre held him to kiss him. After some seconds of white noise, it could be heard.

“You know that I love you, right?”

“I love you tenfold more,” Augustine replied, his voice full of emotion.

And the record ended, leaving Augustine in the silence of his own office.

How was it...

How was it that he looked so awfully happy in all of those videos? Not in a fake way, not just cheerful... but his face was blossoming with color in each and his skin was shiny with bliss?

And, even if he tried, Malva’s words replayed in his mind once more. And he finally confronted and asked himself...

Could she be right about him just regarding Lysandre as a projection of the failed relationship with his dad? Did Lysandre really was, as many of his other past lovers, just someone to play that role in his life so he could unload his frustrations on him, and anything else? 

Wasn’t there anything more to it?

He kept scrolling through the images... remembering each detail of many of them. Each feeling. Each goosebump that took over his body. Each ‘I love you’. Each kiss, each intimate caress...

Was Lysandre just another person whom he tried to glut his codependency with? Was Lysandre another shitty person he picked because he had next to no self-esteem?

As the pictures kept appearing one after one, Augustine knew it.

Lysandre had been different from all of his ex-lovers. There was a kind, but hurt heart in his chest. And of course, he had been problematic, but thinking of it now, just behaving as it was expected from someone bipolar like him. 

All the wrong was done while he felt so good that it was too much to be concerning. It consisted in overconfidence, in feelings of being almighty, in keeping himself so busy and just pushing him aside, coming back whenever he felt down again, and not giving any explanation, instead, getting offended whenever he tried to address the issue, because he was too high in mania to realize something was wrong. 

And Malva might be right when she said that Augustine just mindlessly accepted all of that, because accepting the wrong and swallowing it to then just spit it was the only thing he really knew to do. 

But if there was something true about all of this...

Was that, Augustine, indeed, could tell there always was more to it, more to just playing roles, more than that. And it had been love. Gosh, if he hadn’t loved Lysandre with every of cell of his being. If he hadn’t loved him when he walked in to his life, if he hadn’t loved him each time he walked out, if his heart hadn’t been bleeding of love when he saved him that day at Geosenge.

Because he wasn’t stupid. No. That was the cheap excuse he liked to give away to defend himself for saving an infamous person. If he did it... It had been because Lysandre dying in such way would have been a hit from which he wouldn’t have been able to recover in twenty lifetimes. Just like Malva said.

Because Lysandre was out of his mind. Disregarded. But he had been kind too. He had been gentle. He had listened, he had wiped his tears without judging, without telling him ‘grow up, you are an adult already, don’t be a crying idiot'. He used to be a man who loved his Pokémon and aimed to create a beautiful world, but had no one to stop him when his purest aims and most genuine life wounds got the best of him, no one to care enough to send him to a doctor. 

Instead, all he got was a neglectful partner trying to pretend he knew nothing, someone who was dependent of those awful reactions, just to feedback himself that he always picked them wrong, someone that couldn’t find the nerve to stop him, that then saved him, just to charge it to him multiple times, and then retaliated against him all the awful things he never dared to confront anyone else for, and then hit him, and-

Hit him.

Then blamed it in the alcohol.

And repeated the role.

Lysandre did awful things... but so did Augustine, out of codependency. Because he thought to love was to endure. To put up with awful stuff and smoke or drink the bad feeling away afterward. To shut up and then just retaliate whenever the chance presented. That love meant being a martyr.

Just as much as Lysandre had sinned of being stubborn about not getting treatment, Augustine had sinned of being neglectful, hateful, entitled and revengeful.

And while he felt the guilt crawl over his back, and remembered how much of a monster he had been to Lysandre to no avail and to no catharsis, his mind started to play games with him, making him wonder that, maybe... maybe if Lysandre had accepted the aid sooner, maybe if Augustine would had kept his insecurities and sick needs of codependency at bay...

Maybe it would have been different.

Maybe...

Malva was right.

Lysandre was ill. But that didn’t mean he deserved any less respect. Even if it was to reject him... he should be kinder and act like the adult he was. For the holiest on earth, just not repeat the same actions of his father.

He knew all the wrong he had done out of pure pettiness and entitlement and he regretted it; he even regretted saying those words to Malva too, to have allowed his sick fantasies of his sister in law getting intimate with Lysandre speak for him and say the awful things he said back then. He regretted ever wishing Lysandre would act against his own safety. He regretted each little thing he had done those last months, because he had really been a monster.

But… Even though, Lysandre wanted him back. And Augustine still loved him, even between all of his anger and confusion and pain, there was still place for loving Lysandre, because the magic between them was undeniable and there was no coming back from it, and they completed each other in every regard Augustine could think about, from physical to spiritual and...

Lysandre had to know. Lysandre had to know he was regretting everything that happened. Lysanre had to know there was not a single day when he didn't feel sorry for what he did that last night. Lysandre had to know he wanted to fix this stupid mess they made. Lysandre had to know that his love for him was bigger than everything that has happened lately, and...

Before he could regret it, Augustine rushed out of the lab without saying much to his assistants.

* * *

He couldn’t believe he was there.

Oh, he couldn’t believe he was there.

He must have gone insane. But... he couldn’t leave things just like that. No. In his way there, Augustine thought that, maybe they could talk, apologize, get to an agreement, tell him his feelings honestly, without the attacks to his dignity, without the hateful glares...

Augustine ringed the bell.

And awaited, and just to think that Lysandre might be opening the door, that they would see each other again, that something was going to happen-

“What are you doing here?”

If he expected a tall man to greet him, all he got was a small, angry woman. 

“What are you doing here?” Augustine replied sassily, because that prideful, defensive behavior clung to him no matter how much he tried to redeem it. 

“Nothing of your business-”

Either way, he got inside.

“Where’s Lysandre?”

Malva laughed, sarcastically, “why do you care, huh? Didn’t you want him to kill himself to prove he wasn't an attention whore? Well, thinking about it maybe you are here to make sure we aren't fucking! Or what? Did you feel like punching someone today?”

He shook his head, clasping his hands together, “I was jealous, alright? The thought of you being that close to him got the best of me, but I know it was foolish, I know-”

“Cheap excuses.”

Augustine panted.

“You were right, Malva-”

“I’m always right,” she retreated, to keep doing whatever thing she was doing before.

“I came to talk to Lysandre, to fix everything that happened and apologize."

Her laughter was cruel. Too cruel, and puzzling.

“So, where is he?”

“Definitely not here.”

Trying to not lose his temper like the last time, he added, “when is he coming back?”

“Not soon.”

But it was impossible when it came down to Malva. She wasn’t his sister’s girlfriend for anything, both were equally annoying.

“What are you doing here, anyways?”

“Oh,” she exclaimed casually. “Lysandre told me I could use his penthouse as storage now he moved somewhere else.”

Oh?

That made him stop right in his tracks. 

“Did he move?”

With that odiously mocking expression of hers, Malva nodded, “yeah.”

“Where?”

“Not close.”

“Snowbelle? Coumarine? Laverre?”

“Not in Kalos.”

And his heart trembled.

It took him a while to wrap his head around those words.

“W-What... do you mean?”

“Lysandre moved far from Kalos.”

It had to be a bad joke. If that had truly happened, Lysandre would have surely looked for him before, at least to say goodbye. It must be Malva just wanting to mess up with him.

"You are a liar, you are just saying this to mess up with me."

She flipped her hair like she didn't give a damn, "don't believe me if you don't want to, I couldn't care less about whether you believe me or not."

Once more, he tried it, sighing:

“Where is he?”

“I’m not going to tell you.”

“I’ll ask Diantha.”

“Diantha doesn’t know either,” she exclaimed petulantly. “She’s been so busy filming that hadn’t even noticed. And if she asks I’m not telling her either. If she could keep silent about what you did to Lysandre, I’m in all my right to not say a single word about this.”

Malva surely knew how to push his buttons.

“Tell me where he is.”

“Do you care now? I thought you wanted him to go away and never find his way back.”

“Okay, it was something cruel to say, I admit it. I was a jerk-”

“And that is why Lysandre left. Because you said you wanted him to never come back. He couldn’t stand living in a place where everyone hated him anymore, where he couldn’t even go to work because the local professor did everything possible to play the victim’s role and ruin him.”

He didn’t even know what to answer, and so, Malva took a step forward, crossing her arms, menacingly, “I told you, Augustine, that I didn’t want you around him anymore. I was true to my word. Call me his personal slut if that suits your twisted fantasies, but, I’ll have you know that I was the one to suggest the idea and make him move out of here, and I told you nothing because I won’t allow you to see him again. You hurt him, you mistreated him on purpose, and call me a twisted bitch, but I don’t care who Lysandre has been, he is the man I love the most and I’m not going to stop protecting him, so go get drunk if you want since that’s all you really know.”

Lysandre was the man Malva claimed to love the most, Malva was the only one to know where he was, Malva was purposefully pulling them apart, and even if he tried to remind himself of not losing his temper once more to give in to his jealousy because if he did he'd end up spoiling it all like the last time, it was hard to hold back.

Screw this, he wouldn’t be reasoning with Malva. He’d be straightforward.

“Tell me where he is, now! Stop bullshitting me with your stupid games!”

“Find it out yourself,” she stepped back, shifting again to her careless persona, only making him lost it even more since it couldn't be possible she was showing no sympathy and instead was mocking him. “Though, he didn’t look like wanting to be found, either. He even changed his phone number, of course, because I convinced him to.”

“Malva!”

And that madwoman even dared to coo with cynicism, “maybe if you would have come this Tuesday but from two weeks before, you’ve had found him still waiting on you. But your timing, like everything else related to you, was wrong.”

“For fucks sake-”

“For fucks sake nothing, get out of here. Since I’m in charge of this place now I don’t want you around here anymore.”

Out of his mind, utterly confused and taken completely aback, Augustine growled and went out of the house, not without telling her, "you are a twisted bitch," because the jealousy and frustration were overtaking him again. And Malva just laughed certainly pleased that she was avenging Lysandre herself and that it was working.

That was fucking unbelievable.

Lysandre had left Kalos without even telling him. If Augustine hadn’t have found those videos at his computer... maybe it could have been even months until he realized Lysandre was gone.

Though...

Why didn’t he try to reach out for him one last time? Why he didn’t even call him? If he was so depressed, so needy, so down like never before, moving to another region surely represented a lot, a lot that he decided to endure silently.

Maybe... Maybe his wishes already came true and Lysandre finally understood that he did him no good and gave up.

Maybe Augustine should have been careful with what he wished.

Because... Lysandre was going through treatment already and had offered to behave and follow all of Augustine’s rules if that meant getting back together; and Augustine finally admitted that he had codependency issues, that he had problems establishing healthy romantic relationships. They had been so close to be in sync once more, Augustine almost was in time to reach out for him and talk it out and get to an agreement, because their love was too big to go to waste, and it almost worked it out.

But, all those months he tried so hard to kill Lysandre’s memories and presence in his life, that it turned to backfire him, and know he had finally done, it ended up killing him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA IM SO SORRY. BUT AUGUSTINE ALSO NEEDED TO LEARN SOME LESSONS. And of course Malva had to be the one teaching them.
> 
> This is all for this week! This time I just want to say that, I'm 90% I’ll be starting a full-time job, and while I have the whole draft of this story already done which will make things easier for me to handle, I want to state the possibility of me having setbacks to post maybe one day. Again, I'll try to remain consistent in posting and not miss a week since the hard part of my writing process has been already done and I have a very good scheduled plan (because from the very beginning I considered the possibility of something like this happening), but if something ever comes up you know now why it was.
> 
> That. And that this wasn't the original title for this chapter but Taylor Swift dropped a whole new album this week and I needed to use it as inspiration source for this. The whole album surprised me with darker tunes that suit perfworld so well, so yeah, I couldn't help myself hehe. Anyways, thank you for reading and supporting this story and see you next week!


	10. Raindrops keep falling on my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Raindrops keep falling on my head, and just like the man whose feet are too big for his bed, nothing seems to fit, those raindrops keep falling on my head, they keep falling.”

“Very good job, Lysandre! You did a great work today.”

Politely, with his royal mannerisms, he bowed at his direction, “thank you, sir. Just doing my job.”

The manager chuckled, “do I understand that you’re going to work your own shift and Nolan’s shift tomorrow?”

He nodded, “yes, sir. Tomorrow is Nolan’s girlfriend’s birthday, and since I don’t have much more to do, I offered to do his shift.”

“Aw, man,” the manager patted his arm, friendly. “You surely are good looking, and with that Kalosian accent of yours I’m sure you’d be able to get many  _ demoiselles _ .”

His Kalosian pronunciation was awful, but Lysandre couldn’t find the nerve in his heart to call it out. 

Besides...

It wasn’t as if he wanted someone else.

So, he snorted, playing the same game, “I’m enjoying this time for myself, you know? Partners... are too much drama sometimes.”

The manager nodded, panting, “I gotta agree with you in that, man,” then, he shrugged. “Welp, I won’t steal more of your time. See you tomorrow!”

“Until then, sir.”

And, Lysandre went out of Santalune restaurant at Jubilife City, a four stars restaurant where they prepared Kalosian food; he worked as a chef in there, because somehow Malva got Siebold to write a job recommendation for him, and he worked full time in there now.

Not that he needed the money; as ridiculous as it sounded, the Holo Caster gave him better incomes each time. No. It was that, his former therapist, and the current one, said that he needed to get a job as occupational therapy, to be able to work in building friendly relationships with others, work in his frustration tolerance, and rehearse to live like an average functional person. 

So, another day was over at Santalune restaurant for him, and he went to the parking lots where he left his car, got in, turned on the engine, and started to drive. 

As he did, the sky looked so, so grey and darkened by clouds; it was a little mood-killing, but that wasn’t going to stop him to get his recreational free time so deserved after a long day at the kitchen.

And not long afterward, he was parking his car in front of a small coffee shop that attempted to resemble one from Kalos; café Le Noir.

As always, he got inside for the same blond woman of the beautiful blue eyes to approach him.

“The same as always, mr. Fleur de Lis?”

“Yes, please, Tracy.”

She smiled, and headed back to the counter, to prepare him his coffee; decaffeinated, as nothing that could rise his mood suddenly was recommended. She always prepared it bitter, incredibly bitter, how he liked it.

After a couple of minutes she was back with the cup of tea and some cookies, and after placing them in the table, she took the seat across him, wearing a gentle smile on her face.

“How was your day?”

“Just fine. Very busy. Today there were a lot of customers.”

She chuckled with that melodic voice of hers, “as you can see, we didn’t get many customers today.”

It was indeed a small business. Not many Sinnohan people seemed to be used to the Kalosian style of a café. 

Either way, she sighed as she stretched in her place, “it’s been raining a lot lately, don’t you think so?”

A little too much.

“At Kalos, does it also rains like this?”

Even a bit more. And the rain, falling in the ground, lit up by the lights of Lumiose city, the puddles reflecting the proudful glow of the Prism tower... made the rain tenfold magic. More so when within his view range there were soaked black curls, and he could hear gasps and laughter coming from the professor who would stand beside him, reaching out for his hand, while those grey eyes stared at him like he was his whole world , and...

Lysandre sighed, nostalgically.

“Yes. It’s such an spectacle.”

She exclaimed, as she rested her chin on the palm of her hands, “I wish I could visit Lumiose City at least once. It sounds like such a nice place, so romantic...”

If Tracy ever did, Lysandre though, that spark of admiration and kindness would disappear of her face once she listened to everything people said about him.

“And how was your day, Tracy? How’s it going with that assignment for University that you told me about the other day?”

She seemed happy for that question, so happy that she stopped making questions about his life at Kalos, and excitedly started to ramble about her classes, her teachers, her classmates...

Until it became dinner time, and he said goodbye to her, announcing that he wouldn’t be coming back until he fixed his matters with the shifts at work.

And once Lysandre was out of Le Noir... indeed, he though, it was raining a little too much, and he never imagined Sinnoh could offer that much rain; if any, he imagined snow. 

He drove through the heavy rain, until he was back at his new apartment complex; once again, he went for the penthouse, because some things couldn’t be helped. And after parking the car, he took the elevator that would take him to the last floor, and later, to his apartment. 

It was very cold inside, so Lysandre rushed to turn the heater on first. Then, he took out his shoes, got rid of the thick coat, headed to the kitchen where his meds were, took his dose, and just like that, went to the living room, to grab a blanket and lay in the couch. 

He knew he shouldn’t be skipping dinner, that he shouldn’t be passing out at the couch when he had a very comfortable bed awaiting for him...

But, Lysandre couldn’t bring himself to care all the time. And after a long day of being alright and in control, kind and collected, sometimes he just needed the chance to be self indulgent.

Though, the indulgence wouldn’t come until he didn’t make his daily call.

And because of that, he turned on his Holo Caster, pressed “record”, and pointed the small camera at himself. 

“Hello, Malva,” he started, putting up his bestest smile. “I’m back from home after work, reporting. I barely know why is this necessary but... anyways. I wont have dinner now because I ate at that café I told you about the other day. Tracy talked a lot to me today. I just feel like watching some TV and then hitting the bed since tomorrow I’ll be doing double shift at Santalune. That’s it. I don’t know when you are going to watch this, but, I hope you have a good day. Bye.”

The device stop recording.

It had become a daily routine of them; Lysandre had to record something to prove he was fine and sane and taking his doses. It was tiring and absurd, but if in that way he had Malva contented...

Before putting his Holo Caster aside, Lysandre started traveling through old clips, and then, he selected one from a specific date of two years ago, and played it:

“Hey, Lys, D’amour, how are you? Busy, I guess, hah!”

That helpless smile appeared on his lips.

“Hey! Is it fine if I get some pink wine for dinner today? For some odd reason, there’s no red wine in the store, yes, I know, no red wine at Lumiose... but, what if we tried this one? Text me back your answer, yes? Oh, and I love you.”

The small figure of Augustine disappeared as the clip finished, leaving everything silent again.

Lysandre wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but his definition of ‘watching some TV’, was laying in the couch and watch Augustine’s old clips in his Holo Caster.

Because... no matter how awful everything had ended up between them, Lysandre still loved him, and missed him more than words could ever express.

Yeah... Sinnoh was a nice place. People there were a bit gentler, and cared more about each other; most importantly, no one gave him more than a second glare, everyone treated him as a normal person, foreign, but normal. And he had some pals from work, and he could visit Tracy whenever he wanted, and it felt like a breath of fresh air in his life, now that his depressive and manic episodes were under control. 

But... nothing of that mattered if Augustine wasn’t there to share it with him.

What was the point on recovering if Augustine couldn’t be profited by that? What was the point of being sane if he couldn’t use that span to fix everything he did wrong with the love of his life? Was there any sense to it?

Maybe, if Lysandre had listened to him sooner, maybe if he had accepted psychological aid before his ‘good’ mood got out of hand... 

Maybe Augustine and him could be there, together, wrapped in each other.

At the end of the day, regardless of how good and how normal it had been, Lysandre always got the same feeling at the top of his stomach; longing.

And he thought that, if he could turn back time, he would like to do things right this time around. And the conclusion was always the same; he wished, oh how he wished he could meet Augustine once more, to start over again with him, as if they were strangers, to get to know each other once more by the people they were now, and not the monsters they had been before.

But being so far apart from each other, he could only imagine his loose curls, his slim body on top of his, as he watched the rest of the clips left in his Holo Caster; the small substitute of the actual silhouette appearing and disappearing in front of him over and over and over again.

Until Lysandre fell asleep and the clips kept playing.

“Coucou!” Augustine exclaimed in a very sweet voice. “Were you sleeping? Oh, I’m sorry if the notification is going to wake you up! Well... non. It is fairly late for you to be sleeping. Anyways. Today something interesting happened! We were at the beach at Coumarine City, and in the while-”

The Holo Caster fell into his chest, the image glitching as well as the sound; and it became like a loop, a loop were Augustine got stuck in the middle of an irrelevant yet lovely story of his.

And when Lysandre, asleep, turned to one of his sides:

“Parfait, Lys!” And before the clip ended, a sweet chuckle followed.

He missed Augustine so badly.

* * *

It surely had been raining a lot in Kalos.

What could he expect? It was rainy season. So, since he woke up very early in the morning, alone, he found the sky completely clouded, the windows full of raindrops.

As every morning, he got ready to go to the lab; recently, he had been arriving even earlier, just to prepare coffee for everyone. So, when Sina and Dexio arrived, they smiled and thanked him and they could gossip a bit before getting down to work.

Trevor would stop by a lot to check the progress of his Pokédex, and Augustine will always smile at him and congratulate him for his amazing progress and dedication. Sometimes Tierno would also come along, and everyone would find themselves laughing a bit too much because he was just that funny and cheerful. Whenever Shauna came along their gossiping would become even better. And when Calem and Serena were there, he felt so proud of how much both had grown up as trainers. 

From time to time he took breaks to call Aurea, or he’d call Kukui to ask for some information and then would chat to him for a bit more than required. Then, he’d be left alone to work in his very comfy office, while Chespin and Balbasaur tried to cling to him to end up distracting him.

Everything was fine. Everything was normal. Everyone was living their lives the best they could. Everything was just as it should be.

That day, as nearly every other day now, at some point of the afternoon he went out to buy some desserts for him and his aides, and it started to rain; silly him, Sina insisted on borrowing her umbrella to him in case the heavy clouds turned into a downpour soon, but Augustine had been so stubborn about not wanting to carry it. 

And... as the people started to run to the sides to keep themselves safe from the rain, Augustine just made sure the pains au chocolat wouldn’t get ruined, sighed and kept walking under the raindrops, with resignation, because in a more poetic way, that was what his life always had been, feeling the raindrops constantly falling on his head, realizing the sun had abandoned him just like that.

He laughed ironically at his own dramatic narrative.

But there was a truth that was undeniable, a truth that hit him whenever he was met with everybody’s silence and the sound of rain smacking against the floor.

Everything was fine now, better than it had been in the longest of whiles, yet... nothing seemed to fit. Or maybe, it was that Augustine felt like he was a complete different person who couldn’t fit in his own life anymore.

No matter how fine everything was... the blue would cling to him and remain there, aching like a hole in the middle of his stupid, petty and contradictory heart.

Because his life was normal, a bit too normal now. And, even if he was smiling all the time, and he couldn’t say he was in the complete ruin anymore, he didn’t feel happy like this either. His heart felt white now; uniformed, constant, but lacking all kind of color, of intensity, of magic.

And he only realized this whenever, in his way to the bakery shop, he found a couple of silly lovers holding hands and running through the rain and dancing and laughing, just like now a young couple were doing almost right in front of him.

As he stared at that blondie being swept off her feet by a tall brunette, Augustine could only think about how he had once been one like them; some years ago, it would be him, laughing at a grumpy Lysandre, who would overcome his pride to grab his waist suddenly and make him dance, while Augustine screamed ‘do you think that is appropriate for a Professor to do this?’

Ah...

Maybe it just was part of growing up and maturing. 

Maybe it was that a love that lasted forever couldn’t be that special.

Maybe it was that not everybody had to be the greatest story ever told.

… Maybe it was that he missed Lysandre so much.

Maybe it was that not knowing where Lysandre was, was killing him slowly. 

He surely still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that, just like that, Lysandre decided to quit him, to quit the region, and to quit a life that was ruined to start a new one and move on.

And even if it was so awfully selfish, Lysandre moving on from all of that hurt him, hurt him deep inside his permanently aching chest.

Because…  _ fuck _ .

What if he truly achieved it? What if now that he attended therapy and took his meds and for that must be fine and recovered, what if he actually moved on and even found  _ someone else _ ?

It wasn’t hard to imagine Lysandre finding someone else; maybe a gorgeous woman as refined as him, maybe a man that knew what he wanted and wasn’t a codependent bitch to him. Lysandre was terribly charismatic, after all. Magnetic. Appealing, prideful. Hell interesting, good at so many things, very smart. He also had a way with words, and he didn’t hesitate to use them as needed. Anyone he wanted to fall for him, would fall. And now his bipolar disorder was under control apparently, most importantly, he’d be able to keep them.

All of that while Augustine was just there, pretending he enjoyed his boring normal life, unable to move on from Lysandre, from all the pain made and received, trying to push aside the images of Lysandre being loved right by someone who Augustine couldn’t compete with, by someone who wouldn’t spit at his feelings and mistreat him.

Nothing was worse than to think that, the last memory Lysandre had of him was, in fact, the rejection, the ugly words he took by heart: ‘you are an emotionless maniac, go away and never be back’.

And their last kiss... had been horrible. Not appropriate for a last kiss. And remembering his hands and feet attacking him, even if Diantha had told him to forgive himself for that...

He had no way to know it was going to be the last kiss, the last time they saw each other, the last time until Lysandre, after many times off, decided to retreat at once and definitely, leaving him dry and with the regret clinging to him every single night when he wished it would be Lysandre clinging to him instead.

When the affliction in his heart stung this much, and also made his hands and feet tingle of frustration… Augustine could only hope it was nice wherever Lysandre was, that the sun shone for him, that it was a beautiful day, that he could find the peace he never found in here, that things were better for him at least. 

And in the while... Augustine had nothing more to do than to flow with the storms still raining in his head and go on with it. 

Because... even if his heart was drowning in sorry blue, he couldn’t let it defeat him. He had gained nothing from crying before, and this time he wouldn’t do it. He preferred to smile, to show off his best grin and laugh the regret away. Crying was not for him now, he wasn’t going to stop the blue and the rain and the sorrow by complaining, if only, that would make all worse, like it had done before.

He was sure... it was just a matter of time until the sun shone for him again, and his heart felt ready to move on from all of that silent misery, even if his mind and soul still felt so stuck in this, like they wouldn't ever be able to get past this horrible emotions.

And he knew that this was what freedom truly felt like: Getting everything he ever wanted, being afraid of losing it, and then, just losing it like that, with a flicker of an eye, without even realizing. Now Lysandre was gone of his life, now that they woke up in lonely beds and different cities, now time was taking its sweet time erasing Lysandre, Augustine was free. And even if he didn’t know what to do with that freedom, he was free anyway.

Free to walk under the rain, and cry and laugh if he wanted, of picking to remain in the floor for a while until the pain passed, of doing rash decisions he’d regret later. He had too many possibilities now that it was overwhelming and paralyzing.

Freedom wasn’t always sweet or easy to handle. But he’d figure it out. He knew destiny would put everything back to where it needed to be. That it was just a matter of time and that he had to be patient.

And so… When he arrived back to the lab, it was to his assistants gasping.

“Professor!”

“Ah, I told you to bring an umbrella with you!”

He laughed, foolishly, pushing his harsh thoughts to the back of his mind again, “don’t worry, the pains au chocolat are alright!”

“We care about you, Professor!” Dexio said, grabbing the bag. “You gotta go dry yourself or you’ll catch the flu.”

“First,” Sina added, a bit grumpy. “Professor Rowan called and told me to ask you to call him back as soon as you were back from being a glutton.”

Definitely the words the old man would say.

“Did he say what did he want?”

“No. Just told me that.”

“Alright. I’ll go call him back then. It must be pretty late in Sinnoh already and the old man has to sleep.”

“And dry yourself afterward!”

“Yes, guys, I will.”

Like that, Augustine rushed upstairs, and only took his lab coat off before grabbing the phone -not his Xtransceiver, the traditional phone instead- and called Rowan’s number. 

After some beeps, Rowan answered.

“Hello?”

“Professor Rowan, it’s me!”

“Oh, Sycamore, are you done escaping work for going to buy your gluttonery?”

“Come on, Prof, these are pains au chocolat! If you tried one good Kalosian pain au chocolat you’d understand.”

“No, thanks, I’ll pass.”

Augustine laughed, briefly, “anyways, what’s the matter, Prof?”

“Are you busy?”

“Non... it’s raining a lot in here so I doubt anyone’s gonna pay a visit any time soon.”

“Great,” Rowan said in his serene tone. “Because I want to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

“Okay, so. Basically, I’m about to start a research about Pokémon evolution.”

“As always.”

“Yes. This time I’m going to focus it in the origins of evolution. Were ancient Pokémon simpler forms? Or were they more complex forms like Primal Rayquaza?”

“Sounds interesting.”

“It is. And, you can suppose that, in the origins of evolution, it’s also involved mega evolution.”

Oh. He got it.

“And, since you are the genius of mega evolution and are tied to a lot of people who can use it and that researches it, I want you to work with me in this one.”

Rowan was his mentor, the one who thought him everything he knew. There was no way Augustine was going to turn down the request.

“I have to add that... I would require you to spend some months here at Sinnoh.”

Oh. That changed everything. 

“So... I’d have to travel.”

“Yes. Travel costs run by yourself, but you can stay here at the lab, you know we’ve got many rooms, and we just recently remodeled them so it’s even a more comfortable place to be in.”

“I see…”

“And this is why I’m asking you if you are up to instead of just adding you to the project right away. I don’t know how busy you are at the moment, so...”

Ever since Serena defeated Diantha, everything had been chiller at the lab and at the region in general. He could surely be working from Sinnoh, more if the research was about evolution and mega evolution. Yet...

“Also,” Rowan cleared his throat. “I thought you could use some time far from Kalos, to relax, clear up your mind, breath in another air, put some habits back to place and get hold of yourself again. It could be like a soul searching vacation instead you are working for me.”

And Augustine sighed, getting a bit tense, “had you been talking to Aurea lately, by any chance?”

Finally, the old man gave in, “she’s only worried about you. And I can’t blame her, Sycamore, I also am, even from a different region I can tell something’s off.”

His throat tightened up a bit, “I’m doing fine,” it was a lie, a blatant lie anyone that knew him in the slightest could break through. “Things just feel weird at times but- I’m fine.”

“Juniper might be getting overly worked up about it, but, if she says you need the time off and far from your own life... I have to believe her.”

What in the world had Aurea told to Rowan? Judging by it, maybe that he was drowned in depression and alcoholism, which at times, to be fair, had been true. But not recently.

“Oh, and she said that she will also come to Sinnoh if you accept to come.”

Well, that was something else entirely.

“You also invited her?”

“She studies origins, so, she might be useful for the research.”

“Well...”

“Of course she’s going to bring Fennel with her, because she is planning to use this as a vacation for the both.”

“Such helpless lesbians.”

Rowan cleared his throat, “you’re not someone to complain about that.”

And before Rowan could even bring up the topic about Lysandre, Augustine laughed and started to dance around the matter.

“Well, maybe... I don’t know what to say at this moment.”

“Take your time to think about it. It might be an important decision.”

But... maybe it wasn’t a bad idea. To be far from the city that just reminded him of Lysandre and everything they both had done wrong. Maybe a little time off faraway, with Rowan and Aurea and Fennel would be useful for him to fix his heart and put his life in order again, and maybe to find the thrill that he felt long gone. 

So...

“Okay, I’m in.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, if both of you think that it’s the best for me, I’m in.”

“Great, I’ll email you the details when I wake up at morning.”

And to shake off the tension, he joked, “see you can use email now!”

“Don’t disrespect older people,” Rowan replied half jokingly, half seriously. “I’m heading to bed now, have a good day.”

“Goodnight, Prof. Talk to you soon.”

And they hung up.

And Augustine asked himself if it was a good idea to just accept that offer without discussing it with Sina and Dexio first, after all, that would only mean more work for them...

Yet, he was sure the monotony was going to kill him if he didn’t take this chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love mutual pining, what else can I say? :)
> 
> Welp! I hope you enjoyed this week’s chapter. If there were any typos or something, I wanna say that hehe editing process is almost a holy ritual for me, but as I started working this week, I had to do it all from my phone, with google docs and in the spans when we didn’t have customers. I still did my best for this to come out as best as possible though. So I hope it was nice uwu
> 
> This is all for this week! Thank you for following the story so far and I’ll see you next week with another update!


	11. Tú atacas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tú me desbalanceas, tú quien pausa mi tiempo, tú me tocas, yo tiemblo, tú atacas siempre en silencio.”

He must have remembered that Sinnoh in mid October was fairly cold already.

Maybe he underestimated Jubilife; he thought it couldn’t be that colder than Sandgem since it was urbanized and that always meant pollution and so effects in the temperature, it didn’t help it was very close to Floaroma which looked like springtime heaven itself... 

Anyways, his errands at Jubilife for that day were over, and he was finally able to return to the Lab at Sandgem, to do pretty much the same thing he did yesterday, and the day before yesterday...

Things really didn’t change that much once he got to Sinnoh. If only, he was cold all the time now and he had to deal with the jealousy he felt whenever Fennel and Aurea got too touchy in his presence, almost as if showing off. 

The monotony still clung to him like a bad perfume, and each time he saw people like his friends being that happy and wrapped in bliss, he only felt worse and worse, as if he was never to feel something for anyone else ever again in his existence as a way to be punished by karma for breaking everything he had with the only person he ever truly loved.

Yet... well. He couldn’t completely complain since Sinnoh was a beautiful region and he was always under constant watch. Aurea always kept an eye on him and was his confident while Rowan treated him with small little details, like making his coffee at morning and sharing his groceries with him.

At some moment, his Xtreinsceiver went off and he quickly picked it up.

“Hey, homo!”

Augustine rolled his eyes, “what do you want?”

“Hey!” Aurea snickered. “Are you still at Jubilife?”

“Yes.”

“Could you then please stop by a shop and buy some spicy chips for Fennel? We looked everywhere in Sandgem for some and they don’t have any in stock and she's getting crazy.”

Augustine rolled his eyes.

“Please, Augus baby?” Aurea pouted. “We’ll pay you when you get back, pretty please?”

“Alright. But you owe me a favor now.”

“Yes! Thank you!”

And then, she hung up.

If Aurea wasn’t really something...

Well. If he had thought he’d be back to Sandgem town soon, it would take a little more. So, instead of keep walking in straight line, he turned to the corner, and got once more in an avenue. 

Augustine remembered that near there was a rather big store where there surely must be Unovan styled spicy chips. And as he walked, something called his attention.

There was a restaurant called Santalune, and had the official logo of the town. Nothing that really mattered, but any reminiscence of Kalos always made him feel a bit homesick, as ridiculous as it sounded. 

He was about to just drop the matter, until, from there, he watched two people running scared.

And then a couple more followed.

And that surely puzzled Augustine, so, thinking that maybe something dangerous could be happening in there, he approached the entrance to see if there was something he could do to help.

“Excuse me, what is happening?”

A woman laughed, distressed.

“We were having lunch and everything was normal, but a weird cat pokemon walked in very furious and started to throw fire and we got so scared!”

“Could you see what Pokémon it was?”

“Ah... it was white or light brown I think? With orange baby hair at the top of its head, and it threw fire...”

The description was a bit odd, but judging by it, it must be a Litleo.

Without saying anything else, Augustine got inside the restaurant, and indeed, there was a mess of people screaming, as all seemed to surround someone in the floor who was dealing with the little beast.

No one seemed to care that he snuck in, and surely not dressed up with the etiquette a place like that demanded; everyone seemed to be more attentive of the chef knelt over the floor trying to contain a very enraged, and he’d say, scared little Litleo.

He had once helped raising a Litleo, and not any Litleo, the deseased Pokémon was complicated and mischievous and stubborn like his trainer had been, so he knew exactly what to do, and with confidence, he approached the chef.

“Excuse me, sir, let me help you with-”

The man turned to face him and Augustine could swear his soul abandoned his very body at that moment, spun three times around the earth, jumped a couple more, and then returned to the shelf his body was, just to make his heart stop for complete seconds.

Both gasped, frightened, and in their faces was written all sort of surprise and fear and utter shock.

“Augustine-”

“What are you doing here-”

Lysandre got so distracted that he fell backwards. But, for everyone’s surprise, the Litleo calmed down at that exact moment.

“Fuck!” Augustine swore, his whole body shaking and moving erratically with hesitation. “Ah! Let me help you!”

And when Lysandre lent him his hand, and Augustine grabbed it to help him stand...

The facade fell. Oh, it was torn apart. Everything that was grey and cold inside of him sparked in red, yellow and orange colors, and the heat traveled over each of his living cells, and the touch made him tremble with thrill, and it was even as if the time had stopped for a second and-

Once Lysandre was back in his feet, he also looked as taken aback. His blue eyes were intensely scanning his face, his clothing, his hair, everything. And so Augustine was staring as if he needed to memorize him and-

Someone in the crowd cleared their throat. Everyone looked very puzzled. 

“What-”

Lysandre even jolted a bit when he addressed him once more. Fuck. Was Lysandre even afraid of him? Even if it had been so long?

“Sorry-” he proceeded to apologize and turn his face. “I... I shouldn’t- sorry-”

He definitely was scared.

And Augustine never believed he would make Lysandre scared of him.

“It’s okay, just...” the words refused to work out of his mouth. His heart was beating right in his throat and he could barely think of anything intelligent. “What happened here?”

Because, yes, after months of not knowing absolutely nothing about his mentally ill ex lover who went away without a single word or a warning sign, after months of missing him like crazy and fantasizing at nights with this moment, that was the smartest thing to ask.

In Augustine’s defense, Lysandre wasn’t properly working his ideas either, “I was... at the kitchen and...” his breath was unsteady, his words hesitant. “There was a big riot in here, and... I saw a Litleo and...”

“Oh.”

Fuck dammit. He wanted to puck now.

“Hey, Lysandre, man, are you okay?”

Lysandre turned to the shorter man, “yes, chef.”

“Goddammit, you look as if you had just watched a ghost.”

If the chef even knew what was happening in there…

“Um...”

“Oh-”

“Wait,” the man said. “Do you know each other?”

If they knew each other, he was asking?

“Yes, chef, h-he,” he was stuttering so bad, struggling to pick his sentences right. “He’s Augustine Sycamore, my-”

Fuck. Fuck.

“And old colleague of mine.”

Now Augustine wanted to fucking cry.

“Oh, well, nice to meet you, Augustine,” at the awkward situation, the manager tried to add something else, politely. “Your name sounds familiar, if I’m not wrong I think sometime I heard Lysandre talking about you...”

Lysandre looked away, totally ashamed, and that seemed to call the chef’s attention.

“What? Did I say something wrong?”

Why couldn’t Giratina just appear in there a swallow him to the Distortion World for once?

“No, no…”

“Are you two okay? Did that cat do something to you?”

Once more, Lysandre shook his head, “I’ll take care of this little friend outside, could you give me a couple of minutes?”

“Sure, man. Take 20 minutes to take care of that and chill yourself down because you don’t really look good.”

“Yes, chef, thanks.”

And Augustine watched Lysandre going out from the back door, and even if he shouldn’t do it because he wasn’t an authorized person to do so, Augustine followed Lysandre mindlessly.

And once they were alone...

Ah.

He was so unprepared for that; that morning when he woke up, feeling alone, the bed cold, he didn’t imagine the day was saving this for him. He didn’t even know where to stare at, he just knew his head would explode from so much shame and embarrassment.

It was the little shiny Litleo the one to break the silence when it meowed and jumped to Augustine’s arms.

“Do you think he has a trainer?”

“So, it's a him?”

Before Lysandre could reply, the sound of a car passing by and playing loud music got in the middle.

Then, he nodded with simplicity, because he just knew.

And Augustine replied, “he must have one... Litleo are not an specimen from Sinnoh, and any less if he’s shiny...”

“But he seemed very scared when I found him. And angry.”

Augustine sighed, deeply, “maybe someone liberated him. I can’t find any other logical explanation.”

“Is that so?” Lysandre asked to the Pokémon, who nodded. “Oh, poor boy...”

“What do we do now?”

“Are you carrying any pokéballs with you?”

“Yeah... let me...”

From his bag he took out a premier ball someone gave him at the Pokémon store earlier that day, and got Litleo inside of it.

Apparently, the small cat didn’t have any issue with remaining in there, so the catch was complete. 

“Here,” Augustine lent him the Pokéball, because that seemed to be the most natural to do then.

Yet, Lysandre flinched.

“No, no, you caught him, you keep him.”

“But you were the one to find him, I’m pretty sure you know how to take care of a Litleo better than I do.”

“You keep it.”

“But, why-”

Lysandre for a second stared at him with an obvious expression that soon turned into a scared one, a regretting one. And it was almost as if he had said it, ‘because I killed Pyroar’.

And Augustine couldn’t really blame him for being afraid and reluctant when he had been the one to wake him up at the hospital to reproach him for that and then just slam the sides of the bed and scream and insult him-

It was only natural Lysandre didn’t want to keep him.

“Okay... I’ll take him with me.”

“Thanks. I’m sure you’ll know how to treat him right.”

The silence settled over them once more, the sound of the car's engines being the only thing they could listen to now. And it only became worse and worse and worse.

Because, after months of not knowing absolutely nothing about him, Lysandre appeared one day, out of the blue, casually in the same region he traveled to in attempts to forget. 

And now, looking at his regretful glare, at how jumpy he was, at how ashamed he seemed to be... Augustine only felt the urge to apologize for that one last night, to tell him everything that had been in his head, to tell him that it had been hard to forgive and forget, that he still couldn’t, but that he wanted to find a way, because he had missed him at every step of the road, to let him now that he had been broken hearted ever since the last time they saw each other-

But he couldn’t do anything else but to stare at him, drink on his image, feel so lost in the sight of his ginger hair tied up, of his broad shoulders, of his height, of the sleeves of his shirt folded upwards, showing off his now again toned arms, as well as the scars on his wrists and-

That only felt like life slapping him in his face, making him see the results of going too hard on Lysandre and treat him as bad as he did. It didn’t help that he could only remember how he told Malva that he didn’t care about Lysandre doing that, that he surely just wanted to call her attention, and-

And when he noticed Augustine was staring at the marks of his cuts, he awkwardly hid his hands behind his back, mumbling uncomfortable.

Damn, it had been acknowledging the issue before time, and now it was pretty obvious there was something they ought to talk about, to fix, but Augustine couldn’t find the nerve on his arresting heart to formulate the sentences and-

“Well,” Lysandre cleared his throat, looking away this time, “I must be getting back inside...”

Fuck it, he had gone silent for too long and now Lysandre was only thinking of leaving and-

Ah, screw everything.

“When will your shift be over?”

That question surely surprised Lysandre, and his answer was almost painful.

“Today I work double shift, one of my work mates is sick and I offered to do her shift.”

Damn.

“Do you have any phone number I can call you to?”

Why was Lysandre so horribly hesitating? Wasn’t this what he wanted so desperately? Didn’t he want to talk to him anymore? Was he already over him and their relationship and all the mess they’d made?

With a simplicity that stung deep inside his silly heart, Lysandre replied. “I keep my old number.”

What?

“Y-You… do?”

“Yes.”

That twisted bitch.

Ugh, why did he even believe what Malva said?

All that time Lysandre had been within his reach and… Malva just decided to lie about him changing his number only to push his buttons?

If that witch wasn’t still dating Diantha, Augustine would be sure she was chasing after Lysandre and making everything within her power to sabotage him because-

Ugh. 

However, Augustine chuckled, playing it up for his own sake, even if deep down he was melting and dying and crying and burning and cursing and-

It was just normal that Lysandre had his guard so up, that he kept it in short and expressionless replies, that he was just so bashful. Augustine had been a monster to him, it was not only normal but to be expected that Lysandre chose to keep an emotional distance from such a bad person like him. 

“Alright, alright! Heh, then... have a good day!”

And before he could clumsily turn around and go out of Lysandre’s gaze to stop bothering him with his nonsense, he said one last thing.

“I’ll be free at 10 pm. If you feel like calling me then I will surely pick it up.”

Relief, nervousness, anger, sadness and gladness all mixed in his stomach and Augustine was sure he’d puck that time for sure. But he chose to laugh instead.

“Alright then, Lysandre. Bye. Have a nice day!”

“Bye.”

He couldn’t scream because he could feel Lysandre’s glare remaining in his back, but, fuck. 

Did it show again? That he was on his absolute knees for Lysandre, like he had always been? Did it show he couldn’t resist him, how much he had missed him?

Ah… how did he ever let him go, when his feelings for him were just this strong?

Ah… this couldn’t even be real. This couldn’t be happening.

But it had happened, and… there they went again, as always.

* * *

When he arrived at the lab, Aurea rushed to greet him.

“Hey, where the chips at-”

“Forget about the chips!”

Aurea surely looked surprised and gasped very loudly, calling Fennel’s attention, who was just next door.

“What’s happening-”

“Fuck, fuck!”

“Augus, what’s the matter?”

He began to wail, distressed, losing his control.

“Augustine?”

He growled, giving in, “you won’t ever imagine who I just- saw!”

“Who?”

“From all people, from all people living in here! Ah, fuck!”

“Who!?” Aurea asked louder this time.

“L-Lysandre!”

He growled, and kicked the floor, and then collapsed against the nearest wall, because only Lysandre held the power to send him into that emotional estate.

“What?”

“As in your ex?”

“I’m going to have a fucking stroke!”

“Okay, Augus, calm down-”

“I’m shaking so much, oh my god, this is pathetic!”

Before he could even say something else, Rowan walked in.

“Dear Arceus, what is all of this riot?”

“You!” Rowan jumped a bit when Augustine pointed him out with his finger and screamed. “You did know he was here, didn’t you? That was why you wanted me to be here?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Lysandre!”

“Lysandre what?”

“I just! I just came across Lysandre!”

Rowan even got defensive, “what? Him?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know he was here because- holy fuck!”

“Why, Sycamore, I’m not acting, I had no idea he was at Sinnoh.”

“This has to be a joke!”

His whole body was shaking so damn bad, and he was amazed by his own vicious reactions to something that, after all that time, he should be able to handle in a more mature way.

“Okay, Augus, just sit down and tell us what happened,” Aurea grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to sit down on the couch. 

Fennel took a seat beside him, to offer moral support.

“I... I was going to get the chips.“

Aurea sent her girlfriend a glare of not complaining about the chips not being there.

“What happened next?”

“I was walking by a restaurant called Santalune, then there was a riot, I asked to the customers outside what was happening, then I went inside and there was a Litleo rioting while someone was trying to contain him, I talked to them and they turned out to be Lysandre and-”

He interrupted himself as he wailed and growled and shook his head and coiled his hands on his hair.

“What happened next?” Fennel asked, thrilled.

“I almost fainted when we looked at each other!” And he started to remember his face, how utterly shocked and scared he had looked. “And... he was shaking.”

Rowan snorted, “shaking, you say?”

“Then?”

“Ah! It was so awkward! Everyone was just staring at us and then his boss, I think?” Augustine paused for a second. “Well, he asked him if we knew each other and he introduced me as and old colleague of his-”

While Fennel cooed empathic, Aurea just laughed.

“Colleagues in bed or what?”

“Juniper!” The oldest called her out, scandalized. “Behave!”

“Stop laughing, this ain’t even funny!”

“Come on, baby, Gus is suffering!”

“Sorry, sorry, is just that,” she took a deep breath. “This kind of stuff only happens to Augus.”

Fennel shushed her, “what happened next, huh?”

“I followed him to the back door, and... gosh, I couldn’t even stare at him. Then he asked me to catch the Litleo, as well as to keep it, and, argh! I’m so stupid! Because I immediately asked him if he’d be free, and he was replying so shortly, and looked so scared, and then I just found out that Malva, the twisted bitch, lied to me about Lysandre changing his number, and- Ah! Fuck me!”

Snorting bitterly, Rowan shook his head, “as if he was one to act that way after what he did.”

“I don’t even know if I should call him now I said I would, because maybe I’ll leave him waiting, and why do I even care about leaving him waiting? Argh!”

“It’s alright, Gus,” Fennel kept showing that more neutral, and actually helpful temper. “It surely took you by surprise.”

“I’ve been fantasizing about this so much that I can’t believe it even took my by surprise.”

“It’s normal that you feel this way, Lysandre isn’t just a person in your life, he was very important to you.”

The love of his life, in fact.

He continued wailing, because admitting such a thing was hard, admitting that he wasn’t that strong to Lysandre and that he still held the power to make him lose his balance in a matter of just a few words was so damn hard.

At last, someone finally seemed to have mercy on him and his suffering, and it was Rowan, getting back to his usual mood to say:

“Well, you said you acquired a Littleo. Show us the baby.”

“Yes!” Fennel replied sweetly. “Let us see it!”

“Be careful, though, if you said you found it in a riot it might still be a bit scared.”

“Okay,” Yeah, it was better off to let the little white Litleo to have the spotlight in a moment like that.

So, he took out the premier ball, launched it, and from it emerged a little cat, who jumped straight into his arms.

“Aw!” Aurea cooed. “Look at this baby!”

“Is it a baby boy or a baby girl?”

“Lysandre could tell at first sight it is a male.”

“Well, it surely looks like a healthy boy,” the oldest began with an indulgent smile upon his lips. “And it’s an special specimen.”

“We think someone liberated him...”

“Why would someone abandon such a cute boy?”

As Fennel started to pet the top of his head, the little cat began to purr pleased.

“He was so scared when I first saw Lysandre.”

Litleo meowed loudly then, and started to stare at one side and another. And then, meowed again.

“What’s the matter?”

Litleo hopped off his lap, and kept meowing while heading to the door and scratching it.

“What could be happening to him?”

“He must be still a bit scared,” Rowan explained. “Give him time, he must be trying to get used to the new environment.”

“You should let me make a dream study for him later to see if we can find out anything.”

And as he sighed, Aurea stared empatheticaly at him for once.

“Want me to get you some tea, for now?”

“And a cigarette-”

“No smoking here, Sycamore,” as strict as always.

“Yeah, Gus, no smoking in front of the kid!”

Augustine stared up at Aurea who gave him a compassionate look.

“Tea will be, then.”

* * *

When his Holo Caster went off, Lysandre felt his heart at the edge of an arrest.

When it was an audio call and not from Malva, his hands even started to tremble and his head went dizzy in a matter of seconds.

Anyways, he picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Ah, hello, Lysandre, it’s me, Augustine.”

He ran out of breath in his spot.

He didn’t believe Augustine was actually going to call, in his mind, those last lines had been spoken out of sheer awkward politeness and nothing else.

“H-Hello...”

His heart was drumming so harshly in his ears that barely let him pick his next replies.

“I hope this isn’t a bad moment.”

He was supposed to make things right. Why was he hesitating and remaining silent, then?

“No. It’s fine. I’m at home already.”

“Hey!” Once more, he cackled a nervous chuckle, that nervous chuckle that characterized his calls, that chuckle that was endearing. “I have something to tell you about Litleo.”

“Y-Yes?”

“When I summoned him at the Pokémon Lab he started to meow very loud. Rowan said that he needed to get used to his surroundings and that he’d soon chill down but... heh, he didn’t stop meowing for hours, and when Aurea opened the door for like 5 seconds he tried to run away and I had to chase after him, and he hasn’t stopped meowing since then! It’s so insane that I even had to put him back inside his pokeball.”

“It surely sounds messy.”

“Y-Yes!” And now, Augustine began to stammer. “So... um... heh. Fennel has this crazy idea that, heh, maybe, because you were the one to find it first, maybe, um... maybe he’s calling for you.”

He couldn’t even reply to this point. 

“So... hah! I... I wanted to see if... maybe... you know, you could come over to see him and see if it’s that?”

If someone could see him, Lysandre was sure they would notice how his face went dead pale and he almost had a stroke.

Was Augustine really asking to meet him? Could it be?

“Obviously, if you have the time! I don’t know how your shifts work, but if you can make some time...”

He probably shouldn’t be doing this; no, he could listen to Malva’s voice at the back of his mind calling him stupid for wanting to make this.

He really destroyed everything between them, and Augustine had been cruel and heartless too, maybe they were doomed to harm each other, to not work, to fail.

And even though, from his shaky mouth the words spilled.

“I’ll be free at 4 tomorrow. I want to assume you are at Sandgem so it will probably take me an hour to make it there.”

“So... is it fine for you if we meet tomorrow at Rowan’s Lab at 5?”

A dry chuckle was Lysandre’s first reply, “I don’t think the Professor will be very glad to see me.”

“Ah!” Augustine went silent for a whole 30 seconds and mumbled clumsily until seemingly he got an answer. “Don’t worry! He has something else to do at that hour, so it will be just the two of us, alone-”

Damn it.

“And Aurea and Fennel, of course! But they will be minding their own business, you know.”

How was he even going to see Augustine without dying of absolute shame?

Yet, it had been so many restless nights wanting to get a chance to do it all over again, to get close to Augustine and proof him that he was willing to change, that he wasn’t going to waste it.

“Alright. See you tomorrow at 5, then.”

“Okay! See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Augustine,” being able to say it to him, to verbalize his name, to let it roll from his tongue… it was delirious. “Have a good night. Rest well. Go to sleep early.”

“Only if the little boy lets me do it,” and his laughter was for once genuine.

Lysandre couldn’t help but sigh, enamored, his chest weighing with love and reluctance.

“You too, goodnight! Sleep well.”

“Bye, Augustine.”

“Bye.”

His heart almost ached when Augustine hung up.

And the silence of the room replied back, making his thoughts race at record speed. Now they weren’t just plainly fatalistic, no, they also were a little too optimistic, hopeful, and he wanted to go to sleep already so tomorrow could arrive sooner and-

He had to call Malva first.

So, he didn’t put his Holo Caster aside; he began to record a message instead:

“Hello, Malva. It’s me. Heh. I’m about to go to sleep tonight. Before you ask, yes, I had my dose already, yes, I had dinner too.”

He paused for some seconds.

“Something... happened, today. Whenever you have the time call me back if you want to know. That’s it, I have to wake very early tomorrow. See you.”

He stopped the record and sent the clip to Malva. He rather tell her what happened in a one to one conversation, not through a clip. He only hoped she could understand, since for reasons she kept for herself, she hated Augustine with a passion.

And now... Lysandre was going to bed. Yes, to bed. He barely used it since he always passed out in the couch while watching those old clips, but... now that it was sure he will be seeing Augustine tomorrow, he didn’t have to rewatch. No. Tomorrow he’d see him in real life, he’d be close to him, and that night would be spent fantasizing about the moment they could meet again, praying that all of this hadn’t been a dream, that when he woke up the next morning Augustine was going to still be waiting to meet him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY REUNITED, YAY! :D
> 
> I absolutely had to make Augustine lose it by a sudden reunite. But ugh I’m a sucker for these kind of accidental, messy and fated reunites.
> 
> Today’s update came a bit earlier than usual because today is my birthday and I wanted to leave it ready and post it soon so I had the rest of the day free for spending the time with my family. Future updates will come around the same hours as always hehe.
> 
> That’s it for this week! Thank you for following this story of mine and see you next week with more!


	12. Good Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me it's easy and the sailing is smooth, look how far we've traveled and how little we've moved.  
> Tell me it's worth it all this crossing of lines ‘There's a rainbow at the end and we'll get there in time’.”

“Do I look fine?”

Aurea turned to face him, for the sixth time, deadpan.

“Why do you care so much about that? Is it that you want to leave a good impression?”

Why did she have to be like that? He didn’t even know why he was doing all of that, he was just letting himself be swept away by Lysandre’s and destiny’s inertia.

“Baby! Leave Gus alone!”

“So, how do I-”

The doorbell rang and Augustine squealed a little too loud.

“He’s here, he’s here! I’m going to faint!”

Rolling her eyes, Aurea replied, “yes, he is here because you invited him!”

“Come on, Au! Leave him alone,” her girlfriend exclaimed. “You look amazing, Gus! Now go open the door!”

“You!” Augustine pointed Aurea with a finger. “Don’t do anything weird, you lesbian!”

“Me?” Aurea faked indignation. “Never.”

“Okay, okay, I’m making him wait, and-”

The doorbell rang once more.

“Are you sure the old man won’t be back in a while?”

“Of course! We made sure he was busy!”

“Okay, okay-”

“Go open up the door at once!”

Augustine wailed once more, and left the dining room to head to the living room and then to the doorstep. Once there, he sighed deeply, quickly brushed his hair with his fingertips, and opened the door. 

His knees went weak in that moment.

Lysandre was there, wearing an attire quite different from his chef outfit; he was dressed up formally, with black and red clothes, and a very fancy coat. Also, he smelled very intensely like cologne, and his hair was tied back with a lace. He looked clean and neat in general, and his gloved hands were holding a bag.

“Hello, Augustine.”

It was so bad that Lysandre managed to get him undone in just a couple of words.

“Ah! Hello, Lysandre! Come in!”

“Thank you,” he bowed slightly, just like Sinnohans usually did, and it was to say the very least, lovely.

Argh, his feelings were a mess.

“Come in!”

The chilly air of the evening stopped flowing inside when he shut the door.

“Come on, let’s go to the dining room.”

“Yes.”

Silently, Lysandre followed him, and Augustine was crossing his fingers in front of him, as a way to calm himself down and wish himself luck.

When they finally got to the dining room, Aurea and Fennel were still there, and Augustine sent them a murdering glare. Gosh, he told Lysandre it was going to be just the two of them, and...

“Good evening,” he greeted them, with his bass, alluring voice.

“Oh, good evening!”

Too good Fennel was just that bubbly always. On the other hand... Aurea was staring skeptically at Lysandre.

“Good... evening.”

Oh, she was going to pay for it.

“What do you have in there?” Augustine asked to try to break the tension Aurea decided to create out of a whim.

“Oh, this,” Lysandre placed the bag over the table, “I didn’t want to show up with my hands empty. So I brought some pastries I could find at a store and some chips.”

“Spicy chips?”

“Yes, I also got that.”

“Did you hear, Au? He brought spicy chips!”

Okay, now everyone knew one could buy Fennel’s approbation with spicy chips. 

“He never said those were for you,” why did Augustine even say that? Hell if he knew.

“Oh, it’s alright. I brought enough groceries to share with everyone.”

“Hah!” And in a very childlike motion, Fennel showed Augustine her tongue. “Now gimme them spicy chips!”

It was fun enough that Aurea was blushing, kind of embarrassed by the whole ordeal. And Fennel just kept doing her own thing, getting the chips from the bag to then just hold her girlfriend’s hand.

“Well, we get going then!”

For once, Aurea puffed, “maybe Augus was right when he said those weren’t specifically for you-”

“Lysandre just said I could get them, this makes up for Gus forgetting to bring them yesterday after all the riot he made-”

Ah,  _ fuck _ .

Augustine mentally face palmed as Aurea just gasped.

Fennel could be sometimes a bit too indiscreet by accident. Nothing they were going to call out or reproach her. So, Aurea just tightened the grip on her as she said, “okay, let’s get going, let’s get going.”

And if at first Augustine had been mad that they decided to interrupt his moment with Lysandre, now that they were left alone and he could feel his ears burning and his heart racing, he kind of wished Fennel could remain there to keep lifting up the heavy atmosphere with her bubbliness.

“So...”

‘ _ Think, think! Don’t just stay there all silent like a fool! _ ’

“Uh, yes! I had to show you Litleo! Let me summon him.”

From his back pocket, Augustine took out Litleo’s premier ball, and called him.

It was just amazing how Lysandre’s expression softened so much at the sight of the small cat. He surely did have a weak spot for Litleos.

The tiny creature meowed happily when he saw Lysandre, and rushed to his side to get in his back paws, and stretch the front ones in his direction.

“Oh, hello, little one!”

He began to purr.

And Lysandre chuckled.

“Did you say this little boy couldn’t get quiet?”

“I swear he was a mess yesterday, maybe I should’ve recorded it.”

“Oh, come on here, baby, come here.”

Lysandre carried him in his arms while smiling, and when Litleo started to nuzzle to his chest and kept stretching his paws to touch his face...

Augustine thought he couldn’t be getting envious, not over a Litleo. Then, shoved the idea away.

“It must be that he wanted to see you.”

Augustine couldn’t blame him, though.

“Come on, I’m rather tired from the day at the restaurant, let’s sit down, precious kitten.”

And so, chuckling while Litleo meowed, Lysandre took a seat by the small dining table, and placed the cat carefully on his lap.

“Oh, Lysandre, do you want something to drink? Maybe some strong, bitter coffee?”

“If you’ve got some decaf I’ll go with that, Augustine. Thanks.”

He tilted his head, “decaffeinate? Since when you drink coffee without caffeine?” Augustine intended it to be a friendly comment. “You always said decaffeinate coffee was a joke for weak people.”

Before replying, Lysandre cleared his throat, “my doctor says I should avoid substances that stimulate me so much. You know, I have to avoid mood triggers.”

It was just too soon to start talking about the harsh topics; even if Lysandre’s condition was very implicit by now, that sort of reminded Augustine of all the bad things he didn’t want to talk about.

“Decaffeinate, then,” Augustine turned

around to push the matter aside. Such a bad habit of his. 

And it showed, since all potential conversation about that died right there. 

And they spent a fair amount of time in silence, at least until the coffee pout was hot enough to pour the water in a cup. 

Carefully, Augustine lent Lysandre his own mug, only to be thanked softly, and then he took a place in front of him, clumsily. 

“You still like macaroons, right? Because I got some for you.”

A smile almost spread all over his lips as he was about to say ‘it barely was a year’. But, the possibility of triggering awful memories made him stop.

“Yes, thank you...”

He wished he could say more.

“So... do you work at a restaurant now?”

For a bit, Lysandre remained silent, “yes. That’s what I could get.”

“Is there any special reason for you to work there? Don’t get me wrong, it's just that I never imagined I would see you as an employee.”

“My therapist said I had to keep a schedule that allowed me to be productive and live functionally as an average adult,” he kept going with it, maybe a bit too serious. “It’s not truly that I need the money but that I need the restrained social interaction and the schedule instead, for my own good. You know, it sort of keeps me from overworking myself with my own projects, and also from spending all day at home with next to no activity, again, is just to avoid triggering moods.”

Even if it was for his mental health, it was still hard to imagine Lysandre working for someone else. 

“That, and that people over here doesn’t seem to be too much into Kalosian styled cafés.”

Augustine felt like encouraging Lysandre to talk more about that, but... what if the café talk ended up bringing up painful matters? After all, they had broken up the last time at his café. Lysandre had given him clues of his plan at his café there with Serena. The café had a secret base and Lysandre kept AZ locked in there. The café’s good memories were now tainted with bad memories Augustine didn’t feel like even hinting at.

So, once more, he remained silent. And Lysandre looked a bit too puzzled at him. Even, worried. 

For a second it seemed as if Lysandre was about to ask if there was anything wrong, but instead he opted to play the same game of pretending, “you said Fennel was going to make some reading of Litleo’s dreams to see if she could find out anything?”

“Oh, yeah! She did them yesterday, in fact.”

“Did she find out anything?”

Augustine nodded, “it wasn’t much, I must say. But at least we know he has a name.”

“Oh, a name? What is it?”

“He’s apparently called Ziel.”

“Ziel...” it sort of sounded familiar, more when Lysandre said it. “That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful boy.”

Litleo meowed happily when Lysandre scratched the top of his head.

“I knew you were going to like the name.”

“What else? Huh? Did Fennel find out something else?”

Like that, Augustine started to ramble about the readings, since the topic didn’t make him feel so awfully uncomfortable. And so, he told Lysandre the details about Ziel’s dreams that night, what could they possibly mean, and after warming up a bit they even started to joke a bit with each other, yet, still in an alien way.

Bit by bit, both started to run out of coffee, their pastries were less and less each time, and so, their conversation topics to avoid the obvious were getting more sparse.

Until, by mere accident, Augustine started  _ the _ conversation. 

“You know... yesterday that I met you I wasn’t expecting it. From all things… I really wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

Lysandre even seemed to loosen in his place, a bit.

“Yeah, it truly showed in your face. You didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it.”

Augustine looked away, feeling the blush spreading over his cheeks.

“I was startled, okay...?” He sighed. “It’s just that… it was kinda sudden, you know? I didn’t notice in time when you left Kalos and I had no clue of where you had moved to.”

“It means my plan was successful, then.”

“What do you...”

He stopped. Did he really want to know what Lysandre meant? Did he really want to keep dwelling deeper into that one topic? Because it was pretty obvious Lysandre didn't want him to know he was leaving for the obvious reasons. Was it a good idea to press in the matter?

Augustine went silent, silent enough to make it tense, and when he stared at Lysandre, the same puzzled expression from before resurfaced, but this time, it was hopeless. 

With a sigh he seemed to be giving up in the conversation and just averted his attention from Augustine by looking at Ziel and petting him.

This was foolish. How was it that Augustine spent so many months feeling horrible for not getting the chance to at least apologize to Lysandre for the events of the last time they saw each other, and now that destiny had indulged them a reunite so casual and odd like that, he had him in front of him and still remained silent and avoiding the necessary conversation?

It was almost as if nothing had truly changed. Lysandre was still a mystery of his mind, and Augustine would still avoid confronting him in what needed to be confronted and talked and sorted out.

To this point it was just ignoring the obvious, the elephant in the room.

But... he tried to think about how bad he felt that day Malva talked to him, that other day she kicked him out of Lysandre’s penthouse, how terrible he felt for not getting his timing right.

He still didn’t know how to fix all of this, and he wouldn’t know if he didn’t express it in the first place.

So, Augustine squeezed the fabric of his slacks between his fists, and cleared his throat to call his ex-lover’s attention.

“You know something?”

Lysandre didn’t even stare up this time around. 

“Hm?”

It was simple. It was more than simple. Just spitting the words. Just saying ‘ _ I’m sorry for that last night. I’m so sorry for what I did to you, there hasn’t been a single day in which I haven’t felt guilty about that. I miss you, and I want to forgive you, and I need you to help me figure out how _ ’. It was that simple. Not even a long speech. But every time he rehearsed mentally, his heart rushed and his lungs ran out of air.

What if Lysandre was doing all of this out of courtesy? What if he got him wrong? What if he had his guard too terribly up? What if he was seeing someone else already? What if it was just too late now to apologize? What if-

“What is it, Augustine?”

For a second, Augustine even stuttered a bit.

“Okay. I just...” ‘ _ I’m sorry for that night _ ’. That easy. That simple. “I want to tell you something that is very important to me.”

“I listen,” did Lysandre stutter? For real?

“Alright. I want you to know that, sometimes I...” Argh. Screw it. “I want you to know that I’m-”

As they heard footsteps getting close, both turned to face the entrance of the dining table. 

And Augustine almost swore out loud.

“Sycamore?”

Ah,  _ fuck _ .

Rowan’s gaze met Lysandre’s, and the tension could be felt in the air.

Normally, in other contexts, Lysandre would stare back with indifference, assuming Rowan didn’t like him and getting past it. Yet, that time, at least he made the effort to be polite. 

“Good evening, Professor.”

Quickly, oh so quickly, Augustine stood and approached the elder.

“What is he-”

“Ah, Prof! You are back! How the task went, huh? Did you receive the Bibarel safe and sound?”

But, oh, he wasn’t buying it.

“Was that an excuse to get me out of here?”

Augustine should’ve known better than to follow all of Aurea’s ideas. He didn’t call her a helpless lesbian for anything. 

“No! Why would you think that?”

“Augustine, I swear to Arceus.”

For a second, he sent him the pleading glare; the ‘ _ we were in something important, please don’t get mad at me for doing what my heart told me _ ’ glare. 

And Rowan gave him the ‘ _ don’t be silly, Sycamore, grow up already _ ’ glare.

“Look! Lysandre bought some pastries! He even got your favorites! Do you care to join us?”

As he clasped his hands together, each time he felt sillier and sillier. 

“I’m not in the mood now, Sycamore,” that was Rowan’s reply, as gentle as always. “I’m rather tired after going out to get a Bibarel that surely belonged to one of you three on the very first place, I see.”

“I...”

“I’ll be at my office. He can stay, for the kid, you know.”

It was almost hilarious how in the middle of his grumpy, severe lecture, Rowan addressed Ziel as a kid, almost as if he and Lysandre were a divorced couple meeting only because of their children, and he was the grandparent that made sure everything went fine. And that was sweet coming from a man like Rowan. 

And Augustine almost laughed. Almost. But laughing would be a great disrespect, so he just dropped it.

“Love you, prof-”

“Ah, leave me alone already.”

Like that, Rowan approached the table, grabbed the remaining pastries, and said, “I’m taking these with me, though,” and then, left.

Augustine felt his cheeks completely burning now, and his heart beating so incredibly fast. Rowan found out about the lie, Lysandre now knew Rowan didn’t like him nor forgive him, and pretty much that this meeting had been plotted, and to add the icing of the cake, he got interrupted halfway through saying something very important and the mood was dead now and he didn’t know how to pick up from where he left, all he knew was that the words were stinging his lips.

“Um... I was... I was saying...”

But Lysandre puffed, and it was undecipherable if that was intended to be a gesture of annoyance or disappointment.

“I think it is better that I take my leave now.”

“N-No,” argh. It sounded like begging. “Don’t mind the old man! You know he’s always been like this.”

Lysandre brushed it off with a rather sympathetic smile, “I should go.”

“I...”

“It’s alright, Augustine. This is his place, so he quite sets the rules.”

“But-”

“It’s okay. I had to go anyway.”

“Is it really okay?”

And that grimace was even a bit indulgent. Normally, it would be followed by Lysandre wrapping his arms around him and kissing the top of his head while saying some sweet words. But not this time, as the emotional distance still remained.

“Yes. I’m tired from work and I did a double shift yesterday and sort of still don’t recover from that, and I need to take my dose.”

Even if, dancing around the matter had been in the very first place the reason why Augustine got interrupted in the middle of saying something important, he still couldn’t stop avoiding getting to the point. 

And so, at the mention of his meds, which only were the signal Lysandre wasn’t entirely fine and that had been the reason for all the current unfixed issues...

“Okay, then!”

Lysandre was almost frustrated.

“So, are you going to take Ziel with you?”

He nodded, “though, I’m pretty sure than when he’s with me he’s going to meow for you.”

“If that’s the case let me know.”

“I’ll do.”

And that was it. It was time to part ways once more.

“I’ll go with you to the door.”

“Thank you. Say goodbye to Aurea and Fennel from me.”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go then, Ziel.”

Both headed out of the dining room, to the doorstep, Lysandre carrying Ziel in his arms while Augustine just followed him. 

“Can you hold him while I put my coat on?”

“Sure.”

And so, he did. And now Lysandre had his coat back in...

“Here.”

When he gave Ziel back to him, and lent him the premier ball, their fingers brushed.

One touch. It was what it took for him to feel the electricity and the sparks burning his entire body. Just one touch.

Out of instinct, he looked up, and he was sure his cheeks were red. And Lysandre stared down, tense, too hesitant, his guard too awfully up, fighting the nervousness and covering it up with coolness.

“Bye, Augustine.”

“Bye.”

He whispered, “let’s go, Ziel.”

And they turned around, went out of the house, and then, Augustine just closed the door, and with the shutting noise, he felt like collapsing.

He had to lay against the door for some equilibrium, and feeling his heart beating on his throat, he began to wail, almost feeling frustrated tears welling in his eyes.

If he had wished this to happen for months, why couldn’t he get over himself and just go ahead and tell Lysandre how he felt? Why couldn’t he say he was sorry like never before? Why couldn’t he just let Lysandre know how much he had missed him?

It was too bad that now he felt too out of himself, too shaken, too much like he had lost his balance. Too much like missing Lysandre already and aching because he didn’t get his kiss at the doorstep like, before all the awful mistakes they made, he would always get.

Now he felt like burning in his own desires and not being able to escape the desperate flames; instead, he was too ashamed to go back and reincorporate with his friends because he didn’t want to be seen in such a conflicted, foolish and miserable state.

And he decided to remain there for minutes, catching his breath, avoiding to confront himself to ask: was he even going anywhere? Because they had traveled too far to get to this point, yet, there were no advances, not even a single layer of coldness had been removed.

Augustine could only hope this wouldn’t get stuck like this forever. And resisted the urges to go chasing after Lysandre or call him begging to set another date to gather; after all, everytime he talked on impulse, it was only to spoil it all. He definitely still had to learn to leave well enough alone. 

* * *

“You  _ what _ ?!”

Lysandre looked around, hoping he wasn’t drawing people’s attention.

“Oh, and don’t even dare to turn down the volume on me!”

“Malva...” he whispered to the holographic image. “I’m in a familiar place.”

From the other side of the room, he could see Tracy laughing, sympathetically. 

“Why didn’t you tell me before that... that fucker was in Sinnoh with you?!”

“Malva…!”

“Tell me!”

He panted, “that's what I tried to imply in my clip from yesterday. Clip you didn’t reply to.”

“Because I thought it wasn’t something special! But... argh!”

“It’s not a big deal...”

“It is a big deal!” She was truly triggered, it seemed. “I told that guy I didn’t want him to be any close to you! How did he even know?”

“I told you... we met accidentally-”

“Accidentally, you say?” She growled. “Ugh, I swear to god I’m going to tell Diantha to talk to him so he knows to stay in his goddamned lane!”

Lysandre looked away for a second, and then he heard Malva complaining once more.

“You don’t want him to go away, do you?”

That was a hard question.

A question he decided to not reply directly to, “you shouldn’t even be worrying about that.”

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t stand a chance because you know you do!”

He shook his head, “not at all. Augustine is very reluctant, as far as I can say.”

And that was the moment when Malva accidentally overshared, “but he didn’t look reluctant that time he went looking for you after you left!”

It was his turn to growl and sigh, “he did look for me? For real?”

His friend tried to deny it, but at last she gave in, “well, yes! Now you know it.”

Lysandre shook his head exasperatedly, “and why didn’t you tell me right away? When exactly was that?”

“It doesn’t really matter.”

“When?”

She indulged, remorseless, “like two weeks after you left.”

Feeling the frustration from earlier that day building up inside him, Lysandre covered his face with his hands, “why didn’t you tell me? You did know I was feeling so miserable because I thought he hated me.”

She remained quiet.

“Malva!” He tried to not lose his temper. “What if he changed his mind from that time, huh? If he wanted to talk... if he wanted to fix this...”

“Even that one time he talked his usual bullshit and said stuff I won’t repeat out loud for your own sanity,” afterward, Malva rolled her eyes. “Not to mention he called me a twisted bitch.”

Malva was in fact a little twisted, but Lysandre would lie if he said that wasn’t an attractive trait of hers, a trait that irreversibly attracted him to her when they first met.

As he went silent, she continued. “Besides, he didn’t do more efforts to reach out for you. Just drop it.”

He truly owed a small part of his life to Malva from that time she saved him from his attempt. Yet... she got on his nerves so much that, wouldn’t she be so irremediably appealing physically, mentally and emotionally, he’d hate her.

“Why are you like this...?”

“Because I don’t want you to get closer to him again,” she said now, serious. “He’s not good for you, Lysandre.”

“It’s always been the other way around...”

“No,” Malva shook her head, fervently. “He has dragged you to a very sick dynamic, too. But he always plays the victim and cries to get away with it and make you look like the bad one, when you two are equally the victims and the problem.”

Maybe Malva had reason to a certain degree.

“But I love him.”

She whined, “Ah, Lysandre, stop this. Do what I say. It’s not enough that you change if Augustine won’t change.”

But Malva still hadn’t quite enough.

“Come back to Kalos, then.”

“I’m definitely not going back to Kalos just now.”

“Lysandre...!”

“And you can’t forbid me to see Augustine either.”

She face palmed, exasperated, “he doesn’t make you good. So, please, please reconsider it. You cannot fall in the same thing now you are putting your life together again.”

Quite tired of listening to the same words, Lysandre decided to just ditch it, “Okay. I gotta go now.”

“Don’t just let me win! Tell me you won’t get closer to him.”

“You love to argue, Malva. But I’m tired and I have things to do yet, so, bye.”

“Ugh, okay, keep chasing after non-existent rainbows and fool yourself as much as you want then! Of course, the twisted bitch will be there for you even if you mess up.”

That one last statement stole a smile from him, and he shook his head, indulgently. “I love you so much, Malva. Even if you lecture me like this. Thanks for being there for me.”

“I know what’s the best for you better than you do yourself. Anyways, Mr. Busy and Tired, Bye.”

And faking indignation, she hung up.

Lysandre just sighed, looking away, almost laughing at the thought that Malva would be completely and genuinely infuriated if she knew that, in fact, he called Augustine before calling her to arrange a next meeting.

Yet... he couldn’t avoid the thought that maybe she could be right. Even if it was just a tiny possibility. 

“See you are pretty busy today, Mr. Fleur de lis.”

At the mention, he just chuckled halfheartedly while staring at Tracy, who as always, sat down in front of him.

“I’d say so.”

“Not to be nosy but, your friends are pretty different from each other, aren’t they?”

‘Friends.’

As if the word ‘friends’ fitted any of them.

“Malva is... really something. She’s crazy as much as she’s beautiful.”

“She seems to worry a lot for you.”

He hesitated for a bit before speaking up, “hey, I know this might sound weird but... would you care to give this old man an opinion about something?”

“Old man? Sir, please! I’m 25! You might be 10 years older than me but I still can understand adult matters, you know? Since I’m an adult as well.”

He couldn’t help regard her as way younger than she actually was. Maybe it was the sweet smile in her face, the naïveté that floated around her.

“What is it, sir?”

Lysandre sighed, “it’s about my ex.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah. Yesterday I met again with my ex, Augustine.”

“Oh! How was it? How did she react?”

Patiently, he corrected, “he. It’s a him. In fact, we are talking about the man I called before I called Malva”

Tracy gasped, “oh, sorry! I thought Augustine was a feminine name.”

“It’s okay. People sometimes mess up with that, you wouldn’t be the first to misgender him by his name.”

To get distracted for a second, Lysandre started to spin the spoon of his coffee mug, getting lost in the ripples.

“Things... didn’t end up good between us. I did awful things and he also said and did such awful stuff.”

“I see...”

“Yet... I still love him, you know?” And that was so hard to admit. “Before I lost my mind the last time, I was so convinced Augustine was the love of my life.”

Tracy certainly looked puzzled, a bit scared to ask and mess up. 

“Look. I am bipolar. Augustine always told me I should get aid, but I never reached out to anyone. The last time I went full maniac mode it went out of hand and I ruined everything. I felt so invigorated that I thought I didn’t need Augustine. But I always need him. And now I’m going to a doctor and to a therapist, I want to fix this.”

She hummed, “first, sir, I appreciate that you trust this information to me and you can be sure it will be safe with me!” And an awfully adorable smile followed. “Now... do you really think there is a fix to it?”

“I want to try to find one. I’m willing to change and learn to make it work.”

“And... do you think Augustine is willing to fix it, too?”

That was the issue.

“Malva said he looked for me one last time when I had already moved here.”

“And...?”

“Maybe he changed his mind, though. Today that I saw him... he had his guard up. Augustine is elusive in general but he was avoiding all topics related to our relationship and the things that went wrong, and...”

It was frustrating. Very, very frustrating, to no end. 

“But you want to try it, don’t you?”

“... yes.”

“Then, sir, I think you should try. If you two met again in Sinnoh, from all regions both could be visiting at the same time, I pretty much think this is a second chance Arceus is giving to you.”

Could it possibly be that a mighty force was indulging him a second chance to do everything over again?

“You know what?” Tracy began, enthusiastically. “You should invite him over one of these days!”

“I don’t know...”

“I’m going to prepare him something very good! A love position, you could say.”

For once in the whole day, or maybe in the whole week, he laughed fully, feeling some of the tension pinching his heart being relieved.

“You are a sunshine, Tracy, did you know?”

It wasn’t even usual for Lysandre to compliment people in such a genuine way. Yet, Tracy irremediably got that side from him as she was so pure and wise.

“Oh, sir, stop! I’m flustered now!”

She also laughed, blushing while swinging her hands.

“I mean it, Tracy. You are such a good person, a giver.”

“Why, thank you, I’m flattered.”

“Wouldn’t you want to keep the Litleo Augustine and I found? Ziel could really use a good person like you as a trainer.”

“Oh, but why don’t you keep him? You said he’s shiny and everything, and once you mentioned something about how much you love cats!”

Tracy was good enough to know the truth, “I once had a Pyroar that ran a bad luck because I was negligent. He gave his life for me, for my stupidity, and… I don’t want Ziel to end up the same way. I just shouldn’t be allowed to be around Pokémon anymore.”

Her glare became so tender, so understanding, compassionate.

“It’s good that you are trying to forgive Augustine, but self forgiveness is also important. Forgive yourself, sir. Give yourself another chance to love and mess up and learn. That’s what life is all about. And I’m sure that, if little Ziel appeared at Santalune and not anywhere else, it was because Arceus picked him to be your new partner.”

And he smiled, sincerely, “you are indeed a sunshine.”

“Oh my god, stop! I’m blushing!”

But Lysandre truly wanted to believe this was the second chance he had begged for in his darkest, most depressed hours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight this one update came a little too late today but anyways, I hope the chapter was enjoyable anyways! I gotta say that I had too much fun writing and nailing the professor’s interactions, idk, I’m a sucker for this friendly/familiar dynamic of theirs uwu.  
> This being said, see you next week with more, hopefully! I hope y’all have a good week<3


	13. Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We keep taking turns, will we ever learn?”

Later off, for some reason or another, Augustine found himself spending again his days with Lysandre, almost as if it was a bad habit deeply rooted to him.

It always was about Ziel, or at least they pretended- Augustine wanted to believe Lysandre was also pretending and using Ziel as an excuse to be close to him, that he also craved his company but was equally scared of admitting it out loud. Yet, it was somehow a great aid that, indeed, Ziel always was restless whenever they weren’t the three of them together, obligating them to meet every now and then. 

In this way, Augustine could keep himself around Lysandre without feeling so guilty and pathetic, so much like he was making the same mistake once more in this life. 

That day, they met at Lysandre’s; after spending some time with Ziel, Lysandre planned to take him to a café he liked a lot to introduce him to a friend of his.

And so Augustine was there, alone with him at his new penthouse; certainly different from the one in Lumiose, this one being smaller, the walls painted with clear colors, with a very different aesthetic overall, but it was understandable since Lysandre was only renting it. 

That morning, when Rowan found out Augustine was visiting the place, though, he frowned, complaining, saying that the plan was suggestive enough for something  _ else _ to happen. 

Secretly, Augustine had been keeping that idea in his mind and fantasizing with it even, yet, all the time he had been in there Lysandre didn’t look like meaning any advances. He was minding his own business, settling down things, preparing some food for Ziel, while Augustine was certainly expecting and with his guard up just in case the chance presented itself, maybe in the middle of the kitchen or the living room, maybe if Ziel decided to run to Lysandre’s room and-

He was foolish.

Lysandre wasn’t staring much at him. Things weren’t specially wrong but they weren’t fixed yet either. And so, Augustine kept on scowling himself for expecting things that obviously wouldn’t happen if he didn’t gather his nerve soon and properly apologized to Lysandre. And so, he did like that until it was almost time for them to leave.

“Do you think we can bring Ziel with us to the café?”

“We can’t have him outside, though.”

“Oh, why not?”

“Tracy’s dad is a bit of a grumpy man. I don’t think he’s going to feel comfortable with a feral cat wandering around his café. Besides, Ziel is quite a naughty cat and I don’t want us to cause any trouble.”

He tilted his head, “I’m pretty keen to meet Tracy. She sounds like a great woman.”

“She is.”

Sighing, Augustine stretched in his place, “but, you know. I was thinking that maybe we could take Ziel out for a walk with us? The little walk will do to sooth his nerves.”

That time around, Lysandre stared directly at his eyes in that way that was intimidating in a lot of senses.

“If that’ll make you happy, why not?”

But at last his glare became very indulgent as he tilted his head and leaned forward ever so slightly, and Augustine felt his heart melting inside his chest, and his hands shaking a bit and his cheeks blushing a lot.

“Ah!” He whined, trying to escape the awkward situation. “I’ll go look for Ziel then!”

Why, if he was a man in his late thirties, did he have to still act all flustered and clumsy around Lysandre, who was his ex lover that knew him completely well in every regard possible?

Like that, he fled the suddenly heavy, sweet scene in the sake of finding Ziel, once more, using him as an excuse to justify his poor decisions and foolish behaviors.

“Ziel, where are you?”

The litleo meowed from the studio, and so Augustine headed there.

“Here you are, baby boy!”

Once more, Ziel meowed.

“Hey! Lysandre and I want to take you out for a walk, do you-”

But before he could even finish his sentence, Ziel ran to the opposite side, jumping in the furniture.

“Hey, come back here, we can play later.”

But Litleo jumped to the desk.

“Shush, no! Lysandre forgot to turn off his laptop and if you step on it you’re going to ruin-”

The caption of the tab opened caught his attention. 

‘ _ Team Plasma strikes back. _ ’

Ziel remained quiet for a second, enough for Augustine to realize what he had just read.

And he kept going for more:

‘ _ After two years of silence, Team Plasma returned to the Unova region, this time led by Ghetsis Harmonia. _

_ The whole ordeal remained underground and as a matter between gym leaders and elites until, one day in Opelucid city, a flying frigate appeared to freeze the city. Some people died by frostbite, by the hands of the weapon powered by Kyurem’s power, invented by the now well known doctor Colress. _ ’

Out of a reflex, Augustine read the captions in the other tabs.

‘ _ Ghetsis Harmonia, where is he? _

_ After the last meeting with his son, Ghetsis Harmonia was reported missing; no one knows his whereabouts. Is this alarming news? Should we be worried that this man is still on the loose, with possibilities of a third come back? _ ’

Augustine clicked in the next tab. 

‘ _ The Kyurem weapon; how did it work? _ ’

Next tab.

‘ _ Doctor Colress: a man of grey. _

_ After his late participation in Team Plasma’s deeds, doctor Colress has been seen working in other projects non related to crime. He is, in fact, a man that works, for good or for bad, if it implies science. In his most important creations he made the Kyurem weapon, an artificial Pokémon capable of changing type better known as Genesect- _ ’

Why in the world was Lysandre browsing all of that? What was his interests in all those weapons, in that so called doctor Colress, in knowing where that man Ghetsis was, in-

It couldn’t be anything bad, could it? Maybe Lysandre was just searching out of curiosity, as the Unovan events taking place almost two years ago were still obscure for anyone who hadn’t lived them by themselves. 

Lysandre had been always curious, too curious for his own good, too worried about social matters-

But maybe his research had a purpose. Augustine realized as he opened the tab where they talked about the ancient brothers from Unova.

He had been researching AZ, his great uncle, for a long while too and it had been apparently innocent until one day he found the man kidnapped in the basement of his café and-

“Augustine, is everything-”

He jumped in his spot, turning to face him quickly and scared, still pretending he didn’t watch what he had watched.

But it was obvious, the silence settling above them only confirmed it.

And… That was the perfect moment to confront Lysandre, now that he had found him in the affair. It was the perfect chance to pick up the necessary talk they left back in Kalos. It was completely justified, even if he had been rather spying.

Yet...

“Oh, Ziel was messing up here!” As always, he decided to play dumb, he picked to act like he didn’t see and didn’t host negative feelings for what he had witnessed, because that was always easier than speaking up. “He almost crashed your laptop, the naughty boy!”

But no laugh or silly comment was enough to break the tension floating menacingly above them. Augustine had caught him doing suspicious research and Lysandre caught him disrespecting his privacy.

“Can we go now?”

It was sad and shattering enough that Lysandre stared at him in almost disappointment. And- who was he to show disappointment if he had been the one to do worse things and mess up their relationship in the very first place?

_ Ugh _ . He had to stop his own mind. It was taking him to dark places again, and he wasn’t there to judge and make the same mistakes, no, he was there to try to find a fix to his feelings and stop being petty and act in a more mature way and talk instead of bottling up and-

“Okay,” Lysandre ditched it. He totally, condescendingly ditched it because there was no way to deny it. “Let’s get going, then.”

But no matter how hard they tried to act as if nothing had happened, a new layer of coldness seemed to get added to the emotional distance still separating them.

* * *

When they entered Le Noir, it was Tracy’s curious and warm smile the one to relieve his tortured mood from a walk spent almost completely silent.

Casually, he led Augustine to the usual table he’d occupy when he visited alone, and immediately afterward, with an anticipation she tried to hide, Tracy approached them. 

“Good afternoon, Mr. Fleur de Lis!”

“Hello, Tracy,” he wished he could feel the slightest excited about this. “Here, I introduce you to my friend, Augustine Sycamore.”

And she smiled the most unsuspicious smile she could manage.

“Nice to meet you, Tracy! I’ve heard only wonders about you.”

“Ah, thank you, sir. Mr. Fleur de Lis is an adulator, though.”

Both laughed at the same time; what would he do without Tracy around, for real?

“Sometimes, yes, but truly, he talks wonders about you, so much that I was very keen to meet you this whole time!”

And kindly, casually, she offered, “I can say the same about you, Mr. Sycamore! Mr. Fleur de Lis has only told me only good things about you and I was so very looking forward to meet the man who Mr. Fleur de Lis held in such high regard.”

Oh, damn, damn… This has been way more than the ‘little push’ Tracy promised she’d be giving to him if needed.

And now Lysandre couldn’t help but blush, while looking away, not finding words to reply something smooth and smart. His most flirtatious and suave days were evidently over now the mania was controlled.

“Oh, I see…” Augustine seemed to be clearly surprised by that one statement, as if he couldn’t believe he talked about him to other people, but had an expression of being burdened from enjoying the attention.

And Tracy seemed to immediately realize their discomfort since once more, acting all oblivious and cheerful, she led the conversation to where she wanted it to go.

“What is it going to be for today, anyways?”

Flowing with it, Lysandre replied, “the same as always for me.”

She took her blog and quickly wrote down the order.

“And for you, Mr. Sycamore?”

“Ummm... what do you recommend me to order?”

She jumped on her place, almost mischievously; oh no, not again the ‘love position’ thingy.

“Oh, we make a delicious white hot chocolate! It’s a familiar recipe.”

“Well, I’ll go with that, then.”

“Sure! I’ll be back in no time! Make yourselves comfortable!”

But when the sunshine left, the rain roared harder that time.

It was extremely awkward, and Lysandre could only reproach himself for leaving the computer open and unlocked before receiving Augustine.

As well, it sort of annoyed him that Augustine had been butting into his matters; it was rather insulting, because there was no excuse to be sneaking in his archives to find whatever thing he believed he would find in there, and it was terrible that it upset him so much, because all he wanted was to keep the bad feelings at bay, but whenever it came down to Augustine it was almost impossible.

“You were right, this café is nice,” his voice brought him back to his body. “It surely has a good Kalosian touch.”

“Almost as if you were at Kalos, don’t you think so?”

“Yes, the setting is neat.”

“Tracy and her dad are big enthusiasts about Kalos. One of her biggest dreams in visiting Kalos some day, maybe when she’s done paying her student loan.”

And Augustine tilted his head, softly.

“Such a hardworking girl Tracy is. When I was at college I pretty much just drank and studied. I couldn’t find the time to work.”

“Too good you were a genius and made it with a scholarship.”

Augustine chuckled in that damned adorable way, “well, what can I say besides I’m very surprised I didn’t find this café sooner? I completely thought there were no Kalosian cafés around here.”

“I found it by a miracle one day it was raining after work. It appeared out of nowhere as a divine shelter for me.”

Then, he snorted and sighed, “it truly reminds me of Kalos.”

“It reminds me of my café.”

Augustine nodded.

“I really miss the café.”

But that seemed to tense him. And in his face he was wearing an expression of having something to say but not wanting to formulate it.

And once more, Lysandre tried to push the discomfort aside, almost to no success.

Soon enough, Tracy was back with their orders, and apparently she was paying close attention to their interactions since she sat down with them for a while just to make casual chat with Augustine and keep the atmosphere as gentle as possible.

It worked, for a little while, until Tracy’s dad called her back to the counter as more customers arrived and she had to take care of that.

Of course, she didn’t totally retreat to work without changing the music playing from the speakers for more romantic, Kalosian songs first. It was so silly that it turned out to be good and almost made him crack a laughter out of desperation.

“Ah… this song is so good…”

Of course Tracey would know the kind of favorites Augustine had; or maybe it was that Augustine’s taste had always been too simple to reduce to the popular classics. Hell if he knew.

And when Lysandre stole a quick glimpse at her, she only winked her eye at him, and with blushed cheeks, motioned with her mouth a “good luck!”

Worst part of the whole ordeal was that Augustine was singing along to the songs even, very, very lowly. It was both adorable since anything Augustine did was adorable, and also completely nerve wrecking and frustrating as this was his way of being absolutely elusive.

So elusive that it hurt. But that was Augustine at the end of the day, wasn’t he? 

“Hey, Lysandre.”

“Yes?”

Silence.

Augustine stuttered a bit, “when I was getting Ziel, I couldn’t help but see you had something in your PC about Team Plasma...”

Augustine Sycamore directly addressing an issue? 

This was new.

“Yes, I did.”

“Is there any special reason you were researching that?”

Uncomfortably, he stirred in his place, trying to remain collected, deciding he’d be honest. “It’s an obscure matter, you know? There’s so much to it, all the people involved have complex stories and you can tell the whole matter is way deeper than what media let all of us know, and since I don’t have much more to do the days we aren’t hanging out together, I’m not here spending the time with Tracy or I’m not working, I decided to investigate.”

“And... what have you found?”

“A rather tragic story,” he put it off simple. “It moves me how the original plan was a scam, to see how that Ghetsis man took advantage of his own son’s good intentions to try to rule over all the region.”

“Ah, yes?”

“His son is a good guy. If the dragon of ideals picked him and him alone, he must have been a true chosen one, with a pure heart, one who believed from deep inside that he was doing what was best for everyone, only to find out his own father had used his charisma for his filthy purpose.”

The tension was slowly returning.

“There was a comeback later, wasn’t there?”

“Yes. Two years afterward, but this time they used force. They even went too far to freeze an entire city with some odd flying ship.”

“How did they do that?”

“Kyurem. I want to think that you, as the Pokémon Professor and personal friend of Aurea Juniper know about it, don’t you?”

Augustine seemed to realize how silly and pointless his questions were getting. Either way, he seemed to be going somewhere else, so he didn’t give up quite yet.

“Yes, yes... I know it is the shell of what the original dragon used to be.”

“That guy Colress... I can’t understand him. I can’t understand how someone will use all of his intelligence for no purpose? Basically, if you sponsor the guy and provide him with high tech equipment, he’d be doing whatever you want him to, no matter how good or how wrong.”

And then, Augustine went quiet for an unnerving while. The soft song that had been playing all throughout that conversation even got to an end and apparently needed to be changed as the whole café went silent after that.

And so, he stared up at him, grey meeting blue, and Lysandre saw the most straightforward form of Augustine Sycamore he’d seen in months, just to tell him:

“But... you do realize those people were wrong, don’t you?”

That damned lecturing tone… What was he even trying to imply?

“You do realize we have to use that information as inspiration for the sort of things we don’t have to do, right? Ghetsis and his son are a great example of how bad it is to feel entitled to end everything for your own purposes, no matter how low or noble they are.”

It was sad enough that Augustine still didn’t get it, that the noise of his feelings didn’t allow him to understand.

“Augustine,” he clasped his hands together, willing to be straightforward for his own sanity’s sake, because he was hating to be talked to as if he had done something wrong by researching, as if he wasn’t trying his best to change, to get past his illness and not repeat the horrible mistakes that had brought so much pain to him. “I wasn’t researching that for what you think, if I had the intention to do anything I swear I would-”

“Never mind,” he tried to laugh but failed. “Don’t mind me, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Lysandre couldn’t be sure if he actually growled or if he did it only in his head. What he really knew was that, the frustration was crashing and undeniable now.

Augustine didn’t trust in him anymore. Even if he stuck by his side as much as possible and always stared at him with that yearning glare that begged for him to make the first move, Augustine didn’t trust in him and who knew if he was to ever get back his trust.

And without trust, what was left? If Augustine was going to check his PC, to spy on his matters, to always be worried about whether or not he was going to attempt to cleanse Kalos, to act robotically in their conversations and be suspicious of every small thing he did... there was no point in keep going with that.

He hated to admit that Malva might be right, but, even if Lysandre medicated and went to therapy to try to be the best version of himself, if Augustine didn’t clear up his mind, if he still couldn’t leave the toxic habits and if he wouldn’t stop fluctuating between the blind, unconditional love and the utter, unfaithful despise, that wasn’t going to work. 

It truly hurt to have Augustine in front of him, looking all beautiful, all gorgeous, all dignified just like the day he saw him for the very first time, and not be able to wrap him in his arms and twist his curls and kiss his lips and tell him how much the love for him was burning his heart. 

But... maybe it was for the best. Maybe things were supposed to be that way. Maybe... it was better to be friends with Augustine and just friends. That way, Lysandre could still be blessed by his immense beauty and kindness, be close to him, but not too close.

After all... it seemed as if whatever thing his hands touched were doomed to perish. If he touched Augustine once more it would be surely to hurt him again. It was just natural he had his guard so up. 

Maybe... it was better off to give up and just leave Augustine live and be. Because, everytime he tried to reach out, the spaces between them seemed to keep getting deeper.

“Do you need anything more?”

“It’s okay,” Augustine rushed to reply, urging to be elusive on that matter he prompted himself because being elusive was all he truly knew.

And with his throat dry, trying to prevent his mouth from bitterly twisting, Lysandre said, “we are alright by now.”

And Tracy noticed.

“Is it alright if I sit again with you?”

“Sure!”

And with that beautiful temper of hers, she picked up her friendly chat, “Mr. Fleur de Lis told me the other day you were such a smart man, Mr. Sycamore! That you were even Rowan’s student at some point!”

Tracy did it with the best of intentions, to let Augustine know Lysandre thought of him in good ways… but it was getting rather futile now, sounding plastic, pointless.

“Oh, it’s not a big deal.”

“It really is a big deal! I’m sure you have all sorts of studying hacks and tips for a poor university student like me!”

“Well, maybe I can give away some advice-”

“Tracy!” A bass voice interrupted the apparently cheerful conversation. It was Tracy’s dad. “Come fix the music! I don’t know how to use this app!”

“Yeah, gimme a sec!”

And before leaving their sides, she stared very compassionately at Lysandre.

“I’ll be back in no time.”

And her absence only made the obvious, undeniable: the good intentions were there, but Lysandre was realizing that this road led to nowhere; that in fact, this was like running in circles. 

Now, Lysandre knew, it was just a matter of time to see who’d be the first to be brave enough to explicitly give up and say goodbye. It was bad enough that both were too weak to leave but too stubborn to give up on that already.

And so, they kept staring at other sides, the coffee growing even more bitter and colder like their relationship was, the tension so sharp that it cut like a knife, and not even Tracy and her sunshine were enough this time to sweeten up the harsh reality.

The spaces between them kept getting deeper; the more they tried to reach out for each other, the more they fell apart. But Lysandre never had been good at living well enough alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Okay, this is probably the latest I’ve ever done an update but ajajsks today is my free day from work and I spent it sleeping as much as I could, as well as taking the goddamned online classes. But, anyways, it is here now!
> 
> Before ending the note I wanna say that I’m surprised but happy that y’all liked Tracy! I made her with the purpose to be a nice moral aid and I’m glad to see y’all got her right. And so I hope you’d liked her participation in this one chapter too!
> 
> This being said, see you next week with the next chapter! Good luck to all of you doing online classes too and I hope y’all have a nice week! 💖


	14. Habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”You're the habit that I can't break,  
> You're the feeling I can't put down,  
> You're the shiver that I can't shake,  
> You're the habit that I can't break,  
> You're the high that I need right now,  
> You're the habit that I can't break.”

No matter how confusing his feelings were, how bad his mind was playing with him, Rowan didn’t go any less harder on Augustine; he assigned him a lot of work, in fact, barely leaving him anytime to process his own feelings.

So much work that it even took him to Eterna City, far from Sandgem, where he would had to talk to a certain someone that knew something about a supposedly primal regression for Dialga, just like primal reversion for Groudon and Kyogre, which would most likely end up with him having to call someone from Hoenn to help him putting the information together...

Funnily enough, ridiculously enough at this point, Lysandre had traveled all the way there with him. Yes, he had decided to spend his day off in a research that wasn’t even his, in following him mindlessly to Eterna city to talk to the old lady Rowan told him to, in the name of just wanting to take Ziel for a walk so he could relieve stress from being in his pokeball for so long.

That morning before starting the journey, Augustine had talked to Diantha on the phone: it was supposed to be a casual call, but she ended up telling him that, he should just get away from Lysandre for once and for all, that it wasn’t healthy for a man like him to keep doing the same mistakes, that there were more men and women that would be happy to have the smallest bit of attention he dedicated to Lysandre, that at that point he was just being stubborn, that he needed to truly get back his freedom, to let go...

He usually hated to admit Diantha was right (and more so when she was obviously influenced by Malva trying by all means to pull them apart), yet, maybe this time around, he should listen to her. More, when she was right about the part of him making the same mistakes, like not being able to confront Lysandre and express him exactly how he felt and tell him what he wanted that to be.

So, after half an hour, Augustine was determined to talk to Lysandre, just to tell him that, he could keep Ziel, that Rowan had figured out a way for Ziel to be happy without him, and end those pointless meetings and those awkward and cold gatherings for once and for all, so he could finally move on to the next thing.

Now, they were done doing the task and even having lunch together at a small restaurant by the route 211. Once they paid the bill, they went out of the building and decided to wander around, with Ziel.

Both were walking side by side, silently, Augustine too absorbed in the sound of his feet stepping in the soil, of the wild Starly chirping, of the murmur of the river nearby.

“Let’s stop here for a minute,” he said almost so coyly, and Lysandre just nodded, following him to the small bridge in front of them. 

Ziel laid between them when they stopped, and so, Augustine sighed, mentally rehearsing the lines he was supposed to say. 

But he went silent for way too long to make it extremely awkward, and so, his anxious hands did the only thing they really knew.

From his pocket he took out a box of cigarettes and his fire.

“I hope you don’t mind if I have one.”

It was pretty obvious what that meant now. If someone knew about his quirk, it was Lysandre.

“Lend me one.”

And maybe if this wasn’t good for Lysandre and his brain chemistry...

“Okay.”

Augustine lent him one, and then turned both on.

Not even the cigarette seemed to soothe his nerves that time around; his ears were still roaring, his heart beating so achingly hard, his stomach dropping.

If he told that to Lysandre, he’d be finally giving up on him. He’d be accepting for once and for all his defeat, that he was incapable of even trying to fix his feelings, let alone get this relationship work; he’d be forcing his heart to sign this deal that had no small letters or way to revert it.

But he urged to let go of these feelings. He urged to. 

“Hey...” he started halfway with his cigarette. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

With that collected temper, Lysandre nodded, “what is it?”

It was serious that time around. Augustine sighed.

“Okay...” he paused, trying to get his nerve. “I’ve been thinking a lot about... whatever is going on here.”

Lysandre tightened his grip on his own cigarette, just a bit, “okay.”

“See... it’s not like I don’t like spending the time with you, you know? I’ve always liked to be around you, but-”

It was the other’s turn to sigh, “I think I already know where you are trying to go.”

“You do?”

Almost painfully, Lysandre nodded, “I mean, it was just a matter of time. We had to stop kidding ourselves eventually.”

“I...”

Lysandre’s voice quivered a bit, only a bit, and Augustine was sure his expression was restless, trying to pretend he was okay with it.

“I was foolish to think I could find a way to fix this. I had my expectations way too high, I might have been a bit too optimistic about all of this, and…” he sighed, completely and absolutely defeated. 

Augustine wanted to reply, to say something now that Lysandre was also giving up on him, to make it better for both, but only smoke would come out of his shaky mouth.

“... I do understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. I understand that I haven’t been the best man to you, that I didn’t know how to love you right, that maybe we will be better off without each other, that-”

A loud growl interrupted Lysandre, and out of instinct both turned to the source of the loud noise.

“Ziel!”

Their cat was throwing fire to a wild Pokémon at least twice his size; when he heard them calling his name, mischievously, he ran.

Lysandre’s face contorted terrified and triggered at the sight of his new cat being in danger; no doubt why he immediately ran to chase after Ziel.

“Come on, Ziel,” Augustine struggled to take out his pokéball. “Come here!”

But he couldn’t reach him.

“Damn, he is heading to Mt. Coronet! He’s going to get lost in there!”

“Let’s go get him!”

Both ran, trying to keep up with Ziel’s pace but as a Litleo he was just so fast and agile and in a short matter of time he had already disappeared from their gazes to the inside cave of Mt. Coronet.

When they made it in there, already gasping as both seemed to be out of condition, the two glanced everywhere trying to find the white cat messing around with some Zubat, yet, they couldn’t find anything. 

“Argh, what do we do now?”

Without hesitation, Lysandre kept going, “let’s ask someone if they saw him.”

Of course, Augustine followed him with that hasty pace, and soon, in all of the each time chiller darkness, they met a hiker.

“Oh, you two, are you looking for a battle?”

Before Lysandre could lose his temper and act in that hot blooded way he had, Augustine took a step forward.

“No, sir, we are looking for our little Pokémon, he ran away from us and we are afraid he’s too small to defend himself.”

“What is your Pokémon like?”

“It’s a Litleo, white, with baby hair at the top of his head...”

“Ah, sure, I just saw a cat messing around here.”

“Oh, did you see where he was heading?”

“North. Pretty much to route 216, it seemed.”

Route 216? Damn. How did the situation even escalate so quickly?

“Thank you,” he bowed. “Come on, Lysandre. I lead the way.”

Despite it having been already a tiresome walk, they kept going, until they knew the cave was about to come to an end since the cold was becoming harsher and harsher each time.

Until they saw some daylight, and went out of the cave, only to stare at the sky and watch the snow and the flakes dance gracefully as the wind roared so much it was the only thing they could hear.

That was wild.

“Look,” he didn’t know if it was because of his coat or the fact he was dead worried something could happen to Litleo, but Lysandre didn’t flinch by the cold weather. “There are footprints in the snow.”

“O-oh...”

“Come on, let’s follow them before it snows more and they are erased.”

“Y-yes.”

Even if it was hard to run in such conditions, with the snow slowing their steps, they were moving pretty much fast, energized by the urge to find their baby cat and get back from where they came.

It was impressive the amount of trainers they were finding despite the horrible climate going on in there; the wind became each time harsher and the level of snow increased.

Until they found out they had pretty much gone only through the clear part. Because now the snow was covering an important part of their legs, the sky seemed to be cloudier and cloudier and the snow created some mist that shortened drastically their range of view. 

At a certain moment, all visible footprints or signs just disappeared, and that was when both stopped. Augustine felt his whole body trembling, his teeth gnashing, all his being succumbing to the cold. 

“C-Can you see anything?” He asked, Lysandre had to see something, his ridiculous height must come in handy right now.

“I-I... come here.”

Even if his body could barely react, Augustine followed his steps, even if he didn’t know where they led.

Until, from a tree, they heard a meow, loud enough to make the both of them jump in their places.

“Ziel!”

Despite the cruel cold, Lysandre smiled relieved at the sight of Litleo being safe and sound up in a tree.

“Come here!”

Ziel jumped straight into Lysandre’s arms, and he kept him safe under his left one.

“N-Now w-what?”

“We try to get to Snowpoint.”

“Are y-you c-crazy?!” The cold was getting the best of him. “H-How are we e-even supposed to?”

“I’m pretty sure we are closer to Snowpoint than to Eterna City at this point.”

“I can’t see anything!”

Litleo meowed, demanding to be freed again.

“Maybe he wants to lead the way?”

“If he gets lost again I swear I’m going to s-snap!”

“Ziel, you want to lead us somewhere?”

The creature nodded.

“Okay,” and Lysandre released him from his grip, just to see how the cat, indeed, this time didn’t run away.

But Augustine couldn’t even move anymore. He wasn’t wearing a thick coat and of course he wasn’t a fire cat with a hot body temperature able to resist harsh climates and start fires.

“Augustine?”

“I c-can’t m-move!”

But what happened next managed to return some body heat to him; Lysandre grabbed his hand, after oh so long, holding it tight, and said:

“I’ll lead you. Please, do a last effort.”

It was either that or dying frostbitten there.

“O-Okay...”

Lysandre was practically carrying his own weight while dragging Augustine through the storm, until a small cottage was visible.

“Oh, Ziel found something!”

“L-Let’s go i-inside, I d-don’t feel my b-body anymore!”

And as soon as they could, they got themselves in there.

* * *

The small cottage couldn’t even be called a cottage; it was more like a storage as there were many random items saved in there, but not really furniture. Also, the only floodlight was totally wasted and it was impossible to turn the lights on. 

“Who the fuck even has an storage in the middle of a route where there’s nothing else but snow?” Augustine asked as he let himself collapse against the wall, sitting on the cold floor to get some rest.

He was mad for sure. 

“It might come in handy.”

“How?”

Lysandre chuckled halfheartedly, “come on, Augustine. We’ve been at Snowbelle many times before. This is barely different.”

“Yeah! But in those times I had a coat at least!”

“You’ve always had the bad habit of not carrying a coat with you in cold climates.”

Again, Augustine growled, proving how truly annoyed by the whole situación he was.

“Ziel,” finally, he managed to get out from his pocket the pokeball. “Come back here.”

The little cat meowed.

“No, I’m not mad at you, just-” he was in fact very mad at him and it showed. “Get inside so you don’t have to freeze with us.”

With a somehow regretful glare, Ziel accepted his fate and allowed Augustine to get him back inside of his Pokeball, which hopefully was warmer than there. 

In the while, Lysandre got right beside Augustine and took out his Holo Caster, trying to see if, by some sort of means, he could get some signal in there.

“So?”

“No signal,” he replied much to Augustine’s annoyance.

“Let me check my Xtreinsceiver...” and after a while he spoke again. “No signal either.”

“Sinnoh really has to work in their hotspots, there’s no place in Kalos where there isn't a Holo Caster reception.”

“This is amazing! Now we are stuck here, uncommunicated, without someone else knowing we are here since we were supposed to be at Eterna City and not at motherfucking route 216, and who knows when this snow storm is going to stop!”

“Augustine, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay!” His tone got each time more desperate. 

“So, now what?”

“We die from frostbite.”

“Augustine, please.”

“Please what? This is ridiculous! I was supposed to tell you today that we had to stop seeing each other and look where we are now, stuck in a storage room together because apparently I am a joke to Arceus or whoever watching over me!”

That hurt. Oh, that truly hurt. Even if Lysandre had rather been anticipating those words, it wasn’t any less painful to actually hear them.

“So... you don’t want me around, definitely?”

He got no reply. 

“I mean... I’m not going to go against that decision this time. If you think that is what you truly need-”

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. All I know is I’m fucking freezing.”

Lysandre didn’t know how to feel about that. Augustine didn’t sound decisive anymore, but could it be it was just because of the physical discomfort?

Both went silent for a long while that almost was absurd. They wouldn’t be able to be quiet the whole time without losing their minds since pretty much there was nothing else to do but to talk to make the wait appeal shorter.

After some minutes, some long and tedious minutes, Augustine growled again.

“I’ve never been this cold in my whole damned life.”

“Okay,” Lysandre removed in his place. “Have my coat then.”

But Augustine gasped, almost concerned.

“I cannot accept it.”

“You are freezing.”

“Yeah! But then you are going to freeze too!”

Trying to ditch that away, Lysandre panted, “you are way thinner than me and you don’t have a beard. You need it more.”

“What if you get sick?”

“Augustine, I don’t really want you to die frostbitten here, okay? Please, accept it.”

His pride and sense of care obviously shattered by the primal urge to escape the cold. So, when Lysandre took off his coat, Augustine accepted it and immediately put it on. 

And he stopped shivering so damn much. But in exchange, Lysandre began to feel the chill getting in his bones. 

They spent several minutes like that, silent again, yet, Lysandre could notice that it had been indeed the cold getting the best of Augustine, and now his frail body was protected by the thick cloth and fur of his coat, his mood seemed to soothe a bit. 

So much that, finally, he gave in.

“I’m sorry for what I said some minutes ago...”

“But you meant it, didn’t you?” Lysandre couldn’t help it. He needed to know for once and for all if that would be over as soon as they left that cottage. “You don’t want me around anymore?”

After a whole eternity, Augustine replied, “see... I'll be honest with you if you are honest with me.”

“Alright.”

“If I asked you some questions, would you reply to me with the truth and only the truth?”

Anything for him. 

“No lies this time.”

“Okay...” Though, Augustine hesitated. “So... when did it start?”

“What?”

“You know... your bipolarity, your misanthropy, all those grudges you were holding, your seeking for revenge, your plan... when?”

Those were hard questions. Such hard questions which only had answers in his diaries. Yet, if that was what Augustine needed to know to forgive him, then he’d tell him, even if the memories were painful, shameful, things he had tried to keep buried at all costs.

“I can pinpoint several moments when it started to build,” he began, staring at the window. “I think... I was twenty-something the first time I felt pure hate.”

“What happened that time?”

“It was a very small charity project. But I put all my heart on it, you know? I was so keen to give a chance to people that unlike me weren’t born in royalty and didn’t stand a chance by themselves.”

“Yes?”

“After some hard work... I found out they’ve been spending the funds on alcohol and drugs.”

Augustine just nodded. 

“I also remember that time I donated the budget of my first business’s incomes to some people in need. What did I get? To listen to them calling me an idiot for spending my money on that.”

“Oh...”

“And...” now it was hard to stop. “I remember so lucidly that time I raised some charity for marginalized people that were going through floods. What did I get? A lot of them complained about ‘how cheap’ the products were. Calling me miserly. Saying they rather have nothing than getting my bullshit.”

“Okay, that was unnecessarily mean.”

“And…” he chuckled, hopelessly. “Worst part is that it wasn’t only strangers who at best I wouldn’t ever see again, no… I don’t really have to dwell further into the details about my father since you already know how much he truly hated me and that he was gone despising me, but…”

He had to tell the truth.

“I don’t think I ever told you this but… hah… before I met you I was engaged, once.”

Augustine gasped, certainly not expecting to listen sometthing like that, “what? f-for real?”

“She was dear to me… but then I just found out the woman I thought loved me and genuinely wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and got me by heart and understood all I had gone through… just wanted my name and my money. That, just like those ungrateful people of my charity projects, I was nothing more but a cash sign for her, a resource to be exploited.”

“I… I didn't imagine that… I’m- I’m so sorry…”

“I always tried to brush it off, to brush off this feeling of not being enough, of being disposable once I fulfilled all my usefulness. But when I got depression episodes it was impossible to shake it off. I felt like I deserved to be kicked and despised and left in such a way.”

He sighed, deeply.

“The ugly memories from my depression only invigorated me with hate when I got maniac. You know, part of the mania is increasing my activity and feeling in a good mood and very energized to work, so I was back again at fundraising, but each time with a bit more hatred in my heart. Though, I felt fine enough to tell myself to not care, to keep doing the right thing, until all the humiliations became too much, and I lost all hope, because things kept happening all around and no matter how hard I tried people were still unhappy, my loved ones still used me, I still got dumped and no matter how good I tried to be I still felt like I was a mistake. And so, I found out about the Ultimate Weapon.”

After he finished venting, the wind roared back to them, and dear lord, Lysandre felt his body getting colder each time.

“And... Why did you do it, Lysandre? I still cannot understand it as much as I’ve tried. And I really want to understand, to empathize with whatever thing was going on in your head when you fired the weapon.”

He sighed, deeply, a bit unprepared to have that talk, “I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? It was almost surreal. At some points I thought I wouldn’t be able to use mega evolution, to get Yveltal, to find AZ...”

“And why did you do all of those things? Why did you have all those people working for you? Why were you intending to use Yveltal for your purposes? Why did you even abduct AZ? Why did you fire the Weapon, just like that?”

So, somehow, Augustine found out about that little part of the story with AZ, and now he felt his cheeks blushing with shame.

“It was almost like being high. I was so high in energy, I felt unbeatable and untouchable and like I could get away with anything, like I had to get away with this before another depressive episode hit me. I felt so powerful that it got out of my hands, I couldn’t stop myself, I was so out of control and restless that it was scary.”

But he needed to add more to it.

“Those, of course, are not excuses for the awful things I did, yet, Augustine, you have to know that… the thing with the weapon was… after Serena defeated me and took Yveltal with her, I knew the weapon had not enough power to cleanse the region, but that it would be enough to kill me,” and the next confession was harsh, it was something he had only trusted to the professionals taking care of his mental health. “I wanted it to kill me. I never felt more useless, more stupid, more unworthy, more disposable, I just wanted to end it even if I was only going to end it for me.”

Despite the darkness, Lysandre could notice how Augustine’s face paled with that one confession.

And to not leave it in such a worrisome, fatalistic note, he added, shaking his head, “I should’ve reached out for help, from you, from Malva, from someone. But nobody truly knew what I was planning to do, I shut all help for myself, the only one who explicitly knew was Xerosic, but he was into the idea as much as I was.”

“O-Okay...” Augustine’s voice quivered and this time it wasn’t because of the cold. No. He was utterly shocked, speechless. “Thank you for being honest.”

This was his chance, too.

“May I ask you something now, Augustine?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you save me?” That particular question had been haunting him ever since he woke up in the hospital to Augustine screaming to him. “If you were so disgusted by what I did and now you know that was a suicidal attempt, why didn’t you turn your face and pretended there was no fix and instead saved me?”

That surely made Augustine go silent.

“I know all the trouble you had to get me out of there, I was several meters underground, and I had made a barbaric act. So... why? Why would you save someone like me who didn’t deserve to be saved by any means, that probably would be better off dead for everyone’s sake and safety?”

Augustine curled, embracing his own knees as his glare got lost, “I... I didn’t even have to think about it much. It was my primal instinct telling me I should be saving you.”

And if Lysandre thought that was the full reply, he surely got surprised when he heard a sob.

“You know... That day when Malva talked to me, she really brought it home even if I hate to admit it,” his voice was so weak now, interrupted by his own sniffing. “It would’ve killed me if you had died. I would’ve been so miserable if you had actually died. The guilt would’ve haunted me for 20 lifetimes, I wouldn’t have ever been able to recover from that or be myself again. While I was digging, all I could think about was you dying, and the idea of losing you like that was getting so much in my nerves, and I just needed to find you, to be sure you were fine. at any cost.”

His sobs kept going on and on and on.

“I’m sorry... don’t think I’m trying to be manipulative here... it’s just that... this is too much, I didn’t know all of this, now I’m feeling worse about everything that’s happened and...”

“It’s okay, Augustine. If you gotta cry, cry. Get it off your chest.”

And even if their talk once more died down to give place to silence, Augustine kept sobbing each time worse and worse, as if he was hearing bad news over bad news. 

Lysandre understood, either way. He had made his precious Augustine go under so much pressure all these years, that it was normal he was crashing under the confrontation.

Even, he felt like crying a bit, too, more after having remembered such harsh details of his own life... but his body was so cold to even react to those impulses. The top priority now was to prevent himself from shivering, but the weather seemed to lower and lower more each time.

After some minutes, or maybe a whole lot of minutes, finally Augustine seemed to calm down a bit, enough to dare to look directly at his direction, and he couldn’t keep acting as if he was alright.

“Maybe I should give you back your coat.”

“No, you keep it. You need it more.”

“Your lips are turning blue.”

“It’s alright... I’ve been at Snowbelle a ton of times before, I can manage,” and he truly meant it. “I just want you to be alright. If I have to freeze myself for you to be warm, then be it.”

It was Augustine’s turn to remove in his place and to take off the coat.

“Augustine-”

“Put it on.”

“Please-”

“Please. Do what I say. I had an idea.”

“Augustine.”

“Please.”

His own curiosity, and the immense charm of those grey eyes, led him to indeed obey the instruction, and put back on his coat.

“Now, what?”

Augustine totally blushed in front of him. Even if the light that got through the window from the cloudy sky was minimum, he could see the heat arising in those cheeks.

“Spread your legs.”

Odd enough, odd enough to make his heart race and jump, and do what he said anyways.

“Now-”

Before that sentence could even be formulated, Lysandre felt Augustine’s hands placing gently at his sides, while he tried to fit the gap between his legs, and then, just embraced him, curling by him, resting his head on his chest while trying to find warmth in his body now covered by the coat.

“If you hug me now... both will be safe from the cold.”

Lysandre forced out a laughter from both exhilaration and desperation. That was unbelievable, truly unbelievable.

But of course, oh of course he didn’t allow himself to wait any longer, and so, wrapped his arms around Augustine’s smaller body, pressing him tight to his chest, getting so high on the closeness, so feverish.

And even though, he still heard a sob as he felt his love shivering between his arms.

“Augus...”

“You know what, Lysandre?” Even his hands clenched the fabric of his clothes, sort of clinging to him. 

“W-What?”

He gave it away with a struggled, deep sigh, “I-I’m... I’m so, so sorry for that last night. I cannot forgive myself for the way I treated you. I’m... I’m so sorry that I called you all those horrible things, that I insulted you the way I did, I’m so sorry that... that I hit you...”

And what started like a sob evolved to bawling.

“I didn’t realize I was acting like a monster, that I was excusing myself in the alcohol the way my dad would... I didn’t realize I was hurting you in such a fucked up, miserable way... I know what happened after I did that, I know how bad you got, I know that you had a meltdown and a second attempt and... I’m sorry like words cannot explain. I’m so sorry I did that to you, I’m so sorry that I drove you to your limit out of revenge, I’m sorry I always was so elusive... I’m sorry I used you and I’m sorry I never was enough to make it better for you. No... I was just trying to make it better for myself... I’m... sorry.”

And even if it was hard to say, even if those memories were weighing on the scars of his wrists, he said “it’s alright, o-okay? It’s… it’s alright,” Lysandre pressed him even tighter to him, impossibly tighter, feeling hot tears filling his eyes. “I deserved every single thing that happened to me. I acted like a monster, I’ve earned all of this.”

“N-No... you didn’t deserve this and I’m sorry if I told you you were an emotionless maniac. You are kind, but hurt. But I’m also hurt. And I’m afraid I was retaliating all my life frustrations on you and... I hate myself so much for that, there’s not a single day when I don’t feel like trash for doing this to you-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay” it wasn’t okay and his quivering voice and the tears streaming down his cheeks showed it. Yet, he didn’t want to fight anymore. “Don’t hate yourself because I never hated you. Damn, I’ll never hate you, no matter what happens, I can’t bring myself to hate you.”

“I don’t want to stop seeing you, I was lying when I said so,” Augustine confessed with his voice full and anguish and regret, starting to hyperventilate. “I want to be around you... Even if I don’t know how, I want to forgive you, I want to find a way to fix this stupid mess we’ve made... I... I don’t want to stop being around you, ever.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Augustine. I also want to find a way, nothing even feels complete without you. Even if I have to start from zero with you, to start off as friends and build it all up again, to gain your trust once more... to find out who you are again...”

And then, Augustine seemed to be too overflowed by his feelings that, the last thing he managed before bursting in a fit of tears, was, “I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

And the silence of the cottage was taken over by Augustine’s desperate sobs, and even if he was shaking from so much sorrow and anguish, Lysandre felt a big weight relieving from his chest, letting him breath properly now after almost a whole year.

Nothing had really gotten solved; no, everything could even be messier now they’ve acknowledged and confessed their ugliest feelings. Yet... agreeing to try to find a fix was a complete miracle Lysandre would have to thank Ziel for all his life.

* * *

Last thing Augustine remembered, he was crying disconsolately in Lysandre’s warm embrace while he pressed him tight to his chest and made him feel like no danger in that life could ever touch him.

Then, after sobbing for so long, due exhaustion and probably his system shutting down at the bad climate as a way to save energies, Augustine found himself too drowsy, and he fell asleep there, with Lysandre crawling him almost as if he was a baby.

Now he opened his eyes, barely conscious, to find out it had been hours, that the sun had already set, and to the soft caresses Lysandre was giving to his hair.

Just when he was about to react, he heard as a whisper, Lysandre’s voice talking very lowly to him.

“Augus... you won’t ever know how truly sorry I am for all that I did.”

Maybe it was incorrect to deceive him into thinking he was still asleep, but those words, he knew they wouldn’t come out as pure if he ruined the facade.

“Even if you think you are a monster, I never saw it like that. You are too good for everyone, too good for me.”

That started to get in his feelings.

“I always knew that, even if you loved me so blindly, you wouldn’t have accepted to join me in Team Flare. I always knew that... you wouldn’t have been happy if I took you with me. This life, with its good and bad sides made you happy, I knew you would’ve been sad without your Pokémon and your friends.”

And then he said it.

“That was why... I pushed you aside. I preferred that you thought I was a selfish jerk that got you whenever I wanted, I preferred that you hated me and were gone hating me and thinking I was the worst... than loving me and feeling sad and deceived and betrayed. Today I know all of that was stupid... how is a world supposed to be perfect if there’s no you?”

Tears started to stream down his face. God. That was too much already. And even though he had to hold it back, Lysandre couldn’t know he had heard that small bit of information that was more like a talk with himself.

Augustine remained frozen to his spot, crying silently, feeling his whole being so drowned in love and sadness at the same time, until, from the outside, he heard a noise that made him react.

And he faked to be snapped out of his dreams, “Lys...?”

“Augus...”

“I heard a noise.”

“Me too. Shall we go check?”

Remaining in Lysandre’s warm embrace surely looked tempting, more when he could feel the cold cling to him at the smallest move he made. Though, they needed to get themselves out of there as soon as possible, so he nodded to agree.

Then, both stood, finding out their legs were too numbed already by the bad cold and the odd position, yet, recovering soon enough to open the door in time.

And indeed, there was someone.

“Oh, dear lord!” A woman in thick clothing exclaimed. “You two, what are you doing in there?”

Lysandre stepped forward this time, “sorry, ma’am.”

“You are not stealing my stuff, right?”

Who in the world would want to steal something in the middle of the snow?

“No, ma’am, we got lost earlier this day and needed a shelter and this was the first we found.”

“Are you foreigners?”

“... yes?”

“Yeah, you totally have the accent,” and she seemed to relax. “Then, if you are lost, want me to ride you to Snowpoint? That’s where I’m heading.”

“Would you do this for us?” Augustine asked, a bit embarrassed.

“Well... your friend here surely is a big guy but I’m sure the three of us can fit my snowmobile.”

“Thank you a lot, Ma’am, if you need us to pay you for this-”

She laughed, loudly, and Augustine wondered how could someone even have the energy to laugh in such a cold place like that.

“Don’t worry, man! I’ve driven with me many kids whose Pokémon have all fainted back to Snowpoint and not a single time I have made them pay. Now, let’s get going before you two freeze.”

Before hopping in the mobile, Lysandre stopped to take off his coat and lend it to him; this time Augustine was a bit less skeptical to accept it, as the wind while driving was going to be very, very harsh.

Either way, when they got in, he wrapped an arm around Lysandre as a way to thank him, and he received the motion well as he held him again, and if he wasn’t freezing still, maybe Augustine would’ve laughed at how the sudden display of affection was surprising the woman. 

Fortunately, it took them no longer to be at Snowpoint, where the woman left them at the Pokémon center and they thanked her.

Now they were inside a properly heated building, both gasped with emotion and contentment.

“Ah, finally!”

“I thought we’d be stuck in there forever.”

Of course, his next reaction was to take out his Xtreinsceiver to see if someone had noticed his absence. And, well. 20 missing calls from Aurea and 10 from Rowan didn’t seem promising.

“Damn, these guys are going to kill me,” he showed the phone to Lysandre, who just laughed.

“They’re going to kill  _ me _ ,” he added. “Last thing they knew was you were with me. At this point they most likely believe I stole you or something.”

“They wouldn’t think that.”

“Juniper would give me the benefit of doubt. But Rowan? He surely already called the cops on me.”

“Oh, don’t say that, he’s just a little bit grumpy and that’s it!”

“Either way, I have to find a way to get you back to Sandgem before it gets later.”

“Do you have anything in mind?”

“Would you mind if Honchcrow flew you back to Sandgem?”

“Do you have her with you?”

“No, she’s on the PC,” and Augustine didn’t need to ask to understand why.

“And how are you going to get back?”

“I’ll stay here tonight. I’ll find an hotel.”

For a moment Augustine was tempted, oh so tempted to tell him he’d go with him. But, 20 calls from Juniper and 10 from Rowan were enough reasons to not.

“Take Honchcrow with you, I’m sure she’ll be very happy to see you.”

“And how do I return her?”

“You can transfer her to my PC anytime.”

“Okay, let’s do it then.”

It didn’t take them much more to get her out of the PC, and ready to fly Augustine back to Sandgem, even if the flight was rather long.

“If anything happens, let me know.”

“Yes... yes...”

Something else demanded to be said. It was as if the words were floating around them hoping to be picked.

“You keep Ziel this time.”

“But...” Augustine went coy for a second, so coy he started to play with his fingers. “If I keep him with me-”

“There’s no excuses anymore, Augus. I’ll be hanging out with you regardless of Ziel now. Even if Ziel definitely picked you, I'll still be there.”

“We’ll see each other soon, then?”

“Of course we will.”

Ah, screw it.

Augustine just shortened the distance between them to hug Lysandre once more as he couldn’t get enough, and before reciprocating the motion, Lysandre pecked his forehead so softly, so delicately, so deliriously tender.

“Please, be safe,” Lysandre whispered for him only to listen.

“You too.”

Ah... he didn’t want to let go. Not yet. Not after neglecting himself from this sort of touch for so long. But he really, really had to go before it was even later.

So, with all the shame of his heart, he had to pull away from Lysandre, who was looking at him with that serene expression, almost with adoration. 

“So... see you around.”

“See you soon.”

For a second Augustine imagined to get back to hold him once more, but 30 missing calls were nothing to play with.

And so, he went out of the Pokémon center and flew all the way back to Sandgem.

* * *

When he arrived back at the Lab, it was to Rowan and Aurea (plus Fennel) bombarding him with questions of where he had been all day, how it all happened and most importantly, why he was wearing Lysandre’s coat.

Of course, Aurea immediately assumed he escaped to sleep with him. Rowan completely refused to accept that was the case so he decided to believe the story about Ziel getting them on Route 216 out of a whim. And Fennel, she was trying to hide that she found the story completely endearing.

But, before he could keep going with anything, Augustine went back to his own room to get rid of his cold clothes and get to the bathroom to have a deserved hot shower.

Once he was done taking care of himself, it was the moment when he got in comfy pajamas and went to the kitchen to prepare some dinner; if he wasn’t hungry.

Halfway through the spaghetti with meatballs that Fennel had cared to save for him, Rowan arrived at the kitchen, wearing that undecipherable expression in his face that could both mean he was there to do nothing at all or to talk.

So, Augustine was in expectation while the old man took a place beside him.

“Sycamore.”

“Prof.”

Rowan sighed, “I knew you called your sister this morning. And I thought you were going to talk to Lysandre today to tell him you couldn’t be around him anymore.”

Yes. The man surely wanted to talk.

“I changed my mind,” Augustine replied with simplicity.

“What made you change your mind?”

“We talked. Lysandre was honest with me, he told me each of his reasons and I told him mine. Both agreed that we want to start again from friends to try to fix this.”

Augustine knew Rowan didn’t mean it in a bad way, yet the comment wasn’t any less harsh, “and do you think talking solves everything?”

“No... talking doesn’t solve anything but... it’s a great start. For me it is a great start to be able to express out loud my negative feelings.”

The older shook his head, sighing deeply, “see. Don’t lift your guard with me.”

“I’m not-”

“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m acting out of my old fashioned ways. But I’ve seen you crying for that man so many times that I don’t want you to get hurt once more.”

“This doesn’t mean we had already gotten back together,” Augustine added, defensive. “We are going to talk more and try to see if there is even a way to fix this.”

“And do you think there is a fix? Do you think Lysandre truly changed?”

He went silent.

“He’s trying his best. He’s taking his medication and attending therapy.”

“Augustine... people hardly change.”

And he hated how he couldn’t help the frustration to flood his body so quickly and how now he had tears in his eyes once more.

“It’s not only his job to change... I also have to change if I want this to work.”

“Sycamore, I’m not attacking you, don’t take it personally. I just want to keep you grounded. I want you to have realistic expectations in this. Before the incident with the weapon you used to idealize Lysandre so bad. If you do it again this time you’re going to end up in the same place and I don’t want you to suffer anymore.”

“He was sick and unregarded and hurt when that happened. I used to believe I had to be a martyr for anyone who loved me. But no anymore. I want to try it now that we both are changing those circumstances. What is so bad about wanting to do something for myself?”

“Just...” Rowan stood. “Be sure you are doing this for yourself and not to yourself. Be careful, man. Have some sense of self preservation. Don’t trust Lysandre so blindly when he has given you all proof that he isn’t someone to trust.”

Augustine went silent, feeling how he wasn’t even hungry anymore.

“Goodnight.”

And of course, he didn’t reply.

He hated that Rowan did those remarks; couldn’t he just enjoy the moment for a while? Couldn’t he feel happy that finally he was able to talk to Lysandre and be honest? Was it so bad to find some relief in knowing why Lysandre did what he did and why he never told him? 

It already was so much to think about. It was already confusing and his feelings of course were ambivalent too. And the unnecessary commentary about things his own anxiety had already told him were so, so annoying. And he didn’t want to snap at Rowan who was only worried for him, but who did he even think he was to treat him like a kid?

No matter how hard he tried to be alright, the doubt always overshadowed the good just like a storm, making him wonder if he’d be able to ever be alright again with Lysandre without those ghosts getting on the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY THIS WAS SUUUUUUUCH A HECKA LONG CHAPTER but I hope y’all had liked it a lot!! (Because it took the longest of whiles to get it ready ajajsjs but anyways) It was just about time for this guys to finally break down their emotional distance and be honest with each other <3
> 
> And this is all for this week! See you next week with another chapter! Stay safe and until next time!


	15. Quédate esta noche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “... Para que sepas qué tal vez me contradigo, pero si de algo estoy segura es que quiero estar contigo.”

That all started one day at Le Noir.

Lysandre and he had been hanging out a lot lately, whenever Augustine was free from his lab duties he went all the way to Santalune to meet with Lysandre after his shift was over, and then they would wander around the city, to end up in whichever of their respective houses to take care of Ziel, or in a coffee shop which usually was Le Noir.

That day Tracy had joined them in their talk -she was just too lovely to not talk to her. And they were having coffee together until Augustine casually brought up the topic.

“What are you going to do for Christmas?”

And Lysandre replied with simplicity, “nothing.”

“Come on! Nothing?”

Tracy shrugged, “I asked him exactly that the other day and he said the same. Nothing.”

“Why?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Spending Christmas alone is the big deal,” Tracy insisted. “I told him he could spend Christmas with my family but he refused to.”

“I don’t think your dad is going to be happy with the idea of the loner who always attends his café arriving at the dinner with his daughter.”

“Oh, come on! Don’t mind my dad! Do it for my grandma, she’s very friendly and cooks like no one else! I think she’ll be happy to meet you!”

“Tracy...”

At the same time, the doorbell rang and so Tracy, out of instinct, had to stand and go take care of that.

Leaving both of them alone to resume the talk.

“And what about you?”

“Oh, you know. Rowan is going to make dinner and invite over some of his apprentices and friends.”

“Sounds nice.”

“But, truly, Lys, how is it that you aren’t going to celebrate?” Augustine asked, tilting his head. “I’m sure there are plenty of places where you can spend the night. Many bars and hotels are open on Christmas.”

And he chuckled with such simplicity, “I’m through meds, Augus. I cannot drink alcohol so hotels, bars, night clubs, all of that are canceled for me.”

“Oh... but, there are many other plans that don’t include alcohol! Maybe you should accept going with Tracy.”

“It’s not only that I’m afraid her dad is going to misunderstand things… Once I take my meds I feel so, so drowsy. I wouldn’t be a nice companion for her.”

It was, in fact, pretty sad. Going through treatment for bipolar disorder surely wasn’t easy. Any less when at the end of the day Lysandre was still alone.

And that squeezed his heart in so many ways that Augustine couldn’t help it.

“And... what if you came with me?”

“I don’t want to ruin Rowan’s dinner. He won’t be happy to see me there.”

It was true. So, so true. It would only make Lysandre live a very awkward and uncomfortable situation. So...

“And what if I paid you a visit then?”

“What?”

“Yeah, before Rowan’s dinner I could go to your place, bring some snacks, and we can have a small dinner together. You know, so the holiday doesn’t go blank for you.”

For a second Augustine thought he would keep refusing to celebrate Christmas, and if that should be the case, well, he’d accept it.

“Well, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I could be completely down to it.”

Why did he even feel thrilled about that?

“Yes?”

“I mean. Just a little dinner. Enough for me to enjoy it before the meds knock me out and just in time for you to get back to Rowan’s dinner.”

And that had been why he was there. It was December 24th, and he was staring at himself in the mirror while making sure his clothes and his hair looked neat; he wanted to be decent for Lysandre, for their small date.

“How do I look?”

Fennel smiled at him, “very good. Not too formal but of course not casual at all!”

“Great.”

“Come on,” she approached him and placed both hands over his shoulders. “Everything is going to be fine, Gus! Don’t be tense.”

“How can I possibly be this nervous if this is far from being the first time I have a date with Lysandre?”

“Because you love him, ain’t that nice? To feel every date as if it was the first date.”

Before that last cheesy sentence could fully sink in his head, Aurea walked in.

“Hey guys, how am I looking?”

At the sight of Aurea wearing a red dress with her hair loose, Fennel couldn’t help but gasp and rush to her side to hug her and kiss her. At that, Augustine just thought of two things; they were in fact such helpless lesbians, and he was so damn jealous because he knew when Lysandre saw him they wouldn’t be able to do that. Not quite yet. 

“You look marvelous, baby!”

“Come on, dear, you were the one to go buy this dress with me.”

“Yes, but this time you look even more stunning than when we bought it!”

Obviously, Augustine had to kill the mood by complaining out loud.

“Dear lord, you’re going to give me diabetes.”

And Fennel laughed fully, “square up and maybe you’re going to end up like this with a special someone tonight!”

That, more than making him feel better about the whole situation, only made him shrug coyly.

“Oh, what’s with that face?”

“I don’t know if I should let anything happen tonight.”

At his helpless note, Fennel rushed to his side, tilting her head and cooing.

“Oh, what’s wrong, Gus?”

He sighed, deeply, “I can’t help but think that... maybe Rowan is right and I’m trusting so blindly in Lysandre and I’m about to make a big mistake, once again.”

And finally, Aurea puffed, shaking her head, “see, Augus. Rowan is an old man. I really love him too, but-”

“Maybe he’s old fashioned but what if he’s right and I end up worse if I even try to get back with Lysandre? What if I’m doing this to myself?”

“Look. Do you want to get back with him, for real? From the bottom of your heart?”

“Not always what I want is the best for me. What if I mess it up even worse this time?”

“Okay,” Aurea clasped her hands. “You know I don’t like Lysandre much either. I’m kind of sore from all those times I watched you cry and mope for him. It makes me bitter to think about everything he’s done.”

“I know...”

“But, fuck it, Augustine, the final decision is yours at the end of the day.”

“But...”

“I’ve watched you crying for him but I’ve also watched you missing him and being so miserable, drinking yourself to forget, isolating, drowning yourself in work so you don’t have to pay attention to your feelings, and honestly, if you think Lysandre is your happiness and that fixing your relationship with him is going to make you feel accomplished, then, by all means, go for it, because I rather see you trying that see you being this sad.”

Oh, no. No tears again.

He should really learn to talk without having these vicious urges to cry.

“Besides,” Aurea seemed to be able to read his face enough to give him a break to put himself together. “You said you’re going to try to fix it, didn’t you? It’s a great chance to also fix yourself so you can work out a relationship.”

“What if... what if it’s just a waste of time?”

Fennel chuckled, “nothing that gets you like this could be a waste of time.”

“I don’t know...”

“Gus, life’s too short to even care. None of us have a promised tomorrow, getting paralyzed by ‘what if it doesn’t work?’, ‘what if I’m wasting time?’ is useless in a world like ours that could change at any moment.”

Softly, she placed a hand to his arm to stroke it up and down.

“If you want to speak of what-ifs, then think about this. What if another bunch of pirates in Hoenn loosen the ire of an ancient Pokémon and drown the entire world this time for real? What if another Ghetsis freak comes and freezes the entire world? Damn, what if something beyond our power like a meteorite kills everyone, and you couldn’t give Lysandre that chance you are aching to give him just for fear?”

Damn, Fennel had a point. Augustine remembered then why he loved to talk to her.

“If it doesn’t work out, Gus, then you can be happy that you tried by  _ all _ means, that you didn’t hold anything back. Sometimes the things that weigh the most in our luggage are the things we didn’t do and didn’t give away rather than the things we’ve done. If you don’t take the chance you’ll always be wondering what was at the other side of the door you decided to not open, but if you do, regardless of the results, your mind would have no room for doubts and painful what-ifs.”

As he smiled, he couldn’t help his eyes to get wet.

“For being such helpless lesbians,” he paused to chuckle and wipe the single tear that fell from his eye, “you two are so very wise.”

“Come on, Gus, come here.”

Fennel opened her arms to receive him and Augustine just accepted the motion, reciprocating it while resting his head on Fennel’s shoulder.

And soon, Aurea joined them, placing herself beside her girlfriend, and so Augustine also wrapped an arm around her.

“I love you two. Thank you for being there for me.”

“Nothing to thank us, Augus,” she briefly pecked his cheek. “We are here to help each other, and we will always be there for you, with a smile, regardless of what happens. You are our dear friend and we love you.”

He must be truly, truly lucky.

“Now,” Fennel was the first to pull away. “You should get going now! You don’t want to make Lysandre wait, do you?”

“Not at all.”

Aurea pulled away then. 

“Just, Augustine Sycamore, for the love of god, make sure to be back at dessert time so you can try the awesome apple salad I prepared!”

“It’s her auntie’s recipe so you have to absolutely try it!”

“I swear I’ll be back in time.”

“Now, go and enjoy your night! Not everyone has a gourmet chef waiting on them with dinner!”

“Yeah, Augus, have fun and let yourself be.”

“Oh, and be sure we’ll take good care of little boy Ziel so your date goes without any interruptions!”

And, the torment that had been lingering in his mind ever since he had that talk with Rowan, started to dissipate. And he was sure that, whatever that happened, he would be able to endure it after receiving those sweet words and hugs full of love and energy.

* * *

When Lysandre and he settled the details for the dinner, Augustine didn’t imagine Lysandre’s definition for ‘a small dinner’ was going to end up being this different to his. 

When he arrived, Lysandre met him with a broad smile, “Augustine, you are just in time, I’m so glad to see you, come in.”

A kiss would’ve been nice, yet, his mind soon got distracted from that when, as he went to the kitchen, he found a small table covered with a nice patterned cloth, with aromatic candles, and flowers all around the house, as well as some record already playing the old songs both enjoyed to listen to. 

Lysandre was not playing games there. He was being really serious there. That was, without any doubt, a romantic date.

“Come on, Augus, sit down, everything is ready.”

And of course, in such a gentlemanly way, Lysandre pulled his chair and helped him in, making him totally blush.

“Thank you.”

“May I pour you some wine in your glass?”

“Oh, Lys, but what are you going to drink? I’d feel bad if I were the only one to drink.”

“Never mind, my glass is right in front of you.”

In fact, there was a glass of some drink that looked dark like wine.

“What is that?”

“Don’t tell anyone... but it's blueberry juice.”

At that, Augustine couldn’t help but laugh, tilting his head very lovely at the sight of Lysandre also snickering contentedly while pouring wine in his glass.

“I’ll keep your secret safe. Nobody can find out that Mr. Fleur de Lis drinks blueberry juice to look cool.”

From the oven, Lysandre took many pouts and pans with different contents each, and bit by bit he started to serve the meals on plates.

What could Augustine truly say? Lysandre had cooked his favorites, each done with utmost care and in all the special ways he liked them. He had told himself he wouldn’t be eating that much so he could also enjoy the meals that would be offered at Rowan’s household. But everything Lysandre cooked was amazing and Augustine couldn’t do anything else than to eat it contentedly.

“Have I ever told you the story about how my uncles fist-fought for grandma’s estates one Christmas?”

Lysandre began to laugh.

“Dear lord, Augus, I swear to god you had just invented that.”

“No! I swear it totally happened!” Alright, he was feeling a bit tipsy from the wine already. “At its moment it was catastrophic but in hindsight it was so funny.”

“Well, tell me.”

Augustine still hadn’t started and he was already laughing at his own story, “Okay. Picture this. An hour prior that, we all were holding hands and saying how thankful we were to be there and be family and yadda yadda.”

Lysandre rested his chin in the palm of his hand, tilting his head, staring adoringly.

“Then?”

“My grandma was already an old woman. Every once in a while she changed her will depending on the actual needs, you know? So. My uncles began to talk about that, and what began in a ‘mom, you’ve always loved my brother more than you loved me’ ended up in all of my uncles, my dad included, fist fighting for the will. Beer flew in the air and my grandma soaked them drunkies with cold water until they cooled down.”

“How old were you when that happened?”

“Like 15. After that, my mom never wanted to spend the holidays ever again with my dad’s family.”

“It’s a rather tragic story but I can see how it could be funny.”

“Oh, no, it was funny! Just imagine a bunch of alcoholics trying to punch each other, only throwing hits to the air. They put up quite the show back then.”

“It’s hard for me to imagine Diantha putting up with that. She’s just too glamorous for that.”

“Ah, I have a whole holiday blackmail for Diantha… that one day she snapped at one of our drunk uncles for staining her dress. She didn’t hold anything back, anyway, he wouldn’t remember it the next day.”

“I really can’t imagine Diantha losing her cool in such a way.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Both went silent for some seconds to keep enjoying their meals.

“All my Christmases were quite boring,” Lysandre added after a while. “You know. A lot of etiquette. Having dinner with people my parents didn’t even like just for good public relationships. Listening to all of my family members talking nonsense.”

“Familiar Christmas dinners sometimes become a contest of who can say the best nonsense comment.”

“Ugh, tell me that. I vividly remember that one Christmas when it ended up in a very fancy argument of why the earth is in fact flat. It was so ridiculous.”

Augustine laughed, “I cannot imagine you being silent in such a moment like that.”

“Now you know where all my ire and impatience comes from.”

“Poor you, those people made you run out of your patience fee before you even became an adult.”

Once more, both of them laughed.

And they kept going like that; the talk, unlike many of the other times, being lighthearted and sweet, full of jokes, funny stories, and sweet words.

Until they were done with dinner (without dessert, Augustine promised to have at least dessert at Rowan’s), and when Augustine thought it was the moment to offer to clean up the kitchen to then leave, somehow Lysandre managed to take them both to the living room where they kept chatting casually and happily about everything and nothing at the same time.

And when for real Augustine knew he was getting close to his limit of time of being there and was risking the possibility to still make it in time to Rowan’s...

“Hey, Augus.”

“Yes?”

“I know you have to go soon, but...”

“But...?”

“I got you a present.”

“A present?”

“It’s something small.”

And he cooed, “oh, no, Lys, I didn’t bring you anything! I mean, because we didn’t settle anything about presents I thought we wouldn’t be doing that.”

Yet, it was common sense. Who attended a one to one Christmas dinner without bringing a present with them?

“Don’t worry, Augus, it’s something I want to give you. I wasn’t expecting anything in exchange.”

“I don’t know if I should accept it.”

“Oh, please do. It truly doesn’t matter to me if you didn’t get me a present.”

But his curiosity always managed to get the best of him. 

“Okay.”

Lysandre got excited almost like a kid. It was funny to see such a big man acting in that way.

“Alright, in fact, I left it over here...”

From somewhere, Lysandre got a rather small box, wrapped in pink with a white ribbon. It looked, in fact, very neat, enough to make Augustine feel even guiltier for not getting a present too. 

“Open it.”

“Okay...”

He was getting quite nervous to find out whatever thing that could be waiting inside of that box. 

So, carefully, he lifted the tap, only to be met with wraps covering the actual gift. Carefully, Augustine got rid of them to uncover the item and when he did, he felt his heart skipping fast with surprise.

“Is this a...?”

“Open it.”

When he did, Augustine was reassured in what it was: a music-box with a very fine Shaymin figure dancing to the sweet tune of a melody. In the sides of the box the typical gracidea flowers were painted very neatly.

And of course, he recognized the item completely: in his younger days when he traveled to Sinnoh for the first time, when he was at Floaroma town he found those music boxes, and he completely loved them, but in that one moment, he thought it would be useless to buy it as he was too old for that and wouldn’t find a proper use to it. He always regretted not buying it since all the following times he traveled to Sinnoh he couldn’t find one of those examples ever again. 

“How did you find it?”

“When I first arrived here I did some traveling, you know? I went to Floaroma one day and found these and remembered that one time you told me the story about how you didn’t buy it even if it was beautiful, and how you were still bitter about that,” Lysandre started explaining, happily. “I bought it even if... well, things weren’t fine. I thought I’d never had the chance to give it to you, but now you are here, I thought this was the best chance.”

Augustine was pretty moved to that point; first the romantic setting, the delicious dinner, now the music box...

“I don’t even know how you remembered about that. I told you the story ages ago.”

“I paid attention to you.”

He wanted to say something in exchange, some words that were equally as beautiful and as pure as his feelings were now, yet, he couldn’t find them in time before Lysandre picked up the talk again.

“I think it really comes in handy this time. You know Shaymin flowers represent gratitude, and I’m so, so, so grateful that you are here with me now.”

That was it.

Lysandre had truly made it. 

Those words were so warm and sincere and the way he blushed while saying them was so unique that he managed to melt the last layer of cold remaining between them, and there was no coming back from that.

Augustine couldn’t find the words to express how he felt, but there always existed other ways to.

“You know what, Lys?” Lovely, he placed the box over the middle table. 

“Yes?”

“I lied. I indeed got you a present but wanted it to be a surprise.”

That surely puzzled him, “seriously?”

Goddammit, what was he even doing?

The shot of overconfidence blew up too quickly and now Augustine was wondering why he even said that. 

“Yes,” he continued, either way. “So, now... close your eyes and stretch your hands.”

Lysandre was for sure reluctant but either way shut his eyes and did as Augustine commanded him.

“Now, what? I surely look embarrassing.”

All the opposite. Augustine barely understood how he could keep holding back from touching him looking so damn irresistible with that red shirt of his, the perfectly groomed beard, his hair loose....

“I’ll place the present in your hands, wait until I get it out of my pocket and don’t open your eyes at any moment.”

“Okay...”

It was sealed. A step back would be just plainly disappointing. So, feeling his cheeks flushing so furiously and his heart beating in his throat, Augustine took a deep breath, shook his head, and decided to go for it.

He placed his shaky hands on both of Lysandre’s cheeks, and without letting himself await much longer, brushed his lips against his in motion way more clumsy than how he imagined it would be.

Lysandre gasped at first, yet he didn’t make any effort to pull him away and just placed his big hands at his waist, reciprocating the kiss in soft, sweet motions that totally had Augustine losing his breath just that quickly and humming softly, needy.

If his body was supposed to have a certain release with that action, it turned out to be the opposite; now his whole being was trembling in passion and urge and utter and absolute love.

The kiss didn’t last much because it had been sudden, yet, when they parted for some seconds, both gasping, Lysandre was the first to laugh, and Augustine surely felt his heart squeezing.

“Such a nice present, Augus.”

“Oh, there’s more.”

Now it wasn’t just his hands touching his face, no, now Augustine wrapped his arms around him, losing all physical distance between them, and Lysandre seemed to get lost in the touch of his hair, in being finally able to squeeze him tight and stroke his back and touch overall his body.

The beard surely tickled him that time as he, for some odd reason grew unused to it, yet that didn’t stop him from going further and further with that, his kiss becoming more deep and intense each time because he couldn’t get enough.

He couldn’t to the point that, now, slowly but constantly, Augustine was starting to coax Lysandre to bend backwards, and somehow he managed to pin him against the armrest, and shamelessly, Augustine was on top of him, making out mindlessly, forgetting even that he was supposed to get somewhere else.

Each small time they gasped for air and Augustine could see Lysandre, the repressed passion inside of him burned brighter and brighter; he just looked like a blank page where he could be able to draw all the desires he had shut down all those aching months in order to cope and move on.

And it was because of that, that Augustine didn’t take much more to feel confident enough to make his hands travel to Lysandre’s shirt to start to unbutton it.

Yet, it was the moment when Lysandre parted, pulled his head back, and laughed, surely making Augustine grow very, very nervous and self-conscious.

“What’s the matter?”

“I’m afraid I have to stop you here.”

Had he made something wrong? Was he too eager? Did he misread the signs? Was he that drunk?

“Why?”

“I...” but soon, Augustine found out that wasn’t quite an amused laughter, instead, it was a rather embarrassed one. “Promise you won’t laugh at me.”

“I won’t.”

“The meds... you know, between all of the secondary effects, well… they affect my...”

“Oh.”

Why would Lysandre assume Augustine would be making fun of something like that, that he would body shame him straightforwardly?

“The doctor took into consideration that I’m an adult. She didn’t give me serotoninergics because those have the worst effects in these regards. She said it would be a matter of time until my body adjusted and my libido was back to normal, but...”

He even looked away.

“Apparently I’m still adjusting. I’ve tried it by myself some other times and... it takes time, time I’m afraid we don’t have to spare. That. And that I didn’t talk about this with my doctor since I didn’t think you would want us to do it tonight.”

Now Augustine for sure felt silly. So, so silly. Of course Lysandre wouldn’t be able to take him just so out of the blue. Even if it wasn’t by the medicine, just wanting to sleep with him right away after so many silent months and before fixing properly their relationship was foolish.

“Though... well. If you really want something to happen, I can try to please you in some other way.”

Ashamed, apologetic, Augustine withdrew himself.

“No, no, you should enjoy it as well and not just do it because I...” he shook his head, growling. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I shouldn’t be this eager, I swear to god I’m still a teenager.”

Ah. He should quit the habit of jumping straight into the sex. Now he had just unnecessarily embarrassed Lysandre.

But, before he could keep feeling guilty for that, Lysandre reincorporated, wrapped an arm around him and pecked his temple.

“It’s okay, Augus.”

“I’m truly sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I know you didn’t do it with that intention.”

He didn’t even know what to reply to anymore. 

“I’m sorry if I disappointed you…” that was his finishing line, letting him know that he was in fact pretty ashamed of this deficiency of his.

“No! Don’t even say that,” Augustine exclaimed, worried. “It’s not disappointing. This is just who we are now, and if we want this to work out we have to accept it and work on it and on everything else, together.”

“So...” his voice trembled with emotion. “Does this mean you are willing to try it again with me?”

Augustine reciprocated the motion, feeling how the time stopped at a crucial moment. As well, he could hear both of Rowan’s and Fennel’s words echoing in his mind, each telling him what to do, until he stared up and placed a hand to Lysandre’s cheek to stroke it.

“Yes, Lys. I want to get back,” he said, from the bottom of his heart. “Like... there are still things I don’t understand. I still can’t forgive you or forgive myself for all that has ever happened between us. But... I love you. I’ve never felt this much love for another person, and I know after you I won’t ever. I missed you all these months like I’ve never missed anyone else, it was such a sick feeling and… I don’t want to do like this anymore. We will need to make rules and settle down things very well and put all of our efforts into this, it won’t be easy, but...”

“What about starting therapy together? Sure, I will keep seeing my therapist, and you can start seeing one too if you need it. But we should start couples therapy, I think that having a place where we can talk about our problems with the guidance of a professional who knows how to find ways to solve them will help us a lot.”

“You know I can’t stay here much more.”

“I’ll go back to Kalos with you.”

That was like a dream come true; Lysandre offering him to go to therapy, this committed to change. Yet, the doubt always took him.

“And what if it doesn’t work out? Are you still willing to leave everything you have here to follow me either way?”

“If it doesn’t work out be sure I won’t insist more with you. I’ll leave you be, because I want you to feel like you can leave me anytime, I don’t want you to endure bad things anymore. But...” another kiss landed in his head. “Be sure I’ll do every day my best effort to work it out.”

“I will also do it. I’ll get over my own flaws so I can work myself out and then work this relationship out.”

“It’s going to take a lot of work. We’ll have to mend mistakes from even before we met. We’ll have to change our lifestyles. But for you, Augustine, it will be worth it. Living in this world how it is is only worthy because you are here.”

Obeying his needs, Augustine reached out to kiss Lysandre again, and after a while, he parted to say with a shaky voice.

“Maybe I’m being a bit contradicting here, just know that even if I do, I’m sure that I want to be with you. It’s just that I am afraid.”

And Lysandre laughed while coiling his fingers in his dark hair, “I’m so scared too. I always have this underlying fear of falling back again in an episode and ruining everything once more. But, the last time we tried it we were also moved by fear. We need to overcome it this time and be brave to embrace ourselves and embrace each other.”

That was right.

A great part of the deal was that he had to defeat all his fears of failure and abandon. 

“Yeah, you are right. You are right,” now, he pecked his cheek. “We have to be stronger this time.”

“Come here.”

And once more the miracle happened and their lips met in a soft motion, almost as if that way both could express and say everything they needed to.

Augustine still wanted more; he knew he wouldn’t get it in the form of intercourse, but if he had some other way to stay with Lysandre, by his side, he’d go for it.

So, when they parted, with a whisper, he said:

“Come with me to Rowan’s dinner.”

Lysandre squeezed him tighter, humming.

“Please, Lys. I don’t feel like letting go of you anytime soon.”

He laughed, and then rested his face against his shoulder, coyly.

“I don’t want to show up uninvited.”

“I invite you.”

“Rowan won’t be happy.”

Ah, he knew, he knew that had already been settled, but letting go of Lysandre now they had come to terms simply seemed impossible.

“I know...”

“Besides, Augus, I need to sleep. I will feel drowsy in no time.”

“Okay.”

“But... what about New Year’s Day?” He prompted. “If you already have plans for New Year’s Day I can attend with you.”

“Even if Rowan is going to be there?”

“I’ll have to confront him eventually. It’s just that I don’t feel it appropriate this night. He should know beforehand I’m attending.”

“Okay, then, I’ll be sure to tell-”

His Xtreinsceiver went off, making him tense, and when he checked out who it could be he found out it was Aurea. 

Augustine only activated the sound function.

“Augus!”

“What?”

“How’s it going? Are you still with Lysandre or are you already on your way here? We are halfway through the dinner already!”

Damn.

“I’m...” his voice quivered. “I’m still here.”

“Augustine! It’s almost dessert time, how are you even supposed to make it in time?”

“A-Ah! I’m sorry, I lost track of time.”

“Augus!” She wailed his name. “You promised you’d be here for dessert!”

“And I’ll be! Give me some time.”

“You better be here on time. Bye.”

She hung up, and the silence that remained between them was to say the very least awkward.

“Seems like you really have to go now.”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to borrow you Honchkrow again? She’ll get you there in no time. And she could keep Ziel entertained in Rowan’s dinner before he starts to mess around and seek attention.”

If now they were to share everything again...

“Yes, please.”

“Okay, let's get going downstairs then.”

And like that, their lovely dinner was over as well as the night, it seemed. 

When they called the elevator, both held each other, silently: Ah, it was going to be really, really hard for Lysandre to just let him go like that, more when in fact he wanted to spend the night with him but knew he couldn’t, and didn’t want Augustine to change his other social events in the name of staying with him; that was what they were escaping from in the very first place. 

After a nick of time that felt so awfully short, they were at the lobby of the apartment complex, heading out, and it was cold, very cold.

Before definitely leaving, Augustine turned back to face him, wearing a pretty moved smile that was everything that was beautiful in that world and more.

When he started to approach him, Lysandre opened his arms to receive him there, and once more, when they hugged, his heart beat with ease, softly, tenderly, and it was as if the cruel time had stopped for the sake of that moment.

“Thank you. I had a great time. Everything was perfect.”

Lysandre kissed his forehead, “I’m happy you liked it. I did it with all my love.”

Coyly, Augustine chuckled, and there, lifted his face to stare right into his eyes and then tilt his head and get on his tiptoes to try to reach him and have one last kiss. 

How was he supposed to let him go now? How was he supposed to not need him?

“I love you, Lys,” Augustine whispered ever so delicately, for him only to know, and Lysandre felt all of his moving parts getting disarmed.

“I love you more, Augustine.”

Both of their hands held on to each other as long as possible, until the touch was demanded to break and Augustine to finally leave.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

“Goodnight.”

Ans Lysandre had to watch Augustine getting on top of Honchkrow, and then leaving bit by bit until his silhouette was no longer inside visual range.

He sighed deeply. Oh so deeply. And before he could do a clown of himself out there in an either way almost empty street, he went back inside and headed to his penthouse.

Once there, there were only the leftovers of what that night had been; dirty dishes, wasted candles, scattered wraps, food that would be saved in the fridge for days. Yet, in each, he could see the signs of Augustine’s enjoyment; 

His big surprise when he saw the setting, the permanent expression of satisfaction and joy at the taste of a new dish, each tipsy laughter he laughed while sipping from his wine, how pretty moved he looked when he had the present on his hands... the taste of his lips, the little noises he did while kissing him, the alluring scent of his clothes, his grey eyes shining, looking at him so benevolently...

And Lysandre couldn’t help but laugh like a teenager who just had his first date. And he collapsed on the couch between sighs and giggles, replaying the events in his head over and over and over again as a movie he would never grow tired of watching. 

Ah. He truly hated Christmas; the hypocrisy, people meeting with other people they hated only because they were supposed to, people spreading messages of love and peace while criticizing others, and the worst part, people spending an exaggerated amount of resources into expensive dinners and unnecessary presents just for the status and the laughter, the exacerbated consumerism of things that the next day would helplessly end in the trash only to burden and pollute more and more.

Yet... apparently, Augustine loved Christmas. And for him it had been worth it to break the manners and prepare a delicious dinner and give a rather unnecessary present, just to see him smile.

Ah...

If Augustine wasn’t the very end of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m the CEO of updating at the last hour of the day.
> 
> No but seriously JAJAJS last week was wack and today is my free day from work and I kinda enjoyed it as much as I could and slept all the day through but I managed to get this update ready <3 I hope you liked and loved the guys getting even closer this time and for the love of god FINALLY talking about going to therapy because damnnnnn they need it.
> 
> And I hope you loved Fennel as much as I loved to write her lines for this chapter. As bubbly and clumsy as she might seem, I think she’s also very wise and solemn when the situation demands it. 
> 
> And this is all for this week! I’ll be seeing you next week with more! Have a nice week and stay safe <3


	16. New Year’s Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.”

“Hey, d’amour?”

Augustine wrapped his arms around Lysandre from behind, earning a laughter as response.

“Yes?”

“How do I look?”

Softly, his boyfriend turned to face him, and he smiled indulgently, sweetly, and Augustine pulled away briefly to display his outfit to then end up holding him again.

“Gorgeous, Augus. As always.”

He chuckled wholeheartedly, only to get on his tiptoes and kiss him.

“Once the cake is done I’ll go fix myself.”

Augustine cooed, flirtatiously, “you look fine now, Lys,” and started to stroke his cheek. “The apron and the sleeves folded this way suit you very well.”

“Oh, please.”

“I can’t help but wonder how many women visit Santalune only to see if they can meet the handsome kalosian chef cooking there?”

That made him blush and look away, frowning even a bit, “come on, Augustine.”

And he only laughed louder, squeezing Lysandre between his grasp, staring up at him as if nothing could be better than that moment.

“You are so adorable.”

He snorted, trying to hold back the blush and putting up a prideful expression, “I’m imposing. Not adorable.”

“You are adorable, Lizzie.”

That was only pushing his buttons harder, “how do you even turn my name into that? Am I some sort of joke to you?”

“Aw, come on-”

A beeping noise interrupted them.

“The cake!”

They turned to stare at the oven to find out that, in fact, some smoke was coming out from there, and Lysandre immediately left his embrace to put on the cooking glove, open the oven and take the tray.

He eagerly left it on top of the table, and quickly got rid of the wraps and carefully with a knife cut a bit only to see if it was still okay.

As he didn’t curse further, Augustine took that as a good sign.

“Goddammit, my pass to Rowan’s dinner was this close to getting burned. All because of his little apprentice.”

“Don’t get mad at me, Lys!”

“If I show up without something to offer the man won't hesitate to kick me from his house.”

“Rowan isn’t that cruel, he would never.”

“See, Augus. I don’t want to find out how cruel he can be.”

Well, the man surely was overprotective on him, but cruel...? Besides, it was a great advance that he was willing to host Lysandre in his New Year’s dinner.

“Let me decorate the cake, yes? I’ll be ready in no time after that.”

“Yes. In the while I’ll go get Ziel ready. I want our little boy to look fancy, you know.”

“Alright,” and Lysandre kissed the top of his head.

So, indeed, Augustine started to look for little Ziel all around the place, until he found him sleeping soundly in the studio, behind the desktop.

He carefully approached him and started to pet the top of his head, until he opened his big eyes and stared at him lazily.

“Hey, baby boy, you gotta wake up now.”

Ziel yawned and stretched, looking so placid.

“Hey, I gotta get you ready for dinner, it’s almost time for us to leave.”

And he started to purr, rolling in his back and displaying his tummy, demanding to be caressed there.

“I also want to stay here to pet you, but your daddy is about to be done with the cake, so I have to get you ready now.”

He closed his eyes again.

“Come on. You don’t wanna play with Munna and Minccino?”

Once more, Ziel only yawned.

“Such a lazy cat you are-”

Before Augustine could finish his sentence and pick up Ziel to go get him ready, both phones in the house began to ring simultaneously, and then, Lysandre shouted from the kitchen:

“Hey, Augus, can you pick it up?”

“Sure!” He replied.

Well, at least the noise had been enough to irritate Ziel and make him wake up fully and go out of the studio, maybe to fall asleep somewhere else.

Quickly, Augustine picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

The person on the other side remained silent for a while, “hello?”

“Who’s it?”

“It’s Xerosic.”

For a second it felt as if time had stopped. He even thought he had listened wrong, that this was his mind playing tricks to him.

“Ah, Xerosic,” he tried to keep it polite. “It’s me, Sycamore.”

“Ah. Is Lysandre around?”

Not for him.

“Um...”

“Augus, who’s it?” He was so focused on the call that he didn’t even notice Lysandre had approached him.

Augustine sighed, “Xerosic.”

It was unnerving enough that now Lysandre was wearing that somehow apologetic expression on his face.

“Give me a second, alright?”

But Augustine still struggled to assertively express what bothered him, so, resigned, he just nodded, “yes. Yes. I’ll go get Ziel this time for real.”

And once he left the studio, Lysandre shut the door carefully and it only made the situation feel more like some secrecy he should be excluded from because it couldn’t mean anything good.

Or was it even a secret?

Wasn’t he maybe being paranoid? Wasn’t he maybe being distrustful towards Lysandre even if the man hadn’t done anything yet to show him he should lift his guard on him?

Or what if he had already done? After all, the whole matter with the Ultimate Weapon had occurred thanks to his collaboration with Xerosic. If that man was getting in contact with him now that they planned to go back to Kalos soon, it couldn’t be for anything good.

Argh. What if Rowan had been the one right all along and Augustine had been foolish to give up on all of his grudges and restraints so quickly and eagerly?

No. He had to stop those thoughts. That was toxic. There was no sense in giving Lysandre another chance if he was going to keep judging and judging him over the same thing and keep being suspicious of him.

But... what if he had been right and that was futile and Lysandre actually hadn’t changed? What if this all had been one of his dirty tactics to get him back?

No. He wouldn’t know until he didn’t wait for the call to be finished and politely asked Lysandre what had they discussed about.

He could always do that.

Or, he could just pick up the phone in the living room and listen to whatever thing they should be talking about. 

Even if that was incorrect in all thinkable ways as it was spying and getting in someone else’s privacy, Augustine couldn’t stop his feet from heading there, and in a matter of seconds he was already beside the phone.

He shouldn’t do it. He shouldn’t. That was such an awful thing to do. Lysandre would be mad for sure if he found out. Even himself would be utterly offended if Lysandre spied any of his conversations, he’d take it as a very rude sign of mistrust. It was sick. It was terribly sick.

And yet, there he was; quickly picking up the phone without letting go of the hanging button, and putting the speaker close to his ear.

“... and pretty much everything has been going well.”

Why was he even doing that? Why the fear of getting caught up couldn’t prevent him from doing this horribly toxic act in the very first place?

“So, are you two coming back to Kalos?”

“Yes. In a couple weeks more we’ll be back at Lumiose. Apparently Augustine is almost done with his research for Rowan and my tramits to get back will be over soon.”

“That’s great, Lysandre, I’m glad to know that,” Xerosic replied, and Augustine was sure his blood boiled more each time.

“Thank you.”

“By the way... now we are talking about this...”

“What?”

“You stayed at Sinnoh for a fair amount of time, and I’m sure that eventually for some reason or another you ended up learning about Team Galactic?”

“Yes.”

“You know, in some ways their plan didn’t differ too much with ours.”

“... So what?”

“I mean. I’ve been also studying about them this time you’ve been at Sinnoh. And if you also did learn a thing or two about them, what about restarting our plans?”

Fuck. _Fuck_.

“This world is still filthy and horrendous. People are still proving how selfish they can be. Hypocrisy is everywhere. Don’t you still want to do something about it?”

The hand that was pushing the hanging button to not be discovered was now even trembling with anger and a gurgling feeling of betrayal.

“If we take into consideration the flaws of our own plan, and use their flaws as an example of what we shouldn’t be doing the next time, don’t you think it would work?”

Oh, he knew it.

He fucking knew it.

Rowan had been right all along and he had only kidded himself.

How foolish had been to think that someone like Lysandre could change? What could he be expecting from someone that still was in contact with a man like Xerosic? It was all his fault for being so naive, for being so fucking dependent and allow Lysandre to get back in as he always did for him to not respect the boundaries and-

After some seconds, Lysandre cleared his throat, and Augustine could swear he was already dizzy and hallucinating.

“Look,” his voice was serious, almost dry. “I won’t lie. I still think this world is too much of a mess and that people are ungrateful and stupid in incredible ways. There are still many, many things bothering me and filling me of frustration, things I wish I could change.”

Augustine was this close to purposefully smash the phone and go straight to Lysandre to yell at him and tell him to forget about him and his second chance.

“But, just think about it for a second. We steal Yveltal from Serena and activate the Ultimate Weapon again. We get rid of everyone. It’s just Team Flare and that’s it. Then what? What would be next? Just us. That’s unsustainable. That’s foolish. That was something I made up in the middle of going through so much repressed wrath and a mental illness. Yet, now I’m in my mind again, I think, would I be happier that way? Would I be happier in a world without Pokémon? Would I be happier in a world where there’s nothing? Would I be happy if I were to watch the ones I love perishing?”

He stopped.

“There would be something. Team Flare. A world we can shape for right before it gets more rotten and disgusting than it already is.”

“See, Xerosic. There are still many things I hate, sometimes myself included. But I love Augustine like nobody can. I love him so much sometimes it hurts, so much it’s absurd and nonsense. And if this is what he doesn’t want for me, I’m not going back to it.”

His serious tone began to quiver full of emotion.

“It took me lots and lots and lots for him to even dignify to look at me without reminding me of how much of a horrible person I am and I’ve been,” he said, getting passionate about the matter. “It were many nights wondering what I could have done differently, days of missing him like crazy and regretting everything I did and feeling miserable because I didn’t reach out for help, so many nights drowning in my own loneliness and wishing I was dead, thinking in was to disappear and die, that, I’m sorry, but now he is willing to forgive me and love me again, I’m not going to waste it. I’m not going to lose the most important person I have for chasing after a fake treasure at the end of a nonexistent rainbow.”

Xerosic still had the nerve to insist.

“Are you sure?”

“Hell sure.”

“And what if Augustine leaves you eventually? He’s already left you, and in the pettiest of ways.”

Now Lysandre even gasped exasperated, “if he left me... that’s no reason to destroy the world he loves so much. I am no one to decide for everyone. And even if I cleansed the slate, it would get back to this point eventually. All I want you to understand is that... there are many ways to create a beautiful world, and Augustine is mine.”

“The psychiatrist surely brainwashed you.”

“Say whatever you want. You’ve been a great friend of mine, and you’ve also helped me a lot. Our different views won’t make me stop talking to you. But don’t ask me to agree and support you on this, because Team Flare is over.”

Enough was enough. Augustine carefully placed the phone back to its base, and...

As some tears fell from his eyes, he began to laugh, completely relieved.

Because he was silly. He did something horrible such as spying because he was so sick in the need of controlling Lysandre. Because he was too damn dependent and the idea of Lysandre not acting as he expected made him sick to his bones. Because he was either way pretty moved by everything he had listened to. Because maybe, maybe and just maybe Lysandre had truly changed. Because they stood a chance.

Because Lysandre loved him enough to try his best and do things differently this time.

And even if Augustine ached to rush to his side and hug him to tell him how much he loved him in exchange, he was well aware he did something bad out of mistrust, and he was equally as ashamed.

And so, he went back to the bedroom, where fortunately Ziel had placed himself, and there, he kept crying out of Lysandre’s view, so he didn’t know he had heard because he was a mistrustful partner, and wouldn’t have to confront him since confrontation was still one of his biggest struggles.

* * *

Augustine squeezed his hand three times while they were waiting at the doorstep for Rowan to open.

And once he did, Lysandre could appreciate how the old man wasn’t alone, beside him was Fennel, smiling in a very bubbly way.

“Gus! Lysandre! I’m so glad you are here now!”

Rowan first looked at how their hands were pressed together, then stared at him dead to the eye, frowning skeptically.

“M-May I come in?”

He sighed, “sure, man. Come in.”

“Thank you,” he truly, truly felt a big relief in his chest.

“Oh, what do you have in there?” Professor Fennel asked curiously, in her nice demeanor.

“I made a cake.”

“Which kind of cake?” Asked Professor Rowan, still playing up a skeptical tone.

“Oh, prof, please...” his lovely Professor was very, very nervous and tense and it showed.

“Strawberry cake.”

“Okay. That strawberry cake was the one to buy you your pass but I’ll be paying close attention to you.”

Even if in some other context Lysandre would be irritated by that sort of comment, this time around he couldn’t help but laugh, somehow relieved.

“Prof, come on, we talked about this!”

“Sorry, Sycamore, I’m just speaking the truth. That cake better be delicious, though.”

“His apprentice almost made me burn it, sir.”

And Augustine whined out loud, “don’t you dare teaming up with him!”

“It doesn’t surprise me. I’m pretty sure this man was clingy with you while you were trying to bake something. Ziel surely had to take his behavior from someone.”

“Come on, now you are taking it against me?”

If Rowan would be in such nice temper (or at least nice for someone like him), then the night seemed to be promising.

Soon, more guests arrived at Rowan’s household, mostly family and friends of his. Everyone helped to serve the food and in no time everyone was gathering around the table, sharing nourishments and stories.

Fennel surely was doing it better for him; She was the one to do the talk, to include Aurea in her stories and jokes and ask him for opinion, as well ready to listen to whatever thing he had to say. Augustine also looked happy talking to her, as both were pretty close, and Lysandre could even say the talk ended up being nice.

Even if at moments he could feel the drowsiness from his meds taking over him. But he was committed to put up with it if that meant watching Augustine all happy with his close friends. 

In fact, the dinner wasn’t being so awful as he remembered those sorts of meetings. Everyone there seemed to be pretty much smart and for that they were mostly discussing interesting matters about Pokémon, some politics too, cultural differences between regions and the likes.

When it became time for dessert, everyone liked the cake he made; he even saw Rowan sneakily getting a quite big extra slice, which was hilarious but he decided to not comment on it.

Ten minutes after it became midnight they all held hands and began to do some prayer for Arceus; Lysandre knew Sinnohan people were specially devoted, so he decided to flow with it. 

And then, when it was about to be midnight, everyone stood to start a countdown from sixty to one, and when they finally reached the end...

“Happy new year!”

Someone opened a bottle of bubbly Champagne.

Mostly the kids started to throw serpentines at everyone.

Beside them, Aurea immediately proceeded to wrap Fennel in her arms to kiss her wholeheartedly, and Fennel was smiling through the kiss, hanging her arms around Aurea’s neck. 

Augustine brought him back to life by holding his hand, and he had to read into his attempt of a flirtatious smile what he wanted; a kiss. In front of Rowan and all those other people he really didn’t know.

And of course, he wouldn’t be one to disappoint. So, he bent over so his dearest Augustine could reach him, and held his small frame between his arms, and then, with all the tenderness Augustine Sycamore deserved to be treated with, he placed his lips over his, being soft, so soft he was melting under the touch.

When he pulled away, Augustine gave him one of those sincere smiles that only made marks on his heart, and with a whisper said, “happy new year, Lys.”

“Happy new year, mon cœur.”

It was helpless. Lysandre found himself irremediably attracted by that man, and he ended up kissing him once more, not really minding anymore if they were in a crowded space; all the other couples were just like that, too.

“Come on, Lysandre!” Fennel shouted, excited. “Leave some Gus for us too!”

Both turned to face her, matching red cheeks and flustered smiles.

“Leave some Aurea for us too,” Augustine corrected her. “You were pretty much being selfish there.”

“When it comes down to my Au I can’t help it!”

Now it was Juniper’s turn to get embarrassed.

“Can we just stop talking about this and exchange the hugs already? I want to go watch the fireworks.”

“Sure, Aurea, come here,” and Augustine let go of him to hold his friend.

And then, Fennel approached him very gently and respectfully.

“Happy new year, Lysandre!” She said as she hugged him.

“You too, Fennel.”

“I hope the New year brings many blessings to you!”

She surely was a sunshine.

“Thank you, Fennel, you are a sunshine,” well, he actually said it, screw it, it wouldn’t kill him to compliment people and be friendly every now and then. “I also hope this year is good for you.”

“Aw, thank you so much! You are so nice!”

When they pulled away, Aurea was surely playing up skeptical, while Augustine was hugging Rowan very tightly and rambling to him about how much he loved him and the likes.

“Come on, man, Happy New Year.”

They hugged each other, and even if the embrace wasn’t as wholehearted as the one shared with Fennel, it didn’t feel cold either.

And when they two parted...

There was Rowan in line.

“Come on, Prof. Give him a hug. For me.”

“Sycamore...”

“For me. It’s time that you stop being like enemies.”

“Who ever said we were enemies?”

“Then, hug him.”

“Sycamore-”

“He made a delicious cake. Please.”

Rowan finally rolled his eyes, giving in.

“Okay, okay, come here, big man.”

Coyly, Lysandre bent over to hug him, obviously, in a lot less affectionate way, and that was the moment when Rowan took advantage of the closeness to whisper to his ear:

“Give Augustine a good year. I won’t ever forgive you if you put him down again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I won't let him down ever again.”

“I hope you are true to your word. I want to see both of you here the next holidays. If Augustine attends alone and heartbroken I’ll be mad, very mad, and I won’t allow him to get close to you again. So, make sure to show up next year.”

Well, maybe that was Rowan’s particular way to wish them the best and to approve their relationship. 

And when they parted, Rowan shifted back to the skeptical persona.

“I’m only doing this for the kid.” 

None of them could help but burst in awkward relieving laughter at the comment.

“Prof, you talk as if they were a divorced couple and Ziel the love child of their failed marriage,” Aurea said, amused.

“I’m doing this for the child and is the only thing I’ll say.”

From that moment on, the whole atmosphere floating around them became a lot less hostile and much more friendly.

After exchanging some formalities with other people, everyone started to go outside, to the backyard, to see the fireworks shining in the sky.

And it pretty much became a couples moment; of course the kids also looked stunned, but they also got distracted by playing with the Pokémon in the garden, allowing the adults to stay behind to have a break for themselves.

He could see how Fennel and Aurea stayed away from everyone in general, and he also watched them getting touchy. 

If he looked at the other side, there was Ziel chasing after Minccino’s tail, and Musharna using psychic to keep him at bay.

And then, his eyes focused on the precious man right beside him, and so Lysandre wrapped an arm around Augustine, while he rested his head on his chest. 

“Are you drowsy?” His professor asked, softly, caring.

“A bit,” a hell lot, “but don’t worry.”

“I do worry. I want you to also enjoy this. And if you are feeling tired already, we can go to my room and leave the party here.”

With care and listen, he pecked the top of his head, and squeezed him tighter, “I want to stay. Besides, you were staring a bit too longingly at that Champagne bottle.”

“I swear I try not to be such a drunky. But come on, is New Year’s Day!”

“Don’t worry. I understand.”

“I’m sad you have to stay behind from the real fun,” Augustine pouted, almost as if he was really sorry.

“There are other ways to have fun. I’m sure Fennel and I will have a lot to gossip about while watching you and Aurea get wasted.”

“You are so cruel, Lys, making fun of this poor, helpless man.”

He surely was cruel, but not exactly for those reasons.

Nothing else was really said after that. Augustine remained silent while staring at the sky, as amazed as any other kid there could be, from time to time getting lost in the view of Ziel playing with Minccino and Musharna and being close to mess up something.

But when his grey eyes reflected the colors of the fireworks, it became too outstanding that Lysandre couldn’t help get distracted and watch the spectacle of his eyes.

Once more, the coiling feeling of love and tenderness took over him, and he had to make Augustine stop watching the fireworks and grab his chin to land a kiss to his lips, a kiss that was more than reciprocated.

When Augustine pulled away, he pecked him one last time, and then, placed his rather cold hand in his cheek, and getting as lost inside his eyes, he smiled and said:

“I love you, Lysandre. I truly love you.”

His first reply was to delicately peck his eyelid, and he could even observe how Augustine’s eyelids flutter for a second, “I love you too. With all of my heart. And this... this is only the beginning of a good year for us.”

“This year is going to be great for sure. I can already tell.”

“Thank you so much for all the trust and faith put on me. I swear everything is going to be worth it, I won’t disappoint anymore.”

For a second a spark of guilt shone in Augustine’s eyes. But for his own sake, Lysandre decided to not look further into it.

Yet, he seemed to be in a need to explain himself, “I’m also hard to handle. Too damn hard to handle. I have a lot of bad habits rooted to me. But my resolutions are to work on them so we can have an awesome year this year and all the following.”

 _All the following_.

That moved him in just too many ways. Too many ways he couldn’t bring to actual words despite how much he had always bragged about being a nice orator.

“Hey, guys.”

Rowan’s voice brought them back to the present moment.

“Yes, Prof?”

“Here. Pose for a photograph.”

“Sure!”

And not really abandoning their position, they turned to face the camera, and Lysandre would make sure to get the picture and frame it.

Because the moment was too perfect.

Everything was fine.

And feeling that moved, he realized the rest of the night was about to truly start. 

* * *

It was fairly late already.

Some people had already left and others remained. And between those who obviously remained, was Augustine, very drunk, singing out of pitch to some random songs, along with other random people he had just met.

As he couldn’t drink, and was so damn drowsy already, and without alcohol in his system he was pretty much inhibited, but trying to get rid of that restraint could trigger something bigger than that, Lysandre went to the kitchen to start cleaning some bottles and washing some dishes. After all, it would be rude to leave it all up to Rowan as he was an old man; very active, but an old man after all.

After a while like that, he saw a very drunk Augustine approaching him with a foolish smile upon his blushed face. 

“What you doin, Lizzie?”

Ah, the damned nickname.

“Making some cleansing. I don’t want to leave it all up to Rowan.”

“Then... lemme help you.”

Lysandre chuckled, “no way, Augus.”

“Why not?”

“You are drunk.”

He even showed faux indignation, “me? You think I’m some sorta teenager or somethin? I can manage alcohol perfectly well. I’m not drunk.”

“Baby… please-”

And dear lord he began to giggle like mad, “you just called me baby!”

“Augus...”

“Now let your baby help you with all of those dishes!”

That was certainly romantic in a way. Holding hands and kissing and hugging in a New Years party? Pretty cliché. Washing dishes with your boyfriend while you make sure he won’t break anything? That was romantic.

Thankfully, soon enough Rowan appeared again to save him.

“What are you-”

“Lizzie decided to help you wash the dishes!” Augustine rushed to say. “And of course I couldn’t let him do it alone.”

“Sycamore, you’re going to break something.”

“I w-won’t! You two only underestimate me.”

That moment, Rowan turned to face him, and certainly not very amused said, “please, go take care of him.”

“But the dishes-”

“You’ve helped me a lot already. I’ll take charge of that later.”

“Okay.”

He closed the faucet, and handed a towel to Augustine, for him to dry his hands there. Once he also did, Lysandre walked the two of them to the living room, where fortunately was still an empty couch; the others were occupied by Fennel and Aurea, and Rowan’s nephew with his girlfriend.

“Hey, Lizzie~”

“Augustine Sycamore, I swear to god-”

“Have I told you before that you look hot when you frown like that?”

He couldn’t even breath to that point. God, he could only hope no one had listened to that.

“That goes directly to my Gus blackmail!”

“Please, Fennel, don’t ever bring this up.”

“Bring up what?” Aurea asked suddenly. “I should be the one to be brought upstairs with my baby so we can do the goodie goodie!”

It was Fennel’s turn to burn in red. Augustine and Aurea weren’t such good friends for anything, they were just too much like each other.

“That goes to my Aurea blackmail!” Augustine shouted, laughing way too frantically now.

“Lysandre please I beg to you, don’t ever bring this up.”

“Yes, don’t worry, if you don’t talk I won’t-”

“Lys, Lys! Please hug me!”

“Augus-”

“You called me baby, so now you have the obligation to hold me!”

Dear lord.

At that interruption, both him and Fennel decided to drift off to take care of their own matter.

Naturally, Lysandre held him tight, for Augustine to just get lost while trying to sing along to the song playing now. 

Until, eventually, he was knocked out by alcohol there, in his arms, so carelessly, as if he knew no danger could touch him.

There was glitter and serpentines on the floor after the party. People kept leaving and leaving the place, and holding conversations at the doorstep. The music was still playing. Some people were still doing karaoke. The kids and the Pokémon were still playing regardless of the hour, little Ziel was still messing around.

And it felt weird to be there, like that, to look back in everything that had to happen for them to end up like that; to remember all the bitter, offensive words spat, all the harm done, all the tears shed and all the curses screamed. 

They all led to that. To the couch of Rowan’s living room, with Augustine sleeping between his arms, after all the New Years promises and resolutions were exchanged.

They surely shared a bond that no one else understood, didn’t they? They were there for each other after all, even if they had been lost, scared, turning away, even when it had been wrong, hard, and they had made multiple mistakes. 

It was surreal to look back to all the road they had walked together all those years; from random strangers that met at a café, to colleagues, to a professor and an apprentice, to a depressed maniac and a codependent trying to be lovers, to enemies, to this couple of imperfect humans that were trying their best to become the best men they could.

It was so surreal that in the middle of his happiness, Lysandre couldn’t help but wonder...

Where was that all going to lead? Where was that all going?

Inevitably, all things got to an end; entire empires, ages, governments, artistic works, resources… and so did love. Everything was doomed to perish and disappear eventually, immortality wasn’t granted for anyone or anything.

So...

When was that all going to end? How?

He surely hoped it wouldn’t end that year outside of a therapist office. Not in the middle of an argument, not after being hit, not because of his bipolarity. Damn, just as Augustine prompted earlier that day, not this year or the next to follow. 

Even if the idea scared him, even if it made him restless to even imagine, if he had to end it, he wouldn’t end it anymore in him launching the Ultimate Weapon to cleanse the world and preserve beauty. No;

He’d end it in a Saturday morning, with Augustine lying by his side, his old, aching, wrinkled and flabby body still living to love him. He’d end it peacefully, after growing old together, after having watched the resources run thin and the world perish at their feet while they had each other to make it less painful, embracing the other’s wasted matter in oblivion, waiting for the moment when their exhausted hearts would stop beating, finally relieving them from this pure comedy of an existence.

That was looking too far into future, but...

Lysandre could only hope they wouldn’t have to read the last page any time soon, that it would have to be years and decades for them to get any close to the last page, that he could keep his mood swings at bay so he didn’t write the last page either out of mania and madness or because he would be too depressed to keep writing.

And... oh. How much he wished, for little that was dear and holy in that filthy world, that Augustine would never have to become a stranger whose laugh he could recognize anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say except I love writing from Lysandre’s POV? :) that, and that I’m a firm believer progress isn’t a linear process, that it has to have some setbacks and falling again into the very same mistakes, just like Augustine does? :)
> 
> Well. I hope y’all enjoyed this one update as much as I loved getting it ready hehe<3 I’ll be seeing you next week with more of this story! Thank you for following it and I hope y’all have a lovely week<3


	17. Don’t Blame Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t blame me, love made me crazy, if it doesn’t, you ain’t doing it right.”

Of course it had to rain again. Not to snow despite it being plain winter, no. It was raining.

When the doorbell rang and she stared at him, Tracy shifted from the gentle and glad smile she always gave to him, to an acknowledging and gloomy one.

Lysandre approached her, heading to the table he always occupied, except this time he didn’t take a seat.

“Do I serve you the same as always?”

Softly, Lysandre shook his head, “no, no. I literally snuck out of Augustine’s gaze to come here. I should be packing.”

“I see...”

“I just...” he sighed. “I wanted to see you one last time before we go.”

She chuckled flustered, trying to hide the sad hint of her voice, “I appreciate it. I knew you wouldn’t be gone before paying a last visit.”

“I couldn’t. I’ll miss this place.”

Silence settled between them for a small second, the rain playing as background music for this goodbye.

“You know? I think I never mentioned this to you, but I used to run a café.”

Tracy seemed very surprised by the small confession, “did you?”

“Yeah. Maybe that’s why this place caught my attention from the very first time I came across it. Maybe you reminded me of myself a bit.”

Subtly, smiling empathetic, Tracy asked, “what happened to your café, if I may ask?”

Something quite sad to remember, “I used my café as a basement for my evil deeds. I have a very bad reputation back in Kalos, you know? I want to open a new café when I’m back, but I don’t know if people would want to visit it after all that’s happened, though.”

Gently, so compassionately, she crossed her arms and tilted her head to look at him as if he had never done any wrong, “you know, sir. We all deserve a second chance in life. We all make mistakes, it's just that some people get to make them privately and can solve them as such.”

Snorting, he added, “I have the bad habit of making everything great and public.”

She chuckled, gently. “I don’t really know what was that you did that was so bad, and maybe I prefer not to know. But, I had the luck to know you without those prejudices, and I can tell you are a good man, gentle and worried for the world surrounding you. And most of all, you are a man willing to change and trying everyday to get better, and all I truly wish is that you and Augustine can finally find the peace you are looking for.”

Those words really squeezed his heart. Goddammit. That wasn’t the time to get emotional. Not in front of Tracy’s father.

“I know you get shy when I say it, but I mean it,” he sighed, deeply, trying to hold back the tears threatening to flood his eyes. “You are a sunshine, Tracy. The first time I came in here I did it feeling so alone and like nothing fit, and you were always here to give me nice words and a warm smile. Even if it was for the littlest of whiles, you made me feel a lot less alone.”

And at that declaration, Lysandre could notice how Tracy’s eyes got wet in the slightest.

“It was nothing, sir. I’m glad that I could help you through everything that was happening, even if it was in a small way.”

Her help had been anything but small.

“That is why,” from his pocket, he took out a yellow envelope which contained a letter-like sheet Augustine wrote with his very own neat handwriting. “If you are at Kalos and you ever need something, whatever it is, don’t hesitate to contact me or Augustine. He even wrote down the address of his lab. For real, whatever you want or need you just gotta make the call.”

And Tracy smiled, receiving it, happily, her eyes shining.

And Lysandre decided to not let her know that he had included an orange Holo Watch in the package, specially made for her. If she knew, she would surely say it was too much and that she couldn’t accept it.

“I’ll surely do it! I hope that when the moment comes I can visit your brand new café!”

“I’ll be so, so looking forward to it.”

Once more, she chuckled, stretching her arms only a bit.

“Come on, won’t you give me a hug?”

That surely took him off guard, and very lowly, he replied, “I’m sure your dad will pull a trigger as soon as I do.”

“Don’t mind him! This is the last time we’ll see each other in a while, I cannot let you go without a good luck hug!”

Well. It would kill him. And it wasn’t as if Lysandre didn’t feel like doing it, either.

So, he opened his arms to receive Tracy, and he didn’t truly imagine he’d be almost collapsing in there, between her tight and effusive grip; Ah, back at Kalos he didn’t have such kindness granted. No. The only people he could truly count with in there were Augustine and Malva. No more, no less.

But this was what he loved about Tracy, she didn’t even know he had decided to award her with an unique model of his high-tech devices and even though was here, hugging him, comforting him, treating him with such warmth and respect, without any other interest than a friendship, her admiration to him coming from what Lysandre truly was and not what he could offer.

Ah...

How much he was going to miss Tracy, the coffee she prepared and her smile.

“Thank you for everything, Tracy. I really hope you can get all of your plans accomplished, if there’s someone who deserves it, it’s you.”

… And he truly hoped this horrible world wouldn’t be crashing her dreams before she could turn them to things. The idea terrified him, so his wishes were nothing but the purest.

And as response Tracy patted his back in gentle motions, “thank you for trusting me so much of your life. I hope you can fix your relationship and your reputation back at Kalos. Truly, I wish you the best.”

Ah.

Lysandre surely, surely needed to quit the habit of getting attached to people he met in a café. 

And when they pulled away…

“Goodbye, Mr. Fleur de Lis!”

He chuckled, his heart beating with affliction and fear of change, “Lysandre. Just call me Lysandre.”

“Oh, but that would be weird!” Either way, she did it. “Anyways. Have a good trip and a good life, Lysandre!”

And his name surely sounded beautiful, worthy and new when she said it.

So achingly beautiful that now his tears were barely stoppable.

Yet, he promised not to cry.

“Goodbye, Tracy.”

And not minding at all of the grumpy man she had as a father was going to frown upon that, he allowed the words to fall freely from his shaky lips.

“Thank you for everything, I love you.”

He barely told ‘I love you’ to anyone that wasn’t Augustine. 

But these feelings were true. Tracy was his dear friend, a friend so different from all the friends he had always made, and he loved her for that.

“Oh!” She blushed like mad, and seemed as if she was about to cry. “Me too! Had a lovely way back home!”

She surely looked gorgeous when she stopped being stubborn about regarding her own qualities and values and accepted a compliment.

And after this could become awkward enough as to have him crying there, Lysandre turned his body to finally leave, and as he walked out of Le Noir, the place that now held a big bit of his heart, he felt a tear streaming down his cheek, a tear that soon got lost with the rain pouring outside.

Because, yes, it was still raining, like the first day he arrived at that café searching for a shelter from the storm outside. He could only hope that he would find sunshine back at Kalos, and that as well, Tracy had only beautiful days; she was still young and full of dreams and ambitions, she deserved only the best.

And even if it was rather wishful, Lysandre wanted to believe that maybe, on the flipside, he’d see his dear friend Tracy again, having made her dream of making it to Kalos true.

* * *

‘ _Did Professor Augustine Sycamore lose his mind?_ ’

All those titles were just the confirmation that, in fact, those last months had been weird and pretty eventful. 

One day, she had said goodbye to Lysandre, who was broken-hearted, striving to a gentler future for him somewhere else far from his mistakes, totally convinced that everything between him and the Professor was over for the best.

And the other... she, pretty much as everyone else, watched him be back, holding hands with Augustine Sycamore and carrying a shiny Litleo in his arms. 

Both her and Diantha freaked out at the confirmation that, in fact, Augustine and Lysandre got back together being at Sinnoh. Diantha didn’t want to see her brother getting back with the maniac that made him suffer so much; Malva didn’t want to see her best friend getting back with the alcoholic man that hurt him and then played the victim. 

And, pretty much everyone else was puzzled, to say the very least, to not say freaking out.

But it was normal. Last thing they all knew was that Augustine Sycamore hated Lysandre for what had happened in Geosenge before. 

But after their first public and accidental appearance, and as if it hadn’t been enough, they all received an incoming Holo Clip, and Malva felt her heart buzzing in her ears when it was Lysandre’s figure the one to materialize, bringing her back to the memories of the day of the incident.

“People of Kalos,” he said, “I come to you through the Holo Caster with an important message.

“Last year it was me who started a national crisis, I threatened everyone in this region with doing something horrible. I was going through undiagnosed mental illness, and while it explains my behavior, I know it doesn’t excuse it. So, I want to apologize to every single one of you, not expecting to be forgiven because what I did was unforgivable, but making public that I’m committed to change for the ones I love and for this region that’s watched me grow. 

“For that, I want to announce that I’ll be back at fundraising this time to mental health institutions and psychiatric hospitals, because disregarding mental health the way I did with my own is a big mistake I want to change, and I think my only way to add to this society now is from my current ill status. Thank you for listening, and again, I’m sorry for all the harm done and all the sequels I left.”

And after that message was delivered without them even trying to ask Malva for help to broadcast it or make up a good speech that would convince media, they went everywhere together, kissing on sidewalks, hugging in public, almost as if nothing had really happened.

At first, people weren't by any means happy that Lysandre was back, and no one was buying his apologies. They still sent disapproving glares at him and pointed him to be bad. Almost as it was to be expected.

Yet, the more Augustine appeared in public with him, the more people began to be a little more indulgent to Lysandre, even if it was out of confusion. Which was rather good for him, but infuriating for Malva at the same time.

She didn’t feel like Augustine deserved a second chance with Lysandre, after all. As much as Lysandre had made several mistakes, she couldn’t be sure Augustine would be able to handle him this time due all of his own life flaws. And, oh lord, she didn’t want him to keep mistreating Lysandre and doing with him whatever he wanted to all due to this unspoken debt existing between them.

Yet, the man had to also be so very popular that this seemed to be Lysandre’s only way to redeem after the public eye.

Because, at first, they pointed their fingers at Lysandre, but one day, it seemed to change.

Everyone saw it. At the local news, even. Augustine was walking in the street after getting out from the psychiatric hospital where he had a meeting with the director to arrange some details for Lysandre’s new fundraising project, all alone, when a paparazzi spotted him and didn’t doubt to question him.

“Why are you coming out from the hospital?” The man asked, not caring at all about coming out as nosy. “Are you doing Lysandre’s work for his new fundraising?”

“Quite obvious, isn’t it?”

“So, Professor, is everything going fine with Lysandre?”

Firmly, he replied, “yes. Pretty much.”

“But, you said you didn’t want to be associated with him anymore.”

“Well, I changed my mind.”

“Why, though? He did awful things, you said it, behind your back. He might be doing things right for the public eye but how can you be sure you can trust him in the intimacy?”

That was an odious question, thrown with all venom possible.

Yet, Augustine replied with a matter of fact tone, finally, oh finally stopping playing the victim, “Lysandre is ill, you know it, don’t you? He did all of that under the effects of his illness. He didn’t reach out to anyone, that was his mistake. But I know him and I know he’s a good man, worried for this world like no one else is.”

“And how can you be sure that he won’t be doing it again? There’s not a cure for bipolarity.”

He shook his head, “I won’t be giving many details as this is our private life,” well, Malva thought, he shouldn’t have given much details for the very beginning. “But Lysandre is very keen to change. Dealing with bipolarity isn’t easy, but he’s been doing his best, and so do I.”

Obviously, the paparazzi was there to trigger him and get scandalous news out of it. Malva knew the ones of his kind, and that was why, with that irreverent tone, he said, “that illness must be contagious because you must be getting crazy, Professor.”

“Don’t blame me,” he shrugged. “It’s just that I really know who he is, unlike y’all who just assume things for a rumor you read in the internet. Besides, I thought all of us had the right to find a person, love them and decide to stick by their side.”

“So you truly love him?”

“A lot. I love that man like nobody can. And I think you’d be way more successful than just a stalker with a camera if you started focusing on the ones you love instead of the ones I love.”

Good last reply, she wasn’t going to lie. 

But, something that trashy paparazzi said had been true.

Malva started to check all social media for feedback of what she had watched, and people started to give Augustine the reason and sympathize with Lysandre:

‘ _Yeah, mental illnesses are a thing and this is why we gotta pay attention to them and stop stigmatizing them_.’

‘ _The man is struggling each day with his own illness, and also has to listen to, as the professor said, people making assumptions without really knowing him. We should be kinder, just imagine you were in his place._ ’

‘ _I’m a bipolar myself and I can confirm that dealing with a mental illness like this is exhausting. I can’t imagine where I’d be if an entire region was holding it against me for the shit I did when I was maniac and undiagnosed._ ’

It was crazy.

It was for sure unrealistic how Augustine had to say the word for them to hold Lysandre in high regard again. 

Though, not everyone was very happy about it. And that led to those titles:

‘ _Did Augustine Sycamore lose his mind?’_

He definitely did.

Augustine truly lost his mind. Going from publicly despising someone to love him and defend him was such a big move.

He had definitely lost his mind ever since that day he saved Lysandre.

And now, he had gone too far this time. 

* * *

As he heard the door opening, Lysandre began to feel nervous again.

When they first arrived, he spent the first 25 minutes with the therapist, in which he talked about himself; a bit of his infancy, his youth years, the struggles of his adulthood, about his individual therapeutic process and why he and Augustine decided to seek professional help together. Then, it was Augustine’s turn, and so he had to wait outside the office.

But now, seemingly, they were done, and it was time for the both of them to be at the office and talk to the therapist.

So, when she went looking for him outside, Lysandre stood and followed her, only to find Augustine there, smiling softly, just as nervous as he was.

“Alright. Now I could talk to you both individually, we will make something so I can know you both now as a couple. Is important for me to know how you two work and get along.”

“Okay.”

From her desk, the woman started to take out a small box, and then, placed it on the table as she took a seat in front of them, “okay. Now, I want to know more about your relationship, you two individually had already given me a bit of context about it and now you’ll be giving me the general details.”

“Alright.”

“So, we are going to make a little game here. I’m going to give you two this deck of cards,” and she got them out of the box. “You two should now try to tell me the story of your relationship in 6 cards. So, you can only pick 6, and both have to agree with them.”

“Okay, how long do we have to complete the task?” Augustine asked.

“Is it fine for you to spend 10 minutes in it?”

Both nodded.

“Okay, then, you can get started.”

There were many, many cards. It was very hard to pick just some of them, since each were very abstract and depicted situations that could be interpreted in many different ways. As well, Augustine seemed to be having a hard time to pick just one, even if he looked keen to.

Either way, Lysandre ended up being the first to pick one and place it separately; it was the picture of a man that looked a lot like him, with a devil and and angel on top of his head.

Augustine didn’t say anything, he only glanced at the choice made, hummed for a couple of seconds, and kept searching in the deck. 

Not long after that, Lysandre placed the second card. There were two people, standing by each other, wearing masks.

And, Augustine’s reply was to place the third card; the lower parts of a man’s naked body. That surely caught his attention.

“Why that one, though?” Lysandre asked, lowly, and Augustine stuttered a bit.

“I’ll...” he paused. “I’ll explain it later.”

And he remained silent, without even adding another card to the rest until Lysandre placed another.

It was the figure of a person, cornered, covering their face with their body. When he looked at Augustine for reassurance or agreement, he watched him nodding.

Then, after a while musing about it, Lysandre placed the fifth card; a rope about to break apart.

“Do you want to choose the last one, Augus?”

Frowning already, maybe because he was focusing, he nodded, and placed the last card; two hands, reaching out to each other without actually touching. 

Both retreated a bit to be able to have a better look on what they had chosen. 

“Are you done, now?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Alright. So, who wants to start telling me why you picked these cards?”

Augustine seemed a bit too hesitant, so Lysandre raised his hand to get the chance to talk.

“Okay. Before you start, we have to set the rules,” Monica said. “Each is going to have 5 minutes to talk. One cannot talk while the other is, if Augustine, for example, is talking, we both have to stay silent and listen. If you, Lysandre, want to say something, you have to wait until his time is over and I ask you if you have any comments, alright?”

Both nodded.

“Then, go ahead, Lysandre. We are listening.”

He started to play with his fingers, a bit in confusion; he understood well his choice of cards, but he didn’t get that much of Augustine's ones. Maybe he should had stuck to the indication of getting to agreements with Augustine to pick them, yet, since Monica didn’t intervene to correct them about how they should be developing this one activity, he decided to brush it off and assume it was also fine to do it in this way.

“I picked the first one because it reminds me of myself. The man in the picture looks just like me, and indeed my bipolatiry feels like having two sides, the depressed one that keeps me from doing wrong, and the maniac one that leads me to do bad things.”

“What about the second?”

“I think that, for a very long period Augustine and I pretended to be people we weren’t. To hide the ugly parts of us. I hid my bipolarity, and Augustine hid a lot of his feelings from me. I think a lot of stuff would’ve been easier if he would have just told me how he felt. I think… everything would’ve been different if I didn’t pretend I was entirely fine and would've tossed the mask and reached out for his help sooner.”

Augustine was about to talk, but seemed to remember the thing with the 5 minutes rule.

“The third card... I don’t understand it much. For me it means touch.”

“What about the fourth?”

“This is how I’ve been feeling mostly all my life. Cornered. Cornered between my desires to make this world better for others and the harsh reality of people being ungrateful and using me. Cornered by my bipolar disorder. And, also, it kind of reminds me of how torn I felt when Augustine broke up with me, definitely. It even reminds me of that one time, of that one night when he… when I got back home and I was at the shower, when I...”

He stopped. Maybe it was too soon to talk about it. It didn’t help that Augustine shifted uncomfortably at the mention of that one night.

“Never mind, I don’t want to talk about that.”

“It’s okay. Feel free to share only what you want.”

“Then. The fifth card, it represents how I felt all the time we spent in Sinnoh after we reunited. Like all progress could fall apart at the slightest mistake.”

“And the last?”

“I think I know why Augustine picked this one. The hands are close to each other but not quite touching. I think it means his fear of getting too close. It’s my fear of messing up with him if I ever get too close again and the distance I still feel between us.”

For some seconds, she wrote down something down her notebook, and then stared at Augustine.

“So, is there anything you want to say about Lysandre’s storytelling?”

He shook his head, “not really. I’ll pretty much like to start with my story now.”

“Alright, then. Now we will listen to you.”

Augustine sighed, and blinked a couple of times until he apparently was ready to talk.

“I can agree that the first card is Lysandre. A bit of what had always been going on with him. I mean, for me it’s logical to begin the story with him, since this whole relationship had always been a bit more about him than about me. Most of all because of this bad habit of mine of wanting to deal with his demons myself.”

Okay. That surely surprised him. Lysandre wasn’t expecting Augustine to be that straightforward.

“The second card... yeah. We pretended a lot. I can tell that, the one to commit this sin the most always was me. Lysandre has always been more open about his feelings despite of everything. While I... I bottle them. So, I pretended I was always fine with his desicions. I pretended it didn’t wreck me each time he left me when he got maniac. I pretended I didn’t know what he was plotting. He masked his bipolarity too, yet, I was the one to mask everything else.”

“And what about the third card, Augustine?”

“It means sex. Like, we masked a lot but I always felt like the only time we were completely ourselves was whenever we had sex. All those times I felt like the masks fell and it was only two humans loving each other and trying to love despite of their ghosts.”

He paused for a while, musing about something.

“Also... the last time we had sex was the night before Lysandre did what he did. For him it wasn’t so severe, he might not even remember it well since he was at the peak of his mania, but for me, it meant everything. I felt used. Even if I know hyper sexual activity is a symptom of maniac episodes, I felt used. And I still feel like I was a bit used there, I won’t lie.”

Lysandre ached to reply back, to tell Augustine that, for the love of god, he never had used him. That he was the most precious there was in his life.

But, the way to show it would be respecting his time to talk, without interrupting him.

“The fourth card represents how I felt after Geosenge. All the restless nights. All those times I got drunk. The loneliness. The dread. The regret for what I’d done to him that one night. How shitty I felt when I found out he left the region without a second thought.”

Silence.

“I can agree that the fifth card is just everything about to fall apart. The fear of being mistaken, the fear I felt back at Sinnoh of just being about to get myself into something even worse.”

“And, what can you tell me about the last card?”

“I picked it because that is just how I feel right now. Like we are close, we are fine and cooperating with each other, coexisting peacefully, but...”

He sighed, deeply.

“If the hands aren’t touching is because one hand doesn’t need the other as much as the other needs it.”

“Yes?”

“Lysandre doesn’t need me, even if apparently he’s the ‘weaker’ one here due mental illness, he doesn’t need me. He’s made it obvious all these years, by leaving to Sinnoh far from me and without a warning sign when he was depressed the most, for example. And it’s not necessarily bad. But... you know? I’ve done so much for him because I’ve always needed him to need me, that... sometimes I just feel like I love Lysandre way more than how he loves me and-”

His voice broke as a sob escaped from his lips. Augustine tried to recover quickly, to laugh the tears away as bubbly as he always did, but from his mouth would only come out gasps.

It hurt. How much it hurt. And Lysandre just tightened his knuckles as he listened to his lover cry, unable to pick up from where he left.

Apparently, this belonged to his 5 minute intervention, since Monica didn’t say a word, she just let him be, always keeping the neutral expression on her face.

After an eternity, Monica cleared her throat.

“Is there anything you want to comment about this, Lysandre?”

He couldn’t even think of anything smart, anything that could make this better for both, “no.”

“Alright.”

Giving Augustine a bit more of time to recover from his sudden fit of tears, Monica started to gather all of the cards together, saving each and then placing the whole deck back to her desk.

When she occupied her place again, Augustine straightened while getting some handkerchiefs from the side table to try to clean his face and appeal ready for the next part of the session.

“This was very useful for me to know how your relationship overall has been doing. Yet, in following sessions will be still working on deeper details.”

It was Lysandre’s turn to reply, “okay.”

“For now... this activity was mostly for I could see the sort of negotiation and communication mechanics you have.”

Oh, damn.

“Augustine, you let Lysandre pick most of the cards on his own. And when he asked you why you picked the third, you quickly avoided to answer.”

He nodded.

“And you, Lysandre... you didn’t take much into consideration what Augustine might think about your selections. You only showed interest when he made a move in his own, and pretty much remembered until the end that this was an agreement activity.”

It really hadn’t been just an innocent game, he must’ve known better than that.

“So. We can appreciate that, indeed, Lysandre is self centered, while Augustine is elusive, pretty elusive.”

Sniffing, Augustine wiped his tears and said, “I might be a bit too afraid of confrontation. I’ve always been this way. Even before I met Lysandre.”

Time to give in, “I focus so much in my own thoughts and tragic narrative that I remember late that I need to take others into consideration.”

After writing it down, Monica said, “good thing I see here is that both of you already know what is going on with yourselves and in which ways it impacts in your relationship with each other.”

Once more, both nodded.

“I don’t want any of you to get overwhelmed; therapy is very overwhelming on its own. So, I’ll be leaving you two some homework for this week, and after I’m done explaining it, you can leave and reward yourselves with some snack for the efforts done today, alright?”

“Yes.”

“Of course.”

Like that, Monica started to explain to them some negotiation exercise she wanted them to practice in daily and common situations, as a way to start to work out their communication issues, and so they could be back the next session with specific questions and experiences to share and work with.

Once she was done, Monica said goodbye to them, leading them outside her office, where another couple was already waiting on her. 

As they headed outside the building, only their footsteps could be heard as they were in utter silence, that, until now being alone, Lysandre managed to get it off his chest:

“Augustine... don’t you ever think I love you less than how you love me. That just isn’t true. I need you, and not because of the things you do or stop doing for me, instead, I need you and love you for who you are.”

His grey eyes quickly filled with tears again, and Augustine didn’t take much to corner himself against a wall.

“Give me a moment,” he almost pouted. “I don’t want to go out from here crying. I don’t want people watching me cry.”

“Take all your time, mon cœur.”

Augustine cried and cried and cried. It seemed as if he had just that much bottled up that, now he let go of a bit of it, he couldn’t stop it now.

But even if Lysandre was awfully impatient, he awaited gently and patiently until Augustine was ready, because it was true; he had to truly focus more on his needs, to make it more about Augustine and not only about himself. That way he also helped Augustine with his codependency, as making it all less about Lysandre’s issues, Augustine wouldn’t get the urge to try to cure them so he would need him.

Some minutes went like that, in silence, watching people in the street come and go, maybe wondering a bit about their lives just for fun: were they good persons? Were they also fighting an internal battle? Was there something to worry them and torn them apart?

That, until Augustine got him back to reality by holding his hand. When Lysandre stared back at his direction for some sort of reassurance, he saw it;

After wiping his tears, Augustine smiled at him. Not a forced smile, not the typical ‘I smile to not cry’ smile that was very familiar to him. Not to laugh away the pain and the fear. No; this was a sincere smile, with glassy grey eyes shining through the puffiness.

“I do know you love me as much as I love you. Those are thoughts that get in my head, and... well, if we are seeing a therapist it was a good moment to get them off my mind and talk about them out loud, don’t you think?”

And Lysandre couldn’t help but grin too, squeezing softly his hand, “you’re right.”

“I’m so glad we came here today. I’m so happy that we are attending therapy already. I’m sure we will get better bit by bit, but we’ll be alright at the end of the day.”

What else could Lysandre say? Augustine was precious, beautiful, perfect, even like that; with the puffy lids, his eyes glassy and a bit red, his cheeks blushed in ashamed pink, his hair a mess after how much he had been twisting the curls to calm himself down, and the smile remaining as pure and bright as when he first met him.

Augustine was precious, and for him, he’d work hard day and night to change those things that hurt him. He’d help him improve as a man as well, patiently helping him overcome his insecurities and fears and flaws.

For that smile, Lysandre was willing to get rid of all the ghosts that had been tormenting them both for a lifetime. And now, he could only dream of being alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That scene with Tracy got me emotional and made me cry a bit while I wrote it, ngl :) she was best girl and I’m happy y’all got to like her, it was a bit unexpected but I’m glad either way :)
> 
> I must say that for the last scene I did some research and actually watched videos of recorded psychology classes in which they discussed clinic cases of couples therapy. That’s why I picked the projective activity of the cards for these guys to do.
> 
> And, don’t mind me posting this late in the day aight.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so, so much for reading this story of mine. I hope y’all have a nice week and I’ll be seeing you next week with more!


	18. You are in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And so it goes, you two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round;  
> and he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown.  
> And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words.”

“Okay, so.”

Monica took her seat in front of them, as usual, and with that gentle temper looked at them as she talked. 

“All these sessions we’ve been talking a lot about the issues of your relationship; about the codependency, the bad communication, your maladaptive attachments...”

They nodded.

“But, today, I want to focus the session on more positive things. I really do believe you’ve been doing a nice job working through the dark parts of your relationship so I think we should focus on the good this time.”

That sounded like something Augustine will do without an issue. Highlighting the good had always been his gift.

“Then, I want you to remember the things you liked to do back when you first started dating. You can write them down if you’d like, and then, I want you to talk about them, also telling us how you felt at the moment. You know how the rest works, we take turns and wait until the other is done speaking.”

That indeed sounded like a great activity. Not like he hated to talk about bad feelings and listen to all that Augustine had to say, no. But a small change of the dynamic felt good.

After some minutes, both were finally done writing down in paper what Monica requested them to, and now were ready to talk.

“So, who goes first?”

He remembered; he had to take Augustine into consideration.

“You wanna go first, Augus?”

And Augustine replied with the truth, “yeah, I would like to go first this time.”

“Alright then, Augustine. Now we are listening to you. Go ahead.”

He clasped his hands together, and his expression was enthusiastic.

“Can I say that I loved very simple things like the café dates? It always felt like a moment I gifted to myself. A moment when Lysandre will also be paying attention to me, you know, because he always got me the best treats to eat while we were there, at his café. I just loved the atmosphere, playing with his feet under the table, talking about our days... Some awful things also happened in the café, but the good ones were always more. I felt at ease and content being there.”

“Okay. Something else?”

“Yes. I loved it when we went to another city or town and spent the night there at a hotel. I’ve always loved to wander around many places, and finding out about new restaurants, bars, clubs, museums, shops and the likes was so funny if Lysandre was with me. You know, he would always spoil me a bit too much and get me whatever thing I wanted. That made me feel so special, worthy, appreciated and happy.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes! You know. I liked the big dates like the one I just described,” for a brief second, he paused to smile softly. “But even staying at home, if Lysandre was there, felt great. He would cook delicious food for me, we would watch bad tv shows just to criticize them, sometimes we just drank for the very hell of it and started to dance and sing. Even if it was just laying on the couch with him, while he pet my hair and gave me little kisses, it felt like the greatest date. That made me feel loved and embraced.”

“That’s nice, Augustine. Is there anything else you want to add?”

“I think pretty much this summarizes it.”

“Great. Lysandre, do you have anything to say about Augustine’s commentaries?”

“I think I would like to take my turn now.”

“Perfect. We are listening to you now.”

He read his sheet once more, “Augustine used to mentor me. That was how we got closer to each other, in fact. And I loved those study sessions that ended up in dates. I was happy listening to such a smart man talking to me about Pokémon and his researches. He encouraged me to talk more about my own views. He always listened.”

For a second, he paused.

“Augustine can be a mess sometimes. Mostly when he gets too focused on his research works. And I loved to come in and prepare him nice foods and make sure he drank enough water. I also found it extremely sweet when he fell asleep by desk, and it was my pleasure to carry him back to bed where he could rest properly.”

When he looked at Augustine, he was blushing, smiling faintly.

“What else?”

“I agree with Augustine that every date just felt like the bestest date. He’s a free spirit, and I enjoyed traveling here and there with such an interesting man who knew lots of things about our destinations. The dates at home were special for me, particularly. A lot of them happened when I was through depressive episodes, and Augustine was always there to cheer me up and find fun ways to spend the time when I didn’t even want to get up from bed. I felt very understood, and loved. Loved like never before, like the world was cruel but this little space of us was safe.”

His smile grew broader, and he even began to blink quickly, because he had pretty much already cried in his 25 minutes alone with Monica.

This time around Monica didn’t even have to make him talk, Lysandre kept going on his own, “Can I say that, just being around Augustine was what I loved? I could literally seat in front of him in the café, and watch him while he was too focused on his research work to notice I was writing poems about him.”

That managed to make both Monica and Augustine laugh, and he just blushed, looking away embarrassed.

Still chuckling, she asked, “is there anything you want to comment about this, Augustine?”

He nodded, “I would like to read those poems some day.”

“They weren’t good. I’m a business man and not a poet for good reasons, Augus.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize. Am I so oblivious all the time?”

“It was more that I would’ve died from embarrassment if you found them. So I wrote them and hid them very, very well.”

Ah, dear lord, why did he even mention it? Lysandre was sure Augustine wouldn’t stop bugging him until he didn’t show the poems. 

“Alright!” Monica smiled. “We could see here that, indeed, there are also a lot of good things to say about the other, and that you hold beautiful memories together.”

“Yes.”

“Now. The homework for this week is going to be... having a date. I want you two to pick one of the activities you loved to do before and do it. Either it is going for a nice coffee, having dinner at a restaurant, going for a walk or even staying at home to watch some movies.”

“We can totally do that.”

“Now, Augustine, keep in mind that you have to take into consideration Lysandre’s limitations: no alcohol, make sure that if you’re going to stay up too late the next morning Lysandre is going to be able to get back his hours of sleep.”

“Sure, I will take care of that,” Augustine said.

“It’s also important that you, Lysandre, take into consideration what Augustine wants for the date, surprises are nice but don’t forget to ask for his opinions and seek enthusiastic agreement.”

“I will.”

“And you, Augustine, if you want something in particular, or you don’t agree with something, say it. Lysandre won't get mad. Just say it.”

“Yes. I will make sure to be very explicit about what I want.”

“And most important. Have fun! This has to be a time for you two to enjoy. Again, you’ve been very open to talk about the issues, but take this time to enjoy and only enjoy and rebound.”

“Okay…”

“Sometimes, with other couples I work with, when I assign them to do this it ends up in trouble because they can’t help talking about debts, or work, or worries or stress during the date. As we’ve been learning, it is important to find appropriate moments for communicating our needs and feelings, and this moment must be used only for enjoyment, so, just try to have fun, then there will be plenty of time for other matters.”

And that was why they were there.

Walking through the streets of Lumiose City after eating nice food in a very well rated restaurant. They had a good talk, made lots of jokes, and enjoyed the experiences over all. Now, they were holding hands while looking through the different shops and searching for some musical bar where they could spend the rest of the evening. 

At some moment, Augustine rested his head against his shoulder, while humming happily, a bit too absorbed in his own thoughts. 

Ah... it felt nice, such simplicity, to just walk by his side in silence. After all the messes, the tears, the confusions and misunderstandings, it felt like a breath of fresh air to just be walking by his side, so peacefully, getting back to normal, to how it always was supposed to be. 

For a moment, Augustine stopped, calling Lysandre’s attention.

Before he could even ask what was happening, Augustine was ready with an answer, “look!”

Apparently, it was a jewelry store that caught his eye; in the shelters were displayed a beautiful collection of necklaces, earrings and rings.

“Ah... if I were to use earrings I would definitely buy these.”

Smiling softly, he replied, “would you like to go in and have a look?”

“Sure!”

Hand in hand, they went in, a bell ringing at their presence. A young lady greeted them and said she’d be checking up on them in case they needed anything.

Lysandre just allowed Augustine to lead the way, and soon, as expected, his little lover stopped by the rings shelter, to admire them with awestruck.

“Ah... look at that one with the knot thingy, so minimalistic yet so beautiful. And,” he gasped. “How cute! It even has a match, is it for lovers, I suppose? Maybe friends could go by it too, it would absolutely do a nice friendship ring.”

As it was to be expected, he jumped into another matter soon, and now he was observing the watches, even asking the staff member from before to give him further details about each. But Lysandre kept his gaze focused in the rings for a little more.

Maybe it was made up in a haste, but wasn’t that the idea of the date? To be spontaneous and do for each other the nice things they would do before?

Besides... It really felt like a good idea at that moment and he wasn’t in the middle of a maniac episode where he should be doubting his choices, so, why not?

Not so sneakily, in fact, hoping Augustine would notice, Lysandre called one of the employees to tell them he wanted to purchase the knot ring. Soon enough, they made sure to take them out of the shelter, and bring them to the cashier.

In no time he was taking off his wallet to make the pay.

“Wait,” Augustine approached him. “Are you buying something?”

“Indeed I am.”

“What is it?”

He only smiled. He wouldn’t be delivering the promise ring just like that, in the middle of the store. That wasn’t a romantic setting. 

“Come on, tell me!”

“Here sir, your bag.”

“Why, thank you, ma’am.”

“Lys-”

“Shall we go now? Or do you want to see anything else?”

“You are better off telling me what in the world you just purchased!”

Playfully, Lysandre started to walk out of the store, to have Augustine following him in pretty much the same lighthearted way.

“Lys, did you just spend a lot of money on something I should be worried about?”

Augustine really took by heart the recommendation made by the doctor about tracking well his economic moves for making sure he wasn’t over spending as a symptom of mania. But this time it wasn’t the case, there was nothing to be afraid of.

“Why are you so curious?”

“Come on, aren’t you going to tell me what are you carrying there?”

“You want me to tell you?”

“Well, yeah.”

Okay. Maybe the street, under the dim illumination from a streetlight wasn’t the most romantic setting he could think of. But it was about being spontaneous, so Lysandre would try to flow with it.

And that was why, carefully, he took out one of the two boxes, and held it in his hand while making the bag hang in his arm.

“What’s-”

He opened it and Augustine gasped. 

And then began to laugh rather frantically.

“No way. No. Way. You didn’t buy these. You didn’t.”

Bending over just a bit, Lysandre whispered, “I did.”

Suddenly, the streets stopped appealing like streets at all, and even if they obviously weren’t alone, it began to feel as if they were on their own in a safe, dark room, meant just for the two of them.

“Why you gotta do this to me?” Augustine asked, looking away, a smile spreading across his lips, torn between utter happiness and overwhelming feeling. “Don’t you see my heart cannot take this much at once?”

“May I put it on your finger?”

Of course he nodded.

Carefully, oh so carefully, Lysandre took out the ring from its box, placed the latest inside the bag, and proceeded to look at his lover right at his grey eyes, with utmost solemnity.

And then, he let the words spill from his mouth:

“You... are my best friend. This ring symbolizes our eternal and loyal friendship, so, hope you like the friendship ring.”

And, if Augustine had been tense with anticipation, he got loose and laughed just too loud, too frantically, enough to call people’s attention.

And Lysandre found himself laughing too, in that way he wasn’t used to, lightheartedly, flashing a toothy smile.

“Seriously, Lysandre?”

“Wasn’t this just a friendly gathering of two very good buddies?”

The laughter he got as response was even louder, and Augustine had to hide his face on his chest because he was calling too much attention now.

“I didn’t mean seriously the whole friendship ring thingy!”

“So… you don’t want us to be best friends forever? Or, how do Unovans call it? Homies?”

“Lysandre, I swear to god you are gonna make me scream!”

And after a while like this, he finally decided to spare his embarrassed professor, “alright, then, I didn’t mean it seriously either,” and now, his tone became serious enough to have Augustine tensing right on his spot, straightening. “I mean. You are somehow like my best friend too, but. Yeah. You know what I mean.”

“Y-Yeah...”

Grabbing his hand, he said, “I really don’t have a nice speech for this moment, because it just occurred to me to buy these rings, you know, just because you found them cute. But, I don’t think I need to say much, besides that, I want this promise ring to symbolize my commitment to you and to change for us, for you to be happy and for me to be fine. Everytime you look at this ring remember that I love you and that I’ll always want to try it with you and only with you.”

Once he successfully put the ring on Augustine’s left middle finger, he delicately kissed his hand.

“Also, I want you to keep it in there until I deserve to give you a better ring, maybe for your ring finger next time.”

And then, Augustine proceeded to bite his bottom lip, trying to contain his excitement and the wave of feelings that surely struck him with that one last affirmation.

And, of course, Lysandre had to watch him not being able to put up with it much longer, his eyes getting wet (he could cry quite a lot), and then, hiding his face in his chest again, but this time around, while whining.

“Give me a moment,” he was quite used to listening to that one sentence now. “I... I didn’t plan to be crying today.”

“I’m sorry... did I accidentally break the rules Monica settled?”

“No, no… Don’t be sorry, no, don’t be. I’m so happy, it’s just that I... Ah! I stopped working. I’m speechless.”

Maybe the whole ‘ring finger’ thing had been going too far into disarming Augustine. 

“Can I put the ring on you now?”

“Please do.”

It was Augustine's turn to get the other box with the matching ring out of the bag. Carefully, shaking, he grabbed Lysandre’s hand between his, and stared up at him in a solemn motion.

“And I promise I’ll be patient with you, yes, but also with myself. I promise I’ll be loving myself so I can love you right, too. I promise I’ll always try.”

Hardly resisting it, Lysandre bent over to kiss Augustine’s lips in a soft motion, short but meaningful, and he obviously sighed, totally giving in to his will.

Everything had been so bad, so terribly bad, that this felt unreal; even if they were at the harsh street, exposed to the few people that still frowned upon their relationship, it felt like no wrong could touch them now. No, it felt like dancing in a snowball round and round, just the two of them wrapped in a bubble of bliss.

And now he understood how awfully terrible his plan would’ve been if it had worked. Because the closest to heaven was this. Even, he knew heaven was a place on earth with the right person, and hell would’ve been the world he wanted to create without Augustine in it.

And for once in a long while, maybe in years, maybe in a lifetime, he was genuinely happy to be alive, yes, even if it was in this messy world.

* * *

Augustine always had the bad habit of bottling up his negative feelings; that was why he tended to explode over the smallest things, because he had bottled and swallowed the hardest before.

But... this felt different. Bottling up his good feelings. 

He had to do it because he didn’t feel like crying of utter happiness and hyping in the middle of the street. And it would be impolite to scream from his lungs now he was at a bar, with his beloved Lysandre, watching a band play while they shared some non alcoholic drinks. 

Even if he was barely paying attention to the band and he was rather focusing on Lysandre instead, stealing glimpses at him and his irresistible looks at the smallest chance he got.

It felt like being spelt once more, like not being able to get enough from the sight of the features he knew by memory. 

He had to come back to reality when the current song got to an end and everyone in the crowd began to clap, out of reflex, he doing it as well.

“This place is nice, I don’t know why we didn’t know it existed before,” Lysandre said, smiling at him to then return his attention to the band playing.

The men on the stage said some words for the small crowd in front of them, and later, they started to tune another song.

It was slow paced, clearly romantic from the very beginning, and people started to gather with their respective couples to start to sway.

His heart almost stopped when Lysandre grabbed his hand and said, “would you dance with me?”

What wouldn’t Augustine be doing with him at this point of life?

“All the way.”

Matching grins and blushes, both walked to the improvised dance floor, where other people already were at. They took their respective places and before they started swaying, Lysandre twined their fingers, and kissed one of the knuckles softly as he placed his free hand at his waist.

‘ _There’s no need to fear me, darling, I love you as you are when you are alone...’_

Now they were looking at each other right to the eyes. And nothing really needed to be said; Lysandre’s look was adoring, staring at him as if he was some kind of divinity his mind didn’t quite get to figure out.

‘ _I’d never try to change you, as if I could and if I were to what’s the part that I’d miss most?_ ’

Then, he felt how his hand squeezed his waist gently and he couldn’t help but sigh, allured by the slightest of motions.

And that soft, almost imperceptible expression led to Lysandre briefly biting his lips, which was enough to send Augustine feverish in a matter of a second.

And the singer kept adorning those moments with his amazing voice:

‘ _When you’re smiling and astride me I can hardly believe I found you and I’m terrified by that._ ’

Just holding his hand wasn’t enough now. So, he abandoned the position to entirely wrap his arms around the other’s neck, by the height difference obliging him to bend over a bit so they could still see each other.

And now the music returned to the achingly slow and sensual melody, they were so awfully close; their chests touching, their feet bumping into each other’s from time to time, their foreheads against each other’s, the scents of both of their colognes combined, getting them high, so high that it was becoming hard to breathe, hard to think properly.

As they kept swaying like automatons, Lysandre started to stroke the sides of his waist and hips in delicate, discreet motions, for only him to notice they were happening, and it was impossible to hold back the heat rising in his head, making his ears buzz to the point the lyrics of the song were becoming blurry.

Being that close, moving in that sort of way, it almost felt like a sin to still be wearing any kind of clothing. And even if they were so close, damn, he still felt miles distant.

But, even if the urge was arising inside his body and making his extremities tingle and boil in unbearable desire and anticipation, Augustine knew he shouldn’t be pushing it, not like he did back in Christmas, he couldn’t know how Lysandre felt about all of that, and he didn’t want him to feel ashamed because of his current medicated condition.

So, he ached in silence, pining, his hands trembling from holding back to travel to other places of the perfectly strong built body swaying with his.

‘ _That’s how you live free, truly see and be seen._ ’

He was melting. Totally melting there as the passionate outro arriving to a climax, slowly, accompanied his track of thoughts. He even felt a knot in his stomach, from so much effort of not giving in to his own desires of mindlessly making out with Lysandre right there and then and taking him to the nearest lonely spot where he could give a release to his most primal of urges.

And, in what seemed like an unreal eternity, the song finally finished, breaking the moment, yes, but not quite breaking the mood.

Augustine tried to formulate something smart, something to save his pride and not make himself look like the absolute needy mess he was. And all he managed, after swallowing hard, was:

“Can we go home now?”

Had he been too straightforward?

“If that’s what you want, yes. We shouldn’t be staying up too late, anyways.”

He hated how Lysandre’s tone was quite undecipherable now. Was the mood reciprocated? Was Lysandre just playing this neutral tone up for the etiquette? Or was he still in totally sappy and platonic mode? Who even knew.

Not waiting anymore, Lysandre paid the budget, and they went out of the bar, walking through the streets hand in hand, quiet this time.

Either way, it didn’t even feel like the mood had cooled down. No. It almost felt as if the whole thing happening there was settled to pause, the heat of the moment lingering like a wave in both Augustine’s body and mind.

Until they arrived at the apartment complex and took the elevator which would take them to the penthouse.

Lysandre almost too casually approached him to hug him, but that time around he bent over much more than necessary, pinning Augustine against one of the walls, and skipping right to his neck, where he pressed his lips as well, with his big, strong hands he pressed Augustine’s body close, oh so close to his.

Augustine gasped, too pleasurably eager.

“Is this alright?” Lysandre whispered, sending goosebumps through his now shaky, weak body.

He struggled with an answer, “y-yes... just... took me by surprise.”

Making a trace of slow, gentle kisses, Lysandre jumped to his ear, where he spoke with that low, bass, sweeping tone of his, “you did look like wanting me to make a move back at the bar.”

And then, softly, he bit the flesh of his lobe, sending his eyes white for a second, earning a brisk, helpless moan. Ah. Why was he already moaning? When did he become this needy?

“You’ll understand there were just too many people. It was inappropriate, and you know I can’t risk being too inappropriate in public nowadays.”

He was going to have an arrest. God. He couldn’t possibly be this eager.

Trying to recollect his thoughts and hold on to the smallest bit of reason still left on him, Augustine asked, “Is it okay if... it happens tonight?”

“Only if you want to.”

“B-But…” Monica’s voice echoed through his foggy mind, reminding him of taking Lysandre’s limitations into consideration. “Is it alright for you?”

“You’ll have to be patient, yes. But, Augustine, I’m all ready for you now.”

How did he even manage to not squeal right there?

Then, the elevator gate opened and he never was happier.

More, because, suddenly, Lysandre swooped him from his feet to carry him in whole bride style, making Augustine laugh so nervously that it was unbelievable.

“Help me get the keys from my pockets?”

“Dirty move, Lys.”

“Shall I have to take them myself, then?”

Boldly, he indeed got said keys from the back pocket, and his hands shaking so much from pure urge, managed somehow to open the door.

Once that door shut, Augustine knew, there was no coming back from either of them, he remembered it used to be like that, Lysandre’s touches and kisses were too addictive, too overwhelming to his senses, and all reason, every restraint was about to be discarded, and this wouldn’t end until it all was done and both were laying together, sweated, in exhausted afterglow. And, all of this meant he was ready to, once more, give an important step in their relationship, selflessly, fearlessly, and-

He was so very ready to receive Lysandre back in, and there was nothing Augustine wanted more than that this perfect man carrying him in his strong arms made him his and only his again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> In case y’all want to know what song Lys and Augus were dancing to, it’s “When you’re smiling and astride me” by Father John Misty :) honestly a masterpiece, everything about that song is just... chef’s kiss.
> 
> Also, I know it isn’t Monday anymore and that this update came out late AF but this weekend was pure madness at work, and yesterday (Monday) as was my free day I used it to sleep and sleep more and make homework too:P
> 
> aNYWAYS. Hope you liked this chapter and see you next week with more!!! ;) have a nice week and stay safe!!


	19. Unison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s unite tonight,  
> we shouldn’t fight,  
> I embrace you tight,  
> Let’s unite tonight.”

Behind them, Lysandre shut the door, kicking it, and now they were completely alone Augustine wrapped his arms around his neck and started to kiss him mindlessly, despite the fact that the distraction could take them to trip and, definitely, end the mood. 

Fortunately, both made it safe to the main room, and then, after putting the light switch in the middle level for dim illumination, carefully, Lysandre placed him in the bed, making Ziel react to the motion.

And right away, Lysandre proceeded to pick the cat with gentle mannerisms, “I’m taking this little boy to another room,” he said with an amused tone. “He cannot witness this.”

“Is it so? Or is it more that you are afraid he will bite your feet or something halfway through?”

Then, his lover laughed at the suggestion, “I know he’s completely capable of doing so, he just doesn’t know what boundaries are, so, wait for me here, I’ll go tuck him somewhere else.”

Lysandre took Ziel between his arms, and oddly enough, this time the creature didn’t even meow or protest. Maybe he was too tired for that.

But each second Lysandre took to get back only made Augustine get more and more impatient. And, goddammit, he needed to feel Lysandre now after all those months dancing around the matter and from deprivation. Now more than ever he craved the contact. 

So, even if it was just a display of how awfully needy he was, Augustine started to undress himself, because he didn’t want clothes to be still a burden. And one by one he got rid from each of his remaining clothing.

Until Lysandre was back, shutting the door, and then going quiet while blushing, his gaze getting obscure.

He knew that spark. That perverted spark.

“I’m sorry,” Augustine said, half alluring, half dying a bit too much of embarrassment. “It’s just that, ah, I can’t wait much longer.”

He watched Lysandre getting rid of his shoes, undoing the knot of his cravat while slowly approaching him like a Pyroar gets patiently closer to its prey, and then, sitting at the edge of the bed, awaiting.

And suddenly feeling like being a hunter too, Augustine approached him, daring to show his naked body at once; it wasn’t the first time Lysandre saw it, after all. It was another of many other times. It was just natural.

And as naturally, their lips met, and the touch of his hands over his naked back felt so different that now he was just plainly feverish. 

Augustine pulled away, gasping softly, his heart already thudding fast, only to be able to look at Lysandre in search for reassurance.

“You are perfect, Augustine.”

He blushed even more, his cheeks tingling madly, his breath getting heavier, his blood feeling like boiling from so much anticipation.

“I want to feel you. I’ve been aching to feel you again all this time.”

“I’m all yours.”

Augustine fully got on top of him, feeling the fine material of Lysandre’s shirt caressing softly the skin of his torso, as his big hands travelled through his back, then to his legs, and...

“I’m going to make you feel fine.”

It was his time to skip right to Lysandre’s neck, and before he could get too lost in the masculine fragrance that clung to him even in his dreams, Augustine softly kissed the flesh, gaining a soft gasp from his lover.

If he had to be patient for that to work, he’d be. He’d build it.

So, while he kissed and licked the area, he started to undo the buttons of his shirt one by one, until he could finally get rid of such unnecessary cloth now.

His hands touched everything that could be touched, every strong muscle within reach, as now his lips were biting and sucking from the flesh, with all the intention to leave a mark in there.

When he pulled away, there was it. The tender skin was red now.

“More.”

He’d do as much as he considered necessary for Lysandre to feel his again.

And so, he sucked and sucked, leaving multiple marks everywhere in the snowy skin, making Lysandre gasp more and more, completely pleasured and eager to receive more.

And, when he went for his last mark, Augustine boldly placed a hand to his crotch to see how he was doing. Great. He was getting hard faster than he thought the meds would allow him to.

But he still needed to push him further, to prepare him for the round. So, he began to pin him against the bed, while lowering in his anatomy; now his lips were slowly and patiently tasting the skin of his chest, his torso, his belly, while unfastening the belt and getting rid of the button of his pants.

Soon enough, he was pulling from them as well from the underwear, getting him naked in very simple motions, and before getting down on him, both exchanged glares.

Maybe Lysandre just needed to know his body was still appealing to him, that he wasn’t repulsed of him anymore, that those words spoken before were never serious, but just threw in a moment of anger, to hurt. Maybe he just needed to know that this new version of himself, more human, sincerely flawed, less overconfident due not being in a maniac state, was still appealing and desirable. 

And at this point, when all words had abandoned him already, the only reply Augustine could offer to reassure him on this was kissing his legs, getting close through the thighs, pecking wetly his crotch where he was specially ticklish, and then just hold his cock in his hand, delicately.

The blow could wait. He’d arouse him slowly, to make sure it would be effective. So, he began just jerking him, up and down, with different touches and intensities, feeling it, and getting soft gasps and moans from him.

“You like this?”

“Y-Yes...” it was an extra turn on to see Lysandre this torn already. “Just like this.”

And he kept going on and on, until he realized Lysandre was hard enough (and rather eager) to receive what was going to happen next.

So, he aligned his head, and placed his tongue at the base of his dick, to lick it all the way to the top, gaining a deep growl that only reassured him more.

It had been initially supposed to be soft, slow, delicate, but Augustine found himself missing the taste so much that in a matter of seconds he was going frantically for it, bobbing his head up and down over and over on the shaft, getting pumped up everytime Lysandre moaned his name in a more high pitched way.

This even felt like being bewitched, like not being able to do anything else but to pleasure him. 

So much that, when he stopped to catch his breathe the last time, Lysandre lifted his chin to make him look at his face and command him to kiss him once more. 

Their lips met again in a very sloppy motion, and their tongues started to dance with each other in an almost obscene way, and then, Lysandre made him switch sides.

He repeated the process and started to go lower on his anatomy, yes, but instead of stopping in the neck, he did it on his chest, where his tongue started to swirl around the hardened nipples.

“A-Ah!”

Augustine couldn’t help the eager moans to scape from his open mouth. He needed this and much more, and now he was letting his body melt over the missed touch.

And Lysandre kept playing with his nipples, with care and listen paying attention to each, leaving them wet and even sore after sucking from them for a while.

But he was willing to take it all further. Because now it wasn’t just his tongue doing wonders in there, no. His left hand traveled to Augustine’s mildly aroused cock to stroke it.

And there was it. His first whine of the night, even at such early stage. But, could he be blamed if Lysandre was such a great lover and knew exactly which places he should fondle?

It felt utterly delirious when he went down, and started to trace all of his length with his lips and then with his tongue.

That was special. Even if they had done that multiple times before, this time it felt different, something in Lysandre’s ways was different; the gentleness, the care, the attention he put into such small details. It almost felt as if he was worshipping with his mouth, wanting to express all of his love in that way, pleasuring him to no end.

Eventually, he also pulled away and stood. And before Augustine could even ask or recover, he understood Lysandre had went for the lube. And as it had been pretty much a long while since that awfully accidental one night stand, Augustine was sure they would be needing more than usual.

Once more, Lysandre got between his legs to kiss him, their lips engaging mindlessly in a motion that no longer made sense but had a lot of meaning, and then an idea occurred to Augustine.

“Lay in your back.”

And he coaxed him to fully lay on the bed this time. And while he was expecting, Augustine poured some lube in his hand to spread it first on Lysandre’s long shaft, and then spare some on his own.

He got all over him once more, focusing on his mouth and the mindless dance of their tongues against each other, and then, started to rub his own body against his, their cocks froating and touching and stroking one another naturally.

Yet, it wasn’t just the magical feeling of their lower parts. No. It was also Augustine’s chest feeling Lysandre’s chest, his torso against his torso, all his being to all of his being. It was a full touch to make up for all those hugs they didn’t give each other, for all the caresses never spared, for all the times they didn’t make love before. 

But this time. Oh, this time he’d make love to him like never before.

And so, after doing those incomprehensible motions for a long while, Augustine finally stopped, all sweated already, to pour more lube in both of them.

“Are you ready now?”

“More than ready.”

Why was he even getting shy now?

Trying to push that aside, he aligned their hips, and now, he placed himself right on top of Lysandre, grabbing his cock between his hand to lead it to his entrance.

And once the tip got in, Augustine started to lower his body, to an almost forsaken pain taking over all of his nervous endings, making him shut his eyes and sigh, all blushed.

He was for sure frowning while growling, yet that wasn’t enough to stop his moves; it was only a matter to get used to such lenght again. He knew that, in a matter of seconds the switch from pain to pleasure would happen.

And it did soon. So soon that now he was going up and down as he pleased, his skin dyeing in a more furious shade of red each time, losing all shame or restraint to the point he started to ride Lysandre in such an alluring way that only added to how turned on he was already.

And looking at those blue eyes darkened by pleasure and lust, that face completely red, the shine of his sweat and to listen to how hard it was for him to breathe now, only made it tenfold better.

Not long after that, Augustine decided that that position wasn’t enough, no, he needed the closeness again, the tender, burning closeness, and so he bent over to kiss Lysandre once more, while he just wrapped his arms around him, in such an intimate hug.

And even, after aligning, Lysandre in that position started to thrust him up, interrupting all the smooching from time to time as some loud moans escaped from his mouth each time he got to his sweet spot. 

But, then again, Augustine needed it deeper, needed it in such way he was sure that was happening and it wasn’t just one more of those dreams from where he woke up all breathless and embarrassed. 

So, with his hands, he started to coax Lysandre to sit with him, and now they both were in the right position, Augustine finished to sit on his lap, and this time for sure the contact felt deeper and even closer now that they could both hug each other.

“I’m sorry, Lys,” he said as he kept jumping and swaying around his shaft, desperately. “I just can’t have you in a single way. I missed you so much.”

His confession was responded with a hasty kiss, which he reciprocated with the same fervor, as their bodies danced mindlessly, making the bed creak under them, at the tune of their urgent attempts to become one single being once more.

Augustine broke the embrace, to support his hands on the bed and basically begin to fuck himself and get the other to touch his sweet spot once more, sending his eyes blank, making him bite his lips and hyperventilate. 

But that also had Lysandre being noisier than usual, the varying, deep contact making him moan each time more, and taking him to the point were he placed both of his big hands on Augustine’s smaller hips to lead him to move how he wanted him to.

That was getting so incredibly pleasurable that it must be a dream. Hell if he wasn’t dreaming, if he wasn’t having the most delirious act right there. 

The coiling sensation was starting to build inside him. His feet even began to tingle in sign of urging a release.

But he couldn’t be sure of how much of that Lysandre would need to finish, or if he was still any near to. And heck, he wanted that experience to be heavenly for both, he wanted him to also finish and be released and get exhausted by bliss.

So, Augustine kept frantically going on with that, changing paces and moves as much as his mind reminded him to, until the moment Lysandre decided to take the lead and make what he wanted.

And what he wanted was more romantic than expected, because he coaxed Augustine to lay his head on the pillows. And after getting a last touch of lube, he spread his legs bossily, placed himself between them, and then, entered him.

Would it be soft and gentle? Would it be rough and wild? Augustine didn’t even care anymore. Whatever way he wanted Lysandre. 

And soon, he leaned forward, and Augustine wrapped his legs around his waist and his arms around his back as his lover started to thrust him gently at first, but firmly. 

Their lips met once more, and if Augustine thought he’d had the soft ending, he found out it was a mistake when Lysandre aligned himself in the accurate way to touch his sweet spot over and over.

That was getting overwhelming. Augustine wasn’t even moaning anymore, no, he was whining through the kiss, burning under his own sweat now shared, embracing Lysandre even tighter. 

“M-More.”

He was like an automaton now.

“Please, m-more…!”

And he got more.

“Faster!”

And he got it faster.

So fast that now Lysandre was also moaning so loud, growling through his struggling breathe, whispering profanity and then singing his name as if it was something sacred.

He could feel it. They were so close.

And if he had thought beforehand that it had been weird that Lysandre didn’t go for his neck first, now it was obvious why; while he swayed his waist on him repeatedly, more erratically each time, his teeth trapped the skin between them, and he began sucking from the flesh.

Augustine didn’t mind the marks, didn’t mind if they would be visible. Fuck it. If everybody knew that had happened he couldn’t care less. He was living for this moment and this moment alone, his state of mind completely altered by now, wanting nothing more than release.

Lysandre kept skipping to other portions of flesh, but each time his humming between sucks began to get more high pitched, to the point it sounded like whining.

And when he pulled away to jump again to his lips, Augustine swore he listened to a celestial choir singing in the background.

Because they were now just two bodies rubbing frantically against each other, pleasuring the other to no end, loving through their matter, uniting, stopping the fight. No, they didn’t have to fight anymore, they were one now, one in unison, two hearts finally falling into place at the same time, two imperfect humans beings worshipping each other, embracing their flaws, there was no need to fight anymore, no need to-

“A-Ah! Augus- A-Ah!” Lysandre growled so loudly, that now it was obvious.

He tried to keep on thrusting him, but before he even knew it, Augustine could feel his seed filling him inside, and so, a loud moan from him followed as he completely stopped all movement to just go tense in relief.

And feeling his warmth filling his insides,l made Augustine completely give in to the coiling sensation from before, and now, the fire started to take all over him as he moaned loudly and held on to Lysandre even tighter that he was holding on to him, and both their voices were moaning and screaming now at the very same time.

Augustine pulled his head back while his legs cramped, and a hot shiver started to travel from his toes, to his feet, shaking in his knees, electrifying his legs and erupting right on his belly, taking him to cum as well, while the sensation expanded to the remaining nervous ends of his arms, chest, fingers and head with each jerk of release.

And he embraced Lysandre even tighter, and now the choir sang even louder as his mind went blank and million dots sparkled on his eyes, singing the most beautiful and sublime of melodies, enveloping his body with it.

That was the miracle.

They were in unison, orgasming, getting to heaven together after a whole eternity, after thinking everything between them was unfixable and that they were fated to keep going without each other. And all the times they made love before didn’t even feel real compared to this one, where they were truly just one being, wrapped in bliss, in unison, completely compromised with each other. 

Neither could move. No. It was just them gasping and trying to recover from such earthy orgasm, while deliciously shaking, all worn out, all contented now, finally having deleted all of the remaining emotional and physical distance between them.

It took them both minutes and minutes to be able to bounce back the slightest, and when Lysandre managed some words out of his mouth, it was only to say, “I adore you, Augustine.”

The blown up chemistry of his brain brought tears to his eyes, “I adore you twice, Lysandre. You are everything to me.”

Before he could shed those tears from overwhelm, exhaustion and pleasure, Lysandre took his lips once more in and clumsily breathy way, yet, totally wholehartedly, enough to make his heart squeeze, stop, melt, race and go back to life only for that one moment in time.

And while he kissed him, he felt Lysandre’s fingers looking forward to twining with his; and so, one hand allowed the other, and Augustine felt like he had the whole world resting on the palm of his hand.

Finally, his temper broke in a chuckle, “look at us. We made a mess of each other.”

It was true. Lysandre had the hickeys already marked, his hair was so incredibly disheveled, his body all sweated, and his torso stained with cum. He surely looked endearing under this messy light, however.

And if Augustine looked at himself, he was also like that, except that there was even more seed in his torso. God, it had really been a strong orgasm to get him in such a way.

“I’ll go take my dose and get something to clean us.”

Because as beautiful that moment was, the dose couldn’t be missed.

However, none of those things actually ended the mood. It was like pausing the moment for a bit, as undoing the bed, the whole waiting and cleansing went by like a blur, and soon, so soon, Augustine was laying naked between Lysandre’s arms, like the last time they were together.

But this time was a whole world different. Lysandre was under control now, taking his medication without a miss. Augustine compromised to also change, to get over his dependencies, to heal his own story. 

This time they were truly naked. Seeing and being seen by what the other truly was. And now Augustine felt like, for once, he could feel Lysandre fully, for all of he was. And while he got lulled by the indulgent heat of his body, and felt so drowned in love, and listened in his head to a looping melody, he sang to it with the tune of ‘ _I forgive you._ ’

“I love you, Augustine,” Lysandre said before getting knocked out by exhaustion.

“I love you...”

‘ _... And I forgive you_ ,’ Augustine thought, his body too worn out to even bring his mouth to pronounce that.

Yet, it kept looping in his mind until he passed out.

‘ _I forgive you_.’

‘ _I forgive you._ ’

‘ _I forgive you_.’

* * *

After a whole night of sweetest dreams and hot replays, Lysandre opened his eyes; he was still naked, Augustine’s clothes were still scattered by his side of the bed.

Ah… 

It had happened. It hadn’t been a sad, helpless dream this time.

After months and months of coming back and forth, they finally made love. And it had felt amazing in every single regard, so amazing Lysandre barely thought in the deficit the meds gave him. He just flowed with it, trusted himself to Augustine, to end up in the bestest of releases.

Augustine had been precious the night before, so precious that he was the end of him. And now Lysandre felt so recharged, so full of energy, even fearing this was the beginning of a maniac episode, even if he knew that, sleeping this well and for this long was a sign of all the opposite.

Not allowing himself to wait anymore, he turned his body to face Augustine; he was still sleeping, his face buried on the bed, his hair covering his eyes displaying lovely eyelashes, his back and chest raising up and down in soft motions, even if the daylight getting through the windows was pretty much bathing his body now.

Augustine wasn’t just beautiful; he was beauty himself. A messy beauty, a beauty that wouldn’t follow his rules and would change and transform into something else entirely, but never quite fade. No, such beauty would never disappear, and whoever thought otherwise was plainly silly and poor from their mind.

… Lysandre sighed at the view. 

His love surely had been cruel. He had been so cruel with himself, with Augustine, with Pyroar and Gyarados, with Serena, with Malva, with everyone who had ever come across his path. He crossed too many lines, lines he shouldn’t have crossed, lines that were unforgivable. He, in general, and despite his own illness, had been cruel. 

He had wounded the good, the people who loved him and appreciated him to trust the wicked, such as Xerosic was. Trying to make the world better, he ended up taking all of its ugliness and incorporating it to himself. He stormed every room in that town, threatening everyone to take away their fates because he felt like that was what he was supposed to do.

His life, in general, had been dark. The mess his family was from the very first day of his existence. His father’s scorn, how he made him feel guilty for arriving in this world. Being kicked over and over while trying to help others. Being deceived by lovers, knowing the people who had sworn to love him were only there to take advantage of him. Watch tragedy and more tragedy happening, the world running thin, injustices taking place everywhere while he was unable to stop them. Falling hard in illogic depression, feeling so active to the point of being scarily unstoppable. Almost killing himself. Being hated by Augustine, harming himself, genuinely wanting to die. Everything had been dark, so dark since he had memory. 

It had felt as if he had been sleeping in a dark night for 35 years. But now... it was morning, it was brighter.

When he didn’t watch his life through the dark filter, he had watched it under a red shade. When he got mad, it had been red. When he had felt in the highest, it had been red. The flash from the Ultimate Weapon that almost ended his life, had been red. And he, for a very long time, used to watch Augustine under the very same red filter; burning with wrathful passion. Love was red, as blood was, as death was.

But now he saw Augustine sleeping under the daylight, Lysandre found out he had been wrong all along. 

Love was golden, like daylight. And daylight was all he saw now; no more darkness, no more loneliness, no more repressed fear. Only pure daylight.

He was sure he never saw Augustine before under this light. He never truly got to know him until now they had gotten professional help and had listened to what Augustine really had to say. And now Lysandre had looked at him for who he truly was, he didn’t want to look at anything else, now he had sincerely thought of him, he didn’t want to think in anything else; no more grudges, no more hate, no more plans on how to get rid of the world’s filth. Just Augustine and his daylight.

It was time for him to step into the daylight and let go of everything that ever harmed him, bit by bit.

“Mmm...”

Augustine removed in his place, opening his eyes slowly, disoriented.

And, of course, once he could focus on something, Augustine smiled very pleased to see him there.

“Good morning, Lys.”

Lysandre stretched his hand to touch Augustine’s face, and with utmost tenderness he started to stroke his curls first, then his forehead, later his cheek.

“Good morning, mon cœur.”

His beloved Augustine chuckled softly at that, enjoying the touches. Until, his grey eyes focused on him for a long while, keeping the beautiful smile, and then, with no irony but pure conviction, solemnly, he said:

“I forgive you, Lys,” he trapped his hand to kiss the palm lovely. “I forgive you.”

It had been a simple sentence. ‘ _I forgive you_ ’. And yet, it happened; his eyes filled with hot tears, and even if he tried to not shed them, a sob left his mouth, and after that more and more followed.

“Lys! What’s wrong?”

His body couldn’t stop shaking; a heavy weight had been just released from his heart, and as freeing it felt, it was also crashing.

“I-I...”

There he was, crying like a kid, sobbing helplessly.

And there was Augustine, drawing him close to his arms, sheltering him in his embrace, nestling him to his chest, while petting his back for comfort.

“It’s okay,” his voice sounded pretty moved. “If you have to cry, then cry.”

How much he wanted to express his immense love and gratitude for Augustine right then and there. How much he wanted to thank him for loving him and trying it again with him and saving his life in all senses possible. But he could only cry, because all this daylight was overwhelming, blinding.

Augustine had finally forgiven him. And even if many people still hated him for his former deeds, if Augustine forgave him it was as if the deities above had decided to spare him. 

It was definitely true. World is cruel, but it is worth living when somebody is loving you. And now Augustine did. Truly and genuinely did.

“T-Thank you s-so much...!”

His shout got drowned by more tears.

“There’s nothing to thank me. I love you. I love you and I will always love you, no matter how high or how down you are, I’ll always love you.”

He held on tighter to his dearest Augustine.

“I-I l-love you t-too.”

“I know it. And I’m thankful each day that you do.”

Lysandre didn’t want to be defined anymore by the things that he hated, the things he was afraid of, by the ghosts of his past. He wanted to be defined by love. 

So, he will forever tell the truth and only the truth to Augustine, but never again goodbye. 

“It’s okay, Lys. We’ll be alright.”

And for once, for once in a lifetime of darkness and grudges, Lysandre truly believed that he would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I tagged this thing as “eventual smut” I meant EVENTUAL smut. VERY EVENTUAL. But :) I hope it was a nice treat for making it this far into the story and that it was romantic enough too haha :) this is the first time in a way long while that I post anything smutty so I was a bit nervous haha.
> 
> And I hope the last scene was lovely too :) it was so nice for me to write this epiphany for Lysandre and this sweet moment between him and Augustine finally coming to terms :)
> 
> And, well, this is all for this week! See you next week with more! Thank you for reading and stay safe! <3


	20. Epilogue - I love you, Honeybear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everything is doomed and nothing will be spared, but I love you, Honeybear.”

“Today, in the Kalos voice: the incident provoked by Lilac textiles escalated to irreversible consequences. Water bodies around Shalour were totally polluted but never officially reported as such by the company; now, from the surrounding communities and areas, several people had ended up in the hospital for consuming the water, and officially 20 people had died already, 5 of them kids. It must be highlighted that a huge amount of wild Pokémon also died, some of them being Pokémon even from trainers who happened to be training there.”

One of the other hosts, turned to face his partner to discuss, “and not only this, now this one matter has brought up many others. For example, many workers there had finally collected their nerve to call out how Lilac textiles exploited them.”

They kept talking about the details of the recently happened incident, one Diantha knew about almost by memory since Malva had been covering it very closely these days.

She lied on the couch and absentmindedly watched that coverage, until another new came.

“Another Pokémon related new, it’s been recently discovered that a man called Jacques Bobino had been illegally trafficking with Pokémon-”

Diantha rolled her eyes, “Ugh, why it always has to be such bad news?”

And even if she said exclusively to herself, she got an answer from someone else, “why, if you don’t want to listen to such bad news you can always pick another TV channel, you know.”

She turned to face her brother, who was all dressed up in clear clothes; beige tight slacks, a white shirt, brown shoes and the unmistakable and unmissable orange socks. And above this, of course, his in fact grass stained lab coat.

“You were the one to leave the TV in that channel.”

“You could change it,” he said, untying his hair, and sighing.

“Though, is terrible what happened in Shalour, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” he replied with simplicity. “You know, wealthy people thinking they can do to the environment whatever thing they want and get away with it just because their brand is on trend.”

“They could have avoided the hate if they would’ve reported the full incident and not just try to pretend no one was going to realize the water was polluted to death.”

And Augustine started to get rid of the lab coat, saving it in a special bag, surely to take it home and wash it later, “I feel bad for the kids who died. They had a whole life to live yet.”

“And the Pokémon of those guys who just were training... they could have achieved great things, you know? Maybe between one of them was the next Pokémon to make it to the championship, or save the world from another catastrophe.”

“Maybe.”

Diantha averted her focus of the TV to pay attention to her brother; soon enough, he opened his music box and the soft tune overshadowed the voices on the TV, and he immediately smiled as he watched the little Shaymin figurine dancing, and took from there his promise ring to place it back in his middle finger.

Ah, the goddamned ring. The goddamned ring he cherished so much that he didn’t even dare to wear it for work in fears that it would get lost, destroyed or swallowed by Garchomp.

“Do I look fine, Di?”

“Since when do you care if I think you look fine?”

“Since I don’t want to look like a clown for my date with Lysandre.”

“Lysandre has never cared about that. If he cared I don’t think he would’ve fallen in love with you in the very first place.”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to be reassuring or mocking but thank you either way.”

A bit from both, actually.

But was she just saying that out of pure bitterness? She didn’t know.

“I’m so excited for today,” he chuckled while very quickly brushing his hair with a comb he kept on his desk. “Lys and I will go to a new restaurant they recently opened at Coumarine, you know, one of those 5 stars where you can battle and all.”

“Sounds great.”

“Yes! We’ll be taking Ziel with us so he can do some battling too. I’m pretty nervous because I’ll be the one battling, and unlike you, I’m a mess at battling.”

“You are good at battling, Augus. You just gotta be confident in yourself.”

And unlike all the other times, he nodded, “yeah, maybe you are right. I should be confident in what I’m doing so Ziel feels confident too.”

Ah, there he was again. This overly positive Augustine that she was still to grow used to. 

Not like she wasn’t happy that the individual therapy Augustine looked for after getting down to couples therapy was showing results. It was more that, after a lifetime of coexisting with her brother who always had a low self esteem, it was odd to watch him this happy and confident and relaxed and away from vices.

So odd, that she was afraid this was too good to be true. And as much as Diantha hated to be that person, either way she had to say it. 

“Don’t you think that Lysandre is going too serious with you this time?”

He laughed as if that question was absurd, “how is that something wrong?”

Had her tone been so bitter? She couldn’t really tell, “not that is something bad. I mean. I just think he’s getting too serious this time.”

“Isn’t that the point of a relationship?” He tried from another approach, either way. “I mean, Diantha. I’m happy this way.”

“And I’m happy that you are. Is just that, these dates, moving together again, the whole promise rings thingy... I get the feeling that maybe soon Lysandre will want to make another step.”

He blushed, naturally, “we cannot guess what’s on his mind, you know? But even if he did, I would be okay with that. I love him a lot, and I’ve never compromised with another person in such a genuine way.”

Diantha bit her bottom lip, helpless.

“Are you worried about that?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Augus. I know you two had been finally doing some progress in your relationship and that you are better than ever, and I’m glad! But, the higher you get the harsher the fall, and I don’t want you to get hurt once more.”

In some other situation, Augustine would’ve laughed with indignation, his eyes getting wet as he tried to explain why those comments were so mean.

But, this time, he took a deep breath and sighed. 

“I know you are worried for me, because things used to be hard and I used to cry a lot, and everybody thinks maybe I should be giving myself a chance with someone else instead of doing this,” he started, very calmed. “But, Fennel told me that I couldn’t be forever afraid of getting hurt. That it would hurt more to waste the chance. And, damn, she was right. I cannot escape getting hurt, at some point something’s gonna hurt me because this is how things work, but now I know I can choose how to react to that in the best way possible.”

And he was right, Diantha knew.

“Rowan told me once that people didn’t change, that he didn’t want me to be hurt by unrealistic expectations. But you know what? I’m fully aware that Lysandre is the same Lysandre he’s always been: A man whose father despised him, who's been kicked many times while trying to help, who’s hot blooded, and self centered, and has made real mistakes. But the difference is that now he has reached out for help, and because of the medical and psychological aid he’s getting, he now can be the best version of himself with the cards he was dealt.”

Diantha understood that.

“I’m sorry if I’m being foolish, Augustine. But I truly, truly wouldn’t be able to take it if you suffered once more because of him. I’d be so angry.”

“But I won’t suffer! Everything is going pretty fine. And if it ever starts going wrong, be sure I won’t look away anymore or endure it. I’ll confront it.”

“Promise?”

He laughed out loud, “since when are you like this with me, huh?”

“Come on, Augus, I’ve always been a good sister! I only want the best for you.”

“This is the best for both. I mean, just think about it,” and there it was, the mocking expression. “I’m keeping your girlfriend away from Lysandre by dating him!”

“Oh, I forgot you were an idiot!”

“Can’t blame her, though. Lysandre is just charming in every single way!”

“Malva is not in love with him, god! She’s not that kind of fool.”

“I think Malva is that kind of fool and weirdo since she’s dating you.”

“What do you even mean? I’m beautiful and famous and a champion! How would someone not love me?”

“Yes, but you are totally crazy and unstandable.”

“Oh, shut up!” She threw a pillow to his direction, and of course Augustine only laughed.

“I love you, Di!”

“And I hate you, idiot.”

Oh, she loved him even if indeed he was too much of an idiot sometimes. But would they be siblings if it was the other way around? 

Before Augustine could keep laughing in such a way, from the door she saw Malva coming in with her usual sassy manners, and behind her, obviously, was Lysandre, also oddly dressed up in clearer colors, while holding Ziel in his arms.

“Ah, Lys!”

Like the absolute fool he was, Augustine rushed to greet Lysandre, pulling him in for a quick hug and a short kiss.

“Ziel, baby boy! How are you today?”

He meowed, happily.

“Has your daddy been good with you?”

Ah, how truly sappy those two were.

“I had to scowl him earlier. He threw the lamp to the floor only because he thought it would be fun.”

Augustine gasped, pretending to be shocked, “he crashed it?”

“That lamp is sturdier than my will.”

Both started to laugh like the silly love birds they were, and Diantha stood only to approach Malva and be able to roll her eyes at them in company of someone else.

“However, it’s not all bad news.”

“Oh?”

“Tracy called this morning.”

This time, he gasped in a genuine way, “she did? What did she say?”

“I’ll tell you on the road to Coumarine, but as a little teaser, it’s good news regarding Kalos.”

“Oh my god! For real?”

“For real.”

”Can’t wait to listen! What are we doing here still? Let’s get going!”

Lysandre just smiled at him, tenderly, like this man was his whole world and watching him so happy soothed his soul.

“Okay! We’ll be leaving now, girls,” Augustine said, contentedly, while holding Lysandre’s hand. “You can stay here at the lab as much as you please. If you want to take your Pokémon out for them to play is also okay. There’s also some food at my fridge for if you get hungry or anything.”

“Or do you want us to ride you somewhere else?” Lysandre offered.

Malva sighed, “no thanks. We are fine like this, you love birds.”

“Okay, whatever you want.”

“But,” she took a step closer to Augustine, “do have a great time. Take good care of each other.”

Of course Augustine pretended Malva didn’t intimidate him anymore. And why did Malva intimidated Augustine in such way? That was something neither her or Lysandre truly knew, all they had was a very vague idea. Apparently that was meant to remain as a secret between the two.

“We will be alright, thanks for your concern, though.”

“Come on, let’s get going now,” Lysandre prompted, leading Augustine to the door. “See you two soon, have a nice day.”

And Augustine just looked back to wave at them while chuckling clumsily, “bye-bye!”

Their voices remained in the hallway for a while, until they took the elevator and definitely left the building to head to Coumarine where they would have their date.

“Those two are really something,” Diantha prompted after a while.

“They are weird and odious. They are meant for each other.”

Pretty much true. 

“I still don’t know if I like this,” her girlfriend said, crossing her arms. “Even is they swear they are fine now, I don’t know. I can’t trust Augustine.”

“There isn’t much we can do about it but accept it.”

“Accepting it doesn’t make it any better.”

“But we have to. Those two won't take much longer to get married. I have the feeling.”

And Malva gasped as if Diantha had said something truly barbaric.

“Hey! I know you don’t get invited much to weddings, but that doesn’t mean you have to push your brother to make a wedding that you cannot go uninvited.”

Diantha rolled her eyes, “what are you on? Did you also wake up feeling like making fun of me?”

“Augustine won’t be throwing the bouquet at your for being his sister. The closest it will get to you will be when it hits me in the head because that man won’t miss the chance to knock me out and have revenge.”

“I don’t want anything of that!” She replied with indignation. “And… Augustine wouldn’t do that.”

“Come on, we all know that deep down you have the heart of a little girl, who plays with dolls and fairies and daydreams about her Prince Charming coming to her.”

And now she grinned, “so are you now a Prince Charming?”

“Better than that, dear.”

Malva approached her alluringly, wrapping her arms around her to steal a playful kiss, and if she had called Augustine a fool before, now she took it back.

“Better now?”

“I can’t help but worry about Augus. I just want to make sure he will be alright.”

“Even if I hate to admit it, they will be alright. If it wasn’t because we are talking about Augustine, I’d be jumping from happiness because Lysandre is better now. Don’t get so worked out about that, Di. Those weirdos will be alright.”

And even if she also didn’t like much the idea, deep down, all Diantha could do was pray Malva was right.

* * *

That noon had been, hands down, lovely. The food at the restaurant had been great, and the battles successful; who would have thought Ziel was just that strong? Lysandre that patient? Augustine that efficient?

Now, as the sun started to dye the sky in softer shades of blue, orange and pink too, they were walking around Coumarine’s shore, talking about the battles while Augustine ate an ice cream and Lysandre held little Ziel between his arms. 

Until they arrived at the port, and the beautiful scenario invited them to stay there for a while.

Lysandre let Ziel be on his own now, knowing it was possible for the little cat to mess around, yet not minding much this time. After all, each of his messes had led to great things.

And, really, no much words were needed then and there. Staring at the endless ripples of the ocean reflecting the starting sunset in each other’s company was enough.

The wind blew in their directions, stroking softly Augustine’s hair, sending him into a trip of nostalgia. 

Everything had changed quite a lot that it was crazy to even think about it. A year before he was drowned in pain and misery and a lifetime repressed frustration. Now he was here, feeling so incredibly fine with himself, that leading to him finally feeling capable of keeping a healthy and lasting relationship.

Of course it took its great effort and many, many changes. Augustine left alcohol and cigarettes for good, and as a way to be solidary with his partner. Also, he had picked better habits, like sleeping each day at the same hour, keeping strict schedules...

And helping Lysandre a lot through his bipolarity, as he was the only one he designated to keep track of his moods and call him out if something wasn’t going as it should.

Sometimes Lysandre would feel rather soulless, without energy to do stuff, and for it to no scalate, Augustine had to feed him sugary foods, sleep less so he could make sure Lysandre also slept less, and also start to make some physical activation with him to keep his mood steady, up.

And when he started to get suspiciously busy, planning lots of stuff, Augustine had to make sure he took his medication right, take him to bed to sleep at least 10 hours, reduce his activities and keep close track of him.

Good thing was that Lysandre was also open to talk about that, and whenever he felt something small was working different than it should, he immediately wrote it down and told Augustine. That was why all little alarms remained as false alarms, and so far hadn’t evolved into something else.

It took a lot of effort and willpower; to be following closely Lysandre’s treatment, and be taking care of his own mental health at the same time. But it was an act of love; not sacrifice, as all the people around them would put it down, no. Augustine wasn’t losing his individuality over this. He had been pretty much making new friends and positively focusing in his work, while managing to support Lysandre, who also pretty much was taking good care of himself.

Yet, it was only natural that people didn’t understand their dynamic. Maybe it was just the two of them in the whole wide world who felt that way. And if no one else understood them, fuck them. 

They had pretty much built a different but lovely life style. Just two lovers loving each other in that cruel world, talking out the issues, figuring life out, making love, mending their pasts. And this was everything Augustine could ask for.

“Hey.”

With devotion, he looked at Lysandre, smiling gently, “what’s up, honey?”

His severe blue gaze was fixated on the endless ripples, “did you hear about the incident with that textile factory, didn’t you?”

He had, and so, he nodded.

“It’s infuriating to see how wealthy people think they can simply place their factory in a place where people and Pokémon live and do as they please with their resources, natural and human.”

“They exploited the employees, didn’t they?”

“The job exploitation was the icing of the cake. Because it never comes down as just it, you understand? Behind it there’s always people in extreme need surrending to poor conditions, even being forced to work to the point of slavery for someone who would end up putting captions on their clothes about making this world better and shit.”

His voice was getting passionate in that specific critic, misanthropic tone.

“It conmotioned me a lot to know they thought no one would notice about the water pollution. Kids died. Kids who had a whole life waiting for them to live it. Pokémon died unfairly, their corpses floating in the water while the brand refused to even go clean that, no, they hid like cowards.”

Indeed it was such a bad new, cruel as the world was. Yet, Augustine feared he didn’t like much where this rant was going.

“Tragedy keeps striking the world from end to end. Some crazy stuff is also going on in Alola now. Unova still feels threatened by an enemy no longer existing. Somewhere in Kanto people still steal Pokémon for trafficking. Devon Corporation keeps doing suspicious moves with infinite energy. People here still think they can deceive everyone and get away with it. People still think they can take from others, kick them, take advantage of their needs to do as they please.”

Even, his brows furrowed in a severe expression.

“People don’t learn. No one cares to mend their mistakes.” 

And then, Lysandre grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently yet firmly, and said in a ‘told you so’ voice:

“It’s just how we expected. Everything is doomed. Nothing will be spared...”

Augustine tilted his head, many feelings mixing in his stomach as he watched, concerned.

And he sighed. This was how it was supposed to be. Lysandre’s maniac depression and bitter feelings against humanity weren’t something he could erase; it would feel like trying to cover the sun with a finger.

His bipolarity and his life wounds were something they could not erase, just like the scars in his wrists, but instead try to live with it. To embrace it. To open their arms to it and say ‘ _yes, I know you will be forever here, I accept you and I will be fine with you here._ ’

And then, Lysandre turned to face him, the sun highlighting the passionate glow of his blue eyes, the color of his hair and beard, making them look like fire, lighting him up marvelously, showing how lovely he looked with his white collar shirt. And it was when his expression shifted from an utterly lost one, to a beautiful one as he said;

“... but at least you are here, and... I love you, _Honeybear_.”

Augustine almost cackled at his own disproportioned concerns. If he wasn’t helpless.

“ _H-Honeybear_?”

“I heard someone at the restaurant calling her partner that. I thought it suited you. Sounds cute.”

Ah, how relieved he was, how at the edge of telling Lysandre he had scared him to death he was. But Ziel interrupted them by meowing very, very loud.

“Ziel? What’s happening-”

The question answered itself as, their small white Litleo started to shine with a flash, and his shape started to change in front of them.

Until, it was clear; he was bigger, he had a long tail now, strong legs and paws, red, fiery eyes, and a beautiful mane framing his face.

Ziel confirmed he was a real Pyroar now when he growled loudly, oh so proud of his new royal appearance.

“Oh my god!”

It had been surprising. Had it maybe been the battles from before? Was Augustine really getting that skilled? Whatever it was, he was happy and moved for that.

But not as much as Lysandre was; his eyes were glowing full of life, his gaze blushing tenderly, a big smile spreading across his face, even looking as if he was about to tear.

And this time, he didn’t seem scared or regretful, no, this was utter, genuine happiness.

“Ziel!”

He let go of his hand to kneel in front of their Pyroar; immediately, Lysandre started to pet his mane, looking a bit too amazed, while spreading small kisses in Ziel’s face.

“You look gorgeous!” And then wrapped his arms around the former little cat, now lion. “I’m so proud of you, Ziel. You are the most majestic Pokémon there is, just- look at you, my boy, look at how strong you are now...”

And Augustine smiled to himself as he thought;

Maybe, it had been Ziel waiting all this time... waiting for Lysandre to return to the man he was. The man who loved Pokémon with all his heart.

Destiny wasn’t a thing a man of science like Professor Augustine Sycamore should believe in. Yet... it wouldn’t hurt to believe this all had been plotted by destiny and its whims. That after taking a good laugh at him, the deities above were finally indulging him some happiness.

Lysandre had changed by heart. And the proof of that was Ziel, the little creature that brought them together on behalf of fate, evolving into this royal, proud and protecting creature.

After a while like that, Lysandre turned to face Augustine again with the enthusiasm of a little kid who watches his first Pokémon evolve, of course, as the professor he was, he knew that expression. And Ziel roared again, this time moving his head toward his direction, almost as if commanding Lysandre to leave him alone, almost accusingly and suggestive, and so, Lysandre withdrew to join his side again and watch the marvelous sunset happening in front of them.

Ah.

The world was indeed a mess, if he thought about it. Personally, Augustine had always believed Lysandre was right about his views of humanity. He had witnessed much injustices on his own to confirm that indeed nothing was to be spared, that, indeed, everything would be taken to the point where nothing else was left to steal, that, in fact, the world was doomed.

But Lysandre was the one he wanted to watch the ship go down with. Even if sometimes the future didn’t even seem real, as long as they could be together to face it, wrapped in oblivion while death filled the streets, it would be fine.

And Lysandre had to know it.

So, in such tender, convinced way, Augustine placed both of his hands on his face, to stare right to his eyes, and smiling, said:

“You are right… Everything is doomed. After a while, sooner than later, nothing will be left, this is world is doomed to suffer and get to a horrible point of no return... like... come on, even us were doomed from before we were born. My mom was bad depressed and codependent to an alcoholic, while you’ve got your father’s permanent scorn.”

He sighed deeply. A sudden calm filling his heart, drowning it in pure adoration and hope as the golden light of the sun setting washed their bodies.

“But let’s not give in to despair... because, yes, tragedy happens all around the world and it only gets more and more barbaric, but at the same time I struggle to see what it has to do with you and me?”

For a moment he averted his gaze to stare at Ziel, who was gazing back at him attentively, giving almost a reassuring look, that being why Augustine dared to add something more.

“Might sound selfish or even silly, but- the important thing for me is that I love you, _Honeybear_ , and this messy world will still be the closest to heaven I get as long as I’m with you.”

Quite pleased that he had used the nickname too, Lysandre side grinned, his mouth twitching nervously to then sigh, building anticipation to what would be his next lines. It was visible in the way his chest stiffened that he was about to say something important and attempting to collect his nerve to express it.

Which was odd; Lysandre always had been a charismatic orator capable of getting lots and lots of people working for him just for this single skill. 

And after he stared at Ziel once and chuckled, from one moment to another, the words seemed to find his lips and he dared to speak them:

“Well then, Augustine, my _Honeybear_ , say… do you want to get married?”

The words buzzed in his very ears, and for a second he wondered if Diantha was some kind of witch who could read the future.

“W-What…?”

To his already brilliant, lit appearance, a gentle blush was added, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot… as you just said, we only saw our parents hating each other, harming us, scorning like mad, and that’s all we learned. I think… This is our chance to put an end to our tendencies to scorn other people and ourselves. We can do it better, we can grow from that, we don’t have to be like them. We owe ourselves at the very least this much.”

Augustine still couldn’t quite believe this was happening, even if it had been to be expected to certain degree, after all, Diantha was right, things were very serious now they’ve made all this progress at therapy.

And Lysandre couldn’t seem to stop talking either. No, it was obvious he still needed more words to try to make justice to the feeling beating on his heart and coloring his face.

“Besides… I don’t need to look further. I knew it from the very first time I saw you in my café when you arrived disheveled and with your cheeks freezing and cursing at the weather. It’s you. Now I know what life without you is and… I’m sure that isn’t what I want. I’m sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so… how does it sound for you?”

And then, Ziel roared displaying a long, judgmental face, poking Lysandre’s foot with his paw, and the man chuckled quite nervous now, his hands shaking a bit.

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot… how uncivilian of me…”

Then, Lysandre got on his knee, and from his pocket took out a blue velvet box, opened it and flashed a golden ring with a diamond on it.

“Don’t think I’m maniac and making up a rash decision out of feeling stoppable, no, I’m actually scared and afraid you are going to tell me I’m ridiculous, and I almost couldn’t eat for rehearsing this in my mind, and- just…” he laughed at his own silly comments as it was obvious he overshared, yet, there was nothing to hide from each other. “Would you marry me, Augustine?”

As tears formed in his eyes, he could only ask, “Z-Ziel knew about this?”

“He always knows things. Even if I tried to hid it from him, he stole the ring from my drawer and almost put it where you could see it. All day long he gave me this ‘don’t be a coward’ glare and... You know how our little- _big_ boy is.”

“Damn…” and another frantic wave of laughter took over him, as he shed some happy tears. “I… gosh… why is this even taking me by surprise?”

“Oh, well, you don’t have to reply right away, you know, it’s also important for me to know what you think and, this whole kneeling in front of you is just for Ziel to not bite me for being unromantic, but, yeah, don’t feel forced to reply or accept right away or-”

Oh, _fuck it_.

“Are you crazy? Do you think there’s a way my answer can be negative?”

And Lysandre flashed a very, very incredulous smile, one Augustine haven’t ever seen before until this moment, and his ocean eyes flooded, shining like fire turning so hot that it took a blue color.

“For real? Y-You… actually want to marry me?”

“Honestly, Lysandre, what wouldn’t I do for you at this point, huh?”

Words seemed to be a burden now to express the utter adoration and bliss overflowing them, so, still holding the ring, Lysandre stood, and kissed him like he had never done before, embracing his body completely, shaking under his touch, coming absolutely undone.

When they pulled away, he hugged him tight, heart to heart, and with a low, shaky voice, as if he was addressing a deity, he said:

“I swear that I’ll be the best husband I can be. That I will take care of you and our Pokémon, that I will protect you, that I will work everyday for you to be fine. I’ll provide you with everything you need. I’ll give my life to you. I’ll keep your heart warm, I’ll wipe your tears, I’ll cherish you until the day I die. I’ll give you everything of me, everything.”

“Lys…”

And squeezing his hands tight, he retreated a bit to be able to look into his eyes and add solemnity to this promise, and twitching his mouth, he asked, “yet… you have to know there’s one thing I won’t ever be able to give you. So… will all of me be enough, will you still want me if I could never give you peace?”

... This was irremediably and achingly true; Augustine knew that Lysandre’s bipolarity was an imminent danger waiting to strike at every corner. There would be really excruciating days. There would be days when Lysandre would inevitably get maniac again and it would be hard to ground him and stop him. He’d fall into senseless depression once more at some point. Augustine would have to permanently have his guard up to protect Lysandre from himself, and Lysandre would always have to tiptoe the floor he walked on, praying for it to not break.

Lysandre could be giving him anything… fancy clothes, luxury cars, jewels, travels, an expensive wedding, a mansion, his passion, his time, his love, his protection, his name, status, a family, his youth and beauty, his entire life… but never, ever peace.

This was the undeniable truth about this bond they shared; it could be anything but peaceful. Peace wasn’t in their nature.

And, even if Augustine could dream his life away without peace, eternally having to prepare for the next hard days, living a daily battle against his demons that almost all looked like Lysandre did...

“I wouldn’t have you in any other way.”

And so, he allowed Lysandre to slid the ring on his finger, to match the promise ring, and it was sealed.

And they kissed for every storm that was to come in their direction, every tragedy that would strike eventually, every injustice they’d witness, ready to watch the ship go down, together, by the favor and whims of destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> Ah.
> 
> I think this is the best moment to say it but- Ziel’s name comes after German’s word for Destiny. This little boy here knew exactly what he was doing the whole time because he was their Destiny bringing them back together, and pulling them together when they seemed to be falling apart. Ziel is per se a pure representation of the bond they share.
> 
> Also, as a curious fact, the whole fic was thissss close to be called as this chapter was called, “I love you, Honeybear” because of this song by Father John Misty, but at the end I decided to do as title the name of the song that gave me the first idea for all of this haha!
> 
> Now. Ah. Thank you all for reading through all the chapters! I know it was suuuuch a long road to this point, that it was lots and lots of angst (I really got out of hand in some points I admit), but it was my pleasure to write this and post it for y’all to read :) even if half through posting it I got busy like never before in my life I still tried to make the time for working on it, because again, it was a pleasure for me to post it and be read by y’all.
> 
> Aaaaaand, this is all. I’ll still be around in this tag but prolly with one shots now, but, be sure I’ll still provide perfworld angst and fluff since this ship still lives free rent inside my mind 24/7 and I feel like soon we’ll get more official content about them, so, yeah :)
> 
> Agaaaain, thank you all for reading and supporting this story of mine that was born one day at 4 am with a idea I got by listening a random, new song. The support I received meant everything for me and I hope I could make some of y’all a bit happier even if it was only on mondays haha :)
> 
> Please be safe! Bye bye 💖

**Author's Note:**

> This is it for this time. I hope you had enjoyed this first chapter!  
> I also want to thank my great friend iiSoRandom for listening to my early ramble about this story and help me nail some details.  
> That being said, until next week! Thanks for reading :)


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